04/26/2023 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Patriots are going to bollox things up like amateurs!

Letting the Hawks live: nice for Earth Day, bad for the NBA Playoffs.

NYC’s population of single ladies queueing up to be squired about town by confirmed bachelor Aaron Rodgers!

Klubes. Owning. Only in baseball, Danny.

Leave no doubt, Bruins.

If there were a Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup I think I would have heard about it before yesterday.

Brogdon’s worst quality is he looks oddly French.

Fox News should hire Katie Nolan. That spunky gal just needs a chance!

Looking for a cat friendly place to host your next event? Elks Lodge #720 in Nashua is our top choice.

Cakes are cooking for Donna De Varona, Koo Stark, Giancarlo Esposito, Kevin James, Melania Trump, Natrone Means, Chris Perry, Sarah Tueting, Kosuke Fukudome, Stana Katic, José María López, John Isner, and Aaron Judge.

It’s Nesmith not Nesmith, idiot.

He didn’t receive cootie. Cut Desiigner some slack.

Rose! More Sanka!

Hey gang of rocketry enthusiasts! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “As if the flight test was not exciting enough, Starship experienced a rapid unscheduled disassembly before stage separation!”

Congrats to all the radio talking men on the big loss last night.

Don’t talk to me about Tom Brady’s longevity. I’m more impressed by Gus Sebring, newly appointed principal horn of the Boston Symphony — after over 40 years(!) with the orchestra. Fantastic.

Trae Young looks like a doll they found in the rubble after a tornado.

Looks like I’m currently blocking 22709 accounts. It used to be far more, but then I completely cleared my block list to give people a second chance.

Harry Belafonte, dead at 96. Deadly black tarantula suspected?

Kingston Line Train 051 (1:18 pm from South Station) has departed South Station and is operating near schedule.

Jason Whitlock should consider investing in a bidet. The break even point would only be a few months.

Happy for Wrexham FC proceeding onward to Single A British football, or whatever the hell happened. Brilliant, innit?

I hope the interns aren’t swamped with DM’s about the Tkachuk shirt.

First the Raiders. Now the Athletics. Will Oakland’s NBA team be next to decamp to Las Vegas, to become the Golden Nugget Warriors?

Ironic NHL fandom for internet content!

Celtics 1-2 in the Playoffs since Jaylen insulted the father of the game.

The local municipal animal control officers caught fewer strays than my guy Gunther over this weekend.

But I won’t cry for yesterday
There’s an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find.
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive.

Coordinated yelling certain words during the national anthem is gay.

Why all the blue seats, Jonathan?

I played $2.50 blackjack off-strip in Vegas. I did!

Of each particular thing, ask: ‘What is it in itself? What is its nature?’

But metrics involve averages.

NFL draft, NHL & NBA playoffs, 2-hour MLB games…my kind of week!

Does Jaylen Brown mutter ‘FCHWPO’ under his breath when he does something boneheaded, the way Homer Simpson goes D’oh!?

Dark leafy greens!

Rex Ryan looks like a wrestling manager from a semi-pro federation in the deep south. Loser.

Honk if you remember Al Jaffee.

If Shane Bieber threw a better, more effective sweeper than anyone expected him to throw, would we call that Bieber’s Sleeper Sweeper?

His name is spelled ‘Thanasis’.

Sal? Sofa Scout? Salgernon? Sal Hany? MetamuSal?

All this Aaron Rodgers Jets hype almost has me feeling bad for the 2021-2022 NFL Shiny Object Buffalo Bills.

I can’t believe I bet money on a Revs game. I won, sure, but still.

Jimmy Butler went to the barbershop and asked to look like Whoopi Goldberg in Burglar. Nailed it!

Do baseball games seem faster somehow? Let us know in the comments.

Ime can’t wait to meet all the debutantes in Houston who now work in the Rockets front office.

Best bet for the weekend: A Thai golfer winning the JM Eagle LA Championship.

Spring has sprung in Nashua, babe.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Not responsible for damage due to shopping carts.

And happy birthday to Chinese-American actress and director Joan Chen.

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