01/19/22 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Ducklings love Willie O’Ree. And they’re not even Canada Geese!

Thanks a lot, Patriots defense for ruining Mac’s shot to become the first rookie to win a Soupey.

The Red Sox will start selling single-game tickets Friday despite the ongoing MLB lockout threatening the beginning of the regular season.

Willie. Eldon. O’Ree.

In the market for an XL Carmelo Anthony Syracuse jersey if anyone can help. I had one lined up but it got sold.

If they don’t like Bill’s peaches they should stop shaking his coaching tree.

Celtics trade for Bol Bol and PJ Dozier, sending Juancho Hernangomez in a salary dump/luxury tax avoision relocation to San Antonio. Bol Bol?

DJ Bean is afraid to debate @FromPeabody, fact not opinion.

I guess BHS’s Coach Fonzi lost his cool? Sorry. I’ll see myself out.

Cakes are cooking for Dolly Parton, Katey Sagal, Chris Sabo, Luc Longley, Frank Caliendo, and Annie Miller.

Did Roethlisberger get more of a Dan Marino sendoff, or a Joe Montana sendoff?

The best jokes always have the longest explanations.

The question isn’t ‘does Darren Rovell collect murderabilia?’ The question is whether he has a disturbingly large collection of it.

Missed this yesterday, but an absolute gem from Andy Reid when asked if winning a Super Bowl makes him hungrier to win another. “Well if you like chocolate cake and you eat a piece, then you have one dangling in front of your face, you’re probably gonna want to eat that too.”

Cornish game hen prices? Oddly inflation resistant!

It doesn’t bother me when casual fans who happen to watch MCU films have no idea who the Eternals are or the significance of the Celestials to the Marvel Universe or who Dane Whitman is or about the curse of the Ebony Blade even though I’ve been reading about them since 1978…

So there’s an Angry Bruins Reactions Guy, apparently? The things you learn.

First time in a limousine, “doctor?”

Red Line Update: The work scheduled for this weekend, Jan 22 – 23, has been cancelled due to the weather.

It’s been twenty years since Walt Coleman just made up the Tuck Rule on the spot to save the Patriots and they all got away with it. Where does the time go?

Have more dried-out tubes of super glue. You can’t!

Everyone forgets this, but Patriots center David Andrews had a famous uncle: Evel Knievel.

Hey gang! (nervous cackle!) This week’s Phrase that pays is, “It is time for us to do what we have been doing. And that time is every day.”

How the genuine fuck do people ostensibly ‘in sports’ not know it’s the ‘Carson Palmer Rule?’

Another Mikey took a knife while arguing in traffic.
Flipper died a natural death, he caught a nasty virus.
Then there was the ever-present football player-rapist.
They were all in love with dyin’, they were doin’ it in Texas.

Paulie caught a bullet, but it only hit his leg.
Well, it should have been a better shot, and got him in the head.
They were all in love with dyin’, they were drinkin’ from a fountain.
That was pourin’ like an avalanche comin’ down the mountain.

Honk if you remember Lotus 1-2-3. Only took a half dozen floppy disks to install it.

Have ya Hurd about Buddy?

DJ Bean love constructing strawmen that he can argue against and then suck off afterwards.

How ’bout them Cowboys?

Arguing with people who don’t understand research is like swimming in a bathtub.

Finally caught up on Peacemaker and it’s absolutely wild, just like I wanted it to be. I’ve been saying it for a while, but Cena has some serious acting chops, man.

My weight loss secret? Lightly broasted chicken.

Nice job Australia. Good luck getting me to watch your Tournament now!

I have that same Carhartt watch cap!

Jackson Mahomes is lucky Ben didn’t corner him in a bathroom.

Only one of us eats fish on Christmas, weirdo.

Belated congratulations to Tom Werner for finding his tabula rasa in Jennifer Ashton.

Best bet for the weekend: constant reminders that Tom Brady is older than all the remaining NFC head coaches he could face in the playoffs!

Weep, you weeping weepers.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend Beaker, and the unblocked members of #the15 were used in this column. Cinnamon and sugary and softly spoken lies, you never know just how you look through other people’s eyes.

And a happy birthday to actress Drea de Matteo as well.

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