03/16/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Theyah ruining my Ides of March, caller! (h/t ITT From Route One in Brookline)

Thanks to all who are participating in the March Sadness Biggest Mediot Tournament. the voters, not the media.

News Item: They hear you.

The Red Sox have starting pitchers to show us how many weird ways people can injure themselves, apparently.

It would be laugh out loud hilarious if someone tweeted that Brady came out of retirement because his children were poorly behaved.

Why not this Bruins team?

Every Patriots transaction that doesn’t get less in return than the Herschel Walker trade isn’t a fleecing you weirdos.

NBCSN couldn’t have brought Dickerson back for a day to work the bleep button for KG’s jersey number retirement ceremony?

Cakes are cooking for Flavor Flav, Patty Griffin, Pat Harlow, Blu Cantrell, Alexandra Daddario, Theo Walcott, and Joel Embiid.

What happens in The Sandlot if you hit a ball into the rusted-out junk car? Ground rule double?

An Alpha can’t get drip fits that cost bands without his bag, son.

Maybe Deshaun Watson just misunderstood the boundaries of the legal tampering period?

There’s nothing like a good quality order of onion rings.

You know, back in the day, The NIT was the Tournament everyone paid attention to.

Scott Hall won’t be down to re-form American Starship with Dan Spivey.

Hey gang of valor thieves! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Looking for some fisting pumping fun for your big night!?”

The Raiders traded Khalil Mack in September of 2018 to the Bears. The following month, they traded Amari Cooper to the Cowboys. Three seasons later, each of them has been traded again just two days apart.

Who divided up the days into hours
The hours into minutes
How could they really be that smart?
Who divided up the minutes into seconds?
They must’ve had a broken heart
Must’ve had a broken heart

So that Billerica/Boston College kid the Bruins just signed has an Irish last name, but the French misspelling of Mark? Must be one of them New England mixed marriages.

Don’t know why I checked in on Touch and Rich, but Plain Black Hat thinks the hyperlocal Lizzie Borden house is in Salem.

Saw two girls fistfight at Sullivan’s Tap after a Celtics win last week so yeah, I’m thinkin’ Boston’s back.


What happens when Purdue plays Wisconsin? Who gets all the calls then?

Red Line: Delays of up to 15 minutes northbound due to a train with an earlier mechanical problem at Downtown Crossing.

My attitude about the new MLB labor deal is that I’m happy to be the last person to figure what was done. As long as we have a season, I’ll get the details when they matter.

Back in my day all you needed for a SWAT show was a cool theme song, a bread truck painted blue, and Bobby Urich.

Hey well I’m the friendly stranger in the black sedan won’t you hop inside my car
I got pictures got candy I am a lovable man I’d like to take you to the nearest star
I’m your vehicle baby
I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go

I’m your vehicle woman
By now I’m sure you know that I love ya (love ya)
I need ya (need ya)
I want you got to have you child
Great God in heaven you know I love you

Re-watching The Little Mermaid and something I didn’t catch the first time is that Ariel says she is sixteen years old and the film ends with a wedding.

Your profile picture is you at Gillette.

The year I officially gave up on playing college basketball was 1997 when I began taking classes at Harvard… Makes the math easier.

Bill forgot to develop Winovich! Like a roll of film in an old desk drawer!

Amanda Bynes has revealed that a Hollywood director once cruelly told her that she ‘looked like a monster’ in certain lighting.

Best of luck to the UMass Minutewomen in the distaff roundball Tourney.

An NFT to WEEI’s Larry Johnson would be ‘no feeling (in) toes.’

Honk if you remember Dennis Brolin.

You’ve got to be careful, dealing with idiots. They’re apt to catch you by surprise by doing something so dumb you wouldn’t believe a grown person could actually behave like that.

No more sports news programming over to NESN?

The lockout really reduced the number of Red Sox writers from March Sadness consideration. An oversight.

Spulpits are mostly trust funders passing time away at their Dad’s finance firm until they can realize their lifelong dream of being the next Breer or Princiotti. Useless.

Best bet for the weekend: Providence Friars once again lucking out.

You got another one of your own, KG.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Coma and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Time for the Follies. Cya on the Weekend Thread.

And we’d be remiss if we did not wish a happy birthday to actress Lauren Graham.

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