08/24/22 Sports in The Junk Drawer Column

Rail Replacement – I’m a Train Choo Choo
Them Brits know how to handle institutional decline.

So of course, the thing most likely to result in horrid shit takes happens. Twice. Going great!

Yes, that could be either the Pats or the Sox.

Skinny bones should heal quicker, right?

I would love to go to an oceanfront resort that put a big living room on the beach.

Devers: he’s the same age as the Little Leaguers! Get it? Get it??

If a rap show happens in New England and you don’t see Dart, did it really happen?

Two cheers for WEEI for the Jimmy Fund Radiothon thing.

Cakes are cooking for Vince McMahon, Mike Shanahan, Cal Ripkin Jr, Dana Gould, Marlee Matlin, Dave Chappelle, and Arian Foster.

Is Kayce going to wear white for the wedding? What, it’s a valid question!

I am really, really, extra really glad that Bill Lee is OK, but, Jesus, having a heart attack in the bullpen while warming up to enter a professional baseball game at age 75 would have been the most poetic exit of all time.

Mike McDaniel has proven noted genealogist Chuck D’s “Fear of a Black Planet” thesis to be incorrect.

Never had too much Crown Royal. Not a big fan. Just give me a Budweiser and I’m happy.

What color stripe on the American flag do tow truck drivers get?

Fitchburg Line Train 416 (12:25 pm from Wachusett) is operating 5-15 minutes behind schedule between Shirley and North Station.

Hey gang of Brooklynite hoopster hipsters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “we have agreed to move forward with our partnership.”

Beyonce loves making spaghetti and sandwiches. She could feed me virtually anything and I’d be happy.

I’m travelin’ down that lonesome road
Feel like I’m draggin’ a heavy load
Yeah, I’ve tried to turn my head away
Feel ’bout the same most every day

(You know what I’m talkin’ about, baby)

You’re in a car, what’s the worst that can happen if you try to drive through that flooded underpass? Go for it.

Do you have a tan plan?

All the farmers and ranchers are selling their herds! Tomatoes won’t be grown anymore! California will have a megadrought AND a megaflood! The UN warns of nuclear annihilation! Covid! Monkeypox! Polio!

We lost Lul Pab?

I love when Laura Rutledge is covering football no matter what. I don’t care if it’s just a preseason game. Keep shining Laura- people notice.

MBTA Orange Line Update: Nope.

Why is raw bacon always cut longer than the width of your largest frying pan?

Let me translate: “He won 17 games 3 years in a row for the Sox. Awful person. Sucks. No moment of silence. Go Orioles.”

Late August at noontime is perfect sweatshirt weather.

Another lost practice for YOUR Patriots. Sad.

Best part of the season, where Dave O’Brien awkwardly chats with people who are dying.

Honk if you remember the Hellenic Flu.

I called someone a psychopath for a minimally weird thing yesterday and my wife was like “do they sit on the deck and look up where every plane that passes overhead is going?” and I thought maybe she had a point.

Jim? Jimbo? Jimmy? Jom?

Using hot dogs as straws? This is why the terrorists and Peter King hate us.

On subject, do you think Doug Kyed has a thigh tattoo of that ‘we’re all trying to find out who did this’ guy in the hot dog suit?

It started out in neon lights and then all got dark.

I’ve seen more Josh McDaniels praise this week than I did during all his time in new England.

Historically, some starting pitchers with less than 200 wins HAVE made the Hall of Fame, including Jack Chesbro (198), Dazzy Vance (197), Ed Walsh (195), Rube Waddell (193), Lefty Gomez (189), Sandy Koufax (165), Addie Joss (160) and Dizzy Dean (150).

Christian Kirk caught 5 passes from Trevor Lawrence in the Jaguars’ last preseason game and is a value play later in your drafts.

Don’t think we didn’t notice the Jujyfruits are now smaller, Heide Candy Company.

PGA Tour Championship starts Thursday. Who do you like?

Best bet for the weekend: having a tan plan.

Overwater Cabana SZN.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Old Friend howzie, Josh Marion (stick tap to TapeGrindah for convincing me Josh was on the level, babe), Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. One Step Beyond!!

And HBD to singer Perri ‘Pebbles’ Reid.
There are respectful. ways to memorialize Len Dawson. That ain’t it, Chief.

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