The 15

News Item: Kansas City Chiefs win Fairness Bowl I.

Don’t fret, local sports fans: Spring Training has started!

Have you been named a Patriots Assistant Coach? Are you sure? Check your spam folder.

The Super Bowl is Darren Rovell’s Super Bowl.

Post Malone looks like the desk you’d have to sit in during detention.

Brad Marchand: One. Thousand. Games.

Funny how the Joe Montana “Never lost a Super Bowl” GOAT threshold went ‘poof’ when it wasn’t Tom Brady threatening the title.

Was the SB Halftime Show sponsored by Valtrex?

Summary of advertising agencies intricate strategy for Super Bowl ads: “Look, here’s a celebrity!”

CGI Tim Wakefield on that Netflix Red Sox show is gonna give me all the feels.

Cakes are cooking for Carl Bernstein, Jackie Martling, Teller, Kevin Keegan, Alan Hunter, Jim Kelly, Enrico Colantoni, Jules Asner, Simon Pegg, Gheorghe Muresan, Drew Bledsoe, Rob Thomas, and Tyler Clippard.

Evander Kane don’t want no scrubs.

Queen Mina doesn’t need to grind tape. She knows the pew pew when she sees it live.

Bill Barnwell looks like a thumb’s big toe.

Usher’s catalog isn’t very poppy. They should have made the whole halftime show out of Luda.

Congratulations again to the Northeastern Huskies on their Beanpot win. Celebrate by spending another year in college.

It’s not the real meteorologists for the most part – it’s the asshole hobbyists with WX in their names that can’t wait to see a frontogenesisbomb! Wait until the 06z NAM!!! Same cut of prick that loves screaming Horns!! And Elevator Doors!!

Hey gang of chronic overthinkers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “We wanted the ball third.”

Seth Curry has played for more teams than Frankie de la Cretaz.

Green Line B Branch Update: Delays of about 20 minutes after an earlier switch problem near Copley. Riders may use Bus Rt 57 for alternate service between Kenmore and Packard’s Corner.

Theo’s first big move in Boston: Pearl Jam is coming back to play at Fenway.

Fuck, hate to see that shit happen anywhere to anyone. Just gutting to watch. Yet in the aftermath, the Rangers camaraderie—particularly Lafrenière— with a fallen peer was a heartwarming moment during a heartbreaking scene. Wishing the best for Sergachev.

why do blind people need to take photos?

Nate Burleson was dressed like a megachurch pastor about to go to jail for embezzlement.

Fun Fact: Karen Guregian and Gerry Callahan graduated together at Chelmsford HS in 1979. That’s a shitty senior class with lasting repercussions.

I’m sure this time the Fantastic Four movie won’t suck.

Super Bowl ads for Jesus and for lotion. Do people not know about these things already?

Jonny Miller only owns 1 outfit like Bart Simpson.

Am I the only one who always confused Charlotte Corday with Claudine Longet?

Pro Wrestling is more than in-ring work. If all you like is in-ring work, you’re really a gymnastics fan.

A: Acquired Inconsistent Dribbling Syndrome.

My funny Valentine.
Sweet comic Valentine.
You make me smile with my heart.

Your looks are laughable.
Unphotographable,
Yet you’re my favorite work of art.

Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak?
Are you smart?

But don’t change a hair for me,
Not if you care for me,
Stay little Valentine stay;

Each day is Valentine’s Day.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. Hypothetical: What if Beyonce dated an NHL player?

Krafty Bob spends more time on red carpets than Brianna Pirre.

Honk if you remember Torvill and Dean.

CONCACAF? More like CONCAC-AF!! Right!? Right? Okay.

Upton Bell mistook Ice Spice for Fanne Foxe.

Kansas City has now won 3 Super Bowls in the Mahomes era. They’ve been called for offensive holding zero times in those 3 wins.

Does everybody still have a mix of soaps and disinfectants setting around that they bought early in the pandemic and never completely used? Or is it just me?

Kenley Jansen has the locker that used to be Chris Sale’s, in case you like to keep track of these things.

Well, the good news is that the country at large turns on you like a snake after you win the Super Bowl three times. Right?

I was dying for another Planet of the Apes movie.

Best bet for the weekend: Nothing but good vibes from the Fort!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. HVD.