08/31/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Visionary Linda’s Fenway Rooftop Gardens got nothing on Linda’s Revamped Frontyard.

I. Declare. AUDACYRUPTCY!!

Or perhaps not. Someone should ask that blogger if ‘David Field’ sounded suspiciously like ‘Don Yee.’

Just a meniscus tear for Danilo Gallinari. Celtics fans dodged a bullet, unlike Brian Robinson Jr. Get well both of you.

4 PM Saturday games in the summer are elite. Go to a game, go out for drinks/dinner on a rooftop or in the North End, grab some gelato (shop staffing permitting), watch the sunset, thrive.

Karrie Archibald notifies me her dad is alive and well… And thanks everybody for their concern…

Andrew Callahan looks like an extra from a Nugenix commercial.

Revs are currently in the wrong bunch of seven squads. Could use a W or three in their upcoming September matches.

Sun versus Sky? Sounds like a fable, or native lore.

Scott Zolak could stand in the middle of a North Attleboro industrial park and shoot someone and he wouldn’t lose any of his fans. It’s incredible.

Cakes are cooking for Richard Gere, Gina Schock, Jeff Frye, Jennifer Azzi, Debbie Gibson, Pádraig Harrington, Jeff Hardy, Ted Ligety, Mohammad bin Salman, and Chuck the Tuxedo Cat.

Just turned on the U.S. Open. What happened to Tsitsipas?

Carolina has been in the market for offensive weapons. Jax was open to dealing Laviska Shenault. A perfect match.

When folks say Michael Jordan is their favorite athlete, it’s such a boring and lazy answer. Gimme something different man.

Just watch the Luke Bryan documentary like your wife is forcing you to do like a normal person.

Out: Cry. In: Cope.

Tom Brady was definitely healing a new face during his 11-day absence from Bucs camp.

Paul Perillo’s career now consists of appearing on TV three times a year in front of a dancing claymation Bob’s Discount Furniture guy.

Ciao, gang! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I saw bones come out I hope nothing serious but I fear the worst.”

Peter Vescey is an asshole.

It occurred to me that “hippie” and “hipster” are similar words, yet hippies and hipsters are different – I think about things like this – and now I’ll go back to thinking about the circumference of the earth and the depth of the Mariana Trench, also things I think about.

MBTA Red Line Update: Your train is stopped one stop away.

I don’t know about this Saudi golf business, but were we still all mad at the Krauts and Japs in 1962?

Pro tip: Sackface Andelman is the one that looks like a ballsack.

Out of all the chips in the world, BBQ chips are my favorite. Cool Ranch Doritos probably 2nd tho.

Death by misadventure usually ends in a retired number.

I’ll take Tom Curran seriously when he stops using his middle initial unnecessarily.

Can’t wait to count the empty seats at Vito Stellino’s funeral.

News Item: Juliette Binoche: ‘I loved two men at once’. (Diedrich Bader as Lawrence in Office Space GIF)

I follow the Moskva
Down to Gorky Park
Listening to the wind of change.

An August summer night
Soldiers passing by
Listening to the wind of change.

The world is closing in
Did you ever think
That we could be so close, like brothers.

The future’s in the air
Can feel it everywhere
I’m blowing with the wind of change.

If there are curmudgeons, why aren’t there catmudgeons and birdmudgeons and goatmudgeons?  Just imudgeon it. . . Honk if you remember Danny Almonte.

Like Kellen Mond more. You can’t!

Cats get so much happier after you feed them.

First Len Dawson now Ernie Zampese, the tobacco industry can’t survive that kind of hit! Watch your back, Jim Leyland, is all I’m sayin’.

Think that Rory McIlroy is a little bit good at golf?

I want to do stuff to Katie.

It might not be the Red Sox’s year.

The music of Yung Gravy is very helpful in these trying times.

Halloween candy in supermarket displays in August? I’ll retire to Bedlam.

It’s a low bar, but Chad Graff is already better than Matt Fairburn.

Best bet for the weekend: people thinking aloud that Monday feels like a Sunday.

Weep, you honks and bobos. (Graphic courtesy of that huge loser Mark Danels)
Fine. Here’s your Bianca de la Garza fix for the long weekend.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sourcesBill James, Audacy employees who choose to remain anonymous, BSMW posters Hacksaw, Laszlo Panaflex, and Lebron, plus the members of #the15 were used in this column. In the still of the night I hear the wolf howl, honey, sniffing around your door. In the still of the night I feel my heart beating heavy, telling me I gotta have more.

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