Tag Archives: The Sports Junk Drawer

4/3/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Lawrence ‘Larry’ Lucchino. Former Red Sox President/CEO. Complicated legacy, and things of that nature. RIP.

Uh, Dawn Staley; Lisa Leslie? Ever heard of them? Didn’t think so. You’re welcome!

The Revs are the canary in the coal mine. All those problems at the cardboard box factory are spreading throughout Kraft’s empire.

Kim Mulkey dresses like Don Cherry’s spinster niece.

Another arena, Spectrum Center, where the upper deck fans have no shot at the t-shirt toss. #Celtics #Hornets

Opening Day should be a national holiday.

Am I the only one who wants to say Peekie to go along with Geekie? Probably. I’m an idiot.

Cakes are cooking for Jane Goodall, Wayne Newton, Tony Orlando, Alec Baldwin, Eddie Murphy, Mike Ness, Pervis Ellison, Mike Lansing, Picabo Street, Adam Scott, Koji Uehara, Leona Lewis, Amanda Bynes, and Jay Bruce.

The TV closed captioning tried to decipher ‘Flau’jae’. It looked like a Peter Gammons tweet.

Maybe Bobby Dalbec should wear a grapefruit rind under his ballcap the way Babe Ruth did a cabbage leaf?

Out: Spring peepers. In: Spring skiing.

Caitlin Clark definitely deserves the nickname Ponytail Pete, as in Maravich.

Orange Line Reminder: April 6-7 (This Weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Forest Hills and Ruggles for signal work. Commuter Rail service will be free to ride between Forest Hills, Ruggles, Back Bay, and South Station.

I just thought I would mention. . .trucks do not have DNA. Appear to be some advertisers who are confused about this.

Zach Edey must get a nice post-game work out, when the villagers chase him home with pitchforks and torches.

I was at Whole Foods (PeteCarrollStrut.gif) and saw a guy who looked EXACTLY like Hitler. Had the ‘stache and everything. My wife wouldn’t let me take a picture.

1,500 hits for Mookie. WCWGPLT?

Hey gang of Squidneck Nostradamuses! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Sensing a Caleb Love takeover game.”

Rashee Rice has ‘running from the cops’ speed.

Not even sure if this food take is controversial but if you haven’t tried mixing Diet Coke with milk you’re missing out.

Brent Rooker’s walk up song is ‘Edge of Seventeen?!?’

Eddie Goldman signed with Atlanta back in 2022, retired, came back in 2023, then was done before training camp. Now, he’s back.

You’ll never guess which Peter Pan media guy is questioning why the fat kid didn’t play football instead of basketball!

Angel Reese wears more makeup during a game than Dakota from Braintree.

Red Line Reminder: April 6-7 (This Weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Broadway and Ashmont & Broadway and North Quincy for bridge work & station maintenance. Express shuttles will replace Commuter Rail service between Braintree and South Station as well.

Says James, “In my opinion, there’s nothing in this world,
Beats a ’52 Vincent and a red-headed girl.
Now Nortons and Indians and Greeveses won’t do,
Ah, they don’t have a soul like a Vincent ’52.”
He reached for her hand and he slipped her the keys
He said “I’ve got no further use for these.
I see angels on Ariels in leather and chrome,
Swooping down from heaven to carry me home.”
And he gave her one last kiss and died;
And he gave her his Vincent to ride.

Is there anything more baseball than John Fogerty’s “Centerfield” playing during pregame workouts on a beautiful morning at the ballpark?

Please ban the phrase “Green light special.” I’m begging them.

Shit, I somehow missed this Lou Gossett, Jr. news over the weekend. His performance as Sgt. Foley is nothing short of iconic. Absolutely mesmerizing in the role. What a legend of the industry. “Mayo-nnaise.”

Honk if you remember Janet Marie Smith.

A bit of irony in the fact that KC’s ballpark plan died the same day as Ballpark Builder Larry Lucchino. If Larry had been in charge in KC he would have had architects lined up, land purchased, and a 100-page brochure produced before he said one word about it to the public.

Bob Kraft has black friends! He does!

Smoke bombs and flares from the Club América fans at Gillette. Looked great, plus you couldn’t see, which helps watching the Revs. 4-0.

That breath we all hold when Clark’s shot is in the air..

The clock finally struck midnight on Chinderella Kadlick in Mediot Madness. Sad.

Good thing Dick Flavin went first and spared us a Lucchino poem.

Have fun getting that elusive Soupey without Diggs AND Hamlin, Buffalo.

Best bet for the weekend: Huskies & Boilermakers move on in the men’s tourney.

Eerie.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. The sights and sounds of London Town.

Happy Birthday to Canadian actress Cobie Smulders.
Maybe we can change the sign Thursday, Collaborative. Walk it off.

2/14/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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“I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

News Item: Kansas City Chiefs win Fairness Bowl I.

Don’t fret, local sports fans: Spring Training has started!

Have you been named a Patriots Assistant Coach? Are you sure? Check your spam folder.

The Super Bowl is Darren Rovell’s Super Bowl.

Post Malone looks like the desk you’d have to sit in during detention.

Brad Marchand: One. Thousand. Games.

Funny how the Joe Montana “Never lost a Super Bowl” GOAT threshold went ‘poof’ when it wasn’t Tom Brady threatening the title.

Was the SB Halftime Show sponsored by Valtrex?

Summary of advertising agencies intricate strategy for Super Bowl ads: “Look, here’s a celebrity!”

CGI Tim Wakefield on that Netflix Red Sox show is gonna give me all the feels.

Cakes are cooking for Carl Bernstein, Jackie Martling, Teller, Kevin Keegan, Alan Hunter, Jim Kelly, Enrico Colantoni, Jules Asner, Simon Pegg, Gheorghe Muresan, Drew Bledsoe, Rob Thomas, and Tyler Clippard.

Evander Kane don’t want no scrubs.

Queen Mina doesn’t need to grind tape. She knows the pew pew when she sees it live.

Bill Barnwell looks like a thumb’s big toe.

Usher’s catalog isn’t very poppy. They should have made the whole halftime show out of Luda.

Congratulations again to the Northeastern Huskies on their Beanpot win. Celebrate by spending another year in college.

It’s not the real meteorologists for the most part – it’s the asshole hobbyists with WX in their names that can’t wait to see a frontogenesisbomb! Wait until the 06z NAM!!! Same cut of prick that loves screaming Horns!! And Elevator Doors!!

Hey gang of chronic overthinkers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “We wanted the ball third.”

Seth Curry has played for more teams than Frankie de la Cretaz.

Green Line B Branch Update: Delays of about 20 minutes after an earlier switch problem near Copley. Riders may use Bus Rt 57 for alternate service between Kenmore and Packard’s Corner.

Theo’s first big move in Boston: Pearl Jam is coming back to play at Fenway.

Fuck, hate to see that shit happen anywhere to anyone. Just gutting to watch. Yet in the aftermath, the Rangers camaraderie—particularly Lafrenière— with a fallen peer was a heartwarming moment during a heartbreaking scene. Wishing the best for Sergachev.

why do blind people need to take photos?

Nate Burleson was dressed like a megachurch pastor about to go to jail for embezzlement.

Fun Fact: Karen Guregian and Gerry Callahan graduated together at Chelmsford HS in 1979. That’s a shitty senior class with lasting repercussions.

I’m sure this time the Fantastic Four movie won’t suck.

Super Bowl ads for Jesus and for lotion. Do people not know about these things already?

Jonny Miller only owns 1 outfit like Bart Simpson.

Am I the only one who always confused Charlotte Corday with Claudine Longet?

Pro Wrestling is more than in-ring work. If all you like is in-ring work, you’re really a gymnastics fan.

A: Acquired Inconsistent Dribbling Syndrome.

My funny Valentine.
Sweet comic Valentine.
You make me smile with my heart.

Your looks are laughable.
Unphotographable,
Yet you’re my favorite work of art.

Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak?
Are you smart?

But don’t change a hair for me,
Not if you care for me,
Stay little Valentine stay;

Each day is Valentine’s Day.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. Hypothetical: What if Beyonce dated an NHL player?

Krafty Bob spends more time on red carpets than Brianna Pirre.

Honk if you remember Torvill and Dean.

CONCACAF? More like CONCAC-AF!! Right!? Right? Okay.

Upton Bell mistook Ice Spice for Fanne Foxe.

Kansas City has now won 3 Super Bowls in the Mahomes era. They’ve been called for offensive holding zero times in those 3 wins.

Does everybody still have a mix of soaps and disinfectants setting around that they bought early in the pandemic and never completely used? Or is it just me?

Kenley Jansen has the locker that used to be Chris Sale’s, in case you like to keep track of these things.

Well, the good news is that the country at large turns on you like a snake after you win the Super Bowl three times. Right?

I was dying for another Planet of the Apes movie.

Best bet for the weekend: Nothing but good vibes from the Fort!

One Large Irregular, please.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. HVD.

Breaking News: Bianca would be happy to be your Valentine.

2/07/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Both the bar & grill and its namesake are now gone.

With his third DUI arrest, Pat Mahomes Sr. now qualifies as a branch on the Andy Reid family tree.

I wonder how much ownership stake it took for Theo Epstein to agree to be a human shield.

Sick of the BS from the zebras with Marchand again. The entire team can’t get a call because he’s the Captain and was an asshole ten years ago.

Any time you can rig the Super Bowl for a media market smaller than Hartford, you gotta do it.

If you can’t spot the Dan Greenberg of your group chat, then you’re the Dan Greenberg of your group chat.

Cakes are cooking for Rolf Benirschke, Emo Phillips, Carney Lansford, James Spader, Garth Brooks, Chris Rock, Sully Erna, Alex Bassi, Robyn Lively, Steve Nash, Ashton Kutcher, John Leicester, Matt Stafford, and Steven Stamkos.

What am I going to do with all of my extra Bluesky codes now?

Gary Kubiak went the Clemens & Kardashian route of having all his kids names start with K? Gross.

Chris Curtis was excited to announce the news of Carl Weathers passing. RIP.

So they stuffed all the media covering the Super Bowl into the Luxor, which is apparently a dump? Good.

If you have two Patrick Passes, you have none.

Red Line Reminder: Through February 14 Shuttle buses replace Red Line service all day between Alewife and Harvard, due to track work. Shuttle service extends to Park St after 8:45 PM each day. Regular service will resume on February 15.

Would you rather be Nemo from Finding Nemo or the shark from Jaws?

Usher is finishing up a 2-year residency in Vegas. Assumed it was at the Circus Circus buffet.

I’m disappointed in Dumb Donkey Noise.

Bill Clinton’s presidency ended 23 years ago…. and he’s still younger than the two current candidates.

The ‘Ruth Gordon’ IG filter was a bad idea.

Felger must be wondering now if that’s also a fake Gene Lavanchy leaving things at his house.

It would be nice if wrestling fans could just let a story play out instead of thinking they should get instant satisfaction crammed into every 3-hour Raw or 2-hour Smackdown.

Put more jelly on your toast.

News Item: Red Sox to be 1st MLB team featured in all-access Netflix documentary series.

I guess my sarcasm doesn’t always translate.

Hey glow-up gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “She’s lovely, just an enormous waste of humanity.”

I know I’m old and out of loop musically, but if someone is really “iconic,” I really think that even I should have heard of them.

Eric Bieniemy must be the worst interviewee in the world.

1,100 bats seems like a lot of bats.

You can’t use ED to mean ‘eating disorder!’ Those initials are spoken for!

Taylor Kyles can’t keep talking about reviving Mac Jones. He just can’t.

Red Sox Nation is still accepting applications to its in-house tortured poets department.

Get well soon Bill James.

Lombardi bringing up Lee Harvey Oswald at every possible opportunity is a funny bit.

You know I love the ladies
Love to have my fun
I’m a high life flyer and a rainbow rider
A straight shootin’ son-of-a-gun (Alright)
I said a straight shootin’ son-of-a-gun.

Joy to the world
All the boys and girls
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me.

Shukri Wright is owed $46,394.30 and he’ll never find out.

Toby Keith wanted to add Riblets to his Bar & Grill menu; it fell to Upton Bell to inform him that Applebees Owns Riblets.

Honk if you remember Paul & Al’s wacky Claiborne Pell.

Imagine being turned down by Nick Caley, of all people, while you jet off to the Grammys?

Bankrupt Audacy didn’t sent any WEEI talent to broadcast from Radio Row? Weird.

I ain’t calling no grown man, ‘Bronny.’

One week from today Red Sox pitchers and catchers will be holding their first official work out in Fort Myers.

Monique needs to go breathe in the woods.

I wonder if Apollo Creed was based on any real-life pugilist?

Extremely telling and problematic that in sports there are only stats for how many points you scored. No stat for how many spirits you lifted. How many hearts you warmed.

Best bet for the weekend: Tie: Swifties on FlightAware/The Drake Curse.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW Poster Lebron, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Jeremiah was a bullfrog. He was a good friend of mine.

No shadow so that means an earlier Bianca picture than normal.

1/31/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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A famous person dating another famous person? IT’S AN OP!!

Purdy got very lucky on the Aiyuk throw, but you gotta give dude his flowers. He’s been a gamer in the biggest moments this postseason.

Hey, Red Sox fans, who doesn’t love a diversified suite of sports and entertainment holdings?

People care way too much about Taylor Swift at Chiefs games. Her boyfriend plays, of course she’s there. She doesn’t make anyone show her on TV. I watched years of Jack Nicholson at Lakers games and Spike Lee at Knicks games. Nobody seemed to think it was the end of the world.

I think it’s time to end the Brian Scalabrine experiment. We’ve taken this as far as we can.

Kyle Shanahan was born in 1979. He should have to bend the brim of his hat.

Karl Anthony Towns is KAT. Derrick White is The Catalyst.

Cakes are cooking for Charlie Musselwhite, Jonathan Banks, Nolan Ryan, Kelly Lynch, Kelly Moore, Minnie Driver, Portia de Rossi, Jim Kleinsasser, Kerry Washington, Justin Timberlake, and Yuniesky Betancourt.

Oh goodness no, Lamar. That’s a disaster.

70 ain’t what it used to be. That said it’s still insane when dudes get there.

Well, even if you don’t much care for Kansas City, a Harbro losing must dull the pain somewhat.

Jeff Goodman, he seems well adjusted.

‘Eye test’ is now a phrase people who have no idea what they are watching use to sound like they know football.

It’s nearly 3 weeks later, has the great big emergency at the cardboard factory been straightened out yet?

Probably wouldn’t fuck your knees up if you wore appropriate footwear you silly cvnt.

I prefer Linebacker Reasons rather than Safety Reasons.

I’m told Jim Harbaugh remains in the building at the facility, as I type this, per source. #Chargers

Belichick to the Chiefs? Why would Andy Reid retire? It’s not like he has any more sons that can die or go to jail.

Just heard “Stacy’s Mom” in spatial audio and I almost teared up.

Curt Menefee is Great Value James Brown.

Justin Turner and his representatives reached out but could not get the Red Sox interested enough to engage in talks. He will be a significant, needed addition for the Blue Jays.

I love Elephants, amazing video.

I don’t get this Cerrone Battle thing. He lives in Raleigh. Are there no black guys living in greater Boston who are qualified to act as a human shield for 98.5’s on air racism?

Hey gang of Ocean State disbelievers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The Voluntown-Exeter War will be bloody and pointless.”

Gronk talks like he’s concocting a story by looking at items scattered throughout a room.

Be more desperate to find an alcoholic who peaked in high school that will tune you up once or twice a month. You can’t.

Better recurring letdowns by the C’s in the third quarter than in the fourth, I guess.

Baby-baby, I’ll meet you,
Same place, same time,
Where we can get together
And ease up our mind.

Oh, do a little dance, make a little love;
Get down tonight, woo! Get down tonight, hey!
Do a little dance, make a little love.
Get down tonight, get down tonight, baby.

Craig Carton went to prison for a Ponzi scheme. He seems trustworthy.

Disappointed in the lack of gratuitous lesbian sex in the first episode of the new season of Hightown.

No matter what else he does, Dante will always be Rufio to me.

Honk if you remember Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Competent people outside the organization aren’t exactly lining up to work for Jonathan and Robyn, are they?

I like Jan’s tweets. They’re very informative.

Fenway Sports Group doubtless brings Joe Mooney’s lifetime of groundskeeping experience to their partnership in the LIV/PGA merger.

Nobody told you the Celtics weren’t ever going to trade Brogdon.

It might be time to retire and repurpose my Dave Meggett fan account.

Sometimes it’s easy to forget Gary Tanguay wrote the most disturbing book of all time.

I’m sure eventually Lamar Jackson will have more playoff wins and AFCCG appearances than Ryan Tannehill.

Mutual partings of the ways; they happen in Foxborough and even in Tewksbury, Danny.

Have you signed up for Bruce Allen’s newsletter at BSMW.email yet? First one’s free.

Time for Cam Achord to follow his true calling: selling me percs in 2006.

Jimy Williams. He feuded with Carl Everett and called Christopher Nixon, ‘Drut.’ RIP.

Best bet for the weekend: Good Kid Pasta scoring in the NHL All Star Game.

Nice hat, stupid.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Peter Gammons, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Oh, that’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.

And happy birthday to Italian actress Daniela Bianchi, best known as Tatiana Romanova in From Russia With Love.

1/24/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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‘Meatball’ Ron DeSantis, Boston Red Sox.

Can a badly broken folding table be used to wedge open a Super Bowl window? Asking for a Mafioso.

You think Jerod Mayo can’t handle an NFL coaching job? The guy had his own desk at Optum—I think he’ll do just fine.

It’s funny that the less the Celtics lose, the more the occasional losses become catastrophic referendums.

On Earth-67, Ron DeSantis is a retired Red Sox slugger.

Tem Lukabu? Do we need him to defend against the Steelers or against the Galactic Empire?

Arthur Blank looks like Vincent Price on a bender.

You will be able to see many spectacular players this season at Fenway Park, especially if you count the park itself as a player!

Hallie Kyed, gone too soon but never to be forgotten. Donations may be made at either https://gofund.me/1a3dd30a or Dana Farber/The Jimmy Fund.

Cakes are cooking for Neil Diamond, Michael Ontkean, Jumbo Ozaki, Yakov Smirnoff, William F. Readdy, Jools Holland, Nastassja Kinski, Rob Dibble, Mary Lou Retton, Tatyana M. Ali, Scott Speed, Scott Kazmir, Sean McVey, and Luis Suárez.

The nerds don’t understand football and the coaches don’t understand math.

Is the clam hockey team good?

Bill Barnwell looks like a credible suspect in the Zodiac Killer investigation.

GLX Reminder: Shuttle Buses replace service between North Station and Medford/Tufts this weekend, Jan 27-28, due to track work. Union Square riders can use Bus Routes 86, 87, or 91 to connect to shuttles or the Orange Line

MA Senator Ed Markey thinks Lukey Russert’s alleged ties to Buffalo are tenuous.

News Item: Rams’ defensive coordinator Raheem Morris is scheduling second in-person head-coaching interviews with the Falcons, Panthers, Commanders and Seahawks. He gets one more punch on his card and he gets a Dan Rooney-autographed football!

Tim Wakefield also endorsed the season ticket price increase from heaven.

At what point does some media member other than Dondero say that it’s fucked up that Jonathan and some PR lady are running football operations?

Doc is the Bucks coach? Doc is not the Bucks coach. Tommy is here? Tommy is not here?

Imagine saying a man looked “phenomenal.”

Just keep running Josh Allen like he’s Mike Alstott. That’s a sustainable plan for success.

Is Larry Brown coaching anybody now?

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “STOP AND DIVE IF YOU’VE DONE THE MACARENA!”

I don’t know how official it is to be rated New England’s most versatile DJ.

Kyle Lowry is gonna get so fucking fat in Charlotte since he won’t have Jimmy Butler threatening to kill him if he eats another chicken wing.

I don’t trust people who use percentages arbitrarily.

Congratulations to Northeastern Woman’s Hockey on the Inaugural Woman’s Beanpot Championship! What? No, if there had been a Woman’s Beanpot before this year I think I would have heard about it.

Arthur Blank looks like the bad guy in every Three Stooges short.

I just learned like two days ago that Stanley drink tumbler isn’t the same Stanley that makes my box cutter and tape measure.

Nice mock draft, cumrag.

I had read every book from Michael Connelly but recently caught on to the TV series. Now having binge watched all nine seasons let me just say Titus Welliver IS Harry Bosch, and I can’t wait for season ten.

Tanner Houck looks 45 years old.

The opening seconds of that Shields MRI ad from 2019 featuring a member of the Patriots End Zone Militia has the same visual cadence as a presidential spot.

Is Bert Breer just gonna keep pretending that someone is paying him?

Honk if you remember Airwolf.

There really is no good way of teaching someone how to properly load a dishwasher without sounding like a condescending prick.

The REAL Damar Hamlin (Rest In Power) woulda had the first down.

Female stalkers are never hot.

You idiot, this isn’t a modern offense, it’s a contemporary offense!

They do it down on Camber Sands
They do it at Waikiki
Lazing about the beach all day
At night the crickets creepy.

Squinting faces at the sky
A Harold Robbins paperback
Surfers drop their boards and dry
And everybody wants a hat.

But behind the Chalet
My holiday’s complete
And I feel like William Tell
Maid Marian on her tiptoe feet.

Pulling Mussels From The Shell.
Pulling Mussels From The Shell.

Warning: If you find a bread clip on your tire, you are conflating your clickbait articles!

Ichiro deserves to be a unanimous selection for the HOF next year. Just as Griffey, Jr., Jeter, Beltre, etc. deserved it. Hopefully, that happens.

Doc’s first order of business: deport Thanasis Antetokounmpo.

Isn’t it bad to burn cash?

Every time you RT Thomas Carrieri he gets another zit and a nickel.

Shake the almond tree.

I hope The Sports Hub didn’t pick Jim Murray to express the station’s condolences to the Kyed family.

Who knew Abbottabad abutted Orchard Park?

We see you running ‘The Commisar Vanishes’ playbook, Jonathan.

Best bet for the weekend: mobile QB’s!!

“Buenos noches, amigos!
Sam wanted me to say a few words about the upcoming season,
but I have a better idear: let’s break my son out of prison!”  [crowd boos]

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Take me I’m yours because dreams are made of this. Forever there’ll be a heaven in your kiss.

Dominic ‘Dom’ DeSantis was selected out of Miami Dade College in the 23rd round of the 1989 MLB draft by the Boston Red Sox. He did not sign with the club. He then attended the University of New Orleans and was selected in the 28th round of the 1990 draft by Baltimore. Opting to again remain in school, he was finally signed following the 1991 draft, having been picked in the 20th round by the Phillies. The right hander pitched 4 minor league seasons, accumulating a 2.92 ERA and topping out at the High A level. He retired after a poor showing for the Duluth-Superior Dukes of the Independent League. Currently a sales manager in the Tampa Bay area, he has not held public office.

BdlG. Because.