07/14/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Your 2021 Boston Red Sox MLB All-Stars

Just buy the chrome bat. We’re not going to ask nicely again.

Does Team USA think it can just roll its neoprene out onto the court and win?

Eyeties top Blighty.

Having a rookie QB contract will be big for the next 4 years.

Addison Rae. Owning.

A Spaniard, a Swiss, and a Serbian walk onto a tennis court. And each leaves with 20 Grand Slam wins.

I bet Stephen A. Smith has an opinion on Korean boy bands.

Flying only up to the Armstrong Line is the hanging an AFC Finalist Banner of spaceflight. Sorrey!

If I was 18 in 2021. I would be a social media star and skip college. And it would be the easiest decision I ever made.

Cakes are cooking for Jackie Earl Haley, Patrick ‘Patches’ Kennedy, Missy Gold, Tim Hudson, and Conor McGregor.

It’s funny because the Red Sox draft pick superficially resembles an actor from an HBO series that ended ten years ago.

Anybody here have fuboTV?

I bet a whole lot of those discarded gas grills you see out on the curb only need minor repairs.

Why should anyone want to put the damaged Stanley Cup on the LIRR? I don’t get it.

Have more rainy days so far this month. You can’t!

You can throw out the records when longtime CONCACAF rivals Qatar and Panama clash.

News Item: Brooklyn Nets forward Kevin Durant has said the United States basketball team has Kobe Bryant’s DNA embedded in it.   What, like a Colorado hotel room?

Messi not scoring in the 88th is why he’ll never win an international trophy.

What’s more believable: Callahan saying he just “left my TV on @ABC for @NBA Finals postgame show” or people just leaving EEI on in the car after the Sox game?

So now what, a Fiat Parade?

I’m whacky
Wife stumbled off to bed

Almy’s? Gone. Benny’s? Same. But Renys abides.

Who decided there needed to be a Space Jam sequel, only with a guy two orders of magnitude less charismatic than Jordan, and with the same cartoon characters everyone in the smart set thinks are problematic in 2021?

I don’t often get angry about a lot of things.

Do they call penalty kicks ‘pens’? Is that actually a thing? Ew.

Anytime you have the opportunity to wear your finest 3/4 length camo cargo shorts while proposing to the mother of your children, you have to do it.

What did ex-cop Red Sox traveling secretary Jack McCormack say to Manny that provoked him that one time?

A Yeti is nice, but it’s not twenty snow shovels.

Hey! Stop under-crediting Troy Brown’s insane versatility with the Pats!

Americans aren’t perfect, and one problem we absolutely have is assuming everyone everywhere should know the language we speak—when so few of us are even bilingual compared to those in other countries. (It’s a big reason why a lot of Europeans resent U.S. tourists.)

Honk if you remember Vic Tayback.

One week remains for teams and franchise tagged players to negotiate multi-year deals. The 7 tagged players left: Chris Godwin, Marcus Maye, Taylor Moton, Allen Robinson, Cam Robinson, Brandon Scherff, Marcus Williams.

jfc indian red boy died?

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “it’s not 1992 anymore.”

I will never understand rooting for a country you never lived in. Your great grandparents fucked there? Great.

It Is Balloon!

Na na na na na na na na na na na na yeah! Si tu m’entends Et qu’tu souris C’est que tu as compris cette mélodie, yeah!

Them Brit soccer yobbo fans need diversity training.

Here’s your hat, here’s your coat Suns in 4 Guy. Aloha means goodbye. Aloha.

Kiko Alonso > Pete Alonso

Narrator: the SI belt was not holding her pelvis in place.

Is Smehhh the new Blehhhh?

If Cassius Marsh wants publicity, he should announce a run for a Senate seat.

American League wins the ASG; PTT & reserve the duckboats.

It would be a shame if actor Michael Shannon got typecast as a tightly-wound authority figure with violent tendencies.

Orange Line Update: Trains are returning to regularly scheduled service.

Best bet for the Weekend: short porch cheapies in the Bronx.

Pocket JAG! Little Leader! Muddy Chicken!!

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW, and #the15, were used in this column. Gluten free. 

Easterling, not Easterby.

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