Tag Archives: NHL

04/23/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Number 11 in your programs, NBA Sixth Man Winner for 2025.

One thing you don’t wanna do is FAFO with the Celtics girlies.

Has Pedro Pascal’s schedule been too busy to do a Rosie Ruiz film?

“Griffin Canning” sounds like a mortgage-free Western Mass charity drive.

Episode 7, Reggie Lewis. Man.

Irons is just jealous because I have two scoops of raisins.

The TNA Champion getting a WrestleMania match? Unreal. The night gets even better.

One more mock draft and I’m throwing up in my mouth…..

At least the Celtics didn’t also list Tatum on the injury report for his emotional problems.

Cakes are cooking for Lee Majors, Blair Brown, Joyce DeWitt, Terry Moor, Judy Davis, Valerie Bertinelli, George Lopez, Magnús Ver Magnússon, Donna Weinbrecht, Melina Kanakaredes, Stan Frazier, Rachel Hetherington, Patrick Poulin, Sam Madison, Andruw Jones, John Cena, Jaime King, Joanna Krupa, Jessica Stam, Nicole Vaidišová, Gigi Hadad, Jake Kiszka, Josh Kiszka, and Chloe Kim.

Moxie is trans root beer. Tastes like a tree.

My comic book “Reasonable Doubt – In the Karen Read Case” is now available on Amazon. Dive into the details THEY don’t want you to see!

Laughter is the best medicine…except for Kratom.

I don’t know why everyone cares about RFK Jr’s thoughts on autism. That guy is retarded!

Five straight playoff losses for Linus Ullmark.

I question anyone that moves to Kentucky on purpose.

Only a sucker would have bet against the New England Revolution on the 250th Anniversary of Lexington and Concord.

Showers with your SO really are the best.

Hey gang of slumping underachievers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Look at me! I’m irritating old people!”

The tanning dye on Lucy’s hands is egregious.

Were there still dinosaur sportswriters bemoaning the 24 second shot clock ‘gimmick’ forty-five years after it was introduced?

I only leave the house when required.

My promise for Easter I will Never get on a Boeing 737 Plane.

It makes me sad a lot of ‘yall ‘will never know ab watermelon season in Arkansas.

I saw a pic of Kate Peter and she’s kinda hot.

Boston Celtics fans should be wearing green IMO. The NBA franchise I most associate with black attire is probably the Orlando Magic.

How come none of you MFers never told me how bomb sourdough bread is?

Sal, Your the Leader of the Band. Thank you.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world Dart Adams exists.

Is Jamal Webster serious with these questions?

Nelson Cruz has one of the most unusual career shapes of all time. He was literally five or six years late getting a foothold, for a player or that quality. Then he was short of the Hall of Fame, but not all that much short. Hit 464 homers, and wasn’t a bad right fielder.

What are they gonna do, melt down and tell me I’m worthless? My wife already does that.

Have to be believe KPerk needs help buttoning his shirt.

The only thing more pathetic than the Dondy/Ty holiday pairing is listening to them and trying to engage the show via Twitter.

The American Four of the Original Six should have a charity golf scramble.

I’m going back someday
Come what may, to Blue Bayou.
Where you sleep all day and the catfish play
On Blue Bayou.

All those fishin’ boats with their sails afloat
If I could only see.
That familiar sunrise through sleepy eyes
How happy I’d be.

Fun Fact: The slam dunk was invented by star player Curly “Heebie” Kikelberg, who helped lead CCNY to both the NCAA and NIT championships in 1950. He would later throw himself off the Brooklyn Bridge after being implicated in a point-shaving scandal.

The College of Cardinals has won zero SEC Championships.

I’m glad Yaz’s grandson has had himself a decent MLB career. Just makes me smile.

Alice Cook; you still got it, kid.

Honk if you remember Rhéal Cormier.

Peter Schrager makes Chris Gasper look like Warren Beatty.

Andy Lugo, now he can flip a bat.

The amount of talent Nico Harrison has dumped is insane.

Why don’t they make the whole Red Sox bullpen out of hot-headed Cubans?

PK Subban should change his name to PK Acho.

People are frecklier than you expect when meeting them in person.

Best bet for the weekend: Green Line: Shuttle Buses replace service between Government Center and Medford/Tufts for maintenance work. Union Square riders can use Bus Routes 109, 87, or 91 to connect to shuttles or the Orange Line.

And a happy birthday to Slovak tennis player Daniela Hantuchová.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Can we have class outside today?

Palm Beach BdlG.

04/16/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Rory completes the Grand Slam.

You know shit’s bad when Cora takes the blame.

It’s sad Don Hasselbeck won’t rest in peace seeing as he played for the Patriots before Parcells arrived and brought respectability to the franchise.

I thought I was buggin’. I was like wait, that’s DWhite??

Wait, the guy with like 10,000 tweets about Deuce Tatum turned out to be a creep? If only there were signs!

I am officially done doubting Paddy Pimblett, never again.

Shane Baz looks like a 55-year-old booze bag at a Jimmy Buffet concert.

I’m happy for Rory and whatever country he says he’s from today.

Cam in Taunton’s mom could steal 2nd on Blake Sabol.

Cakes are cooking for Jim Lonborg, Bob Montgomery, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Bill Belichick, Billy West, Ellen Barkin, Bruce Bochy, Anne Kursinski, David Pate, Ian MacKaye, Garry Galley, Dave Pirner, Jon Cryer, Martin Lawrence, Grace Kim, Steve Emtman, Natasha Zvereva, Peter Billingsley, Tracey K. Smith, Akon, Lukas Haas, Gina Carano, Luol Deng, Chance the Rapper, and Sadie Sink.

On this Netflix Red Sox show, MegO still has a job.

Green Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem near Copley.

Irons is just upset because he pays his bills.

I’m happy C.M Punk gets his WrestleMania main event. Much deserved. But I don’t know if I like it being a triple-threat. Why couldn’t Roman Reigns be Punk’s opponent and slot Rollins into the Jey/Gunther title match?

The Ten Commandments. ABC.

There’s a million bagel shops but why no places that specialize in rye toast?

My wife this morning used the term “high-falutin”, which used to be something you’d hear every day. Is falutin actually a word? Is it used in any other context, or does the only falutin have to be high falutin?

You can tell you’re in Barcelona by the amount of Dutch people working at the hotel.

Why is Dave O’Brien surprised that Rod Beck had a camper?

I feel like Upton Bell when I watch Lee Remick.

I wonder if Abby Chin’s husband even bothers (Vulgar Term Redacted). He’s just hungry again a half-hour later.

Hey gang of questionably sane aspiring Canadian post-graduates! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “That is definitely the right Doctor specialty for me.”

All those quirky gayisms aren’t so cute when you suck.

I think I can prove Karen Read is innocent. There is a ‘magic bullet’ aspect to this case the defense is missing.

Boneless buffalo wings?? An aristocrat!

I believe our balls can be kept nice and clean without any rotary machinery!

Garrett Crochet reminds me of some other big lefty from the past, but I can’t quite say who. I’m talking about motion/delivery/release point. Somebody else who was good threw like that, but I can’t quite get there. Anybody?

I liked Jason Statham in ‘Agent of the Commonwealth.’

I can’t believe someone with all those vowels in their last name would miss the point so badly.

Honk if you remember Bill Rodgers.

My source for all things Flau’jae Johnson is obviously Owen Pence.

What is the hiring process like at Barstool? It’s a bunch of guys nicknamed Duggs who all weigh 900 pounds.

Put me out of my misery
I’d do it for you, would you do it for me
We will always be busy making misery

We could build a factory and make misery
We’ll create the cure; we made the disease
Frustrated Incorporated
Frustrated Incorporated.

The Accountant is insane. Affleck trying to act like an autistic weirdo who’s really good at both Rain Man-like forensic accounting and shooting people in the head.

Dale Arnold has to stand there like a cuck and watch Sophia do his job.

As they say in Sometimes a Great Notion, never give an inch.

My favorite thing about the Chat GPT action figures is when fat women make one in their own likeness and say, “Why do I look so fat?”

I got a skanky spam email. Don’t open any attachments from me.

Asbestos is a carcinogen? That’s a myth from big fiberglass.

Does anyone know if this is the first time that all four American-based Original Six teams have missed the playoffs?

I saw Pasta’s goal in the elevator. I’ve never experienced that before.

Steve Buckley writes an ‘Adam Viniatieri belongs in the Pats HOF’ article, and of course a Jim Lonborg story breaks out.

These Rays/Sox games at Steinbrenner Field feels like a Cape Cod League game.

Pluto, Fubo; it’s all the same thing.

Cameron Tabatabaie joins an illustrious history of Boston sports twitter sex perverts. We haven’t seen one this nasty since the likes of Craig Teed.

Best bet for the weekend: the bestest Easter dinner ever.

Soon.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Smack that, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

And happy birthday to British/American actress Anya Taylor-Joy.

03/20/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Nice game, rook.

Scheierman has the game of his life and gets Jackie Mac instead of Abby in the walk off interview.

The Pitino Redemption Arc is my favorite sports store in many a year.

Love Abby, but her doing play-by-play was a little ambitious considering she sounded scared to death to chime in occasionally during last season’s clamcast. Maybe shoulda had her sub in for a quarter or two earlier in the season.

I’ve just had delivery of 3 pizzas I did not order. I have called the police.

It’s like fucking Mardi Gras over here. Boston is a St. Patty’s destination now. 20 years ago, you wouldn’t come w/o chaperone.

Bregman is a fun little new toy.

What was the over/under on Karen Read trial related fistfights on and along the parade route?

Anthony Pepe has tried to get on Entitled Town on multiple occasions.

You ever been to Dealey Plaza?

I’m unbothered by Coach Bill fobbing off his social media emails to Jordon. When you have a philosopher/entrepreneur right there you’d have to be an idiot not to use them.

Bruins dead cub bounce seems to be over.

A league source tells The15 that the team will be sold to William Chisholm, managing director of Symphony Technology Group. Chisholm grew up on the North Shore and is a lifelong Cs fan.

Cakes are cooking for Carl Palmer, Robert Gordon Orr, John de Lancie, Jimmie Vaughan, Holly Hunter, Sting(wrestler), Kathy Ireland, Manny Alexander, Jane March, Christy Carlson Romano, Ruby Rose, and Allisen Corpuz. (No cakes for Pat Riley or Spike Lee.)

The longer I spend on this earth the more easily I am convinced Warren Zevon is the greatest songwriter of all time.

Italians! In Providence! That’s just crazy!

Hey gang of Granite State roundtrippers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “It looks like a post-apocalyptic child’s party.”

Mattapan Trolley Update: This delay has cleared. Shuttle buses are being phased out.

Tracy Morgan shitfaced and playing it off as a medical issue to avoid the embarrassment? That’s Drew Magary’s move!

RFK banning food additives and ingredients is not going to save you from the fact that you eat in a massive caloric surplus and refuse to do ANY type of exercise. Your children pick up on the habits you have, so it’s not going to save them either. Do better.

Citizen surveillance isn’t free, playboy.

MBTA heat is on in the 2nd red line car from the front, train is heading southbound to South Station.

Hypnotize on a Saturday night at MSG. Enough said.

Kay Adams….elite mouth. But ultra-premium vodka thinks that’s too much filtering.

Xavier has a fat cheerleader.

Does my Buffalo Wild Wings account REALLY need to have two-factor authorization?

Rotillo is a huge St. John’s fan now? Nice.

Know this: Peter Gammons loves two things: rocking out and stroking out. Also, baseball.

Bipolar Bravado is my early Kentucky Derby pick.

I gotta say, on the list of ballsiest demands, URI telling media to pay $20 for professional parking is up there. Fix your shitty WiFi first, then you can start doing stuff like that.

Well, I’m gonna treat you like the queen you are
Bring you sweet things from my candy jar
You’ve got tricks you ain’t never used
Give it, give it to me, it won’t be abused

I’ve been watching you for days now, baby
I just love your sexy ways now, baby
You know our love will never stop now, baby
Just put your loving in my box now, baby

Wrap it up, I’ll take it
Wrap it up, I’ll take it

I have to keep checking if it’s Morgan Moses or Moses Morgan. I know I’ll screw it up at least once.

Tom Wakefield made every day count.

I’d probably bang Red Panda if given the chance. But that may be the Flexeril talking.

Honk if you remember Bob & Ray.

Using “Green Teamers” as an insult is preposterous in 2025.

That Hilary Knight is a hockey player.

Jordon makes funbags-era Linda look like Garbo by comparison.

Derrick White is so good. Love that guy!

Nice hearing Andy Gresh on the national overnight radio.

Why would cough drops not be gluten free?

Happy National Doctor’s Day.

Did you ever try to calculate how many games Rico Carty missed in his career due to injuries?

I hope Bill Chisholm told his wife he was buying the Celtics.

Scoring goals in March is overrated.

Best bet for the weekend: Not St. John’s. Sorrey!

And a happy birthday to US Open winner Sloane Stephens.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, WikiFeet, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. And that’s powerful stuff.

Bianca wants you to have a happy first day of Spring. Probably.

03/05/2025 Cleaning Up the Sports Junk Drawer

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“Faith and Begorrah! I hope that wasn’t your logo-stompin knee, boyo.” (Artist’s Depiction.)

Has Joel Embiid considered Nugenix? Could help with the knee pain. Plus, she’ll like it too!

And Kyrie now as well? Why do bad things happen to good people?

I’ll be honest: I heard a hack man died and thought we finally lost Jerry Thornton.

Bob Kraft hand-picked a guy 5 years ahead of time to replace the GOAT and he may never coach again. Beautiful stuff.

Man, the world lost so many titans of the film industry in the last year.

Oh good! The NBAs leading fake intellectual (maybe number 2 behind his buddy in Dallas) teaming up with TVs leading fake scientist to make a fucking sneaker. Yippee.

Thank you for your service, Trent Frederic.

You’re telling me that Josh couldn’t figure out a way to use Deebo?

One of the more underrated shots in the league is the wing taking the running hook off of a eurostep when attacking a closeout. A lot of guys get the open lane to attack one-on-one and they have to do a step through to a contested 5-footer, but so many miss it a lot.

I had no idea that Mexico has a woman president. Did you know?

Cakes are cooking for Fred Williamson, Randy Matson, Murray Head, Kent Tekulve, Eddy Grant, Marsha Warfield, Penn Jilllette, Charlie Reid, Craig Reid, Michael Irvin, John Frusciante, Eva Mendes, Wally Szczerbiak, Karolina Wydra, Dan Carter, Jake Lloyd, Kyle Schwarber, Taylor Hill, Justin Fields, and Beatrice Chebet.

It’s great having Dale back around, but every time I see him, I tend to think of Sophia and hope she’s doing ok.

Hey gang of Ramadan reflectors! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Number 8 on the court, number 20 on your hijacker manifest…BASHEEEEEER JIHAAAAAD!”

Could Adrien Brody play the lead in the Brad Marchand biopic?

All the original New York Dolls are now dead.

Green Line C Branch Update: Shuttle buses replace service between Cleveland Circle and Coolidge Corner due to an overhead wire problem near Brandon Hall.

I’m just saying, Bill Nye has been suspiciously quiet on his whereabouts during Gene Hackman’s death.

Despite hailing from Albany, Abbey Buttacavoli can’t be a more Rhode Island name.

If you have more money, you can buy more things.

One time I got a bag of broccoli florets and it was all stumps. My wife complained and Birdseye sent us $20 in coupons.

‘Fucking Dart Adams?’ That’s historian, journalist, lecturer, and Boston Native Fucking Dart Adams to you

News Item: Bill Belichick and UNC in negotiations be featured on Offseason Hard Knocks after NFL Films could not find an NFL team to do it after the Joe Schoen debacle last year.

Fun Fact: I saw The Joe Schoen Debacle play The Rat back in ’93.

One year from today we will have World Baseball Classic 2026 games.

Lil Jerry falls back on what he knows in times of crisis: being horrifyingly unfunny.

Brazil nuts are rich in Selenium.

This Gene Hackman loss won’t feel real until I read Rear Admiral’s paint-by-numbers obit on Barstool.

When I wake up, well I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
When I go out, yeah, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who goes along with you
If I get drunk, well, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And If I haver, hey, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s havering to you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door.

[inarticulate Scottish noises]

Hard Knocks probably objected to the costs of needing dedicated production assistants to shoo Jordon out of every shot. And Lombardi, too.

Dybantsa? What is that? Dutch?

Listen it’s a terrible tweet. But, have faith in Dutch’s plan.

Just looked at Gasper’s Twitter bio. He describes himself as a “car geek.” lol What’s he driving, the car from ‘The Ambiguously Gay Duo?’

Honk if you remember Torvill and Dean.

Word going around: Padres superstar Fernando Tatis Jr. is considering hiring Bad Bunny’s Rimas group to personally manage him (for marketing and maybe more)

EDM has derailed many careers.

Is there any other spy series equal to “The Americans”?

Truly amazing the same people who reveled in the hit piece on Belichick and the complete undermining of him in his final year are now acting insulted and surprised Robyn Glazer has gotten the media machine turned on her. You were okay with it 14 months ago.

When do we get Lenny Clarke’s appearance in the new Celtics documentary?

The Kansas City Chiefs are trading 4x Super Bowl champion Joe Thuney to the Chicago Bears, sources say.

Is rain ever described as anything other than “much needed?”

Happy Ash Wednesday to all my mackerel snappers out there. You guys better take on Lent like a hero. None of this “I won’t have sprinkles on my ice cream” bs. Real penance, real suffering.

Best bet for the weekend: Revs score a goal in their match at Philadelphia.

And happy birthday to singer and songwriter Madison Beer.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Give it away, give it away, give it away now.

Blonde. Bouncy. Bianca.

02/26/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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“Teddy ‘Cancer Face’ O’Neil was once one of the most feared men in South Boston. Now, however, with his body worn down from a 35-year battle with melanoma and lupus, he discusses what it was like to be a member of the Winter Hill Gang.”

I say the Competition Committee should reach a compromise: ban the Tush Push but keep The Brotherly Shove.

Walking around Montreal during/after a blizzard is a great workout.

Do birds like cheese?

They might have support groups for those who listen to spring training baseball on the radio.

Garden crowds are the best.

Let’s be real. The Canadian flag would make for a terrible bikini.

St. John’s is the best hoops team in New York.

A belated R.I.P. to figure skating legend Dick Button. He is survived by his partner, Clit Zipper.

Cakes are cooking for Bill Duke, Mitch Ryder, Michael Bolton, Connie Carpenter-Phinney, Joe Mullen, Dave Palone, J.T. Snow, Meeno Peluce, Sasha Danilovic, Erykah Badu, Jenny Thompson, Marshall Faulk, Chad Urmston, Corinne Bailey Rae, Katherine Hull Kirk, and Li Na.

The first a capella “Sweet Caroline” of the year always gets me.

Dan Lifshatz and Kendra Middleton have the chemistry of a Hollywood producer and the young actress he violates on the casting couch.

Hey gang of haters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m gonna go ahead and take the under.”

Patrick Schwarzenegger is on ‘The White Lotus?’ Any relation?

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while Signal personnel perform maintenance between Maverick and Airport. Trains may stand by at stations.

Bill Simmons invented the documentary.

Imagine being mad the NY Yankees did away with their stupid appearance policy.

In the future, everyone will be Ted Sarandis for fifteen minutes.

Matthew Stafford’s exploration of his market value the last few weeks has indeed attracted significant interest from teams, notably the Raiders and the Giants, per sources. Teams are anticipating the Rams will now be driving up the asking price if they decide to move him.

Statistically, Nelson Cruz and Giancarlo Stanton are pretty much the same player.

The Oscars have to be the Super Bowl for Twitter.

Who’s has more fatalities since 1975: SNL cast members or Pittsburgh Steelers linemen?

Shout out Portugal!

The Yankees will no longer play Frank Sinatra’s “Theme from New York, New York” after losses, the club confirmed. Instead, there will be a rotating selection of songs — Sinatra’s “That’s Life” was played today.

Wearin’ her perfume, Chanel no. 5
Got to be the finest girl alive.
She walks real cool, catches everybody’s eye.
She’s got such good lovin’ that they can’t say goodbye.
Not too skinny, she’s not too fat.
She’s a real humdinger and i like it like that.
She’s the devil with the blue dress, blue dress, blue dress,
Devil with the blue dress on.
Devil with the blue dress, blue dress, blue dress,
Devil with the blue dress on.

Sixers have like four guys going with the Frederick Douglass cut.

Honk if you remember Margo Adams.

Johnny Cash is overrated.

Does Pete Blackburn have the Little Sads?

I was kinda hoping Diana Taurasi would delay her retirement announcement long enough to deprive another player deserving of a spot in the next Olympics.

The 4 Nations Face-off? A cute, fun tournament, but doesn’t compare to the Miracle on Ice.

Dan Hurley knows he can shut the fuck up every now and then, right?

Also, Jay Glazer has devolved into a Dick Tracy villain or the henchman of some megalomaniac.

Emily Kaplan, is she Amish?

Everyone look at Gronk. He needs attention.

I can handle a couple seasons of a rebuild, Bruins. Do what you gotta do.

Best bet for the weekend: more load management for Cooper Flagg.

Headband game!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Because you’re mine. I walk the line.

And a happy birthday to Aussie actress & model Teresa Palmer.

02/12/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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You stick your lip out like that a bird might land on it. An Eagle, perhaps.

I’m told losing in the Super Bowl does irreparable damage to one’s legacy.

The arc of the moral universe is long, but bends toward justice for that awful Bundlerooski ad.

Congratulations to Boston University for a convincing Beanpot win.

Philly fans booed Santa Claus, Taylor. You’re in good company.

Holy shit. Don’t let the miserable cvnts suck the joy outta what you just watched. That was amazing.

How did Andy Reid find a shirt that is too big for him?

Who the hell directed that Tubi ad, David Cronenberg? My friend PlutoTV would never.

Love how fundamentally sound Knueppal and Flagg are.

I went to an Al Skinner camp when I was like 10 and he said I played like Henry Bibby.

Meg Ryan, you still got it, kid.

You know who would’ve loved watching that Super Bowl? Len Bias. Miss him everyday.

Cakes are cooking for Judy Blume, Maud Adams, Michael Ironside, Gil Moore, Michael McDonald, Joanna Kerns, Chet Lemon, Arsenio Hall, Brent Jones, Ed Lover, Michel Petit, Chynna Phillips, Josh Brolin, Darren Aronofsky, Lincoln Kennedy, Tara Strong, Cliff Bleszinski, Anna Benson, Christina Ricci, Gucci Mane, Juan Carlos Ferrero, Robert Griffin III,

Coop DeJean has great hands. Smart player. Like a coach out there. Just knows where to be. Underrated athlete.

My bank’s fraud protection department flagged my subscription renewal to MassLive, which doesn’t help my contention it is a real thing that actually exists.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Whoa, I think that’s “Big Dom!”

Is Mike Powell’s long jump world record effectively unbreakable now? Not that it couldn’t be broken, but the event no longer seems to be attracting the best athletes.

Hey gang who only skimmed the onboarding packet, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “She’s eating vanilla cake like it’s her job.”

A Karen Read interview after the Super Bowl? Looks like Mahomes won’t be the only one shitting himself on Fox.

JD Davison is Michael Jordan of the G League.

Orange Line Reminder: Beginning at 8:30 PM Friday, February 14, through the end of service Monday, February 17 (Presidents’ Day). Shuttle Buses replace service between North Station and Oak Grove due to MassDOT bridge work.

Bruins should be sellers. But will probably be stand-patters.

Do Super Bowl touchdowns count for your stats if your opponent’s coach has already been doused in Gatorade?

Andy Reid looks like a laundry bag full of walnuts.

Red Sox Mgr. Alex Cora positive about this Red Sox team, “It’s a good team. A solid team. We should be OK!”

Dan Lifshatz is about two things: lying about his gambling exploits, being a fat piece of shit, and respecting women. Wait, that’s three things.

No three-peat also means Pat Riley loses out on a windfall.

I hope Philly fan appreciates winning a Super Bowl without first having the NFL change the scoring rules mid-game.

Biscuit joinery!

Does Mr. Dondero only tweet during free period? Or does he also do it while he’s patrolling the cafeteria?

Something’s at the edge of your mind
You don’t know what it is.
Something you were hoping to find
But you’re not sure what it is.
Then you hear the music
And it all comes crystal clear.
The music does the talking
Says the things you want to hear.

I’m young, I’m wild and I’m free.
Got the magic power of the music in me.
I’m young, I’m wild and I’m free.
Got the magic power of the music in me.

My lace curtain Irish grandmother always said I’d make a good potato farmer.

“Shaboozey” needs to be stopped.

Gold Glove winners in baseball can be divided into three categories: “really outstanding fielder”, “won it on reputation”, and “somebody has to get it.” I notice that the AL hasn’t really had a legit Gold Glove first baseman win the award since Teixeira in 2012.

I think at least two of the women in that Nike commercial are Josina Anderson.

Gonna be two Super Bowl blowout losses for Mahomes and Reid. Never happened to Brady and Belichick, Tone.

Honk if you remember an arbitrator declaring Carlton Fisk to be a free agent.

Rachid Meziane, you’ve got your work cut out for you.

Yeah, I don’t think Roc Nation is interested in putting on a country music Super Bowl halftime show. Sorrey!

Glen Powell is a smoke.

The New England Revolution concluded their training camp with a friendly match against USL Championship side Tampa Bay Rowdies, taking a 1-0 victory at IMG Academy in Bradenton, FL.

Jalen Hurts sure loves to be photographed being left alone.

A 38-point 10 rebound night from freshman Liam McNeeley? Just think how good he’s gonna be his senior year!

There’s definitely some buzz about the 2025 Red Sox. No, that’s just tinnitus.

Upton Bell is too modest to mention it, but Bert Bell founded the Philadelphia Eagles NFL Franchise. Bert Bell was Upton’s father.

Best bet for the weekend: no vaccine or treatment available for 4 Nations Face Off fever.

What could have been.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We do the walk. We do the walk of life.

And happy birthday to actress Sarah Lancaster.

II/V/MMXXV Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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The Super Bowl media workroom is located in Row D of the Superdome parking garage. Heh heh.

I bet State Farm told Dallas they had to trade Doncic to the Lakers.

Points man Pasta is still a Good Kid.

Dale would drive 2 hours for a meatball, MegO goes for pizza from Star Market near the TDGarden – weirdos.

This Jaden Springer trade could haunt the Celtics. I can’t help but be reminded of when Harry Frazee traded da Babe!

I can’t beieve the Grammys forgot that dead guitar player from Whitesnake and Tygers of Pan Tang. So disrespectful. Also, Justin Tucker is no longer welcome at the Tigers of Pan Tang Spa.

Celtics recent failures are not the fault of the head coach according to Kristaps Porzingis “ Mazzulla” s doing everything he can to help us.”

Lebron has fucked so many teammates you’d think he plays in the WNBA.

Hey Lays, when can we finally get your ketchup chips here in Massachusetts? Going to Canada for them gets expensive.

A honk-less Truck Day. Sad.

As Valentine’s Day is coming, be aware that fragrances are heavily faked. If you want to be safe, buy direct, from retailers (Macy’s, Sephora, Ulta) or well-known discounters (Jomashop, FragranceX, FragranceNet, FragranceBuy).

WEEI should have just sent its unwanted on-air employees to Radio Row in New Orleans, and just never brought them back.

Imagine shaking your spouse awake (when you have sick kids!) to tell her your favorite basketball player got traded.

Cakes are cooking for Don Cherry, Larry Tamblyn, Nolan Bushnell, Charlotte Rampling, Darrell Waltrip, Barbara Hershey, Errol Morris, Nick Laird-Clowes, Jane Geddes, Tim Meadows, Duff McKagen, Jim Pugh, Laura Linney, José María Olazábal, Chris Parnell, Roberto Alomar, Bobby Brown, Sara Evans, Brian Moorman, Adam Everett, Cristiano Ronaldo, Laurence Maroney, Reed Sorenson, and Neymar.

A BU vs. BC Beanpot Tital Game? That hardly ever happens!

It’s crazy to think that if Luka were any fatter he’d be working at Atamian Honda.

The Milwaukee Bucks are trading Khris Middleton, AJ Johnson and a pick swap to the Washington Wizards for Kyle Kuzma, Patrick Baldwin Jr. and second-round draft compensation, sources tell The15.

I hear Mrs. Ted will be watching the Big Game at the MEMA Bunker. For reasons.

Red Line Reminder: Feb 8 – 9 (this weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between JFK/UMass and Braintree for signal upgrades. Commuter Rail will be fare-free between South Station & Braintree.

Beyoncé has won 33 Grammys. And I know one song by her.

Hey gang of fed-up football fans, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “look at all those meat-faced cretins.”

Justin Tucker will be fine, Ray Lewis killed a guy and they gave him a statue.

A self-serving unverifiable statement from Kyrie Irving you say?

If we’re very good, maybe all the hugely hyped Super Bowl ads will be seen online before the game!

Forbes Magazine listed America’s Most Generous Philanthropists for 2025, and no surprise here, # 1 on the list: Doug Meehan.

A Salvation Army band played
And the children drank lemonade
And the morning lasted all day
All day

And through an open window came
Like Sinatra in a younger day
Pushing the town away
Ah

Ah-hey-ma-ma-ma
Dee-doo-din-nie-ya-ya
Ah-hey-ma-ma-ma
Hey-y-yah
Life in a northern town
Ah-hey-ma-ma-ma-ma

Nobody ever disappears in the Bermuda Triangle anymore.

Muffins are funnier than cupcakes.

No one “wins” the off season. The off season is just guesswork. Sportswriters claimed the Angels won the off season 10 times in a row, with Rendon, Shohei, Pujols, Torii Hunter, Josh Hamilton, Andrelton Simmons, etc. They never won anything; they just spent money.

Not for nothing Big Baby, but healthcare fraud is a very white crime.

Why is there an Eagles fan in the Big Y commercial talking about it’s too bad all our teams aren’t still playing?

Honk if you remember which TV show debuted after Super Bowl XVII.

Vice’s “Belichick or Brady” show? Dumb premise, but hagiographic for both of them, with nary a mention of Kraft. A welcome departure from last year’s Apple TV+ documentary.

Mike Zunino, who was really a pretty good player, last played in 2023, and left with a career batting average of .199. He is the first player ever to retire with 100+ career home runs and a batting average under .200. Joey Gallo will become the second.

Do you think Kyle Kuzma hates being called “Cooze” like Dr. Cusamano did?

Teams that have won the turnover battle in the Super Bowl have a 39-7 record.

What organization accredited Rich to go to the Soupey and pretend to still be media? ‘Sports?’ ‘Plain Black Mic Flag?’

Imagine being on yet another unearned vacation and obsessing over lost Twitter followers.

You think Upton Bell has never been in a Cadillac?

Standing Headline: Red Sox Free Agent Target Signs Elsewhere.

Best bet for the weekend: underwhelming advertisements during The Big Game.

Easily worth double that amount today.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I don’t need permission, make my own decisions. That’s, that’s my prerogative.

And happy Birthday to actress Nora Zehetner.

01/29/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Looks good to me! I smell a Three-peat!

Was the Bills AFCCG loss karma for playing to lose in Week 18? I’m just asking the question!

You can either score only two goals, or give up two hat tricks, but not both, Bruins.

It’s so refreshing that coaches are leaving established positions to join Vrabel. Meanwhile Mayo was dumpster diving for coordinators.

I actually think Ted Johnson will help WEEI finally beat Felger and Mazz. He just needs to marry them first.

Chasing points in the first half is like teaching suicide pilots how to land.

Liam Coen has British comedy troupe physiognomy. ‘Whose O-Line is It Anyway?’

The only rating Fitzy will draw is with a magic marker and an easel when he transitions to prop comedy.

And one more: The Afternoon Show has three hosts and they’re still short staffed!

Cakes are cooking for Claudine Longet, Donna Caponi, Tom Selleck, Marc Singer, Ann Jillian, Max Carl, Louie F. Pérez, Jr., Oprah Winfrey, Irlene Mandrell, Judy Norton-Taylor, Greg Louganis, Steve Sax, Andre Reed, Dominik Hasek, Sean Burke, Edward Burns, Heather Graham, Jason Schmidt, Sara Gilbert, Jason James Richter, Adam Lambert, and Marc Gasol.

Has anyone tried unplugging the Bruins and plugging them back in…

Credit to ‘Tommy Freezepops’ for actually internalizing the ‘eat a salad once in a while’ insult. Some fellas at 98.5 FM should take notes.

Flagg has so many zits.

Hey, he’s John Havlicek’s grandson. That’s why. Johnny Havlicek, HS Jr. LHP in Jupiter, Fla., P in an exhibition in Tampa this weekend, fanned 4 of 1st 5 H he faced and is a kid to watch for college or draft next spring.

NFL Pro Bowl QB Drake Maye.

Green Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem at Park Street. Trains may stand by at stations.

The Super Bowl Is Gonna Be So Non-Bussin, only Louisa Day Hicks would approve.

Happy Lunar New Year, to those who celebrate.

Hey gang of sofa scouts and couch coordinators! This week’s Phrase that pays is, “no IDEA why Josh did not throw the orbit to Shakir.”

Mi papá odia tanto a Doris Burke que ve el partido de los Warriors en español.

I have zero confirmation of Doug Marrone to the Patriots. Due to my Syracuse ties I do have solid knowledge of him, but I’ll wait to confirm. No known ties to Mike Vrabel or Josh McDaniels

In the silver linings department, saving the Ninth Ward from an invasion of the two least housebroken fan bases is probably a good thing.

Jimmy Stewart has the body type you tell your kids not to stare at.

Sorry to lose you, Alyssa Thomas. Hopefully Phoenix knows the proper billing order is ‘WNBA Practice’, then ‘Toddler’s Birthday Party’.

You see it all around you.
Good lovin’ gone bad.
And usually it’s too late when you,
Realize what you had.

And my mind goes back to a girl I met,
Some years ago who told me:

Just hold on loosely, but don’t let go.
If you cling too tightly, you’re gonna lose control.
Your baby needs someone to believe in.
And a whole lot of space to breathe in.

Again, there’s nothing more rewarding in life than rooting for a second-generation professional athlete.

Why no Sun Chips, Market Basket?

North Carolina is converting Kenan Stadium back to natural grass under Bill Belichick, the school announced.

Honk if you remember the Celtics playing the Pistons before a then-record NBA crowd of 61,983 at the Pontiac Silverdome.

I know the time difference prevents the Australian Open from being a bigger story in the United States, but Madison Keys winning the 2025 women’s title deserves some love.

A week off was probably what Derrick White needed.

imagine telling someone in 1998 that Snoop Dog and Peyton Manning would have the same career arc.

‘Riley Larkin’ is an autogenerated 21st century white QB name.

First time I haven’t tied up my sky pencil holly to support snow load. Now, we haven’t had a ton nor the heavy wet stuff but they are managing. One downside of tying them i find they may get diseased easier from experience. Not positive though.

Did you feel the earthquake? Let us know in the comments.

Minor Cardinals transaction yesterday: they released RHP Victor Santos, who was half of the return for Tyler O’Neill. The other piece, Nick Robertson, did not make it through the season in the org last summer.

You can throw out the standings when UMass meets URI in a classic A-10 matchup. But the team with the better record is probably favored to win.

I grew into a lug nut allergy. Tragic.

I’m sure Jimmy Butler won’t be a piece of shit on his next team.

Best bet for the weekend: Boston Fleet return to their winning ways vs the NY Sirens. Epic! Homeric!

Bianca. For no reason other than she loves America and we love you.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Will the wolf survive?

And Happy Birthday to eight-time World Champion Surfer Australian Stephanie Gilmore. Eight!

01/22/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Must. Credit. Minihane.

Congratulations to the Ohio State Football team for being the first six seed to ever win the National Championship Tournament.

Kirk riling up the useless Patriots beat writers into frantic activity is hilarious.

If Ted Johnson thought he had CTE before, just wait!

It’s Washington D.C. vs. Philadelphia in a battle of cities in which I don’t want to stop at red lights. And for NFC supremacy!

It’s funny because there was a television show also called Drake and Josh. No, wait, That’s actually not funny.

You’ve got the football acumen of Andy Hart, Ted Johnson’s sense of humor, and Fitzy’s encyclopedic knowledge of Beantown! What can go wrong?

Lifshatz had the Ainge deal days ago, bro.

Worst Irish ass kicking since the Easter Rising back in 1916.

Cakes are cooking for George Siefert, Steve Perry, Teddy Gentry, Karen Moe, John Wesley Shipp, Steve Riley, Linda Blair, Jeff Treadway, Stojko Vrankovic, DJ Jazzy Jeff, Diane Lane, Steven Adler, Ecaterina Szabo, Guy Fieri, Olivia d’Abo, Alex Ross, Bucky Brooks, Balthazar Getty, Chone Figgins, Ben Moody, Willa Ford, Jason Peters, Ben Eager, Leon Powe, Greg Oden, and Caitlin Clark.

The Bruins gutted out and won that MLK Day matinee to honor Willie O’Ree.

Ryan Day looks like Arby’s in human form.

If Jeff Howe gets one more fake malady he’ll turn into a white broad, forced to scroll WebMD for all eternity.

Herbstreit crying in the booth is embarrassing.

Hey gang of WX’ers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, ‘Cold enough for ya? Hey; at least it’s not snowing!”

Al Qaeda is funnier and has less turnover than EEI afternoons.

What can I say about Tom McVie that those that knew who he was, and what he did haven’t already said? RIP.

Kirk Gibson cleared it and landed at the far end of the lumber yard across the street.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Can you OD on antidepressants?

The Celtics struggling against bad teams but then beating a good (if depleted) Golden State squad doesn’t concern me because there probably won’t be many bad teams making the playoffs.

‘Puka Nacua is the closest thing to Jesus Christ I will ever see in my lifetime.’ -Middsy Middleton

E-L-G-S-E-S!!

Why am I being told I cannot attend Medical School in Canada?

Time is quickly running out for teams with vacancies to pounce on proven commodity Jerod Mayo.

The only thing Mark Daniels has ever broken is poor Bill Bendetson’s heart.

“I don’t love all the Josh McDaniels screens” should be met with a Lacey Underall, “I was really getting tired of having fun all the time.”

Skeleton Crew wasn’t Andor or early Mandolorian (and it wasn’t trying to be), but it was easily some of the best Star Wars content we’ve gotten in a very long time.

I want to start a GoFundMe for Mike Lombardi to get a proper haircut.

Bring Romeo Crennel out of retirement for DC! If he’s still alive.

‘Executive Vice President of Football Business’ always sounded like Jonathan made the title up on the spot.

Albert Breer has more arrests than he has broken stories.

Live, baby live
Now that the day is over
I got a new sensation
Mmm, perfect moments
But so impossible to refuse

Sleep, baby, sleep
Now that the night is over
And the sun comes like a god
Into our room
All perfect light and promises

Got a hold on you
A new sensation (a new sensation)
Right now
It’s gonna take you over
A new sensation (a new sensation)

Puns used to be the lowest from of humor, until the advent of the ‘same name!’ gag.

MegO went from Jonesy castoff to Celtics insider. She knows things.

‘Brady vs. Belichick: The Verdict.’ That sounds like a sensible use of my finite time on Earth.

Select 2025 Red Sox single game tickets are on sale this week!

Ryan Day looks like what you’d get if Lou Merloni and Dakota from Braintree had a kid.

Congratulations to John Karalis for announcing that he is transitioning in this current environment. Stunning and brave.

Ben Johnson has dull, lifeless eyes, like a doll’s eyes.

BBWAA ballot reveals and my eyes roll back so far they landed 565 feet away.

Honk if you remember R. Budd Dwyer.

Baseball without Bob Uecker is kind of like a birthday cake with no frosting.

Vrable is the new Bellycheck.

Jeff Darlington misusing a program intended for low-income families pays $2.10.

All of Kendra Middleton’s rebuttals to people disagreeing with her are just calling them unfuckable pussies. Way to raise the bar for women, Steinem.

Best bet for the weekend: the former NFL official on the broadcast team agrees with the on-field call.

‘So long Robyn. We’ll always have the memories. And this new mural.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Rag Mama rag, I can’t believe its true. Rag Mama rag, what did you do? I crawled up to the railroad track. Let the 4: 19 scratch my back.

And Happy Birthday to Brazilian supermodel Raica Oliveria.

01/08/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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So long, Coach Mayo. Congratulations on a job, done.

The Patriots are interviewing Mamadou Ndjaiye for the head coaching position tonight from 8:00-8:05.

Bruins need a shakeup.

Dianna Russini is getting scoops left and right while Jeff Howe is having fake mini strokes and manifesting moles.

What weird thing will Jerry Thornton tweet out today?

Man, the Bills have become the smart franchise, and we have become the Bills. We’re teetering on becoming the Jets.

I know all he’d talk about is fashion and Broadway musicals but would Gasper satisfy the Rooney Rule?

So this Joy Whatever apparently fucked her way to the top of the Women in Sports ladder, and I had never heard her name before yesterday? And she had a real “in sports” gig and completely set the movement back 50 years by sleeping her way in. Brava, Joy.

Remember that thing Phil Perry did? No? Exactly.

Only the best and brightest people analyze professional wrestling.

Cakes are cooking for Shirley Bassey, Bob Eubanks, Boris Vallejo, Little Anthony, John Podesta, John McTiernan, Harriet Sansom Harris, Mike Reno, Rey Misterio Sr., Chris Marion, Hiromi Kobayashi, Michelle Forbes, Willie Anderson, Ami Dolenz, Brian Johnson, Paul Carey, Jeff Abercrombie, Billy Joe Hobert, Jason Giambi*, Brandie Burton, Vitali Yachmenev, Rachel Nichols, Jeff Francis, Gaby Hoffman, Kim Jong-Un*, Jeff Francoeur, and Cynthia Erivo.

Covid did away with the ‘bag your own candy’ section of the supermarket.

Watched Wicked last night and it was a blast. The 2:40 running time flew by. Couldn’t believe Ariana Grande was that friggin’ hilarious. The songs were killer. And the themes were universal like they were in TWoO. Definitely have a re-watch in the future.

‘New England had the worst roster in the league!’ is a thing people are just saying now, like, ‘Miami has a population of 17 million people.’

Green Line E Branch: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a disabled train at Ball Square. Trains may stand by at stations.

Tactical spork!

Skip Bayless running the ol’ Ernie Boch Jr, “Boy oh boy do I love having hot, penis into vagina sex! With women!” play.

Hey gang of functional illiterates, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Why they ain’t been did it?”

Michael Vick was the greatest running QB ever. He also might have as the strongest arm in the league. I saw he Tear two defensive players ACLs on one play.

If you really wanna get your blood boiling on a Saturday, go to COSTCO first thing in the morning.

Joy having a bunch of thirst trap picture is great too, because every time the “in sports” people get called on that they pretend one thing isn’t related to the other.

I fondly remember going to see dozens of highly-touted Red Sox draft picks flounder at McCoy.

The best bang for anyone’s buck at the grocery store is a box of microwave popcorn. Tell me I’m wrong.

My blood pressure has dropped 50 points since I decided to (metaphorically) embrace Upton instead of hating him.

“Joy, because of you, my son wants to be a woman. In sports.” – Magic Johnson

Provolone makes up 2.5% of the cheese produced in the U.S. with 370 million pounds of provolone made in 2023.

When the best player in the world is just across the bridge, you get your ass to the barn.

Dude, it’s VrabEL.

Jerod Mayo. When you need a win he loses and when we need a loss he wins. It’s like he’s working undercover for another NFL organization!

Bootlegging boozer on the west side
Full of people who are doing wrong
Just about to call up the DA man
When I heard this woman singin’ a song

A pair of 45s made me open my eyes
My temperature started to rise

She was a long cool woman in a black dress
‘Bout a 5’9″, beautiful, tall
With just one look I was a bad mess
‘Cause that long cool woman had it all.

I applied self-tanner yesterday and it’s very mild but oh man am i so back baby i wasn’t depressed i just was pale.

Mean ol’ Bill better not leaved all those HS seniors and collegiate student-athletes in the lurch!

Loved Nosferatu. Didn’t love spending $6 on a bottle of water.

There are people who actually purchased Bailey Zappe Patriots jerseys…you know who you are.

I had a grilled cheese and a PB&J smoothie for dinner. Truly living the best life.

Honk if you remember Larry Storch.

If you’re going to be one of these smarmy in sports cvnts you cannot look like a Star Wars background character.

“Peanut butter skin” is a phrase I’ve never heard before.

The Patiots placement near the top of the 2025 Draft order opens many interesting scenarios given the high probability of them trading back to fill multiple needs & and also staying open to a variety of trade proposals—including for name players that other teams need to be move for cap reasons.

Pro Tip: Don’t wear that tan suit from your wedding in your business profile pic.

Where does that Rear Admiral get all that energy?

Bob Veale was kind of the National League’s Sudden Sam McDowell. Both were BIG, left-handed fireballers who were wild enough to make you nervous, same era, and Pittsburgh/Cleveland. Veale was probably a hair better than Sam, but a lot the same.

Bob’s a liar, Jerod knew.

That’s two trash days in a row it was too windy to put the recycling bin on the curb.

Does Vrioni even speak French?

I’m glad they gave that nice Katie Nolan another chance to grab the brass ring.

Best bet for the weekend: Mahomes doubtful for the bye week with a nagging injury.

Is Coco Higgins available to be interviewed for any and all NFL head coaching vacancies?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Don’t step on my blue suede shoes.

And happy birthday to child actress & now musician Jenny Lewis.
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