The 15

The New England Patriots are back. Weep.

Wake up to a bunch of tweets from NBA reporters wondering what happened between the Clippers and Chris Paul. How about do your job and figure it out?

Nothing says rivalry weekend quite like UCF at BYU.

Jason Kelce’s eyebrows look like 2 Australian shepherds about to square off.

Basic math is now ‘analytics’.

The thing about Lane Kiffin is that he hates making things about himself. I can only imagine how hard this must be for him.

The Lions game not starting at 12:30 threw me off. A Thanksgiving staple.

I wonder if the Bruins players’ wives also made them get up early on Black Friday and drive them to Target.

Ryan Day bears an uncanny resemblance to Ming the Merciless.

What are there more of, “Kirk Minihane Show” ex-producers or videos of Turtleboi Aidan crying?

Cakes are cooking for Mickey Thomas, Rick Mears, David Hixon, Don Barnes, Franz Klammer, Melody Anderson, Kathy Jordan, Daryl Hannah, Julianne Moore, Mike Ramsey, Joe Lally, Andrew Stanton, Katarina Witt, Brendan Fraser, Montell Jordan, Harold Steinbrenner, Amy Helm, Laura Schuler, Lindsey Hunter, Paul Byrd, Vernon White, Bucky Lasek, Holly Marie Combs, Rainbow Sun Francks, Sean Parker, Tiffany Haddish, Anna Chlumsky, Jenna Dewan, Brian Bonsall, Michael Essian, Amanda Seyfried, Michael Angarano, Jake T. Austin, and Lil Baby.

If MLB has rules that apply to only one player, how soon until the NFL grants Mahomes possession of the ball no matter what at the end of games?

Rhody has a LB named Rohan Davy. No relation.

I liked New Mexico’s turquoise uniforms. The computers should’ve had that as a deciding factor.

Dallas plays football like chipmunks who found a bag of coke.

Hey gang of fake cancer survivors! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Making a big deal over quitting your social drinking is wild.”

Bring. Back. The. Patriots. White. Over. White. 80’s. Throwbacks.

The ‘There Are Too Many Streaming Services!’ Guy is my least favorite archetype.

Lem Barney has been upgraded from ‘dead’ to ‘alive’.

Not to go all Brad Rifkin on you, but elk and lingonberries are an incredible pairing.

Anthony Edwards looks like he can’t read.

Red Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a disabled train at Park Street. Trains may stand by at stations.

Thanksgiving games don’t need halftime shows. Sorry.

Wonder if Max Brosmer woke up today wondering when they play Holy Cross?

Korpisalo makes some good saves, but you always know when he’s playing because Bs are down 2 five minutes into the game.

Ian Eagle does a great job at play-by-play. A great mix of seriousness and excitement.

This is how we do it, all hands are in the air
And wave them from here to there
If you’re an OG mack or a wanna-be player
You see the hood’s been good to me
Ever since I was a lower case G
But now I’m a big G
The girls see I got the money
Hundred dollar bills, y’all.

Hollywood Brown sounds like the name of a hustler from a James Ellroy novel.

Post Malone is the pinnacle of the redneck-wigger aesthetic. A uniquely American archetype.

I’ve slept 29 hours and 43 minutes the last 3 nights.

Lamar must be wondering what he did wrong to have Josina dump him for Shedeur.

Honk if you remember to steer into the skid. And to warn people that you’re skidding, I guess.

Espn had Herbstreit, ‘Booger’, and then Joey Galloway out there saying you’re just being soft if you think Kiffin shouldn’t coach two teams. So fucking stupid.

Wearing my Barstool hoodie so that everyone knows I’m a cool guy who loves sports and chicks and gambling.

Too many evictions scheduled, man.

USF’s Alex Golesh to Auburn? This is a great hire. AG is a BIG culture guy. Excited to see what he can do there. I’ve never heard of him.

Never discount the power of sincerely offered glad tidings.

Who is forcing BYU? Win and in. Lose and not.

Jaylen Brown one of the quickest hair recessions in history. Had that sweet flat top like 5 years ago to this patchy, sloppy mess today.

Boston’s Snowport Holiday Market: Tourist trap, or bad rap?

Just an inscrutable play by Younghoe Koo.

Derek Thompson is the most fake smart writer I’ve ever seen.

Brian Walshe looks like Jay Sherman from ‘The Critic’.

So many catalogs arriving based on the questionable assumption I want to give the gift of cheese.

Best bet for the weekend: Good Kid Pasta returns to practice.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I’m travelin’ down the road and I’m flirtin’ with disaster
I got the pedal to the floor and my life is runnin’ faster.