Category Archives: The Sports Junk Drawer

8/7/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Your New England Free Jacks with the free-peat.

Free Jacks Rolling Rally is when?

Wilyer Abreu hitting a three-run homer literally with tears in his eyes after the death of a family member would seem like one of the better baseball stories of the year.

If the IOC wants a foolproof sex test, have those two suspect boxers try and load a dishwasher.

A report late Tuesday said the Patriots are no longer in the picture when it comes to wide receiver Brandon Aiyuk. After reportedly inquiring about his availability, New England decided not to explore trade possibilities involving the pass catcher.

“Belichick stubbornly sticking to his value system” is now “Wolf wouldn’t get stupid with the money.” The tone of the coverage has completely changed. Have to give the team credit: The pizza parties were a fantastic investment.

Minutes after winning gymnastics’ most coveted title, Biles fastened on a white gold necklace and flashed a diamond-encrusted goat pendant toward the camera.

Dating back to 2003, I’ve been through like literally 6 cycles of producing content on the Internet and this is definitely one of the better ones, both just on a personal level and the overall quality of Internet content.

“He’s lacking urgency” the commentator says about the guys sprinting as fast as they can for 10 seconds.

Cakes are cooking for Rodney Crowell, Wayne Knight, Alberto Salazar, Bruce Dickinson, David Duchovny, Elizabeth Manley, Michael Shannon, Charlize Theron, Edgar Renteria, Dimitrios Eleftheropoulos, Samantha Ronson, Jamey Jasta, Sidney Crosby, Kyler Murray, and Jalen Hurts.

I always found Parmesan to be the most sensual of the hard granular cheeses.

Why do French people only have one egg for breakfast? Because it is “un oeuf”! Le chortle!

Green Line B Branch Reminder: Through August 11 – Shuttle buses replace service between Boston College and Babcock Street for track work. Shuttles will not service Allston St, Griggs St and Packard’s Corner due to accessibility issues.

I’m tired of seeing Snoop Dogg. There: I said it.

Worcester’s Own rankings: Stephen Nedoroscik > Eddie Mekka > Tanyon Sturtze.

Who was my first Attitude Era crush? Daffney. She was pretty, but it was more. Her personality just shot through the TV. I’m so beyond happy I was able to interact with her a few times.

Aerosmith. Arguably the greatest American rock & roll band. They will be missed.

Hey gang of hold-in’s, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I said when was aren’t in pads but besides me staying hours on hours to sign and throw the ball around with the fan how about y’all come talk to me.”

Silver Medal PtP goes to, “Who the fuck is Harry Frazee?”

My favorite Lucy Burdge bit on Twitter is where she pretends to like food.

I think I could medal in badminton.

Hey, Liberty Mutual, why is your company gouging the citizens of Massachusetts?

Since they were in town, I feel like I have to say this….im totally not into Metallica. Never cared for them….sorry if i have offended anyone.

“Steamer” is one helluva word. Laugh everytime I see it. – Idiot Zo.

We are living in the absolute hardest era of public restroom handwashing. Desperate handwaving at nothingness, like a wizard that lost their powers. Bathroom sinks and soap dispensers designed by Dark Souls developers.

Field hockey isn’t high scoring?

3v3 hoops is the gayest Olympics event and they have literal horse dancing.

In other baseball news, Biily Bean died, but not the one who wrote ‘Moneyball.’ RIP.

Jake Andrews was placed on season ending IR because he has a torn meniscus. It is torn in several places, and he is set to have surgery, per source.

Top 10 all-time meniscus recoveries:

1 Steve Redding (3rd surgery)

2 Steve Redding (1st)

T3 Robert Williams III

T3 Steve Redding (5th)

5 Steve Redding (11th)

6 Steve Redding (2nd)

T7 Steve Redding (4th)

T7 Steve Redding (10th)

9 Steve Redding (7th)

10 Steve Redding (9th)

HC Mayo constantly seeking validation from the loathsome press corps is astounding, if not surprising.

And it’s a free for all in the parking lot,
Tell me who’ll rule the street.
And the night explodes when the cops bring down the heat.
And the chains they crash like thunder,
While the weak ones all retreat.
Gotta draw first blood or they’ll read your funeral rights.
When the lightning strikes.

Gold Medalist Gabby Thomas, from right here in mortgage-free Western Massachusetts. Lordy!

What kind of alphabet do the Polacks use? I don’t think I’ve ever seen an L with a line through it before.

Every time A Bar Song by Shaboozy comes on I think it’s Wonderwall by Oasis.

I personally don’t understand why tenpin bowling isn’t an Olympic sport. Nearly every country plays it, the pros come from all over the world, and it’s extremely inexpensive for a host country to have a venue in to play it – just use an existing, high-end bowling center in whatever city hosts it.

Honk if you still have cassette tapes in your media collection. Audio or video.

I bet Alex Cora has taken some practice swings at Triston Casas. In his mind.

Bill Weld wouldn’t jump into the Seine.

Hocker? Damn near killed the Norwegian and British runners!

If two guys named ‘Dave & Chuck The Freak’ were broadcasting in this market I think I would know about it.

the next American women’s sport super star should be Ashleigh Johnson if you love water polo.

Anybody else notice that the AI imitation of Al Michaels’ voice doesn’t actually sound like Al Michaels?

Nice of Eck to show up at his daughter’s hearing in the Granite State.

Do they make cowboy boots with big toe boxes? Asking for future Country 93.7 employee MegO.

Best bet for the weekend: huge savings during the sales tax holiday!

(leans slightly) “Greatest guy in the world”(didn’t lean)”never heard of him.”

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend Kingasurus and the members of #the15 were used in this column Oh, blame it on midnight. Ooh, shame on the moon.

Et nous souhaitons un joyeux anniversaire à la mannequin française Aurélie Claudel. Ooh, and might I add, là là.

7/31/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Going great.

The Sox tapping out every year immediately after the All-Star game is so weird.

Matthew Judon sat on a trash can watching pass-rushers practice? Doesn’t he know they put a PlayStation in the locker room??

“It’s not based on The Last Supper, but rather on an obscure Dutch painting from the 17th century!” has real, “We didn’t name our candy bar after the most famous baseball player in America in 1920, but after the dead daughter of a former President!” energy.

There’s a macabre subset of Celtics Twitter that loves talking about how long Len Bias and Reggie Lewis have been dead.

El Prez can’t claim the child tax credit for his girlfriend?

The US men’s basketball team and the US women’s beach volleyball team are both wearing long spandex pants. Disapprove!

Cakes are cooking for Gerry Philbin, Sab Shimono, Bill Weld, Barry Van Dyke, Evonne Goolagong Cawley, Alan Autry, Michael Biehn, Bill Berry, Mark Cuban, Dale Hunter, Sandra Hodge, Wesley Snipes, Fatboy Slim, J.K. Rowling, Andre Ware, Chris Weinke, Jonathan Ogden, Tim Couch, Zac Brown, B.J. Novak, DeMarcus Ware, Evgeni Malkin, and Kyle Larson.

Here’s the thing: There’s only so many plays one can run on offense in team handball.

@Dart_Adams Donna Summer: from Dorchester or Mission Hill? Always thought Dot but heard/read MH somewhere.

Hey gang of Volvik users, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Are you fucking Caleb Williams?”

Why does Steve Kerr hate Tyrese Halliburton?

Green Line Update: Regular service has resumed between Heath Street and Brigham Circle.

What a stupid ritual wakes are. Gonna kneel in front of this rotting corpse filled with formaldehyde and pray to an old guy in the sky. Totally normal! Free Jacks won their playoff game.

Overheard at #The15 water cooler: “Dude, this gash football game is kinda tense!”

Great to see Dorchester gal Ayo Edebiri kicking ass onscreen with Robert Townsend in S3 of “The Bear”, 37 years after his iconic movie Hollywood Shuffle.

Oh good; water polo has VAR too.

The Call Her Daddy whore should ask Simone if the trainer made her squirt.

Next Olympics: Breaking 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Oh wow, Don Orsillo called a Padres no-hitter? I’m sure he’ll never tell us about it.

Anyone know the medal count?

We got on the ol’ Ouija Board to try and contact the restless spirit of Red Sox Poet Laureate Dick Flavin to see if he’d honor us with a timely poem. Here’s what we got:

“Detox Day is a movable feast,

When you need it the most or need it the least.

When your mouth is so dry you can’t even spit,

Or when your overtaxed liver is ready to quit.

Those will be days are the, the days..”

It goes on and on like that.

Duquette’s dumbest idea, that Karen Read is innocent or Wilfredo Cordero?

That can only mean Theo Epstein will be the one to come in and actually free Karen.

And the train conductor says,
Take a break, Driver 8.
Driver 8, take a break,
We can reach our destination.
But we’re still a ways away, but it’s still a ways away.
But we’re still a ways away, but it’s still a ways away.

A way to shield the hated heat.
A way to put myself to sleep.
A way to shield the hated heat.
A way to put myself, my children to sleep.

Savannah Guthrie always has a look on her face like she just asked, ‘You want to put what where?’

The US women’s gymnastics team is like a Benetton ad.

Tatum getting stapled to the bench was the worst act of terrorism ever involving a member of the Kerr family.

Yes, Ma: I heard about the deli meat recall.

TITTPT.

The Patriots reward another one of their own: The team and Davon Godchaux have agreed to a two-year extension worth up to $21M with $16.5M guaranteed. The deal was done by Drew Rosenhaus, Jason Rosenhaus and Ryan Matha.

Wait, there’s men’s field hockey?

RB Aaron Jones should have plenty of opportunities earlier for Minnesota.

Honk if you remember Jimmer Fredette.

Has there ever been a team like the 2024 Yankees before? I’ve never seen one. It’s like Maris and Mantle were traded to the 1962 Mets.

Hey guys, that’s Lenny DiNardo! *blank stares*

Try harder to make us like you Coach Mayo. It’s going to happen. Soon.

That Aussie RugbyRoo Sevens gal almost ran down Spiff Cedrick like Ben Watson did Champ Bailey.

My grade on the Revs trade? Um, incomplete?

Imagine having a problem with Simone Biles. (Gerry Callahan not eligible)

Tough loss, Renegades.

Best bet for the weekend: Judon gets neither a bag or his flowers.

Le Festin des Dieux – Jan van Bijlert OK, I can kinda see it.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Citius, Altius, Fortius – Communiter.

And happy birthday to American model Chandra North.

7/24/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Camp. For Training.

Has Coach Mayo used “Optum” as an adjective yet?

Kenley Jansen has an irregular heartbeat? What a coincidence; so do I, when I see him come in from the bullpen! Bwahahahaha!

Sam Hauser, getting paid like he owns a suburban daycare center.

Coors Field features two of my favorite Stupid Cool Things in baseball: The forest in center field, and the row of purple seats to denote one mile above sea level.

Imagine going to Duluth and your first thought is to ask Big Gym about it.

Can’t help but be distracted by a TBS game broadcast using a TNT Sports graphics package.

Aaron Rodgers, reporting for duty on reporting day.

Cakes are cooking for Ruth Buzzi, Bob Lily, Dan Hedaya, Robert Hays, Michael Richards, Lynda Carter, Gus Van Sant, Steve Grogan, Robbie Grey, Paul Geary, Julie Krone, Karl Malone, Barry Bonds*, Nick Nurse, Kristin Chenoweth, Jennifer Lopez, Rick Fox, Patty Jenkins, Danny Dyer, José Valverde, Rose Byrne, Valerio Scassellati, Summer Glau, Anna Paquin, Elisabeth Moss, Patrice Bergeron, and Kyle Kuzma.

Orange Line: Trains may travel at reduced speeds or stand by at stations while maintenance personnel conduct track inspections. Then again, they may not.

Am I un-American if I was rooting for South Sudan?

Been saying Bolt is the most dominant athlete for a long time now…..put some respect on Usain Bolt name.

I don’t think anybody under 40 can throw a frisbee.

Kirk Herbstreit announces new show featuring his dog Ben? The seize and decyst from Mina Kimes and Lenny is on the way! Woof.

Hammer dulcimer!

The multipart BET “Rap City” docuseries was a slap in the face to its longtime viewers. It covered almost NOTHING about why “Rap City” was groundbreaking, essential, or necessary from its inception on August 11th, 1989. I’ll write about it because I remember damb near everything!

I ain’t calling some other grown man ‘McLovin.’

Don’t you just love the pomp and pageantry of the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, Craig? I really do.

OK, trust falls, then the breakout sesh!

Gees, the COVID bubble champs regardless of the sport are sensi and salty.

Poor people always find time to fuck.

Hearing whispers Jonathan Jones had a nice first day of camp. He finished with two pass breakups.

Your New England Free Jacks need a win Saturday to reach the MLR Finals!

The 1901 Detroit Tigers had only one regular or near-regular player who went by and is listed today by his actual first name or a common derivative of that. No less than 3 of their regulars went by the monicker “Kid”. The others were called “Sport”, “Ducky”, “Doc”, “Pop” and “Fritz.”

Moving forward, using all my breath.
Making love to you was never second best.
I saw the world crashing all around your face.
Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace.

I’ll stop the world and melt with you.
You’ve seen the difference, and it’s getting better all the time.
There’s nothing you and I won’t do.
I’ll stop the world and melt with you.

Summer in Boston meant the TV lineup changed. Suddenly, channel 25 added “The Monkees” to the lineup & channel 66 added “Gidget” starring a young Sally Field. Next came the “Creature Double Feature”, “Kung Fu Theater” & Frankie Avalon/Annette Funicello film marathons all Summer.

I made over 100 grand working construction every year Biden was President.

Am I supposed to root against the US Olympic Team because MLS doesn’t have promotion and relegation?

Not even a mention of Klobuchar as a potential VP pick. But that aint a problem for us Klob Slobs, we’re patient folk.

Jerod Mayo is going to re-injure something with all the false hustle he’s putting out.

Honk if you remember the Pine Tar Game.

Was just thinking the other day it’s been forever since I saw a frog in my yard and then yesterday, boom! A tree frog out on the porch. Nature, uh, finds a way.

Commander Biden tried to warn us about the Secret Service.

Going to miss seeing that tall girl play the Olympic 3 on 3 basketball.

Jackie Connors. Now an Eternal Eagle. RIP.

The Sports Junk Drawer turned into MSNBC so gradually no one even noticed. #LeanForward

Best bet for the weekend: Red Sox determine whether they will be buyers or sellers at the MLB trade deadline.

Zesty drip! Mothers, lock up your daughters!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Here comes the night.

BdlG in Gucci, which is not an official sponsor of the 2024 Paris Olympic Games.

7/18/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Jarren Duran. Si, mas!

Kysre?

Are you now a member of the Patriots coaching staff? Are you sure? Check your emails.

The MLB ASG was very Red Sox intensive. As it should be.

Doubtless everyone in Jamaica Plain was rooting for the Fila-sponsored Barbora Krejcikova, to win Wimbledon, right?

If you can’t use a hammer correctly, sailing might not be your thing either.

MLB Draft: 9 of the first 21 players selected in the first round are Black players. #Diversity

Spaniards must be partying like it’s 1799 with the Euro Cup win and Alcaraz as the Wimbledon Men’s champ.

Ingrid Andress is going to rehab? This is going to ruin the tour.

Bedtime at 8:30 is delightful, sorree!

Cakes are cooking for Dick Button, Tenley Albright, Paul Verhoeven, Dion DiMucci, Joe Torre, Craig Fuller, Richard Branson, Nick Faldo, Elizabeth McGovern, Wendy Williams, Dan O’Brien, Vin Deisel, Anfernee Hardaway, Bruce Walker, Torii Hunter, Elsa Pataky, Ben Sheets, Dion Branch, Kristin Bell, Priyanka Chopra, and Canelo Alvarez.

Fun Fact: ‘Kysre’ is pronounced. ‘kaiser!’

Watching some Nets/Cavs from 1993 and Paolo Banchero reminds me so much of Derrick Coleman.

My grass is so brown Gerry Callahan is throwing rocks at it.

Tough loss at Wimbledon, but at least Jasmine Paolini now gets to go back to The Shire and marry Sam Gamgee.

Three monocle emojis can sometimes mean, ‘I’m happy for my Celtics teammate’, right?

Green Line B and C branch trains are currently terminating at Park Street due to a track problem at Government Center. For service to Boston College or Cleveland Circle from Government Center, board any train and switch at Park Street.

Greg Dickerson: “Is it bad that I’m insanely jealous of the hawk tuah girl? I just want fame and fortune for living life with no talent.” Sad!

Does Dave O’Brien even like his job? Guy should be conducting estate sales.

Red Sox drafted David Ortiz’s son, D’Angelo, in the 19th round. The Yankees will literally never know peace.

My “for you” tab is all fight vids and videos of animals you wouldn’t think would be friends, but are.

Jeff Howe thinks Dickie V. should stop showboating.

Hey gang of insecure phenoms! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m not afraid of you or your resources.”

BattleBots!

Uh, Dakota Fannings breakout role was in I Am Sam, 3 roles before Man on Fire.

Looking at Shakira is always a treat but once again who asks for music at a sporting event?

No better way to prove you’re definitely not jealous or bothered by criticism than to make another tweet about it a day later.

This Week’s Bill Simmons Mad Libs: “Is Jamie Lee Curtis the Eli Manning of her generation?”

Anybody with the last Campbell is called Soupy or Soup.

Jarren Duran joins Yaz, Roger, Pedro, and JD Drew as Red Sox All Star Game MVP winners.

Chanting at sporting events is like verbally holding hands with other guys.

Two absolutely fantastic rookie pitchers this year, Skenes and Miller. When was the last time we had two rookies like that in one year?

I can see why you think you belong to me.
I never tried to make you think or let you see
one thing for yourself.
But now you’re off with someone else and I’m alone.
You see I thought that I might keep you for my own.

Amie, what you wanna do?
I think I could stay with you,
For a while, maybe longer if I do.

News Item: Bill Belichick to join the cast of The CW’s ‘Inside the NFL’ The CW still exists? Is it on after ‘Gossip Girl?’

Bro, you need to get to Comerica.

What happens if you say ‘Klutch Sports Group’ five times in a mirror?

I’ve seen D’Angelo Ortiz play a few times. Good approach, works the count. Table-setter at Miami Dade. Smart player, too. He worked hard and played two years of juco. Nothing glamorous there, just bus rides and ball.

What a bizarre culture we’ve created where the third wheel on a hockey podcast feels the need to tell us he’s laying off the benzos.

Honk if you remembered to watch the ESPY’s.

Gaylord Perry would have liked that ‘Hawk Tuah’ gal.

Well at least the fans from the South American countries didn’t live down to stereotypes and low expectations in the Copa.

Third Eye Blind can pack ’em in at Great Woods and 50 Cent can’t? We truly live in an odd odd time in history.

Kayla Burton, Steve’s kid, NBC Sports Boston. Your thoughts?

Hillbilly Elegy is a prime day deal $7.45. I Am due for a next book to read and heard it was good.

Aloha means ‘goodbye.’ Aloha, Gregg Berhalter.

Now you can’t stream to Twitter unless you’re a “Premium Member?” Thanks for making it tougher to survive as a content creator, Elon.

Best bet for the weekend: high drama at Royal Troon.

Jaylen. Kysre. Cute couple of hoopers.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Modified limited hiatus?

And happy birthday to pale British actress Kelly Reilly.

7/3/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Oh no.

Wow, summer sports doldrums really set in this week, am I right, Michael? Heh heh heh.

Celtics just gonna set it up and run it again? Love to see it.

Matt Grzelcyk will be swapping out the NHL’s original Black and Gold for a different town’s black and gold. Enjoy the Three Rivers, Grizz. Charlestown is forever proud of you no matter. Best of luck, pal.

Just wait until our soccer players are playing in Europe then we’ll be a force to be reckoned with.

I guess Marketa Vondrousova has plenty of unplanned free time now to take in the sights and sounds of London town.

It’s okay Wyc. Lots of us don’t own a sports arena. Thanks for your stewardship of the team.

I am not a fan of all these advancements in AI. I’m worried more people are going to lose their jobs to robots. This World is moving all too fast for me and I just don’t trust AI unless it is being intended for good causes. Plus I hate that the lower-case L and capital i look the same in Twitter font. I’m having a tough time deciding if people are talking about AL or Ai.

Idiot holdouts denying me Supermax Jayson Tatum and Framingham Karen Read in the same week.

Portugal always has awesome uniforms.

Did I tune into day two of the NBA Draft or was that a Make-A-Wish documentary?

Cakes are cooking for Kurtwood Smith, Iain MacDonald-Smith (no relation), Betty Buckley, Dave Barry, Jan Smithers, Frank Tanana, Montel Williams, Stephen Pearcy, Hunter Tylo, Tom Cruise, Greg Vaughn, Moises Alou, Neil O’Donnell, Brian Cashman, Teppo Numminen, Audra MacDonald, Benedict Wong, Shawnee Smith, Teemu Selänne, Shane Lynch, Ludivine Sagnier, Sotirios Kyrgiakos, Olivia Munn, Sebastian Vettel, and Elle King.

One of the things I love about the NHL Draft is how, once round 2 starts, teams just announce picks right there from their tables. Rapid fire.

You know Red Sox fans, if the MLB playoffs started right now, that would be really odd seeing as they haven’t even played the All-Star Game yet.

Hey, gang of grifter ghosters! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I got, like, a bunch of felonies, like, that I’m facing. And like, I want them to go away.”

Cumberland Farms upping the coffee price every 6 months is so annoying. They’re not much cheaper than Dunkin anymore.

Don Sweeney? Absolute immunity! Sorrey!!

How many of you remember the expression “three hots and a cot?” Old Army guys would say they joined up to get three hot meals a day plus a place to sleep.

I never seen Lauri Markkanen rockin’ the Adidas slides with the gray Fubu sweatshorts. Ya dig?

‘Esplanade’ is a fun word.

Karen, you’ve really emboldened this bullied kid to talk more openly about shitting his pants.

If I can’t call Nikita Zadorov ‘Big Z’, I will instead call him, Baked Ziti! All abroad!

Take the T on the 4th of July: Subway: Saturday service to 3pm, then weekday. Bus: Sunday service. Commuter Rail & Ferry: Weekend service. FREE subway, bus, CR, and ferry after 9:30 PM.

Are the Free Jacks primed to Free-peat?

I hope NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is doing okay health-wise. There appeared to be something off at both Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final and last night at the NHL Draft. I am not a doctor and my opinion on this does not matter, but I hope he’s doing okay.

At least Martin Mull can be reunited with Shifty Shellshock.

There is a small but deadly population of Timber Rattlesnakes in the Greater Boston area, as well as other isolated parts of Massachusetts.

Xander Bogaerts (not playing) and Don Orsillo (as an opposing broadcaster) returning to Fenway Park for the first time really had me in my feels.

Do you think Alan Jackson lubes his cock before he fucks Karen Read in the ass, or does the anal leakage act as enough of a lubricant?

Elephants are famously large. Making larger than life sculptures of them seems like gilding the lily.

Six hardboiled eggs is a perfectly sane breakfast to eat on vacation.

I hope Jared Zero was able to watch the Celtics parade coverage from that nice farm he’s on in upstate New York.

There she stood in the street.
Smiling from her head to her feet.
I said, “Hey, what is this, now baby”, maybe,
Maybe she’s in need of a kiss

I said, “Hey, what’s your name, baby?
Maybe we can see things the same.”
Now don’t you wait or hesitate,
Let’s move before they raise the parking rate.

All right now, baby, it’s all right now.
All right now, baby, it’s all right now.
Let me tell you now.

People regarded Jordan & Pippen as a Batman & Robin situation as opposed to a Superman & Batman partnership and that affected how every other basketball duo was viewed in the past 35 years… Jayson Tatum & Jaylen Brown are more like Iron Man & War Machine or Cable & Deadpool.

Make one joke about an asteroid taking out a bunch a lunatics in pink shirts outside a courthouse and next thing ya know, one week twitter ban. Free speech yada yada yada.

Honk if you know the US President who was born on the Fourth of July.

Patriots just gonna set it up and run it again with Bill the GM’s players? Love to see it.

Gary Striewski signs multi-year extension with ESPN. But not during Pride Month?

76’ers collecting all the slugs. Trust that process.

I have a friend who screws up Rocket Man every time. Instead of “Burning out a fuse up here alone” he says “Burning out a fuse with Cheap Cologne” it drives me nuts.

FSG shoulda brought that Barstool whoah-personality in on Friday so Donny O could get a piece.

Fun Fact: the HP Hood Company maintains several stands of birch trees throughout all six New England states that eventually become the Hoodsie Cup’s iconic wooden spoons.

Know this: ‘Himno Nacional’ sounds like someone Peter Gammons tried to foist on us as a Very Special Person in the late 90s.

What an honor it must be to shake the hand of the deputy commissioner of the NBA at 4:42 on a Thursday afternoon when the Pacers pick you 36th overall.

When are the Bruins going to re-sign Swayman?

I hope that poor performance doesn’t affect the USMNT’s really real top 15 FIFA ranking.

Everybody knows about Joe DiMaggio. You’re a baseball fan if you can explain about Vince and Dom. You may need help is you know about Vince Jr.

Robots counting 18 munchkins would be wild.

Does anyone know a good Vancouver based sports marketing firm? Asking for Jake D.

The social media app is Twitter, the tall building at 200 Clarendon is the John Hancock, and people who own NBA franchises are Owners. GTFO with this governor nonsense.

We sure the Celtics didn’t mean to draft Creighton Scheierman from Baylor?

Some EXCITING news to share on the eve of long holiday weekend ahead: All three Rub Smoke Love rubs are now found in all Massachusetts Hannaford grocery stores!

Best bet for the weekend: Solarcaine.

A fine summer tradition.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I will be taking next week off for real. Something will run in this place. Enjoy the 4th.

BdlG wants you to know the beaches are open! Except for the closed ones.

6/26/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Coach Joe. A sicko, but our sicko.

If I were Michael Hurley, I would simply not be terrible and unfunny.

Giddey. Caruso. The rare impactful honky-for-honky trade.

It’s bad enough when these NFL draft morons ‘grind tape!’ We’re supposed to believe that some whore from Florida with saggy silver dollar flapjacks is watching junior hockey?

if there isn’t already a Boston championships parade shirt with “we’ll duck you up”/“time to get ducked up”/“let’s ducking go” and a duck boats illustration……… we need it

Has anyone been bitten by a shark while hoisting the Stanley Cup?

Lukaku is Congolese for the ‘cattle are dying.’

Cakes are cooking for Rober Davi, Tara VanDerveer, Mick Jones, Chris Issak, Patty Smyth, Greg LeMond, Harriet Wheeler, Pamela Wright, Kirk McLean, Shannon Sharpe, Nick Offerman, Paul Thomas Anderson, Gretchen Wilson, Derek Jeter, Chad Pennington, Michael Vick, Casey Desmond, Jennette McCurdy, and Ariana Grande.

Just once in my life, I want to witness twin tornadoes so I can exclaim to no one in particular, “Ok…we got sisters!”

I’m gonna use a saying my dad told me years ago in relations to Gisele ..if you’re gonna build your house on the golf course..then you can’t complain when the golf balls start coming thru the window

The Knicks paid out way more for Brooklyn’s Bridges than the Dutch originally did for the island of Manhattan!

What good is the “eye test” when you don’t know what you’re looking at?

Red Line Reminder: Beginning at 8:30 PM on Friday, June 28, and through the weekend of June 29-30 Alewife Trains bypass Kendall/MIT Station due to construction. Riders can transfer, for free, at Central or Charles/MGH.

The Negro League kept better records than Sal.

Hey gang that definitely has no cultist tendencies, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m not in a cult retard.”

So every “Heat Culture” loser currently peacocking over a Fort Lauderdale hockey team’s heimlich maneuver Game 7 win were discounting the Celtics three-loss playoff performance last week, yes?

We are not perfect ..remember that ..

The worst thing about Italians is they don’t realize they should be ashamed of being Italian.

July is almost here which means it’s time for another round of my Zoom workshop for aspiring sportswriters. Been incredible seeing many who have taken it in press boxes all over this year. Come learn what it takes to break in. Email bychriscotillo@gmail.com for info/pricing.

People who like Keefe are the same people who go into a taproom with a selection of 100 beers and order a Miller Lite.

Do you think Aidan Kearney would drink Karen Read’s toilet water? I do.

Last chance to be 1 of 5 picked to win $10000 cash if you throw a FB through a car window from 12-2 tomorrow at Albrecht Chrysler Jeep Dodge Ram in Westboro. Sign up at dealership.

Photograph your living room and post it in the comments.

The only thing Todd McShay should be providing any opinions on is appearing on ESPN drunk out of his mind.

People I know, places I go, make me feel tongue-tied.
And I can see how, people look down,
They’re on the inside.

Here’s where the story ends.

People I see, weary of me showing my good side.
And I can see how people look down,
I’m on the outside.

Here’s where the story ends.
Oh, here’s where the story ends.

It’s that little souvenir, of a terrible year, which makes my eyes feel sore.
Oh, I never should have said, the books that you read were all I loved you for.
It’s that little souvenir, of a terrible year, which makes me wonder why.
And it’s the memories of your shed, that make me turn red.
Surprise, surprise, surprise.

One thing I will never do is debate Boston sports on Twitter with a fan who roots for teams in four different states. Not to be a snob but we are not the same.

My estimate is that had face masks not been invented, major league baseball would now result in the deaths of an estimated 4.6 umpires per month.

Honk if you remember Earl Wilson’s no-hitter against the Angels on this day.

I’ve been a Taylor Swift fan for a long time and I’m so happy her and Travis Kelce are together. Travis is the first guy that truly feels madly in love with her and she deserves that. If they end up getting married, I’ll be very happy about that too.

All real Bruins fans use “Y’all” liberally on social media.

When there is more than just cheese it ceases to be a grilled cheese sandwich.

People regarded Jordan & Pippen as a Batman & Robin situation as opposed to a Superman & Batman partnership and that affected how every other basketball duo was viewed in the past 35 years… Jayson Tatum & Jaylen Brown are more like Iron Man & War Machine or Cable & Deadpool.

Dan Le Betard’s expanded universe of Hispanics must be stopped.

That fat Mets fan Frank is going to be a pallbearer at RA’s funeral, sponsored by DraftKings & Dude Wipes.

Scottie Scheffler has the slow beating heart of a criminal.

Grapefruit League Babe Ruth Bobby Dalbec with two home runs for the Woo Sox last night?

What’s Alan Jackson’s favorite client to fuck? The next one.

Happy trails to you, Linus Ullmark. I bet the Bussin’ Bussi likes hugs, too though. And fire engines.

The kids who say “Play ball” before an MLB game hold so much power. What happens if they refuse to say it? Do we just not play?

Julio Foolio was just turning his life around.

Chris Cotillo’s Zoom workshops have bigger audiences than some of these Stanley Cup appearances in south Florida.

Best bet for the weekend: The Swiss over Italy in the Euro.

Not Pictured: Perk.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I will be taking next week off. Something will run in this place. Enjoy the 4th.

BdlG, as good as the Larry O’Brien Trophy? Or maybe slightly better?
That’s not how it works. That’s not how any of this works.

6/19/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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They wanted Boston. They got Boston.

Winning is great. Winning that makes everyone else hysterically sad is even better.

No one dotted Dugie? Sad!

Jaylen Brown Finals MVP. He did spend some of that Supermax contract money attending a Sick Handlez Camp!

Willie Mays. You Say Hey, we all say goodbye. OOTG’s.

I’m in tears knowing Bill Russell’s widow was in Dallas for Game 4, and in Boston for Game 5.

Meanwhile, if wasn’t already, Bryson DeChambeau sure seems to have become this weekend what golf is continually seeking: A needle mover.

Dave Brown peacocking from his long dormant & locked Twitter account is peak Dave Brown.

Cakes are cooking for Salman Rushdie, Ann Wilson, Duane Kuiper, Larry Dunn, Kathleen Turner, Paula Abdul, Simon Wright, Mia Sara, Poppy Montgomery, Robin Tunney, Doug Mientkiewicz, Dirk Nowitzki, Garfield the Cat, Zoe Saldana, Jason White, and Macklemore.

Not only was that an all-time US Open, but my daughters wanted to learn more about the game, and I got to talk through the back nine with my dad at the house like we used to do after my tournaments and biggest rounds. Happy Father’s Day, everyone. It was a memorable one over here.

Having proper Sunday night HBO programming back is the best. It dominates social media the next day. We are so back.

Tons of people were helped by Jerry West admitting to being a maniac. Many cases of lives saved. “The Logo” taught me that it’s ok to not be ok.

Orange Line Reminder: Service changes for bridge and track work June 22-23: Shuttle buses replace service between Oak Grove & North Station June 24-30: Shuttle buses replace service between Wellington & North Station. Commuter Rail is fare free between Oak Grove & North Station.

Hopefully the next time all these Patriots greats are together is at RKK’s funeral.

Ime Udoka passed this up for pussy.

I don’t know how long ago Dennis Drinkwater’s seat moved to the aisle but how does he get into it? Does he hop over the back? Need to know.

Will Buck be wearing his Donnie Beardlsey skinsuit on one of the duckboats Friday?

Edmonton has now won twice, a win for each boob flashed by that nice lady.

Suggestion for Friday’s Celtics parade: Reserve one Duck-Boat for Wyc Grousbeck and his band, and play a Dead set to bring Bill Walton into the event. “Ripple” for respect.

Al Horford, aka the Dominican Don Nelson.

Don’t know about you guys, but it’s really scary to think that any one of us could be locked up if we drunkenly backed over a Boston cop. If they can do it to her, they can do it to YOU.

Hey gang of morons, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m still peeling confetti off me.”

Not great for the Woman In Sports™ brand that a hard 4 who grifts online retards considers herself part of the group.

Uh oh. Cotillo’s back on the soft serve.

Out of Jayson Tatum’s 40 highest priced purchased cards, only 3 were bought this year.

Trying to imagine what Bill’s reaction would have been if Brian, Stephen, or Amanda hade ever brought home a Cheerleader/Entrepeneur/Philosopher to meet dad.

This has been the longest day I wish I had more energy for the Celtics tweets 😦 I’ll be obnoxious all month if they win don’t worry.

‘Riding the side boards’ sounds like a 1940’s euphemism for gay sex.

I just wish Fergie would do every NBA Finals anthem.

The flow of porn spam from the usual suspects on Twitter has disappeared from my feed, and I have mixed feelings now that nobody seems to be trying to scam me. It’s like “wait, am I not worth the effort to try to steal from anymore?”

Abby didn’t need any gay champagne goggles.

Huh. I wonder why Bill forgot to mention the backstabbing rat of an in-over-his-head linebackers coach.

This human Subaru just femsplained to literal DNA forensic scientists the science of forensic DNA detectability.

Bill Clinton don’t become Willie Mays.

Sometimes I just shut up and let my past work talk. I earned these two days off and I’m going to enjoy every, single, minute of it.

PFF geting Betamaxed out of existence wouldn’t be terrible.

My favorite thing about watching women’s basketball is that they actually post up and use low post moves. It’s a lost art in the men’s game.

When the Starks & Baratheons get these blonde freaks up outta here >>>>>

Have the Revs turned a corner?

In the Boston Celtics 17 NBA Championships it has taken them an average of 6.12 games to win in the NBA Finals.

‘Claudia Bellofatto’ is a made-up name.

I can look out from the roof of this building I’m on and see five other buildings that I built. Three of which I saw from steel beam to final clean. I built half this block.

Today would be a great day for the race war to kickoff. Just like the Tet Offensive.

Gonna see the river man.
Gonna tell him all I can
About the plan
For lilac time.

If he tells me all he knows
‘Bout the way his river flows.
And all night shows
In summertime.

Fun Fact: women were disallowed from serving on juries in Massachusetts until 1950.

Somewhere in this town, there are crab legs & I’m gonna go eat more of them than the Rangers had hits Sunday.

Probably a relief to Jerry West that he didn’t have to see another Celtics championship.

Would you rather have one 12-foot statue of Tom Brady or twelve 1-foot statues of Tom Brady?

Narrator: The Mavericks as it turns out did not figure out the Celtics’ scheme.

There are too many withdrawals, no deposit , You can’t grow like that !!!

Wonder if Bill saved Linda’s fake cans for the new girl.

I’ve never figured out how they keep the baseball IN the hat when the hat jumps in the air during that dancing-hat thing where they want you to guess which hat has the ball.

With the Finals being over, how will people now learn that there is a new Bad Boys movie in theaters?

Honk if you remember Brett Hull’s Stanley Cup winning ‘no goal.’

That wasn’t a travel on Prichard’s beyond halfcourt halftime buzzer-beating three, it was a Eurostep.

Linda Cohn is still on TV? Well good for her!

I’m still trying to see ‘likes’ on Twitter like Homer Simpson forgetting to dial the new area code.

It’s really not like Anna Horford to use her brother’s fame to curry favor.

Imagine if Danny and Brad took advice from the radio talking men and the ink-stained wretches. lol

Belichick can probably still kill spiders and open tight jar lids at his age.

Also, I want the repaired Christopher Columbus statue the city is too scared to put back up riding on one of the duckboats.

If The Sports Hub had a Kevin, I think I’d know about it.

Best bet for the weekend: Ocean State Job Lot starts selling the ‘NBA Players Association’ championship merch.

Tom. Patriots Hall of Famer.
Eeep.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Dan Kelley, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. 

And Happy Birthday to Czech supermodel Veronika Vařeková. Všechno nejlepší k narozeninám!

6/12/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Big Day here.
Big Day there.

Lou thinks the first pitch home run was a bad way to start the homestand.

What if the Red Sox Twitter account changed their pfp for Pride Month to a zesty pic of Freddy Lynn, would that be okay?

When I was an opinion on an athlete’s ability to be athletic, I go straight to the two guys who can’t ride on an elevator together.

Dave O’Brien talking to Whitlock and his bionic arm and giving him “congratulations” on his birthday. Aspy!

Retinaculum? Damn near killed him!

If by ‘thriving’ you mean pulling in less revenue than the NBA G League last season, your players constantly bitching about low pay, bad accommodations, and having to play in Russia in the offseason to make ends meet, then yes, the WNBA was absolutely thriving before Caitlin Clark arrived.

Half of the crew in one of America’s most enduring movies were from Boston. Ray Bolger (Scarecrow) was a Dot guy. And Jack Haley (Tin Man) was born in Boston and grew up in Newton.

Trolls profit when you pay them with your attention.

Cakes are cooking for Marv Albert, Bun E. Carlos, Terry Alderman, Timothy Busfield, Jenilee Harrison, Mark Calcavecchia, Rod Latham, Derek Higgins, Paula Marshall, Gwen Torrence, Ryan Klesko, Hideki Matsui, DJ Qualls, and Jrue Holiday.

“We head back to Dallas,” they keep saying. That’s weird, as the series hasn’t been there yet.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

The NBA Finals will go at least 4 games and at most 7 games. Only 2 games have been played. That means there is at least 50% of the Finals yet to be played and up to 71.4% remaining. So, nobody should be concerned with who the 2024 NBA Finals Most Valuable Player yet.

RIP Chet Walker. You ain’t been up-faked until you’ve been up-faked by Chet “The Jet” Walker.

And then there’s Jerry West. He will be looking up and smiling at the Lakers all next season.

Seeing as CapFriendly’s days appear to be numbered (at least as a free site), I’d expect @PuckPedia to do what CF did after CapGeek’s pioneering run ended and fill the void. Can be the digital version of Williams to Yaz to Rice.

It’s been so long since the #Celtics clinched the ECF that I think Tatum retired and Deuce is starting at the 4.

Shukri’s life demonstrates the power of taking calculated risks.

I love the idea of “Yacht Rock.” But every time I turn it on, it’s more like “Every Song From 40 Years Ago That You Couldn’t Change Fast Enough Back Then.”

Looser orifice? Jerod Mayo’s mouth or Karen Read’s ‘balloon knot?’

I had some cilantro rice last night and enjoyed it. What a cocksucker I turned out to be.

Are we supposed to know what a Funko Pop is?

Tough for the USMNT to get the talent it needs with all the kids playing cricket nowadays.

Hey gang of pillheads, this Week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Leave her alone, NYP.”

Aaron Rodgers is skipping all of Jets mandatory minicamp this week because he prefers to be somewhere else away from football. That’s his choice.

Dart Adams didn’t get a New England Emmy Award for the Bell Biv DeVoe at Fenway Park Special?

To the good, the WCVB Eye Opener Team won a local Emmy, but then so did The Phantom Gourmet and Charlie Moore the Mad Fisherman.

This team of chokers has a Celtics franchise record for most consecutive playoff wins.

Creep don’t sleep.

Is all of Rhode Island under construction? Disgusting.

Wherever you go, I’ll be with you.
Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.
Whenever you need someone,
To lay your heart and head upon.

Remember, after the fire, after all the rain,
I will be the flame;
I will be the flame.

Who knew that Turtleboy fans were so sensitive about salty language? The MSP, they’re cops, not fops.

So many young ladies with numerical surnames.

Honk if you remember Chick Corea.

A good college basketball coach at a big school can stay there 25, 30, 40 years. I don’t know that that happens too often in the NBA.

Make a series of it, willya Edmonton?

We get it, Coach Mayo, the bad man is gone, so let’s do some performative charity work. Hey, the team has all summer to learn those fourteen word play calls, right?

Deuce Tatum is like Benjamin Button, but instead of aging in reverse, he just keeps getting whiter.

Nice stupid tits, Ashley; those will age well.

Sorry to hear Jonathan had another box factory emergency to attend to and missed the festivities later today.

I enjoy all length of socks.

if I was a horse I’d be down on my fetlocks praying Mut doesn’t bet on me.

Winning on the opponent’s floor wouldn’t be bad, Celtics.

Best bet for the weekend: a confusing Father’s Day at Clint Eastwood’s.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Dan Kelley, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Let’s gooooo!!!

And Happy Birthday to Brazilian supermodel Adriana Lima, who would probably never marry and then divorce a famous athlete. Wait, what?

6/5/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Go fill in the blank spaces, Celtics.

The way I keep it straight is, it’s the ‘Stanley Cup Final’, because final and NHL both end in L, and it’s the ‘NBA Finals’ because basketball and association both contain at least one letter S.

The Red Sox should consider installing a dugout escalator.

The Cooper Flagg race war is going to make this Caitlin shit look positively warm and fuzzy.

Mayo answering a coaching philosophy question is like Trump answering a question about his favorite Bible verse.

What the hell is Dave O’Brien talking about? The only thing preventing Sox fans from really diving in to support them is a 10-game winning streak, a no hitter, or a player hitting 14 HRs in a month. Oh, is that all?

It’s Men’s Mental Health Month, too.

Volunteered to help my wife teach her kindergarten class last Friday. My doctor says I should recover in 4 to 6 weeks!!

There’s nothing white women in their 20s love more than saying they’re bisexual.

As much as a pain in the ass as social media is at times, I’m so thankful I get to keep in touch with my childhood friends. Watching people you have loved at different points in life grow up is so freakin’ cool.

When is the joint Rangers/Knicks “We would have won if…” parade?

Cakes are cooking for Robert Kraft, Colm Wilkinson, John Carlos, Freddie Stone, Laurie Anderson, Ellen Foley, Kathleen Kennedy, Michael “Nicko” McBrain, Kenny G, Richard Butler, Jeff Garlin, Ron Livingston, Izabella Scorupco, Mark Wahlberg, Chuck Klosterman, Lamon Brewster, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Jason White, Pete Wentz, and Marques Colston.

Every sports radio caller is a proud graduate of Red Auerbach Coaching Academy.

I loved G & R’s ‘Chinese Dentistry’ album.

Fun Fact: Edmonton sits at 53.5461 degrees North. Sunrise, FLA sits at 26.1670 degrees North. The 2024 Stanley Cup Final competitors have the largest difference in latitude of any championship series in the history of North American professional sports.

A great birthday gift for Al Horford? A championship ring with the #DifferentHere

Green Line D Branch and Green Line E Branch: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a wire car performing preventative maintenance on the overhead catenary.

That make-out session with another girl after two and a half hard seltzers in college doesn’t make you bi, toots.

If Nickelback has no fans, I am deceased.

Tucupita Marcano sounds like a Jason Bourne alias to get through security at the airport, or maybe a dessert at Table.

Bill the GM doesn’t get any credit for getting rid of Loose Change Chase Winovich?

Being a kid with rich parents doesn’t seem to be as great as it sounds.

Oh wow the morbidly obese autist is a pedophile?

A mix pack that is 4 different kinds of India Pale Ales is not a mix pack, beer brewing people.

Did Rex Chapman just invent Birthdays?

If anyone needs me tonight, I’ll be dragging a naked and screaming Bob Cousy down Tremont Street while I demand that horrified onlookers “give him his flowers” before he dies.

Hey gang of folks with discerning palates, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I bet you eat hot dogs for dinner regularly.”

Everyone forgets the 3OT game against the Suns.

We completed the construction of the first Air Rights project since the 1970’s back in January. We built six stories of a 17-story building over the 93 on-ramp. This would be the second. Nice try though.

Why do geese have 9,000 babies? Do they listen to Marvin Gaye or what??

Rough Game 5, Timberwolves. I hadn’t seen a beating like that in Minnesota since George Floyd.

Perk looks and talks like he’s the Moon in a children’s storybook.

Vaya con Dios, Vanessa Welch and Kate Merrill. Good luck in your future endeavors.

Knock down the old grey wall.
Be a part of it all.
Nothing to say, nothing to see, nothing to do.

If you would give me all
As I would give it to you.
Nothing would be, nothing would be, nothing would be.

No matter where you go.
There will always be a place
Can’t you see it in my face, girl?
Ooh, girl, want you.

If I looked like a black Jocelyn Wildenstein, I would probably be angry all the time too.

Honk if you remember Hip Zepi USA.

A first baseman CAN make a quite significant contribution to the defensive success of his team. However, only a few first basemen do. Any rare skill presents a challenge to analysts.

Don’t believe Porzingis when he says he’s100%, Green teamers.

Steelers stalwart Larry Allen dead at 52, very sad. Huh? He played for Dallas? Well, I saw the age and just, well, you know…

Maybe the baseball players shouldn’t bet on baseball games?

Confusing I-93 and the Mass Pike is the kind of Generalship that leads to fighting the Battle of Bunker Hill in the wrong location.

Additional Fun Fact: Edmonton has a larger population than Chelmsford, Andover, and Lewiston combined.

The Celtics winning made the termites in Doris’s dentures cry.

Where is the Isobel Cup?

Maybe it’s not a great idea to take life lessons from a rapist. Just sayin’.

That nice Ginger Zee lady would have told Ike 80 years ago the weather across the English Channel was clearing.

Best bet for the weekend: a different horse wins the Belmont Stakes.

Is it sexist to say that outfit looks terrible when I could see Jayson Tatum wearing the exact same thing, pocketbook included?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Lookin’ at the devil, grinnin’ at his gun, Fingers start shakin’, I begin to run. Bullets start chasin’, I begin to stop, We begin to wrestle, I was on the top.

And a fair dinkum of a happy birthday to gold medal-winning Australian swimmer Emily Seebohm.

5/30/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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ECF MVP. OK. FCHWPO.

Did they fire Mazzulla yet? They’ve got a week to find a real coach.

Solid effort PWHL Boston. Get ’em next go around.

Is Zach Cox still trespassing at Gillette?

Bill Walton. Aw, man. Sad news. Second member of 1986 Cs to pass away.

Sox in worse shape in Baltimore than the Francis Scott Key Bridge is.

Nick Cattles should strive to be one-tenth as entertaining as that ChatGPT feature about him was.

Why is everyone ignoring Ant’s ability to force a Game Seven?

“You flail at 100% of the takes you don’t verbalize.” – Mark Dondero. Probably.

Cakes are cooking for Barry Clifford, P.J. Carlesimo, Stephen Tobolowsky, Colm Meaney, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Ted McGinley, Kevin Eastman, Wynonna Judd, Billy Donovan Jr., Adele Dazeem, Manny Ramirez, Je’Rod Cherry, Marissa Mayer, Jordan Palmer, and Sam Baker.

Josef Newgarden proved once again he’s Penske material at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.

They actually said that Angel Hernadez is retiring ‘to spend more time with his family?’ lol.

Hey Cattles, Jess Moran could probably use some help on her food truck. Still a Y especially if she brings a lobster roll for later. I’d reweave the netting on her lobster traps, heh heh. I may be doing this wrong.

Cedric Maxwell had to present the Larry Bird trophy? Oof.

If Emilee Dennis let Rotillo hit it we wouldn’t have the RSLO clothing line.

I would’ve liked to smoke some gay weed with Bill Walton.

Boston goalie Aerin Frankel with 41 saves. Crowd chants, “Frankel, Frankel, Frankel” at the game’s end.

Scottie Scheffler chose the high road.

Orange Line Reminder: Through June 6 No Train service between Wellington & Back Bay for bridge and track work. Use Buses between Wellington & North Station. Use Green Line between North Station & Copley. Use Commuter Rail Haverhill Line at North Station, Malden Center & Oak Grove.

BC Women’s lax are your NCAA champions.

The Cape Cod Times is looking for a HS sports reporter. This has the potential to be a great gig for an early 20-something looking to break in.

Alex Karaban is returning to UConn.

Fans of a .500 team overreact to every win and loss. A good team, you know you can’t win them all; a 100-loss team, you get used to it. A .500 team, emotionally you’re as good as the last 24 hours.

I forgot to listen to the Johnston, Roche, and Cattles Holiday Fill-in Show!

Karl Anthony Towns is the worst all-star in the league.

Hey gang of male feminists, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Nobody works harder than women in sports.”

More resumes should say “34DD.”

Holiday is who everybody convinced themselves Smart was.

Game 3 of the 2024 Eastern Conference Finals should forever be referred to in history as Jrue’s Non-Covid Illness Game.

Home track win for Chuc Leclerc at the Monaco Grand Prix.

When the Celtics fail to execute in crunch time, they’re losers. When their opponent fails to execute in crunch time, they should’ve won! got it.

You say that you love me (say you love me)
All of the time (all of the time)
You say that you need me (say you need me)
You’ll always be mine (always be mine)

I’m feelin’ glad all over.
Yes, I’m glad all over.
Baby, I’m glad all over.
So glad you’re mine.

Have fewer electrical outlets. And have more furniture blocking access to the few there are.

I can draw up inbounds plays that don’t work too. Just sayin’.

Lonzo Ball says he had to get a new meniscus from a donor because of how severe his injury became.

Honk if you remember the TV movie, Brian’s Song.

I don’t know Ma, what do you think they serve at “Just Salads?”

Thinking heavily of Bill Walton, Tommy Heinsohn, Red Auerbach, KC Jones, and Sam Jones tonight as the #DifferentHere Boston #Celtics punch another ticket to the #NBAFinals.

Trop Pants! > $80 Pants

I could watch Pop Douglas run routes against air all day. The No. 3 looks good on him, too.

Bradley Beal has a son named “Deuce.” Makes you think.

Have Goodman and Perk ever done a podcast together? The universe would implode in a singularity of stupid.

Friendly reminder to be nice to your veterinary staff on holiday weekends.

I can’t be the only one who saw that woman take her jersey off behind the Dallas Stars bench.

Best bet for the weekend: Oliers & Panthers advance to The Cup.

Makes you think.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Dan Kelley, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Rock the Casbah.

And Happy Birthday to tech CEO Marissa Mayer-hold on, I’m being told this is actually model Marissa Miller. Well, the picture stays.
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