The 15

If you have no backup quarterbacks, you really don’t have any backup quarterbacks.

Anyone that booed Mookie Betts at Fenway should get the bum’s rush out the door and be told never to return.

Is all Bradford does now is guilt people into uncomfortably posing with his wrinkled shirts?

The US Navy has had an air element since 1911. The Naval Acadamy football squadron should follow suit.

Oh great, we’ve reached the night where Dave O’Brien awkwardly congratulates kids on having cancer.

Cakes are cooking for Robert Crumb, Peggy Lipton, Lewis Black, Robert Parish, Butch Johnson, Michael Chiklis, Cameron Diaz, Shaun Alexander, Andy Roddick, and Bebe Rexha.

News Item: Publix says it will no longer make hurricane themed cakes due to sensitivity concerns. Sad.

Bengals QB Joe Burrow is back for practice.

It’s OK, guys—Chris Sale is gonna take full responsibility and promise to do better next time!

Mookie Betts was the Dodgers’ last chance on Saturday, Alex Verdugo was Boston’s on Sunday. Fitting.

Does the Ashoka theme feature a mournful fiddle? Asking for Kenny Burns.

I wonder if Hank Gathers would’ve taken advantage of the gather step. Back when he played, that was a travel.

I’m forever a #TeamPhysicalMedia guy. But there’s a lotta quality flicks for just a fin* on the ‘book store outta fucking control’ streamer. [*- (urban) denotes $5 ]

Hey gang of baseball poets, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Pouring in Boston / sky is crying because Mookie is here as a Dodger.”

Bob Barker. 99 years. Amazing longevity. Did he die yodeling off a cliff?

I’m not looking forward to the discourse on Patriots Twitter when Tyquan Thornton gets traded to the Steelers for a conditional 5th rounder in a few days.

Jarren Duran, out for the remainder of the season due to false hustle.

The Brattle Street entrance to Harvard Station is temporarily closed due to ongoing Fire Department activity in the area.

Morey Hershgordon isn’t real and he cannot hurt you.

I wonder if any ex-pro athlete has ever turned down a gambling app or Subway sponsorship opportunity.

I’m always in the mood for crab rangoons.

A long time between season-opening road wins, UMass football. Nice job.

Windham Rotunda? That’s a hotel name. Rest in peace.

‘Has the persona of an Anti-Zionist Muhammad Ali’ was on all of Len Bias’s scouting reports.

Super. Blue. Moon.

Last week’s debate was like a D&D dungeon party where everyone rolled a 3 charisma.

John and Mitchy were gettin’ kind of itchy
Just to leave the folk music behind.
Zal and Denny workin’ for a penny
Tryin’ to get a fish on the line.
In a coffee house Sebastian sat
And after every number
They’d pass the hat.
McGuinn and McGuire just a-gettin’ higher
In L.A., you know where that’s at.
And no one’s gettin’ fat except Mama Cass.

Red Sox fans’ overwhelming (and justified) nastiness towards management for trading Mookie Betts makes me wish Twitter existed in 1919 when they got rid of The Babe.

Fun Fact: Ted Williams, whose birthday is today, could fly high-performance fighter jets, clout improbably long home runs, see the rotation of a baseball, and detect an ounce difference in the weight of a baseball bat, but nonetheless could not tell you whether the singer in a song by The Cars was Ric Ocasek, or Benjamin Orr!

All accomplishment comes with a side helping of harsh criticism.

The Galactic Empire apparently had a dress code Moff that forbade women to wear tight pants.

The Dodgers fix dudes left and right with grips while the Sox can’t even manage a bullpen correctly.

Honk if you remember ENIAC.

Three hours after the deadline, the Ravens, Bucs, Broncos and Raiders still have not announced their roster moves. It’s beyond ridiculous.

Me Winning Time isn’t. You do.

Hummus is delicious!

Don’t all you feel a little bit like a silly goose over the whole Patriots players released thing now?

best bet for the weekend: Auburn. Sorry, MinuteCats.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I saw her again last night.

Trey Lance and the Niners really are what happens when you let the idiots on Twitter make the decisions.

Dave O’Brien starts the broadcast with his favorite topic. Weather from earlier in the day that has no bearing on the game we’re about to watch.

All the worst people were emotionally invested in the Ravens meaningless ‘streak’.

The new Burger King spicy chicken wrap is actually really good. Like if I ordered it as a sandwich at a bar for $12.99 I’d be happy with it.

NFL dumb rule proposal: Every team should have to have their punter wear No. 0 and their kicker wear No. 99 (or vice versa).

Cakes are cooking for Rick Springfield, Skipp Sudduth, Julio Franco, Glenn Healy, Ray Ferraro, Jeremy Schaap, Joe Andruzzi, Kate Sobrero, Sun Mingming, Glen Johnson, and Jeremy Lin,

I like the idea of Belichick toiling away in a dark windowless room in the bowels of Gillette Stadium watching film of the Eagles pass rush by himself for the last 37 hours, and all of a sudden he hears the faint echo of “We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together” and he stumbles up a ramp to see what all this racket is about, and is impressed by whoever this woman is playing through the elements.

TikTok wasn’t even invented the last time the Ravens lost a preseason game!

Bucko Kilroy has a grandson named Gavin, Kevin.

Malik Cunningham has played receiver, quarterback and now as a kickoff returner this preseason. Pretty cool.

Hey cowboy gang, this week’s Phrase that pays is, “Struggle bunny.”

Red Line Reminder: Shuttle buses replace service between Quincy Center and Braintree from 8:45 PM to end of service on Aug 22 – 24 for track and tie replacement work.

Dumb people love excessive punctuation.

Embarrassed to just learn that Stephon Gilmore has a brother named Steven Gilmore who is a rookie corner on the Lions.

Got a good reason
For taking the easy way out
Got a good reason
For taking the easy way out now.

She was a day tripper
One way ticket, yeah
It took me so long

To find out;

And I found out.

“Most consecutive preseason wins” seems more like a Colts thing, complete with banner.

Wife asks “Do you like the Ezekiel Elliott deal? Answered very much so.

There are no cool people that take ketamine.

Wait, Robbie Anderson changed his last name to Chosen? I thought he had changed his first name…

I’ve learned that Pete is not actually a lawyer.

Our President is older than the American League MVP in 1968, or the NL MVP from 1970.

Honk if you remember River Phoenix.

The Jets officially placed WR Corey Davis on the reserve/retired list, per the wire.

Upton’s arguing for guys to get into the Hall of Fame who haven’t played pro football in 60+ years. If it takes that long, you simply weren’t good enough.

A 53-point night for A’ja Wilson!

But Trey was awesome in that one fake game he played in college!

Terry Funk was still alive? RIP.

Robert should ask Putin for his Soupey ring back.

I like Pascoag. Has a microbrewery.

Best bet for the weekend: sportswriters at the Springsteen show at Gillette.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Hey Bulldog.

Glad to have had you on the ice for the Bruins, David Krejčí. You’ll be missed.

Red Sox still definitely in the wild card playoff hunt.

Porzingis’s foot caught the ol’ Hellenic Flu?

Sooo happy to see Damar Hamlin back on the field after the NFL bent to the Buffalo Bills wishes and cancelled a game and were a cvnt hair away from mandating neutral-site playoff games in perpetuity. Yayyyy!

I can’t believe the Gov. of Hawaii is named Josh Green. Any state can have a ‘Josh Green’. Hawaii should have a guy named like, ‘Governor Haunapukamana’lei’lei.’

Portnoy definitely bought Barstool for a dollar because he’s such a shrewd negotiator, and not just because Penn thought it was worthless.

A Cape League Championship Two-peat for your Bourne Braves!

Remember August 2020, watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs being played in the bubble in Toronto & Edmonton? What a time it was for us all.

News Item: Tom Brady becomes part owner of Birmingham City FC. Related, Boston Globe reporter Bob Hohler is on a plane en route to Birmingham Airport.

The Spanish Ladies do not wish to say farewell and adieu quite yet.

Cakes are cooking for John Howard, Reginald Veljohnson, James Cameron, Madonna, Christian Okoye, Steve Carell, Ed Olczyk, Ben Coates, Bonnie Bernstein, Taika Waititi, Vanessa Carlton, Evanna Lynch, and Young Thug.

Chipotle tastes ten times better with the Chipotle forks.

I wonder if the NHL set a record this summer for player weddings.

Tawm’s offensive identity is, of course, ‘jilted tuber.’

Wander Franco is going to be so vindicated when it’s revealed the gal had a Dominican birth certificate and she’s actually six months older than he is.

Mike Gesicki’s injury, is it a mild shoulder dislocation (glenohumeral) or is it a mild shoulder separation (AC joint)?

Hey gang of name not knowers, this Week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Just stop Pat you’ve been defeated.”

Keion White wearing #99 is obviously the best aesthetic of all the rookie numbers. Perfect fit. Mapu (#30), Douglas (#81), and Boutte (#80) are all good, too. But White is about to destroy some QBs in 99.

Also trying to pinpoint the exact date a genre of music was spawned seems very quantifiable.

I might be wrong about this, but isn’t Rhode Island considered a New England state? Yet they play in the LLWS Metro regional not the New England regional? Maybe I’ve been misinformed all these years?

Red Line Braintree Branch: Service will operate on a single track at Quincy Center on the northbound side. Personnel are addressing a disabled train at Quincy Center southbound. Expect delays of about 15 minutes. Trains may stand by at stations.

The Red Sox will not be wearing their City Connect uniforms on the road.

Why do I enjoy “Hot Ones,” the YouTube show in which celebrities try to conduct an interview while eating super-hot chicken wings? Watching Gal Gadot having to spit out one of the hotter sauces may have made my year. No one else makes agony look so good.

No one else hears music?

Hard to find another job as a barely educated, wrestling-obsessing, Chinese food eating, pedophile-looking, fist-posing, 40-something-year old cat fetishist, I guess. Who knew?

Not many tight ends have a real path to leading their team in targets. Darren Waller is one of them.

Why is everybody so down on the Cardinals? They’re not even the worst team in Missouri. . ..

When you’re rolling through a YouTube kids songs playlist and an ad pops up in the middle of a song, it’s like a drive-killing holding penalty. Wipes out all your momentum.

Zeke’s stay with the Patriots is already longer than Greg Bedard’s at the LVRJ.

Gonna have fun in the city.
Be with my girl, she’s so pretty
She looks fine tonight
She is out of sight to me.
Tonight I’ll spend my bread, tonight
I’ll lose my head, tonight
I’ve got to get to night
Monday I’ll have Friday on my mind

You’re supposed to recycle the cardboard box the trash bags are packaged in you vapid bint.

Chipping sparrows!

Honk if you remember Dave Dravecky.

I missed the sales tax holiday? I guess I can replicate that by visiting the duty-free shop at Logan. Is the tunnel back open yet?

I wonder if the NHL set a record this summer for player weddings.

Serious, it’s like a small brass ensemble, repeating the same six or eight bars?

I do love a good Farmer’s Market. Gotta support those folks. They need it now more than ever.

A cat is only itself, representative of the strong forces of life that won’t let go.

Just found out Phil Coulter, who penned “The Town I Loved So Well,” also co-wrote “Saturday Night” by the Bay City Rollers. Mind officially blown. The things you hear on the Irish Hit Parade!

Best bet for the weekend: the temperate tundra of Lambeau Field.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Charles Bukowski, BSMW poster Lebron, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Gotta hold on you. A new sensation, (a new sensation) Right now. It’s gonna take you over. A new sensation, (a new sensation)

The Sox stumbling out of the gate post trade deadline after winning just enough to cancel the fire sale was the most predictable result ever.

Penn Entertainment gets the reach and cachet of ESPN, Portnoy gets to keep all the great big fat persons, the overage interchangeable frat bros, and Jerry Thornton. What a win! #GoPresGo

Well, to the good, Megan Rapinoe was voted ‘Most Likely to become one of Immortan Joe’s Imperators’ by the locals.

I checked the Saratoga results & saw Parcells’ horse finished out of the money, but I didn’t realize she ran all the way to the big paddock where Air Lift, son of Bold Venture, full brother of Assault now resides.

Bill Simmons should have had Jackie McMullen come on the podcast with his daughter Zoe and do her Jayson Tatum voice.

A great hitting instructor once said to me, when you’re hitting .145, try to bend over backwards while hitting. If the back of your head touches your heels before the pitch you’re doing it right.

Cakes are cooking for Bob Cousy, Rod Laver, Sam Elliott, Doug Williams, Melanie Griffith, Kurtis Blow, Brett Hull, Vinnie Del Negro, Gillian Anderson, Liz Vassey, Chamique Holdsclaw, Luka Filippi, and Alexa Bliss.

Are Cheech and Chong on the Twitter board of directors or something? Every tenth tweet is an ad for their gummies, lol

Sullivan Square is easily the biggest failure of Boston’s urban design. A nexus point of Charlestown, Cambridge, Somerville, Everett — fucked to death by cars. No stores. No real restaurants. One poorly staffed coffee shop. A bistro closed over a decade with shattered windows.

Yes, I’m fine. Sorry for that and I appreciate the concern. I slept through multiple phone alarms. Very disappointed about it.

Green Line B Branch: Due to a track problem at Boston College, B Branch trains are originating and terminating at the Lake Street platform.

Letting a wide receiver wear Adrian Peterson’s number should be considered treason.

Any time you can put a guy with a lower WAR than Ellis Burks, Mike Cameron, and Devon White in the HOF you have to do it, you sweet bastard.

No horse-killers in the Patriots Hall of Fame. Sorrey.

Hey gang of hard-knocking pigskin ornithologists, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Crows are the only birds that attack eagles then eagles fly high and the crows fall off and die.”

Does Dugie think being lazy makes him more authentically Mexican? IJATQ.

Nothing like ordering a new blender cause your old one broke only to find out it didn’t break, you just didn’t press the outlet reset button hard enough.

Kirk charging 90 bucks to perform six karaoke songs is fucking wild.

I have kept a baseball glove in my car for 5+ years just on the off chance that someone, someday might want to have a catch. It hasn’t happened yet, but I’m not giving up the dream.

It’s 2 A.M. (it’s 2 AM)
Fear has gone (the fear has gone)
I’m sittin’ here waitin’, (I’m sittin’ here waitin’)
The gun’s still warm. (the gun’s still warm)
Maybe my connection is tired of takin’ chances.

Yeah, there’s a storm on the loose.
Sirens in my head.
Wrapped up in silence, all circuits are dead.
Cannot decode,
My whole life spins into a frenzy..

The problem when your computer automatically updates your software is that there is never any way to make it go back to the way it was.

Things feel like they are getting uneasier by the day between the Colts and Jonathan Taylor.

How are we supposed to know you are trying to get to Fenway Park for work if you don’t mention that’s where you’re going.

Funny how the box the garbage bags come in will always then end up in one of those garbage bags.

Does this mean the bubble has burst on fat guys sitting in chairs fake reacting to made up bets?

Alexi Lalas is why they hate us.

Putting Rich Keefe in the booth with Castiglione is a mind-blowing move. I’d rather hear audio of my conception.

This Barstool reacquisition news means Lil Jerry Thornton can go back to celebrating statutory rape!

Honk if you remember W.C. Heinz.

William Friedkin won’t be down as he appears to have taken To Live and Die in L.A. a bit too literally. RIP.

$150 for a hot dog safari ripoff. What a country. #GoPresGo

Dwayne Haskins?

I’ll admit I was growing concerned Trev Story was going to barricade himself in the Table Talk Pies building rather than report to Fenway.

Yesterday I got to run the wet vac for the first time in ages.

Do you think ESPN Bets will take my ‘Dave Portnoy will die without a will before 2029’ prop bet action?

Best bet for the weekend: Patriots come out of their first preseason game without announcing who their QB1 and WR1 are.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW posters Laszlo Panaflex and Jforb, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be.

Hearing that Bruce Arena said Doris Burke isn’t very good at her job. He’s done.

Didn’t Verlander play for the Astros already?

The Reds Sox got Urias from Milwaukee? A little Amoxicillin will clear that right up.

If Alex Morgan’s exasperated looks were goals the US would be comfortably atop Group E.

Ask your doctor if Jhostynxon is right for you.

Just a refresher, Mike Giardi has always been a hot taking, over dramatic princess.

If you put native corn on the grill that is a complete waste.

Cakes are cooking for Joanna Cassidy, Ken Kutaragi, Les Dudek, Butch Patrick, Sammy McIlroy, Bryan “Butch” Vig, Caleb Carr, Mojo Nixon, Apollonia Kotero, Linda Fratianne, Mary-Louise Parker, Tim Wakefield, Cedric Ceballos, Kevin Smith, Tony Amonte, Susie O’Neill, Grady Sizemore, Davey Boy Smith Jr, Charli XCX, and Kristaps Porziņģis.

Don’t give up, gang. There’s still a chance that DJ Hernandez kills Bedard despite Aaron bafflingly passing up the opportunity.

Why does every NBA player have a fucking podcast?

Red Line Update: Delays of about 25 minutes due to an earlier disabled train at Davis. Service is proceeding.

Watched the ‘Secret Invasion’ finale and have come to the conclusion that Kevin Feige has been a Skrull since Avengers: Endgame.

Remember, creating a false W-2 is a crime.

That Jim Beam commercial is ridiculous. A bunch of black people singing Neil Diamond? More far-fetched than The Lord of the Rings.

Isn’t Bluesky still in beta?

The trick of going inside to avoid the long drive thru line that usually works at Chick-fil-A does NOT fly at Raising Cane’s in the Chicago suburbs, which is as slammed inside and out as slammed can be.

Had no idea Paxton had a knuckle curve.

If the NSWL had promotion and relegation this wouldn’t have happened.

Jayson Tatum lets Deuce go out in the direct sunlight? I figured he was like the children in that Nicole Kidman haunted house movie.

Highland Street Foundation August Adventures!

Hey gang of fearless truth-tellers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The business isn’t about me anymore.”

Chaim should get more reclamation projects at second base.

If the Patriots pass catchers are so coverable, how come Hat in ass Brian’s unemployed?

Folks it would appear that the bubble braid is back.

When I was growing up, George Brett, Wade Boggs and Mike Schmidt were all playing 3rd Base in MLB. I’d argue they are the 3 greatest to ever do it.

A summer party without a cake…is like a rainy day!

p = mv.

The percentage you’re paying is too high priced,
While you’re living beyond all your means,
And the man in the suit has just bought a new car,
From the profit he’s made on your dreams,
But today you just read that the man was shot dead,
By a gun that didn’t make any noise.
But it wasn’t the bullet that laid him to rest,
Was the low spark of high-heeled boys.

The Red Sox have acquired The Butchie for stock photos of a lamb shank and a basket of dinner rolls.

The Atlanta Braves were founded in 1871 as the Boston Red Stockings. The National League began in 1876 and they were a charter member as the Red Caps. In 1912, they became the Boston Braves as back in 1901 an American League Boston team was founded. In 1908, they became Red Sox.

Ok.

Honk if you remember pawing through a bin of sneakers at your local Building 19.

YOU thought Jalen Hurd was going to be a difference-maker! You did! You did!!

Is the USWNT intentionally playing to tie to prove the sociopolitical point the United States is no better than any other country? IJATQ.

I hope Nana Jerry got a nice shawl when visiting Ireland.

Lipless coffee pots! Million-dollar idea! Go!

Chaim Bloom on Zoom? Oh, it’s not a public thing. Peasant.

You can do a hesi in football now?

Paul. No middle name. Reubens. OOTG’s. RIP, Pee-wee.

Bill Belichick just told Scott Pioli that he doesn’t want to see Barbie but does think Oppenheimer looks “interesting.”

Baseball chat column!

Best bet for the weekend: Japan continuing to dominate in the WWC.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Your cash ain’t nothin’ but trash. And he took my watch and I passed out.

There is only one word to describe Bergeron on the ice: winner. He’s won on every level you can imagine.

A supermax contract will pay for a lot of sick handlez lessons. Just sayin’.

With the start of training camps we are now back to where there will be transaction wires on Saturdays.

Bronny Jim. Shades of Henry Gathers. Simpler times Danny. Get well soon.

Does Australia have weather bunnies? Weather roos? Weather wallabys?

Since Twitter’s old logo was named after Larry Bird, I assume the rebranded one will be named after Xavier McDaniel.

Fred McGriff. He had a nickname.

Cakes are cooking for Bobby Wadkins, Dorothy Hamill, Wayne Grady, Gary Cherone, Sandra Bullock, Jason Statham, Joe Smith, Eric Westrum, Joe Sarno, Delonte West, and Taylor Momsen.

People are ready to blow their fucking brains out when Belichick brings Patricia and Judge back but cream their shorts when the same lazy media blowhards take turns hiring each other at their fake publications.

Go breath in the woods, Conor.

New Hall of Famer Scott Rolen played in front of the best, the friendliest, and the politest fans in all of MLB! And also for the Phillies.

Which Bruin will next wear the C?

Bills won’t have dynamic returner Nyheim Hines after he suffered serious injuries in a jet ski accident.

Blue Line Update: The Wire Car is clear at this time.

Is there anyone not the bussin’ Kendra Middleton at 98.5 who isn’t a total fucking mongoloid?

Diego Stick-Bundle. LB, Navy.

Oppenheimer followed by Frank Pepe’s is a damn near perfect night.

Imagine driving to Sandwich for the Zip Trip only to find they sent Lemanowicz in place of Shiri.

Bill, it’s heardahim, not Hurdahim. Get it right.

Soccer post: I’m not a fan of the Spanish Women’s World Cup team using first names on the backs of their shirts. I now return you to your regularly scheduled sleep.

Hey gang of camp-goers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The Running of the Jorts.”

Do we know if it was a Kawasaki name brand Jet Ski, or some other type of personal watercraft that hit Ny Hines?

Is LeBron gonna switch to Bo Kimble’s number and shoot a free throw with his eyes closed?

I ate at a place called Leon’s in Barrington a couple of weeks ago. They cured their own bacon. It was silly good.

How hard is it to understand the NFL’s “don’t bet on football games” rule?

The faster we’re falling
We’re stopping and stalling
We’re running in circles again
Just as things were looking up
You said it wasn’t good enough
But still, we’re trying one more time.

Well maybe we’re just trying too hard
When really, it’s closer than it is too far.

The sheer magnitude of the landscape bewildering to the league is beyond the pale of comprehensive.

Honk if you remember gypsy moth caterpillars.

Besides rooting for injuries, my non-Patriot training camp wish is for the Bills to cut Hamlin.

Kiké Hernandez traded to the Dodgers.

Related, I foresee having to use the é much less now.

Why should I check in on my elderly neighbors? They are clearly smart and adaptive enough to have lived long enough to become elderly in the first place.

Congrats on the British open win, but Brian Harman would drive me crazy to be paired with. Waggle one more time, buddy.

Bet you didn’t have “run into a triple play on a routine fly ball” on the ol’ Red Sox bingo card.

Surfer Girl and Almost-a-Coach. Together again at last for the first time.

I’ve often said jet skis are nearly as dangerous as catamarans.

Serving smoked meats for the opening of training camp? Wouldn’t crepes have better? What?

Tony Dom Bennett. He liked lands that are great. RIP.

People throwing shade at Bergeron for only winning one Championship who are three orders of magnitude less successful that him will never not be funny.

X?

Best bet for the weekend: Duxbury crossovers and cutouts closed.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, @transientexist, BSMW poster Brian in WA, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. There’s a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you.

That Patrick Mendoza fella; does he take requests?

We officially have a surplus of pitchbots.

Have other teams besides the Red Sox lost a series to the lame-duck Oakland Athletics?

Hot take: Greg Dickerson doesn’t want to work. He just wants to cry about it.

Up next for debate on the Rich Keefe show: window or aisle seat?

Summer League makes me feel fine. Blowin’ through the jasmine in my mind.

Congratulations to Markéta Vondroušová and Carlos Alcaraz on their Wimbledon Finals victories.

Cakes are cooking for Dan Shaughnessy, Mima Jausovec, Donna Dixon, Dean Winters, Stone Gossard, Julian Rhind-Tutt, Charles Johnson, and Judy Greer. Leftover cakes cooked yesterday are in the break room for Ilie Năstase, Brian May, Atom Egoyan, Maria Filatova, Anthony Edwards, the unrelated Teresa Edwards, Nancy Carell, Vitali Klitschko, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tony Mamaluke, Rick Ankiel, Jimmy Gobble, Nené, Ryan Dorsey, and Kevin Großkreutz.

One of the 3 men credited with creating Wolverine died last month. One of them died back in 2017 and the remaining one is presently 82…

It’s possible to take the dick and not tweet about it.

Scott Boras let the Red Sox know that getting the Kyle Teel deal done was important to give the number one pick a head start on knowing and learning from Jason Varitek. If Keel is what everyone who knows him seemingly believes, this is an important relationship for Teel’s career.

So it was hot in, (checks notes) Death Valley in July? Really. Go figure.

Hey Pick Me Girl Gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?”

Gentiles working in baseball on MLB schedule release day: ‘Cool, the schedule’s out.’ Jewish people working in baseball on MLB schedule release day: “Time to cross-reference with our calendar and pray that Opening Day isn’t during Passover this year!”

I’m watching Mission Impossible 6 right now and I’m just really glad my boss doesn’t give me my instructions in self-destructing messages.

Have fun rooting for DHop, Tits Fans.

The Rub Industry sounds highly lucrative. HUGE NEWS: PEDRO’S CORNER MARKET IN LAWRENCE WILL CARRY BEEF CAKE!

Green Line B Branch Reminder: Shuttle buses replace train service between BC and Kenmore through July 28 for track and tie replacement work.

It’s almost as if Dug Kyed was lying when he said he had a bunch of job offers and loved being at A to Z Sports.

Brayan Bello’s gonna be a father?? Oh my God we haven’t even seen this man on Dad mode yet.

Every player’s Madden Rating should be hidden and listed as ‘He Got That Dawg In Him’. Except for Mac.

Was Jeff Passan on his way to bake cookies in the tree when the branch fell on him?

Sibilants, Plosives, and Fricatives!

Is Linda Pizzuti Henry going to pretend she designed all the Fenway Corners buildings?

List of 7-foot wingspans on the Suns roster, from highest to lowest: Bol Bol – Deandre Ayton – Kevin Durant – Keita Bates-Diop – Ish Wainright – Chimezie Metu – Toumani Camara – Josh Okogie. There is no player on the entire roster with a wingspan under 6’8″. They are L O N G.

Her name, it’s pronounced, ‘Len-ah?’ What about the rest, is it, “the Ploog?’

In the tradition of baseball managers to umpires, I would say to all the people I have blocked that I’m not blocking you because of your last tweet. I’m blocking you for the next one.

LeBron: Thanks on behalf of many for changing your jersey from 6 to 23. You did the Right Thing.

What you gonna do when things go wrong?
What you gonna do when it all cracks up?
What you gonna do when the Love burns down?
What you gonna do when the flames go up?

Who is gonna come and turn the tide?
What’s it gonna take to make a dream survive?
Who’s got the touch to calm the storm inside?
Don’t say goodbye, don’t say goodbye
In the final seconds who’s gonna save you?

Oh, alive and kicking
Stay until your love is, love is, alive and kicking.

Today I learned that Steve Young’s first name is actually Jon. Steven is his middle name.

Andy Wong is a nice man!

Jeff Passan should make a baseball bat and an ventriloquist dummy using the tree branch that fell on him.

Meowski. Meowning.

Honk if you remember Dick Drago.

Mazz still having protected tweets is amazing.

Today was the most fun Immaculate Grid so far! All established teams so there were multiple fun choices for each box rather than breaking my brain to think about who the heck has played for the Marlins and Rays and Rockies.

A: Operation Downfall.

If you like athletic blondes with pony tails that Norway – New Zealand game was for you. Hope you caught it live!

Update: there is one parking spot open in the Swampscott lot. One.

The Crayon 301? That seems like more than necessary.

How can anyone be considered the new Babe Ruth if he has never been photographed with a cigar?

Nice hat, stupid.

Best bet for the weekend: high drama at Royal Liverpool.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Even flow, thoughts arrive like butterflies.

If the New York Times had a sports section prior to Monday, I think I would have heard about it.

Why haven’t the three-time Isobel Cup winning The Boston Pride publicly congratulated the Free Jacks?

It’s that time of the All Star break where the pitchers are ahead of the hitters.

I’ve had Electric Touch on repeat for the past two days.

I’m hearing that Red Sox 1st round pick, Kyle Teel, had a less than arousing 24 at-bat stint in the Cape Cod League. Flaccid, even.

The USWNT feels like it has two generations bridged together, which reminded me that we used to have some grades merged together growing up, like a “Grade 3/4 split”… anyone else have this? seems like a wild concept.

Cakes are cooking for Richard Simmons, Cheryl Ladd, Mel Harris, Robin Wilson, Kristi Yamaguchi, Travis Best, Brock Lesnar, Michelle Rodriguez, and Inbee Park.

very few can make a fire boom bap beat with no samples.

We need – BASEBALL needs – David Ortiz interviewing Elly De La Cruz. It would be the absolute highlight of the All-Star Game.

Your Boston Bruins All-Centennial Team Selection Committee: Ty Anderson, 98.5 The Sports Hub, Dale Arnold, Retired NESN Broadcaster, Amalie Benjamin, NHL.com, John Buccigross, ESPN, Mick Colageo, The Standard-Times, Steve Conroy, Boston Herald, Kevin Paul Dupont, Boston Globe, Jack Edwards, NESN, Mike “Doc” Emrick, Retired Broadcaster, Naoko Funayama, WCVB, Steve Garabedian, NESN, Karen Guregian, MassLive.com, Joe Haggerty, Bruins Beat Reporter, Heidi Holland, Boston Bruins, Richard Johnson, The Sports Museum, Joe McDonald, Bruins Beat Reporter, Scott McLaughlin, WEEI, Rose Mirakian-Wheeler, NESN, Jimmy Murphy, Boston Hockey Now, Matt Porter, Boston Globe, Conor Ryan, Boston.com, Season Ticket Holder Council, Boston Bruins, Fluto Shinzawa, The Athletic, Harry Sinden, Boston Bruins, Judd Sirott, 98.5 The Sports Hub, Dave Stubbs, NHL.com, Rusty Sullivan, The Sports Museum, Kathryn Tappen, TNT, Kevin Weekes, ESPN/NHLN, and Brian Zechello, NESN. Rexy, Conor, Old Friend Lefty and Shukri were snubbed.

The first thing they teach you in rehab is to attempt to reverse any accountability you’ve taken. Well played, Huggins.

Obscene bumper stickers on cars are beyond unnecessary. Children can read, set a good example.

The Immaculate Grid is the thing I’ve been unknowingly preparing for all my life.

Bourque couldn’t deliver the chip so he doesn’t get his flowers or riz.

Just in case you at home are having a hard time following the rules of the HR derby, don’t worry, so are we, too, here in the press box.

Saying hi y’all in New England should get you locked up.

Hey gang raised by two loving parents, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Maybe he’s metal bat made”.

Tweeting out free agent renouncements is always fun, because people have such vivid, and often great, memories of some of the players being renounced. But nothing will ever top tweeting out when the Kings renounced the draft rights to Dejan Bodiroga. That whole day was hilarious.

MBTA Swampscott Lot is full. Park at Swampscott HS with a free shuttle to the Station.

Shohei Ohtani in the All-Star Game on the anniversary of Babe Ruth’s debut? You can’t make this romantic-about-baseball stuff up.

Darrelle Revis Moss’d Asante Samuel.

A random little thing I love in baseball is when someone hits a weak pop-up and is so mad at himself for missing the pitch he slams down the bat.

Sunkist Fruit Gems!

What do you mean Britney should’t control her own finances? Did she give Xander Bogaerts an 11 year, 280 million contract?

Always a shame when the Bills owner’s kid gets bounced from a Grand Slam.

Looking forward to director Joseph Kosinski’s Formula One movie, Apex. Wheels open, man!

Hoodie not being aggro with DHop, Clones?

If Ray Bourque is underappreciated as a defenseman locally, it’s probably due to lingering embarrassment from that ill-advised Avalanche Stanley Cup parade.

“Rusty Sullivan” sounds like something DJ Bean pays for in the bathroom of a Southie bar.

Megan Rapinoe Is Furious With Legendary Comedian Dave Chappelle.

Biggest takeaway from the Bourne franchise is you’d think every once in a while he’d wear a hat or something.

Should the Sox be buyers at the trade deadline? Sellers? Some of both? Let us know in the comments.

Squirrels are cute until they get in your attic and fuck everything up.

Was so a real no-hitter.

Maybe Pat Fitzgerald can go coach hoops at West Virginia, Bob Huggins then goes to Northwestern. All fix!

Alexi Lalas going to be an absolute treat during the Women’s World Cup.

I’ve lost my mind
On what I’d find
And all of the pressure that I left behind
On Allison Road.

Fools in the rain
If the sun gets through
Fires in the heaven of the eyes I knew
On Allison Road.

ATTN Ocean State beachgoers, please be advised: multiple Portuguese Man-of-War (Physalia physalis) were spotted at Scarborough, Roger Wheeler, + East Matunuck State Beaches this week.

Honk if you remember the Good Humor Toasted Almond Bar.

DVOA sounds made up.

“Bob Huggins” is the name DJ Bean uses when he gives out Rusty Sullivans.

Clean your filthy mirror, then take your selfies.

Jeff Passan is really odd-looking. He’s like a ventriloquist’s dummy from the 1950’s.

Larry Bird made $24.07 million in salary during his 13-year NBA career. 53 players are already set to make more than that in this coming season alone.

Aretha Franklin had a Teddy Ballgame last will & testament?

Best bet for the weekend: flood waters receding.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW poster Lebron, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. All last summer, in case you don’t recall; I was yours and you were mine, forget it all.