04/12/2023 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Think the Bruins winning the cup to honor Dale’s years of service would be any good?

Dale. Everett. Arnold. Three. First. Names. Enjoy retirement.

It’s Sale Day! He’ll get the Rays to allow a loss for the first time this season!

Say, was that the first news Ben Allbright has ever broken?

Jerry Thornton interacting with Super 70s Sports is the comedy version of the two Spider-Man pointing meme.

Easter is an underrated food holiday, IMO.

This Dalai Lama news is not the start to the week anyone needed. What a weird world we are living in.

Jon Rahm? That’s your name? What’s your real name? Before you changed it? Anyway, good job winning The Masters.

If Jim Nantz is my friend, why has he never helped me move?

Well, I for one completely believe the Jaylen Brown broken vase cover story.

Cakes are cooking for Herbie Hancock, David Letterman, Tom Werner, Ron MacLean, Nick Hexum, Roman Hamrlik, Claire Danes, Brian Vandborg, Brooklyn Decker, and Georgia Hall.

Why does anyone care who sponsors a product? Unless it’s David Ortiz sponsoring everything because he’s flat broke.

Felger has fooled more losers into thinking he’s an alpha male than Nick Adams

In the US: We spell certain words different than the rest of the world does. – We REFUSE to utilize the Metric System. – We call football “soccer”. – We call them chicken sandwiches but everyone else calls them “chicken burgers”.

Once the Boston media united behind the “Brogdon never starts games, which means he’s better” narrative, it was over. The Boston Sports Media machine is too powerful, too disciplined. Always has been.

Astonishingly brave of Kirk to defenestrate Gerry now that he is of no further use to him.

I thought Tibetan yak cheese (chhurpi) might be similar to Icelandic hardfiskur, which I really enjoy. It’s a very mild-flavored, extremely hard cheese you allow to soften in your mouth for one to two hours. You can’t chew it, as you can hardfiskur, as it’s far too hard.

Who does the Lama think he is; Tom Brady?

Trade: The Falcons are acquiring Lions CB Jeff Okudah, his agent Kevin Conner confirmed. Conner articulated that the GMs of the two teams involved – Detroit’s Brad Holmes and Atlanta’s Terry Fontenot – made it a seamless, collaborative process. The negotiations were described as amicable and productive throughout, as this deal represents a win-win for both sides. A fresh start for Okudah in Atlanta.

Volin was a most deserving Tournament winner.

The city of Boston is silly fancy and expensive. Not sure how all the sportswriters afford this place.

Masculine horses!

Very excited for Steve Buckley to parade around the corpse of Donnie Beardsley for the next two months.

Kutter Crawford is the new Rac Slider.

The guy who took a high interest loan to buy a Matchbox Car-sized truck is definitely pragmatic.

Blackburn gets his clothes at Build-A-Bear.

Blue Line Update: Shuttle buses continue to replace Train service between Wonderland & Revere Beach. Buses at Revere Beach will pick up/drop off on Beach St. Buses at Wonderland will pick up/drop off at the Wonderland Busway.

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

That Jasmine Carson is like shorter, skinnier black female Conner Henry! So really nothing like Conner Henry, I guess.

Hey gang of Chris Pratt fans! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Go get some bitches in your life.”

I think it’s safe to say Tiger is all done as a contender. I was just reading he said he’s been in constant pain. That car accident really did him in unfortunately.

Under blue moon I saw you.
So soon you’ll take me
up in your arms, too late to beg you
or cancel it, though I know it must be

The killing time;
Unwillingly mine.

Up against your will.
Through the thick and thin
he will wait until
you give yourself to him.

Weird that Upton Bell isn’t a fan of that popular HBO show about a powerful father and his spoiled, worthless adult children.

Alert: Mars Wrigley now makes caramel cold brew m&ms and my life has changed for the better,

Honk if you remember land speed record holder Craig Breedlove.

Quinnipiac. Nice job winning the Frozen Four. That part of Connecticut is once again part of New England.

I spit on your zither!

Get well soon whichever Morning Zookeeper lost his voice and has to step away from the show.

I’m wearing shorts over the next few days. And you can’t stop me.

Find the word that is not like the other three: A. Flag, B. Banner, C. Pennant, D. Statistic.

I’ve never actually seen a muffin tumble, have you?

DJ Bean’s ample amount of free time could have been put to better use than songwriting.

if you liked Succession you’ll love l’énigme de l’éternité.

Best bet for the weekend: your pick of the four USFL games. It’s Back.

AI rendering of ‘Jim Nantz helping his friends move.’

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sourcesBill James, Mitch Hedberg, BSMW poster Big Fat O, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. Boom boom, out go the lights.

And a happy birthday to inactive/retired American tennis player Jennifer Brady.

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