07/28/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

GOAT

Simone Kyrie Biles. Mary Lou Retton would never…

Yes. People who love Chick-fil-A for its delicious food and unfailingly polite service are now going to abandon them because they won’t give free stuff to a guy with a quarter billion dollar NBA contract.

Tampa’s Soupey championship ring? Kinda tacky looking. There; I said it.

This 3 on 3 basketball is insane. And these guys are terrible.

I just don’t like The Player’s DNA, caller!

Dug Kyed’s least favorite advanced stat is FICO.

Trenni trapped in a hotel room in Tokyo with nothing to do? Can someone say photoshoot 2.0!?!

Bankruptcy Boyz Lifshatz and Murray can’t ride in commercial elevators together.

Cakes are cooking for Jim Davis, Lori Loughlin, Huma Abedin, John David Washington, and Ayla Brown.

Emotions are stupid and should be repressed.

Carrabis is a composite drawing of every douche-tell.

Psylocibin hyperlinks!

Famous former-local “superfans” need to be fed to rabid polar bears.

We used to fuck around w fireworks year round.
I’d mow and shovel and paper route just to buy
I’m old – I bought from age 7 up w my friends

Ride your bike and buy cards candy and fireworks
It was beautiful

Kirk gets to be contrarian AND pretend to care about somebody else’s mental state.

Migraines are psychosomatic.

’48 dollar double lobster roll’ can be sung to the tune of Pearl Jam’s ‘Glorified G.’

Imagine thinking some hippy ice cream is taking down Unilever.

The Running of the Jorts!

Was that 98.5 “Sarge” guy actually in the military, or is it just stolen valor?

Hey gang of competitors, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Can we start acknowledging that ‘mental issues’ are just as significant as physical injuries?”

Do people call that MSG Mill on Route 1, ‘The Loon’? I’m thinking ‘no’.

Apropos of absolutely nothing, the late Nick Cafardo getting into the Writers’ Annex In Close Proximity Of The Baseball Hall Of Fame proves beyond the shadow of a doubt the worthlessness of that honorific. 

Inexplicable half-mile backup szn.

I think Joe DiMaggio was still alive the last time anyone scrubbed out this Mr. Coffee carafe!

Under Yakuza rules, I think the Tokyo Olympics organizer guy who told the IOC that July weather for their prefecture is great is obligated to cut off his pinkie finger now.

Blue Line Update: Regularly scheduled service has resumed.

Ding up the GOAT, find Debi Thomas.

Vaccines are like millions of tiny masks for your bloodstream!

Use promo code PUP for a 15% off this swell watch that changes color based on your mood! #Influencer

Early morning sesh, cupcake.

Know this; Brewster Whitecaps OF Chris Lanzilli wears the loosest ballcap this side of Freddy Lynn.

That Wolfgang Van Halen album is pretty good!

I think the National Weather Service has a talk show you can call in to suck the dick of the hosts if you’re interested.

When the cool of the pond makes you drop down on it,
When the smell of the lawn makes you flop down on it,
When the teenage car gets the cop down on it,
That time is here for one more year;
And that summer feeling is gonna haunt you one day in your life.

I bet that Marshfield Fair acrobat wishes he took a mental health break! Get well soon.

Honk if you remeber the Sagamore Bridge rotary.

With Lamar Jackson testing positive for COVID-19, they are now going through the extensive process to confirm. He’ll obviously remain out until he clears.

Well it’s not like wilting under pressure let the Russian team win or anything.

Gill Incorporated Stong.

One of my lifelong goals was to bang out Kowloon for a show. Tonight’s the night.

Kokopelli is the flute petroglyph dude.

Is Happas hosting a weekend Gambling Tips Drag Brunch or something?

This is all YOUR fault for saying Simone is good at gymnastics!

Best bet for the weekend: non-telephoto lens pictures of players at training camp.

Cleveland Guardians? Boston could use a couple or three “Guardians of Traffic” to warn those rent-a-trucks to stay the fuck off Storrow Drive every Labor Day.
Candy place. Owning. They know.
BdlG. Sequin-y.

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW users Canadian Soldier & Kingasaurus, and #the15, were used in this column. Close cover before striking.

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