Tag Archives: NBA

08/06/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Te saludamos, amigo.

Wild Card Fever Grips Hub!

Patriots coach Mike Vrabel on his young very aggressive young players who play very very hard. “ Hey we need you’d for 17.”

I feel like we didn’t need to know the escaped lizard’s name.

Shoutout to the Braintree American team. Braintree has always had nasty baseball at the youth level. Great to see them on the doorstep of Williamsport.

Georges Niang; we hardly knew ye.

I like the concept of wearing a tee shirt from a different beach to the beach.

Beantown is Sweep-town!

There’s nothing more white trash than being the “I know crime!” guy.

Cakes are cooking for Peter Bonerz, Dorian Harewood, Catherine Hicks, Vinnie Vincent, Pat MacDonald, Stepfanie Kramer, Randy DeBarge, Dale Ellis, Michelle Yeoh, Kimberley Conrad, David Robinson, Mike Greenberg, Mike Budenholzer, M. Night Shyamalan, Geri Horner, Vera Ann Farmiga, Soleil Moon Frye, and Leslie Odom Jr.

Tossing dildos on the WNBA court turned into yelling “get in the hole!” in record time.

Hey gang of rollicking reprobates, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Yeah let me get one milquetoast please.”

Garrett Crochet looks like he cooks meth for the Aryan Brotherhood.

Frances Upton was a Ziegfeld Follies Star who signed a 2-picture deal in Hollywood. She came back to the Stage and continued her career.

I thought the didgeridoo was a soulless killing animal.

Abraham Toro has great teeth.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Imagine Mike Felger being one of your heroes?

Disgusted in the crowd during Becky-Lyra. Spending hundreds of dollars to do the wave in the middle of the match is shit. It was distracting and took away from the match. Unfortunate.

If you can’t afford a roof, just say you can’t afford a roof.

I was going to see The Fantastic Four until I saw how little money it made in its second week.

All the best jobs have Tuesdays off.

Put the stupid fires out Canada or we will start sending tariffs AND acid rain your way again!

Cesar is survived by his dominoes set and cobalt blue Honda Civic.

I study nuclear science
I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
Things are going great, and they’re only getting better
I’m doing all right, getting good grades
The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades

I’ve got a job waiting for my graduation
Fifty thou a year — buys a lot of beer
Things are going great, and they’re only getting better
I’m doing all right, getting good grades
The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.

News Item: All-Women Broadcast Scores Record Low Ratings, Increase in Presence of Wild Bears.

Thanks to Cesar Osiris for using an alias!

A bidding war for the Connecticut Sun? The WNBA Connecticut Sun?

You can tell how much you owned someone by how much they talk about you after you died.

I don’t know Ma, maybe the phone handsets don’t work because you never put them back on the charger?

Joe Murray just said he puts ketchup on French toast bagel sandwiches? Ew.

Osiris was the god of fertility, agriculture, the afterlife, the dead, resurrection, life, and vegetation in ancient Egyptian religion. And of bad beats, probably.

Honk if you remember Carl Lewis winning four gold medals.

Maybe the Revs should re-sign Gil’s brother while they’re at it?

Applebees owns riblets. The Bell family allegedly owns ‘any given Sunday.’ Advantage: Applebees.

For those updating Patriots rosters at home, please note that CB Tre Avery will wear No. 26, RB JaMycal Hasty has been assigned No. 39, and DT Bryce Ganious gets No. 72.

Hand up, I thought the Sox were gonna lose eight in a row and get right back out of this thing.

Was the Giants-Giants get together in Totowa?

Joon Lee should knock it off, he’s working Chad’s side of Yawkey Way!

Proportional response? Nah.

Best bet for the weekend: pleasant memories shared of our fallen pal, gone but not forgotten.

This statue only looks a little like Tom Brady!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the14 were used in this column. Hug your collaborative a little tightah.

and happy birthday to model/actress Adrianne Curry, winner of the first cycle of America’s Next Top Model.

07/30/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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This Dybantsa kid got some ups.

Critical day coming ! Major League Trade Deadline Thursday at 6 pm !!!

The Tanya Ray Fox getting laid off news is great because her entire personality is “I have the job you wish you had.”

Al these celebrity deaths…damn you 2020!

Revs trying to get Matt Turner back? Ivacic is whatever but he’s like the 7th or 8th problem on the team.

Ryne Sandberg. RIP. Only guy to spell Ryan worse than Rusillo.

I hope Brian Scalabrine remembers to mention discovering Cooper Flagg on every NBC Sports & Peacock basketball broadcast.

So the shooter guy, he’s mad about the brain damage, he comes to the city to shoot Goodell, but then he takes an elevator to the wrong floor because of the brain damage. It’s like O Henry wrote a Seinfeld script.

I assume a wig falls of in a WNBA game 3-4 times per game.

Cakes are cooking for Sid Krofft, Bud Selig, Buddy Guy, Paul Anka, Jimmy Cliff, Jeffrey Hammond-Hammond, Arnold Schwarzenegger, William Atherton, Jean Reno, Frank Stallone, Ken Olin, Delta Burke, Bill Cartwright, Clint Hurdle, Kate Bush, Laurence Fishburne, Jay Feaster, Chris Mullin, Lisa Kudrow, Monique Gabrielle, Jürgen Klinsmann, Vivica A. Fox, Terry Crews, Christopher Nolan, Christine Taylor, Tom Green, Hilary Swank, Justin Rose, Hope Solo, Yvonne Strahovski, Kevin Pittsnogle, and Joey King.

Orange Line Reminder: This weekend, August 2 – 3. No Train service between Wellington & Back Bay due to signal work. Use Buses between Wellington & North Station. Use Green Line between North Station & Copley

Little League announcers tend not to harp on errors.

People don’t die in threes—they just get counted off in threes by people who say, “It always happens in threes”.

Lenny DiNardo is the best dressed man in sports analysis.

Bert Bell warned people about CTE back in nineteen dickety-two.

Hey gang, this Week’s Phrase that Pays is, “So she’s a full-on prostitute now, right?”

My poor lawn is the color of a Triscuit.

One of the biggest gambles in life is going to a different barber when yours is on vacation.

My day has been made. Just heard “Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?” on Sirius XM.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Nothing makes you feel young quite like pregaming in a hotel.

Maybe Tanya Ray thought ‘Mass Layoffs’ meant getting laid off while she was back in Massachusetts?

Honk if you remember Welch’s grape soda.

Driving and listening to the Sox game, and the CSB grad and Flemming refusing to call it Minneapolis or Minnesota but “Minny” almost had me veering into a bridge abutment.

So if Sunday you’re free,
Why don’t you come with me,
And we’ll poison the pigeons in the park.
And maybe we’ll do
In a squirrel or two,
While we’re poisoning pigeons in the park.

We’ll murder them all amid laughter and merriment.
Except for the few we take home to experiment.
My pulse will be quickenin’
With each drop of strychnine
We feed to a pigeon.
It just takes a smidgin!
To poison a pigeon in the park.

Kenny Anderson didn’t win a championship in the NBA but he is a champion in life.

Charlie McAvoy’s baby boy Rhys is a hoss.

If there was a season to try the Simmons experiment, it’s this upcoming one.

A little paprika will liven up any white food.

Is it safe to ask the question that if Christian Gonzalez can’t figure out this string of being injury prone…is he a bust?

Congratulations to the Baseball Hall of Fame class of 2025.

Jon Meterparel also calls the indoor football for the Mass Pirates in the IFL and he couldn’t be more disinterested and mentally broken discussing these useless games. No disrespect to the Pirates.

For the first time since 1972, Burrillville wins the state title. State champs will play New York State champ next Saturday at 7 in Bristol.

The Hulkster will probably need a custom casket to fit those 24-inch pythons. RIP.

Best bet for the weekend: above-board, gentlemanly baseball between Houston and Boston at Fenway.

And happy birthday to model & actress Jaime Pressly, which is apparently spelled that way.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Feels so good.

Miami Beach BdlG.

07/16/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Schwarbsy. Good player. Missed locally.

It’s bittersweet that Dick Flavin isn’t around to commemorate this 10-game Red Sox winning streak with a terrible poem.

Alcaraz might be a greater non-sweater than Federer, which is really saying something.

Ken Lofton Jr is the definition of a bull in a china shop.

One thing that I will always hate about the MLB Draft is that teams don’t just draft the best players on their board.

I saw Felger on the Nantucket Ferry. He looked scared.

As someone who needs to be reminded the times were living in…a guy who has the last name ..Sinner ..won.wimbledon ..what’s next a man whos last name is judas wins the masters ?

Jerry Thornton has more dead relatives than Daenerys Targaryen.

David Ortiz fans chant, “Who’s your Papi?” Do fans chant, “Who’s your Dumper?” For Cal Raleigh?

It must be exhausting pretending to be an expert on everything. And also being 400 lbs.

Fan mail sent directly to my house will not be opened. It will be thrown out.

Cakes are cooking for Margaret Smith Court, Jimmy Johnson, Cyndy Garvey, Stewart Copeland, Michael Flatley, Gary Anderson, Terry Pendleton, Miguel Indurain, Charles Smith, Claude Lemieux, Chip Lohmiller, Jyrki Lumme, Will Ferrell, Barry Sanders, Daryl Mitchell, Rain Prior, William Van Landingham, Chris Thomas, Corey Feldman, Aaron Glenn, and Adam Scott.

For the record, Claudia Bellofatto is the only Big Dumper I recognize.

“Where does this walk-off rank in THE PANTHEON? Let’s go to the phones,” I say to my concerned wife and terrified children. Their reaction? I’ll let you know, after the break.

I’ve attended somewhere around 100 events at TD Garden between games and shows. Last night definitely cracks my top 5. The Caitlin Clark experience is legit and she is box office.

The terrible irony is that if Bob Kraft had spent the past decade and a half trying to get Stanley Morgan into the Hall of Fame they both would be enshrined in Canton by now.

Showing up in person as a fan to watch the MLB draft should land you on some kind of federal watchlist.

Jelly Roll looks like he does heroin in a Canobie Lake bathroom.

Red Sox kept the better Raffy.

Drew Bledsoe doesn’t get nearly the credit he deserves for his toughness. The man was a warrior.

Blue Line Update: No trains currently stuck under Boston Harbor.

Sox stockpiling arms in the Draft.

Jannik Sinner is Italian?

Cool to see Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner sitting front row at Fenway. Always a special atmosphere when big names show up at the park.

The bunnies and the squirrels have an uneasy truce in place.

Hey gang of squids who barely got through Navy basic, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Just buy some calamine lotion, you cheap fuck.”

@MarkDondero don’t sell yourself short mark

Hit up Strega after my North End stroll yesterday. This prosciutto-stuffed veal chop was phenomenal as was the octopus appetizer.

I would like to apologize if I sounded like I wished harm upon either Hardy Boy..

Honk if you remember Rick Dee’s, “Into the Night”.

Memo to WNBA announcer: Don’t call a layup (or lay-in) a “lay.” Nobody is having sex out there.

Respectfully: Keira Knightley looks like a billion dollars.

With one breath, with one flow,
You will know synchronicity.
A sleep trance, a dream dance,
A shared romance, synchronicity.

[Chorus]
A connecting principle,
Linked to the invisible,
Almost imperceptible,
Something inexpressible.
Science insusceptible,
Logic so inflexible,
Causally connectable,
Nothing is invincible…

It has rained for quite a few Heritage Nights with the Red Sox. Just saying….

They Saved Hitler’s Brain somehow went from a cheesy 1964 sci fi movie to a billion-dollar 2025 AI project.

Imagine having two phones.

Almost-a-Scout Bedard is miffed Belichick didn’t take a big chance on him.

During this heat wave don’t forget to check up on elderly neighbors to make sure their whole house fan is in good working order.

I think Jerry Trupiano needs to do an All-Sentence Music Fest headlined by Teddy Swims and Billy Strings.

Jerry Thornton wanted Up With People to perform at the All-Star Game.

Summer League is physical.

So the Sox play relatively clean for a couple weeks and suddenly that’s all the info from the last four years that we should acknowledge? Okay.

If Angel Reese didn’t exist it would be necessary to invent her.

Best bet for the weekend: Bostonians converging on Elwood Blues’ listed address.

Did we do this to Mike? We did, didn’t we?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Don’t tell the director I said so but are you safe, Miss Gradenko?

And happy birthday to retired model & actress Phoebe Cates, whom you may associate with a song by The Cars.

07/09/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Why all the yellow seats, Lyndon?

Mexicans once again doing a job Americans won’t: winning at soccer.

Next time tell Will Clark to bring donuts.

Never got to see him play, but boy, did my father love him. RIP LB.

I always like when Shams or Schefter tell us who the agent is when they announce a signing. Those guys work hard and deserve it.

Don’t forget to use promo code MALIK for $100 in bonus bets on ESPN BET!

Sox look good against these bad teams, don’t they?

Relax, Halsey.

You either love “MacArthur Park” or you hate it. Am I correct?

Cakes are cooking for Dean Koontz, Chris Cooper, John Tesh, Debbie Sledge, Fred Norris, Jimmy Smits, Willie Wilson, Tom Hanks, Marc Almond, Jim Kerr, Kevin Nash, Christopher J “Gus” Loria, Courtney Love, Scott Verplank, Frank Bello, Pamela Adlon, Trent Green, Marc Andreessen, Scott Grimes, Derek Mills, Kelly Holcomb, Jack White, Dan Estrin, Fred Savage, Ben McAdoo, Issac Brock, Linda Park, and Mitchel Musso.

Aw, man. Michael Madsen. He was terrific is so much. THELMA & LOUISE RESERVOIR DOGS DONNIE BRASCO KILL BILL: VOL. 1 KILL BILL: VOL. 2 And many others. Farewell, Mr. Blonde…

Glacial erratics!

I wonder if there are Yankees fans who ask Grok to create an image of Thurman Munson successfully landing a plane. What?

Jim I have been in retail for a while. The Egg Nog arrives the day after Labor Day. And the Halloween candy arrives the day after the 4th of July.

Hey Gym Gang! This week’s that Pays is, “Come on, we’ve all seen T Quizzle’s gym selfies.”

The cowardly snapperheads who run Red Sox social media account won’t even post about team’s visit to the White House. Like it didn’t happen. Bigger pussies than Napkin Boy Felger.

#CarmineStrong

“What do you mean you gave all your wedding presents away?” – Everyone who bought presents for Drake and Ann Michael Maye’s wedding.

There’s no way Beau Hossler is a real name.

Anyone ever stop and think that Alex Verdugo’s last name, as a noun, means “the executioner” or “the butcher”? Just me? Oh well.

Red Line Reminder: Beginning at 8:30 PM on July 10 – July 13 Shuttle buses replace service between Kendall/MIT and JFK/UMass. Commuter Rail will be fare-free between South Station & Braintree and Porter & North Station.

A guy named Fritz had his Wimbledon tennis match hampered by a glitch?

Hockey goons age worse than female porn stars.

They are so occupied on if they can keep creating Jurassic Park movies they haven’t stopped to think if they should.

I’m gonna fight ’em off
A seven nation army couldn’t hold me back
They’re gonna rip it off
Taking their time right behind my back

And I’m talking to myself at night
Because I can’t forget
Back and forth through my mind
Behind a cigarette

And the message coming from my eyes
Says “Leave it alone”

Alan Hassenfeld and Ed DiPrete died. Rhode Island lore taking a hit today.

Fun Fact: Lucy Burdge doesn’t drink seltzer anymore because it gives her canker sores.

If GIF is supposed to be said with a hard g because of the first word in the acronym, how would you then pronounce PAWG?

Honk if you remember Chef Wayne’s Big Mamou.

Phone battery that was losing 3% a minute got better the minute I ordered an upgraded device. Tough noogies, old cellphone.

Who keeps saying Dame? Who?

Thank you for your interest in the USMNT.

Yeah, I moved on from the Niang leg grab incident pretty much right after it happened.

70s Sports Bro looks like the Muppet Ghost of Christmas Present.

Hit my longest drive ever yesterday. Sat back down in my cart, swigged my beer (Mass market lager, natch) and took a drag off my cigar as my friends were teeing off with “Courtesy of the Red White and Blue” on on the aux. It’s coolest I have ever felt on the golf course.

Was Tom Caron having Green Monster duty supposed to be interesting?

Red Bull team principal Christian Horner has been fired after 20 years with the team.

Best bet for the weekend: a raucous Dropkick Murphy’s Bobblehead Night at America’s Most Beloved Ballpark.

Good seats still available.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Take my tears and that’s not nearly all. Tainted love (oh) Tainted love.

And happy Birthday to actress Kelly McGillis, of Witness and Top Gun fame.

07/02/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Free Jacks FreePeat ThreePeat!

Are we sure Kornet’s gone? Shams might just be using the Celtics for clicks.

During the NBA Draft my dog ran and hid under the bed when Adam Silver came out.

I believe the AP Hockey Stylebook would prefer “Hagsy” to be James Hagen’s Bruins nickname.

Is the L in Luka Garza’s name silent, like the H in Hugo Gonzalez’s?

Jahmai Webster should tell Bradfo his secret to keeping shirts wrinkle-free.

What is going on at the Wimbledon Women’s draw?!

Welcome to Boston Alex Steeves, Tanner Jeannot, Sean Kuraly, and Michael Eyssimon.

Keep on that grind, JT. The fan base and the city are behind you 100%. Before you know it you’re gonna be dominating the league again. There’s still so much more left to be written in your Celtics story.

Did the Bruins make a good first round draft pick simply because their internet cut out and they were on autodraft?

Cakes are cooking for Imelda Marcos, Robert Ito, Polly Holliday, Richard Petty, John H. Sununu, Larry David, Saul Rubinek, Roy Bittan, Johnny Colla, Brandel Chamblee, Jose Canseco, Mark Tewksbury, Monie Love, Jared Palmer, Troy Brown, Éric Dazé, Owain Yeoman, Joe Thornton, Michelle Branch, Johnny Weir, Ashley Tisdale, Lindsay Lohan, Alex Morgan, Margot Robbie, and Saweetie.

Are we ever going to hear the results of the Lifshatz referee investigations?

Green Line B Branch Update: Regular service has resumed. This delay has cleared.

Hugo Gonzalez? The many Spanish Celtics fans I know will be thrilled.

Kudos to you for finding out the identity of the guy who uses his real name on Twitter.

I hoped Marchand came back to the Bruins so they can trade him at the deadline again for another #1 pick.

I don’t think I’m being hyperbolic when I say the 2-6 show on WEEI is the actual worst regular show either station has ever trotted out. Which is saying something.

Feel like I should be having a Maine Beer Co. brew right now out of respect to Cooper Flagg.

At random events for work I tell people that Andy Wong is my uncle.

Hey gang of stick-tappers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You just have to let the draft come to you.”

2025 NBA Draft had no shortage of cryers.

Whichever Market Basket executive pledges to once again start selling their hot dog rolls in packs of 8 instead of 6 has my vote to replace Artie T.

Yesterday at this time it was 94° with a real feel of 104°. In my part of RI that is NOT normal. Today it’s 65° and cloudy with a slight breeze. 30 degrees of difference in 24 hours is nuts.

Lying about being a women’s basketball insider is deranged.

Wander Franco got 2-year suspended sentence for raping a 14-year-old? Was Jerry Thornton the judge?

I miss when Rod Thorn used to do the second round of the draft.

Overrate the Kowloon some more.

News Item: Phil Pressey has been named the new Head Coach of the Maine Celtics.

Don’t feel bad for Damian Lillard. This is a win-win. Dame had a player option for next summer that he was considering not exercising. No secret living away from family in Milwaukee was a challenge. So he gets his $ and is now an unrestricted free agent free to go where HE wants.

Hey Sydney Sweeney, fair warning, Tom Brady has to be an awful fuck. You know he can’t just enjoy it; he’s got to execute in all three phases.

Bobby Bonilla Day BWAHAHAHAHAHA! AMIRITE?

You know you’ve been in this draft watching game a long time when the player your team drafts looks like your son’s best friend.

Roberto Alomar gave Shaughnessy’s niece AIDS. Well, that’s how I heard it.

Honk if you remember when Pete Abe tweeted out a screen shot of some random Instagram girl’s ass and then pretended like he got hacked.

You can tell Bill and Ryen are serious basketball analysts by how often they refer to players as “assets.”

Was going thru my whiskey bottles to grab one for vacation and couldn’t believe how much i have in the house. Haven’t touched it since December. Wowowo allowing my gray matter neurons to heal.

A nice screened in porch is the perfect summer amenity.

Marner, if he ends up with Boston, will change spelling of last name to MAH-nuh. Just to assimilate.

I like my bands in business suits, I watch them on TV
I’m working out most every day and watching what I eat
They tell me that it’s good for me, but I don’t even care
I know that it’s crazy
I know that it’s nowhere
But there is no denying that

It’s hip to be square
It’s hip to be square
It’s hip to be square
So hip to be square.

Yeah, the guy who got fired from the two-hour Saturday morning show is tapped into the Celtics’ front office.

A: Chico, Burrito, and Shaman.

In New England culture sometimes all carbonated soft drinks are referred to as tonic.

Bruins should take a look at Brynov Tsaevarski.

If BYU If doesn’t want their student-athletes having sex they should just have them all get married.

“One may know how to draft without knowing how to do it” – Sun Tzu Dupont

Did Jordon Hudson outbid Pablo Torre for a pair of heels on eBay? WTF.

Get well soon, Red Panda.

Best bet for the weekend: the busiest Fourth of July ever for travel.

Hearing reports traffic is backed up from the Cape bridges to the gas tanks.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. HBD USA.

And happy birthday to supermodel, actress and Texas gal Jerry Hall, who appeared in the 1992 film, ‘Freejack.’

06/25/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Thanks for helping the Celtics earn Banner 18, gentlemen. Good luck with your new squads.

Congrats to the Sonic Thunder. Does that count as their second title, or is appropriating another city’s titles just an LA thing?

Should’ve at least gotten Yaz back for Raffy, that’s just an obvious one, Craig.

Anfernee for Jrue is also an upgrade in the important ‘preposterously spelled first name’ category.

I’ll say this: a woman who shits herself hasn’t owned Boston this hard since Uta Pippig won the Marathon back in ‘96.

Carrabis is so personally hurt that another guy with a tattoo sleeve doesn’t want to be besties with him.

Monday morning quarterbacking here but it would have been cool to see Mikayla Timpson minutes as a counter to the Valkyries frontcourt speed.

Kristian Campbell’s slump is like a cough that you think is only going to last two weeks but instead it keeps getting worse and you wonder if you are even going to make it out of it alive.

Georges Niang looks like a heroin dealer on the Marseilles waterfront.

Holy fuck, was that sun ridiculously goddamn hot here in Boston yesterday. Not sure I remember ever feeling this level of heat before. Check on your neighbors to make sure they have enough water and Percocet.

Prediction: KD will be happy for two months and then get hurt and then be mad that the crowd cheered too loud for VanVleet when he was out and he’ll demand a trade.

Casually dropping the N bomb on air is insane.

Cakes are cooking for June Lockhart, Peter Blake, James Meredith, Eddie Floyd, Carly Simon, Jimmie Walker, Lee Wilkof, Tim Finn, David Paich, Sonia Sotomayor, Paris Themmen, Ricky Gervais, Doug Gilmour, Mike Stanley, Dell Curry, John McCrea, Aaron Sele, Angela Kinsey, Carlos Delgado, Milan Hnilicka, Vernon Crawford, Linda Cardellini, José Cancela, Busy Philipps, Hirooki Goto, La La Anthony, Annaleigh Ashford, Benson Boone, and Mckenna Grace.

Strange loyalty to video game companies basically created arguing on the internet.

The only way WWE decides to hold a show in Saudi on Saturday, is if they’ve had assurances they’re not in danger. To all the tribal wrestling fans: I don’t believe they would send people into imminent danger to hold a freaking PLE.

How bad is the economy that Upton Bell is reduced to cruising in a *Planet Fitness*?

For those asking, yes, new Mets reliever Richard Lovelady has requested to go by his nickname Dicky. So it will be Dicky Lovelady from here on out.

Maybe that Sports Hub guy wanted Golden State assistant coach Nick Kerr’s boat?

If I see one more tweet about Len Bias dying I’m gonna…probably do nothing. But for fuck’s sake…

Hey gang of luckless motorists! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You are outside your mind if you think you’re sending me a picture of a dead deer,”

Every Red Sox podcaster looks like they have been accused of date rape at least once.

Green Line D branch: Eastbound delays of about 20 minutes due to a signal problem at Riverside. Trains may stand by at stations.

To the men at the gym: Put your nipple(s) away. Please.

I don’t know if I’m in the minority, but I despise when wrestlers have more than, like, 2 belts max.

Steph Curry is half a Nick Kerr.

Will the updated quarterly dummy rankings be released before the long July 4th weekend?

I thought BYFBO was “bring your fat butt over.”

Would advise all gay men with naturally hairy bodies to stop shaving their legs. It looks weird. As a hairy Jew/Italian myself, trim is great. But totally smooth? Strange and unnatural.

Bob Ryan on Russillo’s pod claimed to be the president of the TJ McConnell fan club, then immediately called him TJ O’Connell.

NBC10 should change their call letters to WFKR.

Fun fact: There’s more jazz in Utah than there are lakes in Los Angeles.

Never trust anyone who doesn’t like Joe Walsh. Even people who hate the Eagles are like “But Joe Walsh is alright.”

I’m already annoyed by the people at the gym tomorrow morning.

In other great news, Drake Mayeberry finally married the first girl he ever kissed. This doesn’t bode well for his decision-making ability.

Dozier > Hozier.

Jaylen Brown cannot dribble and does not appreciate infrastructure.

Has Jonathan Bowen shipped out to Iran yet?

As a kid, I cleaned the theaters at the local movie theater on the weekends. I’d sometimes ask for the promotional posters. I had a Howard the Duck poster, which I’d affixed to my bedroom wall for years. He was right next to Heather Thomas. Sigh.

This Nick Kerr is crazy!

Did anyone else ever have a nun turning the World Series game on the radio when 1 o’clock rolled around?

I got you, that’s all I want
I won’t forget, that’s a whole lot
I don’t go out, not now that you’re in
Sometimes we shout, but that’s no problem

I don’t know why sometimes I get frightened
You can see my eyes, you can tell that I’m not lyin’

Look at you, you’re a pageant
You’re everything, that I’ve imagined
Somethings wrong, I feel uneasy
You show me, tell me you’re not teasin’

I don’t know why sometimes I get frightened
You can see my eyes, you can tell that I’m not lyin’

The Aaron Rodgers and Pittsburgh Steelers situation fascinates me.

Honk if you remember the Skybox Restaurant & Sports Bar.

Do you denounce Kate Peter? And all her works?

Dakota Johnson on ‘Hot Ones’ made me appreciate her so much more. Something about the vulnerability the show creates in people can show you who they are. She seems so genuine.

Chet Holmgren is just a tall version of Kip from Napoleon Dynamite after he gets a black gf.

These sincere apologizes are becoming increasingly frequent and insincere.

Karen Read is built like Chris Klemmer.

Wayne’s Fatha is going to be disappointed when he discovers PLAYA BOWLS isn’t a competitor to Wamesit Lanes.

Aloha may mean many things. But pae ʻia means ‘stranded.’

Congratulations to Zdeno Chara & Joe Thornton on making the Hockey Hall of Fame.

Best bet for the weekend: a great crowd coming out to root on the Free Jacks.

“Well, it is finally official. Murder is legal in the state of Massachusetts.”

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. You don’t have to prove to me you’re beautiful to strangers, I’ve got lovin’ eyes of my own.

Heather. Thomas. Poster. Think she’s any good? Heh heh heh.

06/18/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Now #16 for the San Francisco Baseball Giants, but still #1 in the hearts of many a Red Sox fan.

Aloha means ‘goodbye.’ Aloha, Rafael Devers.

And congrats to my fellow Townie on his second Stanley Cup. Love ya, Marchy.

There’s a stress-free level of watching Red Sox games as a Boston fan on the West Coast that is just carefree and indescribable. Doesn’t hurt when it’s 70° with no humidity either.

Poor Caitlin Clark. I haven’t seen anyone get roughed up by the Sun like that since Tom E. Curran forgot his stupid nana beach hat!

Every baseball podcast inevitably devolves into pedophilia accusations and petty conflicts.

Catch that last big wave, Brian Wilson. In a life containing an abusive father, and abusive doctor, and Charles Manson, the greatest villain of The Beach Boys will always be Mike Love.

Cakes are cooking for Sir Paul McCartney, Linda Thorson, Chris Van Allsburg, Carol Kane, Isabella Rossellini, William Beard, Brian Benben, Andrés Galarraga, Alison Moyet, Bruce Smith, “Dizzy” Reed, Kurt Browning, Sandy Alomar Jr., Alex Vanderpool, Julie Depardieu, Tracy Ducar, Bumper Robinson, Jeff Saturday, Martin St. Louis, Blake Shelton, Tara Platt, Antonio Gates, Ivana Wong, Ella Chen, Richard Madden, Willa Holland, and Evan Mobley.

That Jones/Keefe twitter account gets zero engagement.

Cotillo absolutely has to wear prescription shoes. Those aren’t free, babe.

Man. Adam. Amirite?

Hey gang of ex-Parrotheads! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Dude, I killed Jimmy Buffet.”

The Unites States actually gained all rights to Lord Stanley’s Cup over a decade ago by adverse possession.

Bro, calling AJ Soprano a pedo is crazy town.

Felt compelled to write something about how The Beach Boys came to be my favorite band and how they helped me form a bond with my father. RIP Brian Wilson. I first heard The Beach Boys at an end-of-school-year assembly in 1994 when I was finishing up second grade. The school played “Surfin’ USA” as the sixth graders graduated, and something about the song clicked with me. That night, my family was going out to eat, and my dad put in a cassette tape in the car he had received from a friend, and that same song played again. I asked my dad who it was, and he told me it was The Beach Boys. It was so catchy and fast. That entire summer, I played that tape, which I later found out was a UK Beach Boys compilation called “20 Golden Greats” over and over and over again while my friends and I played “Turtles In Time” on Super Nintendo. It was the first music that ever clicked with me. My family became obsessed with The Beach Boys over the next two months. My dad brought out his old LPs. We bought the recently-released “Good Vibrations” box set. I had decided by looking at liner notes that the drummer, Dennis Wilson, was my favorite member. I remember crying when I found out he had died 11 years earlier. I read Steven Gaines’ “Heroes and Villains” book at way too young of an age. And we bought tickets to see The Beach Boys at the Puyallup Fair at the end of the summer. Brian Wilson wasn’t touring with the band by that point, but I’m happy I got to see Carl Wilson perform live before he died in 1998. I still remember how cool he looked with his black suit and beard. The mid-90s were oddly a good time to be getting into Brian Wilson and The Beach Boys. Brian was starting his solo career, and there were a few TV specials and documentaries about the band at the time. I remember my best friend and I randomly catching them singing the Top 10 list on David Letterman during a sleepover in the summer of 1994. The Beach Boys never stopped being my favorite band. I picked up a guitar because of The Beach Boys. I probably go into punk and hardcore because bands like the Ramones are just a sped-up version of The Beach Boys.Thank you for all of the wonderful music and memories, Brian. I know Brian lived a tough life, and while his passing is incredibly sad, it’s a relief to know he’s at peace.

Blue Line: Riders may experience longer wait times and delays throughout the day due to ongoing signal problems.

David Andrews better be getting the bag for having to yuk it up with a Perc-addled Fred Toucher.

The Red Sox can be hopelessly dysfunctional and Devers can be an immature prima donna at the same time.

I would like to live someplace that invariably gets described as a ‘coastal enclave.’

Pretty impressive to win 4 titles, one of which breaks an 86 year curse, and still manage to become the most loathed man in the city. You can’t write that script. Henry truly is one of one.

Peter King’s favorite Beach Boys song is Kokomo.

David Ortiz says on IG live that he offered his assistance and guidance to Rafael Devers multiple times during his time in Boston and he rarely heard back from him, he never showed interest in learning how to get better as the face of the franchise.

Just another piece of shit named Kennedy to hate. What an absolute duplicitous snake.

I love business chatter.

Referees really could have called too many men on the ice on Florida with five seconds left.

You’d think that people would have had enough of silly love songs
But I look around me
And I see it isn’t so
Some people want to fill the world
With silly love songs
And what’s wrong with that?
I’d like to know
Cos here I go again

I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you.

I don’t care when you were born, there’s NO WAY someone can mistake the cast of Seinfeld for the cast of The Sopranos.

Gethin Coolbaugh was never real. You got duped.

My ‘the “11” on Devers’ city connect uniform is absolutely squashed together and looks terrible. Front and back. I don’t want the kerning people fired, but I want them reprimanded’ complaint has been overtaken by events.

Linfield just drew Shelbourne in the first qualifying round of the Champions League.

Te-Hina Paopao has to be considered one of the biggest steals of the draft. Second-round pick who has looked WNBA-ready all year.

Sam Kennedy has his own cuck chair for watching John Henry in his cuck chair.

Honk if you remember @bullpencar on twitter.

Diversity of thought can be beneficial. Please be tolerant of other points of view and respectful in the rhetoric used here. Respectful disagreement is permissible, even encouraged. But I require EVERYONE to avoid profanity and name-calling.

Does CCRI offer a course on becoming a dog bite expert?

Maybe Red Sox Twitter should stop whining about the hot Italian chick and start curbing its rampant pedophilia?

Imagine having golf hall of fame takes.

Hot take: Carl Moesche deserved to get canned.

Belated Happy Fathers Day to all my Twitter Dads. Thinking of everyone without a Dad today, or a complicated relationship with theirs.

News Item: Pepsi and Mountain Dew are discontinuing 14 flavors, MegO hardest hit.

Doug Mirabelli had courageous facial hair. You rarely see that anymore.

I think Hollywood could occasionally make a movie or show that doesn’t have Paul Walter Houser in it. Give the guy a break.

Brian Wilson dies, now we get to bomb Iran. Hey, I don’t make the rules.

Joon Lee is either 25 or 55 years old.

It’s disappointing we have no video of a drunken and stoned Rear Admiral running around the Panthers celebration this year.

Breslow need to come out as autistic to save himself.

Seems like Juneteenth comes earlier and earlier every year.

Best bet for the weekend: revenge!

These are Stanley tumblers. Not Stanley Cups.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I may not always love you But long as there are stars above you You never need to doubt it I’ll make you so sure about it

And happy birthday to actress-singer, marriage & family therapist, and (checks notes) Penthouse Pet of the Year Renee Olstead.

05/21/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Love, I get so lost, sometimes.
Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart.

I wish I could group hug Celtics fam right now.

Society has moved past the point of needing to know Emmanuel Acho’s opinion on literally any subject.

Natasha Howard is such an upgrade over NaLyssa Smith at the 4 spot for Fever.

If that is a foul on Brunson, then consider me Miles Davis.

people saying that KP has….. AIDS because he got benched for shortness of breath

I’m not going to make jokes about Mexican sailors.

Scottie Scheffler is the 2nd best golfer of my lifetime. Yeah I said it.

Journalism wins The Preakness, but is immediately laid off and replaced with a younger horse.

I have never been called for jury duty, and I’d like to, but I do have serious concerns about my ability to stay awake throughout an entire trial.

Cakes are cooking for Bobby Cox, Ronald Isley, Leo Sayer, Al Franken, Mr. T, John Galvin, Stan Lynch, Bruce Buffer, Judge Reinhold, Renée Soutendijk, Kent Hrbek, Havoc [Kejuan Muchita], Ricky Williams, Goyte, Beth Botsford, Josh Hamilton, Tay Zonday, Gary Woodland, Andrew Miller, Cody Johnson, Laura Loomer, Hannah Einbinder, and Josh Allen.

Lynn Ferry Cancellation: The 5:45 PM trip from Long Wharf to Blossom Street Pier is cancelled today due to rough seas. A shuttle bus will be available at State St @ Atlantic Ave to take passengers to Lynn.

Can’t wait for the Superman soundtrack to have an absolutely outrageous song choice that somehow works perfectly. Like ‘No Sleep Till Brooklyn’ in GOTG 3 or ‘Just A Gigolo’ in The Suicide Squad. James Gunn is a genius when it comes to this stuff.

Alexander Graham Bell is probably thinking, “First Sir David Ortiz, then Sir Alex Cora. Why do these Boston Red Sox of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts dislike my invention so much?”

This Brooklyn Bridge thing is unfortunately going to put a dent in my previously high opinion of the Mexican Navy.

Win or lose this series, it’s been so much fun to see the Nuggets find their soul again after the way they went out last season.

I do fear these Sox City Connect Air Max 270’s go stoopy dummy.

Ferry Service for Memorial Day, Monday, May 26: F1 Hingham to Boston Ferry – No Service F2H Hingham/Hull/Logan to Boston Ferry – Sunday Service East Boston/Charlestown/Lynn/Winthrop & Quincy Ferries – Weekend Schedule

People have always been fearful and jealous of philosopher-entrepreneurs.

Hey gang of idiots! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m going to go on on a lemon.”

All the best weddings happen on a random Thursday in May.

There’s a reason the Mexicans lost their Gulf.

Dave O’Brien was awfully excited to announce that George Wendt died.

I hate tinder. Yeah you can have FUN with dummies but it’s not what I’m looking for. I’m looking for a girl that will call me out on my bullshit.

The world needs more obese, autistic baseball afficionados.

Rupert Holmes’ lawyers are absolute sharks!

Maybe the Mexicans could have trained on something simpler, like barges.

¿Barges?

Threw NONNAS on the other night and ended up enjoying the hell out of it. Nice little heart-warmer.

Are there shitty seats at weddings? Nose bleeds? Obstructed view?

Please consider giving support to my Karen Read fundraiser so that she and her lawyer can afford a better vodka than Grey Goose!

Does Coach Bill know about the engagement?

I don’t want to meet the person who buys used furniture.

You can get addicted to a certain kinda sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well, you said that we would still be friends
But I’ll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothin’
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger, and that feels so rough

No, you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
Guess that I don’t need that, though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

The Bruins get a 1st round pick because the Leafs choked a Game 7. God is a Bruins fan.

Honk if you remember Electric Light Orchestra.

I watched my 14-yr old boy absolutely take over an AAU tourney/game this past weekend and carry his f’ing team to a win like an elite player should. Moved me to tears watching it. The kind of feeling that you can’t really explain as a parent. You just sit there in awe nodding your head and feel overwhelmed. Inspiring stuff.

Nobody ever called into ‘Ask the Manager’ and asked for more ‘Petticoat Junction’ reruns.

On The Rewatchables ep about Close Encounters, Bill Simmons says the lack of iPhones made the movie age badly. He also calls out, “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Richard Cord.” Simmons is the ultimate media shitlib GenXer. He just doesn’t care about anything.

Many of the entitled play Pickleball.

Can’t tell me how many inches of snow there’ll be but sure put out your rainfall forecast in thousandths of an inch.

Did Belichick record his audio book from a flophouse?

Anybody remember when the Sox drafted a guy named Lars Anderson? Big LH first baseman, nice swing. I remember (Seriously) somebody in Boston’s unpaid sports media saying he’d be the first .400 hitter since Ted W. Don’t think he ever got an at bat in the majors. Ah, Old Times.

Did not know this but Brad Marchand’s nickname with the Panthers is -The Rat King..

The Seabees were definitely 86ing terrorists. You can read all about it at their museum over at Quonset Point.

The Tush Push would be a great Provincetown sports bar name.

Best bet for the weekend: people eagerly anticipating being allowed to wear white shoes again.

We love you Jayson, but giving the thumbs up from a hospital bed is an invitation to doom.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Twist and shout.

And a happy birthday to actress & singer Fairuza Balk.

Top 18 Things Not Discussed in the ‘Celtics City’ Documentary

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Before their time with us was done, we sent the Intern Street Team out to ask the locals what was left out of Bill Simmons’ Celtic City documentary they wanted to have in there. Here are their answers-

“If there was a connection between the Old Boston Garden not having hot water and the fact that the Celtics routinely beat teams comprised of plumbers and other tradesmen during the Russell Era.”

“The ‘Lucky doesn’t take cabs’ sitiation.”

“Whether Len Bias dying also led to the end of the painter’s cap supremacy among hats.”

“Glenn Ordway not being interviewed. At all.”

“Where in the Greater Boston Area one can find Wyc Grousebeck & Emelia Fazzalari’s luxe tequila brand Cincoro available for purchase?”

“How did Dino Radja end up as your best offensive player?”

‘Coach Jimmy Rogers’ hair care routine.”

“The Billups trade was completely ignored. Along with The Ricktator’s general incompetence.”

“Why did Bill bench Butler in the Super Bowl?”

“Larry Bird & Quinn Buckner’s ill-starred visit to Chelsea’s on May 16, 1985.”

“Stojko Vrankovic in the ‘glasnost’ era.”

“How many Celtics game Bill Simmons watched at the Garden while sitting in the SportsDad’s lap.”

“C’s mascot/good luck charm Busty Heart.”

“I can’t believe they didn’t even cover Tommy talking about Aaron Baynes’s monster cock.”

“It needed much more Deuce Tatum. He is EVERYTHING!”

“Danny Ainge being a Mormon.”

“The ‘Go back to Africa and hunt some lions’ story.”

“Corrie Bird.”

05/14/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Miss Maine 2025 is apparently from Bangor. Supply the requisite punchline yourselves.

It’s like none of you guys think Finals MVP Jaylen doesn’t have it in him to carry this team to eleven more wins.

Not trading Devers to the Padres unless Orsillo is in the package.

Show Maple Leaf Square!

If I were on trial I’d probably just call in sick until they give up.

Flagg’s parents are very anti-Zionist and with Miriam Adelson owning the Mavericks expect some litigation and fireworks to get his signature on a contract w the Mavericks. This is not a done deal by any stretch.

You know who belongs in the Hall of Fame? Luis Tiant.

On May 11, 1888, a baby boy named Israel Beilin was born in Tyumen, Russian Empire. His family emigrated here in 1893 and his songs would make America a better place. You and I know him as Irving Berlin.

Al Horford has great foul-protesting eyebrows.

What are the duties of Miss Maine? Does she get to ceremonially shutter paper mills?

Cakes are cooking for Tony Pérez, Francesca Annis, George Lucas, Al Ciner, Walter Olkewicz, Season Hubley, David Byrne, Robert Zemeckis, Tom Cochrane, Alain Vigneault, Tim Roth, C.C. DeVille, Ian Astbury, Pat Borders, Fab Morvan, Pooh Richardson, Raphael Saadiq, Cate Blanchett, Danny Wood, Sofia Coppola, Shanice, Amber Tamblyn, Mark Zuckerberg, Robert Gronkowski, and Kristina Mladenovic.

I don’t know who Mo Khan is but he looks like he’s depriving the Heat of a perfectly hateable role player off the bench.

Cena’s gonna slap the ref and get DQed isn’t he?

If you want me to be an adult about the Tatum injury, you have to stop tweeting about WWE and Marvel movies.

Lynn Ferry Update: The Lynn Ferry will resume its normal schedule tomorrow, May 15, at the start of service.

You can’t say “folks” when you have seven followers.

I’ve been a toilet-owner for decades and there are still few things that cause a momentary spike in blood pressure like flushing a toilet and watching the water level proceed to rise.

Nick Wright’s mom always has to tell him, ‘stop arguing with me, you’re too smart.’

Losing to a shitty Knicks team was the impetus for Ainge making the tear-down trade that got them Tatum and Brown.

Hey gang of persons of interest! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “He’s just asking for bleach soap.”

Tommy Heinsohn always thought T.J. McConnell was underrated and should be getting more minutes on whatever team he was on. Ish Smith was also in that category for Tommy.

Mazzulla needs the chess master to teach him how to tank.

It’s weird that the media collectively decided it’s ok to call Jordon a whore and a floozy. If we are done supporting women in sports, let’s bounce Doris, ASAP. Also, “she’s unqualified!” For what? Are there 8 years of schooling for personal assistants I’m unaware of?

You ever throw on some Gregory Alan Isakov and stare at the trees? Is that just me?

The trope that good teams win the one-run games is, of course, the exact opposite of what the data shows to be true. Good teams have a better winning percentage in 2-run games than 1-run games, better in 3-run margin games than 2-run games, etc.

Luckily the Dubs got Playoff Jimmy so that if something were to happen to Curry the whole thing wouldn’t immediately go tits up.

Heavily agree with OB here. No better smell on this planet than fresh mulch.

That pop for LA Knight tho. #WWEBacklash

The damage done to society by pretending broads are funny is immeasurable.

Pete Rose will now be eligible for Hall of Fame consideration. Never forget that while Pete Rose may have loved baseball more than anyone on earth, he loved gambling more.

There’s a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright

And it’s very far away
But it’s growing day by day
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright

And would you like to come along?
You could help me sing this song
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright

They can tell you what to do
But they’ll make a fool of you
And it’s alright, baby, it’s alright

We’re on a road to nowhere (hey)
We’re on a road to nowhere (hey)
We’re on a road to nowhere (hey-hey)

Not really looking forward to the next Celtics City episode featuring the Jordan Walsh Era.

The older you get, the more you begin to talk about the first job you got out of college like you’re Quint from Jaws.

The Athletic sending Buckley to cover Miss Maine feels like an HR violation.

Honk if you remember Skylab.

Should I bring a bottle of white wine, or red to the NFL schedule release party?

OG Anunoby 3-pointer in the first minute was later removed during a break when replay showed it was released after the 24-second clock drained. … Usually you only see points come off the board in Jeopardy.

The new Pope should go on Hot Ones.

I believe the NBA believes they have a draft lottery.

Teams in two-team cities should trade parks once a year just for kicks. White Sox play a series in Wiggley, Mets play a series in Janqui, Dodgers play a series in Anaheim. Giants not required to trek to Sacramento.

A sense of joy is the best way to approach every day. Tatum on pointe.

I heard Yoshida is at the point in his rehab where he is not ‘actively frightened’ by being in the same room with a baseball.

Best bet for the weekend: college commencement ceremonies. Wear sunscreen.

Big Jim Murray looks like a disinherited Saudi prince.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Blue skies smiling at me. Nothing but blue skies do I see.

And happy birthday to actress & singer Miranda Cosgrove.

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