O5/03/2023 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Gordon. Meredith. Lightfoot. Jr. He was the pride of the Canadian side. Rest in peace, troubadour.

I feel bad for my fellow Bruins fans, but even worse for another group: drifters.

Ameer Speed being fast is going to be confusing after that whole Lil’Jordan Humphrey situation.

Does Kyrie have any extra thyme we can borrow?

If the Bruins had won, Mayor Ryan was going to send Mayor Wu some Florida bath salts.

Cakes are cooking for Christopher Cross, Bruce Hall, Ron Hextall, Ted Crowley, Christina Hendricks, Tyronn Lue, Joseph Addai, Pom Klementiff, Brooks Koepka, and Rachel Ziegler.

Hockey isn’t even designed to break your heart.

Someone tell Kraft we all think he’s cool so he can knock it off with Meek Mill all the damn time.

Soccer comp is easy tbh. Revs won Supporters Shield two years ago then lost at home on penalties in the first round.

Sidy Sow is a great name for an offensive lineman.

The nice thing about the series loss is you find out who all the better sports fans than you are.

Hey gang of morning zookeeper coworkers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Hey good to hear from you! I’m fine thanks for not asking.”

Tom Caron would like to remind you that the Red Sox are ideally positioned to heal the city. Again.

If you’re going to lose ignominiously in the first round, at least it’s to the hockey-mad burg of Sunrise, Florida.

If any of you are feeling down, just remember that Mac is going to own.

Green Line E Branch Update: Service has resumed between Heath Street and Northeastern.

We did get one last butchered “Jurksztowicz” for the road. Pretty sure Jack just went with “Sophia Yurks” going into one intermission.

I paid extra for the brass grommets!

Well, the good news is that Jackson Mahomes is eligible to be adopted now by Andy Reid.

Is a herniated disk the same as a concussion?

A reunion: Former Packers’ WR Randall Cobb is expected to agree to a one-year deal with the New York Jets, allowing him to play with Aaron Rodgers in NY, per sources. The two men who walked off the field together in Green Bay now get to do more work to do together.

“Baseball is not boring” is a very boring catch phrase.

They love the Patriots more in Hannover, Germany than they do in Hanover, MA.

It’s a good thing there’s no failure in sports. Whew!

Just hang in there. The Yankees can buy out Aaron Hicks’ contract in 2026 for just $1 million. What’s another three years, really?

I keep checking to see if the fire department has been called out to #29 Elmwood Avenue.

Pete Blackburn like, just wears a stocking hat around the house in April?

Coach Sal sez Houck needs to change his pitch sequence.

Where are your seats?

The morning after blues. From my head down to my shoes.

Billy Beane’s famous theorem that the playoffs are “a crapshoot” seems legit.

University of Connecticut: baseball school. Question mark?

The Edmund Fitzgerald, of course was named after the man who captained marine vessels for nine different shipping lines over seventeen years, a Great Lakes record.

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.

Last time there was a WGA strike, the Boston Celtics won the chip…

Honk if you remember when the winds of November come early.

P.K. Subban meant to say, ‘maybe they need to pack a Mila Kunis sized lunch.’

Those Jordan’s Furniture contests get harder every year. “If any Sox player hits a ground rule double over the Green Monster off the left fielder’s head on a Wednesday, you get a free mattress.”

I’m a lifelong basketball guy, but I must say the tension of a tight Stanley Cup game is special.

But there was a drought in ancient Sumeria!

Gerri Green was on the Patriots practice squad in 2019.

Normal aging process!

Rainy Day People does sound like a Jimmy Webb tune, and I mean that as a compliment.

I’d feel worse about the local media’s anti-Bruins sentiment were it genuine. But no one believes Felger, and the ratings book shows that no one listens to Jones.

Sic transit gloria mundi, Matignon hockey.

Best bet for the weekend: the number 5 horse at finishing in the money at Churchill Downs.

No words.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Mitch Hedberg, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. When you reach the part where the heartaches come The hero would be me. Heroes often fail.

Actress Rachel Brosnahan at this year’s Met Gala, perhaps looking like a queen in a sailor’s dream.

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