The 15

‘Blunt force trauma to the chest can’t induce a heart attack’ was the new “fire can’t melt steel.”

That Cohasset fella should’ve Google searched “how not to kill and dismember anyone including my sweet wife.”

Wickersham was ready to crown McVay the greatest ever.

It’ll never not be funny that a group of nominal adults with journalism degrees came up with “Media Good Guy” as a name for an award.

Massachusetts has 16 municipalities that end in -ham, and 4 that end in -mouth.

Twitter made the world better by giving people a forum to proudly advertise that they think you can win a game 1.49 times.

Jac Collinsworth wears more eye makeup than Derek Carr and Peter Schrager combined.

It’s expensive to have baseball players.

Eddie Andelman calls that Oriental film that was nominated for Best Picture, ‘Everything All Over the Place.’

The Clover Cabal runs The Association.

If a “Rules Analyst’ is a key component of your sport’s broadcast team and people still don’t understand what the rules are, guess what? Your sport sucks.

A Northeastern/Harvard Beanpot Final can and did happen.

Adam Jones had an opportunity to reinvent himself as something more than cut-rate Felger impressionist and decided against doing so.

The Daisy Sour Cream song has no business going that hard.

The Panthers did what so many others had tried: They hired Jim Caldwell as a senior assistant.

All Tony Mazz did was say that two black people looked like car thieves based solely on immutable physical characteristics after making sure they couldn’t hear him say that.

If you don’t know then why ask?

The Chicago Bulls shut down Lonzo Ball for a second consecutive season Tuesday as the point guard continued to struggle with discomfort and pain in his left knee.

Reporter Jonny Miller stays in the exact same motel room every Spring Training.

Edmonton fans are awfully yappy for a city that doesn’t have an airport.

There’s nothing more pleasant than the smell of eggs, meat and cheese on a crowded train. It’s very Boston.

If Las Vegas was like 75 percent more walkable it would be close to perfect.

NESN’s spring training camera had a dead pixel.

Three losses in a row can never just be three losses; they have to be due to an overarching systemic malaise that will doom the team if it happens come playoff time.

Charlie Baker wouldn’t let Merrimack play in the Tourney.

Andy Wong just likes having his picture taken.

NY Football Giants Daniel Jones with a guaranteed 820,000,000 dimes! Crazy!

UConn was poised for a March Madness run.

Nicaragua had a tough World Baseball Classic. Lordy!

Purdue Men’s Basketball should try and get some of those notoriously permissive Big Ten refs to work the Tournament one of these years.

You’re not a real sports fan unless you enjoy Division 3 women’s basketball.

There’s a Harvard Extension Medical School now, apparently?

It’s definitely organic that every person who has ever commented on Kara Lawson uses the exact same superlative to describe her basketball mind.

Boston as a sneaker mecca is a tough sell for folks who don’t know. It was wild to live in a place where Adidas, Nike & Reebok were all at war with each other at one point in time, but you’d enter Jamaica Plain via the Orange Line and suddenly everyone’s rocking Fila there?

Chris Curtis doubtless spent his week’s suspension in quiet contemplation of his many mistakes.

What a delightful trollop that Paige Spirinac is.

Always make sure you know who the stepparents are, Harvard Women’s Hockey Coach Lady.

Alex Verdugo was the first Red Sox player to lead off the first inning of the team’s first game with a triple since Rabbit Warstler in 1931.

Eggs, black coffee, sunshine. All we need.

Asante Samuel loves getting reminders of the worst moment of his career every few months.

There’s a 1 in 555 chance to catch a foul ball.

Kim Mulkey goes through a carton of Misty’s a day.

Once the Boston media united behind the “Brogdon never starts games, which means he’s better” narrative, it was over. The Boston Sports Media machine is too powerful, too disciplined. Always has been.

Kutter Crawford is the new Rac Slider.

Quinnipiac winning the Frozen Four makes that part of Connecticut New England again.

Pete Blackburn gets his clothes at Build-A-Bear.

It took only 12 games into the season for a Red Sox pitcher to openly weep on the mound.

I bet money on a Revs game. I won, sure, but still.

NYC’s population of single ladies was queueing up to be squired about town by confirmed bachelor Aaron Rodgers.

Sox in 2 had to pad things out for that one game!

Looking for a cat friendly place to host your next event? Elks Lodge #720 in Nashua is our top choice.

Trae Young looks like a doll they found in the rubble after a tornado.

The nice thing about the Bruins series loss is you find out who all the better sports fans than you are.

Baseball is occasionally boring.

Sic transit gloria mundi, Matignon hockey.

Area sports fans refuse to induct coach with a .500 winning percentage into team hall of fame, local media members hardest hit.

Lukey Russert wrote a book. Supply your own punchline.

Every guy at watching the Heat play at Miami’s American Airlines Arena looks like Andrew Cunanan.

Sanna Marin is officially a free agent.

Nikola Jokić. Good fundamentals. Gritty. Plays the game the right way.

The billboard? Great idea. No possible downside.

Chris Paul has won everywhere he’s been except Phoenix and Oklahoma City and Houston and Los Angeles and New Orleans and Wake Forest.

It’s amazing that Dan Lifshatz is able to have all this action when he’s been shut off by every book. 

A great gesture by Jeff Howe to raise money to help people who actually do have cancer.

All that ridiculous free throw disparity and the NBA still couldn’t drag Los Angeles into the Finals.

You know someone’s made a poor vocational choice when they thank Evan Lazar and Alex Barth on their way out.

Maybe the real Eastern Conference Championship is the friends we made along the way.

Guidance counselors funnel people with psychotic levels of self-confidence but no aptitude for law, medicine, or engineering into sports writing.

The Las Vegas Golden Knights matriculated their way to winning a Stanley Cup for Coach Cassidy because we can’t have nice things.

Floramo’s moved to Wakefield and Malden.

Every single time you saw Kenley Jansen, either on TV or around the ballpark, he’s mentoring some young pitcher on the staff.

NASCAR used to be guys named Matt and Jimmie. And now its guys named Ryan and Ross.

When you want a deep, thoughtful reflection on the perils of doing business with an autocratic government who funds terrorism, I go to the guy who plays golf for a living and fucks Wayne Gretzky’s daughter.

Instead of saying “a non-Power Five coach told me” Russillo should say “Trent Dilfer told me.”

Nothing has been the same after the USGA turtled post Shinnecock.

Bob Huggins needed to get home.

UFC expertly blends violence with homoeroticism so it naturally plays well in America right now.

The secret is the Merritt Parkway instead of 95.

Never trust a guy with Air Monarchs. It’s right up there with don’t play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city.

Table Boston has the best Rosemary Scapicchio in town.

There’s a time to compliment someone on their Throw Power rating in Madden, but it’s not in the immediate aftermath of their tragic untimely death.

Keith says it hard caps at the 2nd apron. There was no second apron before.

Fall River is a town.

To be continued…