Author Archives: scartsy15

02/17/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Salt pile in Chelsea.

For a group that loves to beat theirs chests about holding people accountable, sports media types really hate being held accountable.

Dale Arnold needs to take a chill pill.

I am not going to know who the 2021 Red Sox players are without a program!

Sorry honks, “Karen” IS a racial slur.

How dumb are municipalities in different geographic regions that don’t spend their annual budget on combating weather I am used to in my climate?

People stopped caring about Antonio Brown’s past just like they stopped caring about the inflation level of footballs. And for the same reason.

Cakes are cooking for Alison Hargreaves, Buster Olney, Luc Robataille, and Gérald Cid.

Also cakes for basketball & baseball players Michael Jordan and Danny Ainge.

Steelers GM Kevin Colbert doesn’t give a strong endorsement for Ben Roethlisberger as QB in 2021: “As we sit here today, Ben is a member of the Pittsburgh Steelers. … He reiterated to us that he wants to continue to play. We told him we have to look at this current situation.”

Fake cancer is not a qualifying comorbidity for COVID vaccination upgrades. Sorrey!

WEEI had to go with ‘Fitzy & Mego’ to avoid confusion with ‘Fitzy & Otto’, the long-forgotten comedy duo with bits like “Who’s in eighth?”

Dear people lobbying to bring back Brock Holt: You’re still allowed to watch cute videos of little Griffin without having to sign his dad.

Keith Null could have led the 2020 Patriots to a playoff berth.

I get hard at cancel culture.

Yes, but it’s not and has never been you’re family’s trophy, lady. Don’t hold your breath waiting for that apology.

Gated reverb!

NASCAR teams drive in the rain about as well as Texans drive in the snow and ice.

Lauzon is an animal

Carlo is mean

Zboril is sneaky ugly

Miller hasn’t played for 2 years and is a fucking

lunatic who no one wants to challenge

But not one of them is as nutty as McQuaid and that’s ok because he was tapped

It’s good to have a wing that can bang and scrap.

That’s a Bruin staple since the 70s.

I’m just kidding

Not really but it’s true

These guys played together and have AHL experience.

Same system pays dividends

Ryder? Complete Animal

Happy to have that guy on the right side. That’s a Sal Vouch.

Big Win

I’m not asking.

How many hoop coaches has BC had since Al Skinner? Ted Sarandis: EIGHT!

Life was better before tats became mainstream. Change my mind.

It was nice of the Mrs. to let Bill Russell tweet from his account on his birthday.

Ice dams? Less than ideal.

How’s the gyroball from that Jap player the Red Sox just signed? No offense.

My Market Basket had a Wang Chung/Missing Persons/Eddy Grant three in a row the other day. Respect.

Hey gang of trainees, this week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘Ninteen periods out of Altair VI.’

In Brazil, Brazil nuts are called ‘castanhas-do-pará.’ Except in Acre, where they are known as ‘castanhas-do-Acre.

Where’s Michaela Vernava been?

I may be wrong, but I don’t think they use lasers to treat amblyopia.

News Item: International Volleyball Hall of Fame readies nominations for Class of 2021.

Until teams know what the salary cap will be, it will be very difficult to have any meaningful negotiations with their players who are due to become free agents.

This one he got a princely racket

That’s what I said now
Got some big seal upon his jacket
Ain’t in his head now
You marry him, your father will condone you
How ’bout that now
You marry me, your father will disown you

He’ll eat his hat, now
Marry him, marry me
I’m the one that loved you baby can’t you see?
Ain’t got no future or family tree
But I know what a prince and lover ought to be

Celtics need to find a way to win without the team being 100% healthy.

Honk if you remember @SavageBoston

Suspended for characterizing something J Stew said as a report, I’m assuming.

What if Jen Royle is the nicest person she knows?

Oft-injured D linemen on the other side of 30 are so hot right now.

I hear they’re going to throw the book at those guys who broke into Fenway. That’s right; season tickets.

How many press conferences have YOU won, caller?

Best bet for the weekend: 72 more hours of winter.

Programs! Getcha programs heah!

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesBSMW, and #the15 were used in this column. They were!

Pitchers and catchers and the ladies and gentlemen of the press report for Spring Training this week.

02/11/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

At least they all went to good homes this year. Wait, What?

After the first three, why shouldn’t the last COVID Fake Season Championship winner also be a kick in the balls to Boston sports fans?

It took Jose Canseco for “stoolies” to realize they’re being grifted.

Nothing better happen to Terez Gomez.

Don’t worry Red Sox Twitter personalities, there’s another mediocre white guy you can pretend to love right around the corner.

If you can’t win during regular play, winning in overtime isn’t bad, Bruins.

Big Sey should be in. Anti-Patriots bias is real.

CLNS could not have performed any due diligence. At all.

At least we know that everyone who is saying Bill Russell > Tom Brady is making an argument in good faith.

I need an update to the Real Housewives Of South Boston. Need to know what happened to Marky Mark’s cuzzin.

Cakes are cooking for Sheryl Crow, Eric Vanderaerden, Ken Shamrock, and Linda Wild.

With this Benintendi trade, the seasonal depression clocks are gonna be working overtime. Charge your batteries!

Remind me to never ask Mitt Romney for directions.

I never saw Tom Brady under the influence before! Well, unless you count the duck boat parades, the ring ceremonies, the Mayweather fights, and a few Kentucky Derby’s. Otherwise, nothing.

Isn’t the Fantasy Football Hall of Fame a better destination for Calvin Johnson.

Celtics about to make a big move?

Went to Jiffy Lube for an oil change, and that’s all they did. They didn’t show me a dusty air filter, say my fan belts are worn, or suggest any other service. I feel like George Costanza not getting the recruiting pitch by Sunshine Carpet Cleaners.

So Aaron Rodgers is engaged? Well congratulations to him and to Liza!

As well as Patrick Mahomes ran at times, it was clear his injury was significant. He was not 100%. Kudos to Mahomes and the medical/athletic training staff for getting him ready, but he was very hobbled. Now, he’ll have it fully repaired.

Yes, the hair is definitely the make or break part of the whole look.

We’re giving a $50 gift card to The15 merch store to anyone who sends me a picture or video of Dov Kleiman.

Hey Big Jim, should I wear a scally cap to my own wedding?

So Zoom Meeting Cat Filter Lawyer got Milkshake Ducked? We can’t have nice things.

I know how the Benintendi acolytes feel. I was similarly devastated when they traded Todd Benzinger away.

The next avocado ice cream joke is going to be funny. I can feel it!

You said the quiet part out loud, Tanguay.

Does that Jeep place have a Revs-themed Wrangler parked out front?

Shoes on, get up in the morn’
Cup of milk, let’s rock and roll
King Kong, kick the drum
Rolling on like a Rolling Stone
Sing song when I’m walking home
Jump up to the top, LeBron
Ding-dong, call me on my phone
Ice tea and a game of ping pong

Someone please teach my Lifshatz auditor @stever324 how betting odds work.

Maybe Mel Gibson can put in a good word for Gina Carano, get her cast in Fatman 2: Boxing Day.

Loomer got a wicked short haircut! Compelling radio.

Red Line Braintree Branch Update: Trains are returning to regularly scheduled service.

But Bill Russell did play against pipefitters and heating oil delivery drivers!

Tom threw that Lombardi overboard like it was pregnant with an out-of-wedlock baby.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘Lost in the ether.’

Billy Conigliaro won’t be down to complain about Yaz and Reggie Smith running his brother out of town. I hope Buckley doesn’t have a brother who’s going to crusade about retiring #40.

Has the National Park policeman who arrested Bruce Springsteen for blowing a .02 been reassigned to the Badlands yet?

Ummm… friend

I don’t know how they get away with calling it the ‘Fairness Bowl’ without first giving all the Chiefs players time to get 100% healthy.

Honk if you remember Al Kaprielian.

I don’t want to say Ron Borges is not putting his best effort into convincing his fellow Hall of Fame voters, but how else do I finish this sentence?

Easterby. Owning.

At least hungover Tom is stuck listening to Gisele’s yapping today. Cry.

Be less weird, Peter King.

Schottzie’s teams did wilt in the postseason though.

Duckboats > regular boats.

Hey NFL next year the halftime show at the super bowl..in california..Metallica

Best bet for the weekend: confusion as to which holiday weekend it is.

Double tapir.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesBSMW, Framingham’s Own Matt Wilson, and #the15 were used in this column.

Tiny Weather Lady. Approve!

02/05/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Metamorphosis Metaphor.

Lorum Ipsum everybody!

How have I never heard the nickname “Stat Padfford” prior to last week?

Every other network gives you a twentysomething blonde skirt on the pregame show. On NESN I’m looking at Dale Arnold trying to hold his gut in while Billy Jaffe blabs away.

It’s like this Enrique; you can choose between Kiki, or Keke, or perhaps Keki, I suppose, but Kiké, even with that froufrou accent thingie, is right out. Sorrey!

I don’t know if you can embarrass a man who has leg tattoos.

I’ll say it again: Pasta is The Great Kid.

It sokay tadmit Brady’s plastic surgery and hair color are creepy.

Cakes are cooking for Don Cherry, Jane Geddes, José María Olazábal, and Bobby Brown.

Still have to watch it. Took a spill and had to clean it up. Other nights I wake up to the smoke alarms naked not afraid. My story short – have a wood stove insert and throw a pellet stove in the basement and don’t be gay in God’s house.

Good luck finding a Wovel this time of year.

No Ma, I didn’t hear that Tom Llamas was leaving. And who is Tom Llamas?

Gary Tanguay really wants YOU to know he doesn’t care what YOU think.

Tough break, Boston Ladies Hockey team.

Since September 15, Arthur Blank has made grants in excess of $250 million. It’s inspiring to be part of his giving journey. He’s going to do much more giving in the coming years … the impact will be enormous.

I’m still waiting for that Stretch Armstrong movie I was promised, Hasbro.

Jim Murray spending a month’s worth of his salary on a Canada Goose parka and wearing it indoors is the most on-brand thing I’ve ever seen.

So, new U of A coach paying Tedy back for the positive reference with a no show job? Musby nice.

Happy trails, Geurin Austin.

Why that Twitter user decided to look into Kacsmar, who also contributes to FiveThirtyEight and previously contributed to ESPN Insider, remains unclear.

Tom’s barber Doctor Robert Leonard is already vaccinated.

News Item: PJag Proffers Pension Papers.

Sea lions are more presidential, IMO.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “What channel is Columbo on?”

Portnoy’s greatest strength is that he’s a poor winner.

Damn, how could we have known that Marilyn Manson was so fucked up?

Find me a radio talking man who doesn’t take credit for inventing Super Bowl ‘Radio Row’.

Who do you despise more; LiMu Emu, or Doug?

Sitting here watching @FoodNetwork and who pops up on my screen —- @Jen_Royle.

When’s Easterby’s set at Quan’s Kitchen? Sheesh.

I saw the groundhog tuesday morning at 7am…he told me bucs 38 chiefs 31 sunday.

Tip of the keyboard to the programming folks over at THIS-TV.

Honk if Myanmar will always be Burma to you.

John Clayton doesn’t have a grandkid that can help him with his tech issue?

The A-Team premiered immediately after SB XVII. Everyone forgets this.

Bonus room with sliders.

Best bet for the weekend: the over in the Super Bowl National Anthem prop bet.

When he reached the New World, Cortez burned his ships. As a result his men were well motivated.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sourcesBSMW, and #the15 were used in this column.

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