The 15

Don’t worry about last night’s Celtics loss: it just means Commissioner Stern wants the series to go seven games. And also for his Knicks to advance.

Area sports fans refuse to induct coach with a .500 winning percentage into team hall of fame, local media members hardest hit.

Pivetta needs to be bullpen banished. There; I said it.

If you laugh at Al Horford calling himself an elite shooter, you should have your credentials revoked. Unless he doesn’t score a single point. Not sure where I was going with this.

If we got rid of all the guns how could we shoot the horses!?! Talk sense.

Revs rudely ousted from US Open Cup competition by unheralded Pennsylvania team. Less than ideal.

Cakes are cooking for Jim Calhoun, Donovan, Bono, Randy Cunneyworth, Rony Seikaly, Julie Smith, Hélio Castroneves, Kenan Thompson, Amanda Borden, Gabriella Papadakis, and Missy Franklin.

Lukey Russert wrote a book? Supply your own punchline.

By the late ’80s, New Edition is renowned for playing basketball against other entertainers, singers, rappers & songwriters, oftentimes their tourmates. They’d challenge them during radio promo visits & throw charity basketball games for the public, notably against Full Force…

Heard a minute of it the other day (only a minute, I swear!) and Jon Wallach was complaining about how boring every NESN Red Sox color commentator is. Irony is dead.

The Celtics should start each game with a technical foul when they choose to wear an ugly alternate jersey on their iconic home parquet.

Hey gang of avid listeners! This week’s Phrase that pays is, “Who got the half-price Captain Parker’s Pub gift certificate?”

Ma Scartelli seems to think a fiily named ‘Madge’ won the Kentucky Derby. “She’s the one I would’ve bet on!”

What is “cow pink”?

A SQUIBLET is a wittily clever but trivial or throwaway comment.

Okay.

Women in sports have a difficult enough time without fratbros snickering that their headlights are on! That’s why!

Titans Hire Anthony Robinson as Assistant General Manager. A new voice added to the mix in Tennessee.

GSK has Magic doing ads for viruses that aren’t HIV? Huh.

She was the color of the Indian summer
And we shared the hours without number
Until one day when the sky turned dark
And the winds grew wild
Caught by the rain and blinded by the lightning
We rode the storm out there on Thunder Island

I always feel bad for viewers enjoying golf on NBCSportsBoston when the station abruptly cuts to Celtics Halftime Live.

Honk if you remember Kurt Loder and MTV News.

Thinking that you have to believe in Scouting OR Analytics is like thinking you have to believe in Carpentry OR Chemistry.

YOU thought this Celtics team could sweep a team with the current and past NBA MVP’s! You did!

Patriots to play Indianapolis in Frankfurt, Germany. Gut.

When is someone gonna give the millionaire actor who’s married to a Kennedy his fucking flowers???

News Item: Peter Good, designer of iconic Hartford Whalers’ logo, has died at age 80.

A:  Eleven Baby Huey ‘Noveltoon’ motion picture short features were produced between 1951 and 1959 by Paramount Pictures Famous Studios division.

Is San Diego a fun place to visit? Might go there for the Red Sox game, Let us know in the comments.

So earlier I’m watching Carlos Carrasco’s rehab start and thought I heard the announcer say someone was warming. Freaked a bit since it was only one inning in. Turns out the batter was named ‘Warming Bernabel’. (He singled.)

Disappointing but hey. Just got a text from Questlove that read simply: “Sorry pal”

Sanna Marin is officially a free agent.

The target audience for advanced statustics aren’t people with EBT cards. Sorrey!

Every guy at watching the Heat play at Miami’s American Airlines Arena looks like Andrew Cunanan.

Langstroth frames!

Celts can’t lose. They have unfin18hed business

Best bet for the weekend: scattered thunderstorms in the forecast as the Revolution visits Inter Miami CF.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Electrical banana. Is gonna be a sudden craze. Electrical banana. Is bound to be the very next phase.