05/04/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Yupppppp. Yoto yoto.

May the Fourth of May Be With You!

So have the Celtics regained home court advantage?

Don’t be ascared of the fake Whalers, Bruins!

Bill Belichick: Eight Rings. Chris Curtis: Ninth Place. Scoreboard, dummy.

Now would be a good time to flip the switch and turn the season around, Red Sox.

Andrew Callahan looks like that ‘SoyJak’ meme guy got his wish from the Blue Fairy to become a real boy.

Cakes are cooking for Randy Travis, Martyn Moxon, Dawn Staley, Gregg Alexander, Gretchen Ulion, Heather Kozar, and Andrew Raycroft.

You couldn’t pay me to hug Roger goddell

Can you feel me? Like I feel you? Can our hearts still beat together?

I’m not a TV doc when it comes to diagnosing injuries, but that fella who went after Dave Chappelle has got to be listed as doubtful for tomorrow.

Wayne Newton looked almost as bad as Courtney Fallon.

I don’t know about Dondero, but Mittens Volin looked like he was swinging a driver built for Zee Chara.

“For every 100 ‘likes’ we will make Volin’s golf club longer.”

If you’ve lost Sheil Kapadia, you’re toast.

Matt Chatham would never eat a cow. Beef comes from steers, stupid.

Hey gang of Northeast Seaboard metropolitan sports fans, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “That’s stolen valor.”

Mattapan Trolley Update: Regularly scheduled service has resumed.

Hey, Elon! Still waiting for that Twitter loyalty reward … a shiny new Tesla. You know you want to give me one.

The Seahawks and Bucs will play in Munich, Germany in Week 10 of the NFL regular season.

Is MegO wearing her hair in Princess Leia buns for her first day at WEEI?

Kenny Pickett is going to the Steelers..you can go home again.

Oh, for the days of 7-8-9 hitter Butch Hobson driving in 112 runs. You don’t believe me? Look it up.

Last night I dug your picture out from my old dresser drawer
I set it on the table and I talked to it ’til four
I read some old love letters right up ’til the break of dawn
Yeah I’ve been sittin’ alone diggin’ up bones

Then I went through the jewelery and I found our wedding rings
I put mine on my finger and I gave yours a fling
Across this lonely bedroom of our recent broken home
Yeah tonight I’m sittin’ alone diggin’ up bones

Of course Nantucket votes to allow topless beaches only after Linda downsized her frontyard.

How can there be a wrong kind of speed in an athlete?

Man, that one guy at work…he is weird, like a platypus.

Real hyperlocal fans don’t need to delete tweets that provide compelling evidence of being an actual fan of other franchises. Just sayin’.

Honk if you remember the Old Man of The Mountain.

Titus Welliver. Red Sox fan. OOTG’s.

I think there may have been some funny business going on between that lady corrections officer and the escaped prisoner.

Fish paralyzer > Beaver tranquilizer.

I am assuming that the Trevor Bauer 324 game suspension starts counting from the point he was suspended last summer, right? Anybody know for sure?

Enjoy retirement, Rutgers Hoops Coach C. Viv Stringer.

Hey bro, remember how good Tiger’s chest looked during The Masters? How does yours stack up? By the way, DK has a great chest.

Best bet for the weekend: a fast horse winning The Derby.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Bobert Ryan, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. If you wonder how long I’ll be faithful I’ll be happy to tell you again I’m gonna love you forever and ever Forever and ever, amen.

Blake Lively’s Met Gala afterparty dress. Also striking. She was memorable in The Town.

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