09/15/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Needs more logos, but you get it.

Your Resilient Red Sox only need to go 12-7 over the rest of the season to finish 81-81. That’s doable!

14 15 other NFL teams are also winless, caller. Buck up, lil camper.

Don’t let the Sun win tonight, Aces!

Unless they win out and get help from other squads, the Revolution will not be televised this MLS postseason.

Benching players isn’t a real thing, just like framing pitches.

Bernie Shaw dying the same day as the Queen is the ultimate Farrah Fawcett’ing.

Cakes are cooking for Pete Carroll, Tawny Little, Earnest Byner, DJ Kay Gee, Tom Hardy, Mike Dunleavy, Jr., and Wout van Aert.

A torn pectoral muscle on a Watt brother? Inconceivable!

Plymouth Rock does make Old Sturbridge Village look like Six Flags by comparison.

Owning a samurai sword is in a dead heat with having a face tattoo as the biggest red flag there is.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “How, but also hoe.”

Wake up the Echoes. No, really.

Starfucker Bob Kraft loves a Black man with a record more than Quincy Jones does.

News Item: Roger Federer announces his retirement from professional tennis.

Sell wetter ham in the grab-n-go case by the deli, Market Basket!

Jason Garrett brings as much life to an event like Bill Belichick does to a Christmas carol.

Volleyball stadium? They can’t use the basketball gym?

Blue Line: Delays of up to 15 minutes due to a maintenance train inspecting the overhead wires. Trains may be asked to stand by at stations.

Matt Patricia right now is still more successful than YOU, radio talking man. He is. He is!

Suzy Kolber always sounds like she’s smiling as she’s talking. That might sound strange – but I just love listening to her host.

Chargers CB JC Jackson, who is questionable for tonight, is recovering from surgery necessitated by Jackson being born with an extra bone in the back of his ankle, sources say. That extra bone was causing pain and inflammation, so the arthroscopic procedure was to remove it.

Sara Civian is a free agent.

Got to give some cred to Manny Machado, I think. I’ve never been a Machado Man, but he is now in his 11th major league season and has never had anything remotely resembling an off season. Not too many guys have ever done that.

Vincent D’Onofrio being Private Pyle, Edgar The Bug, and Kingpin is fucking throwing me for a loop.

Have a thicker TV.

Sue Bird is retired from the WNBA, but still plans on having more knee injuries.

It ain’t the way you move
It ain’t the way that you move me
Oh no
It ain’t the way you shake
It ain’t the way that you shake me
Oh no
I’ve lived 25 years
I’m a kid on the run
I got a pistol for action.

That toad Gary Washburn should stick to not knowing basketball.

I have also informed my bees the Queen has died.

Kirk should, he should do a, another true crime podcast, but this one, it would be about what killed WEEI!

Honk if you remember the CableACE Awards.

You should always order your chicken and waffles under an assumed name and not ‘gram the pic until later.

I can’t find any fun sized Three Musketeers bars anywhere; is there a nougat shortage too?

For those wondering, Skeets Quinlan played in 49 NFL games and finished his career with 258 carries for 1,514 yards and 9 TD rushing.

Is the Duke of Dorchester invited to the Queen’s funeral?

In 1994, Bulgaria had the only soccer team where all players last names ended in ‘OV’.

Best bet for the weekend: a real dark place/trap/must-win/rock fight/phone booth/ flu game at no-longer Heinz Field.

Okay toots. whatevs.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, Buckingham Palace, other writers, league and team sourcesBill James, The Bag Pod podcasters who choose to remain anonymous, BSMW poster NorwoodZip, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. God Save the King.

Bianca de Nîmes Garza.

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