The 15

New game idea: Wacky morning zoo radio show, or NHL teammates? “Listen to Heino and Steener in the morning for your chance to score Olivia Rodrigo tickets!”

Aren’t all stoves hot?

Terry Bradshaw when he’s reading the halftime scores sounds like Jack Edwards.

Jrue gotta move the rock.

Red Sox Triston Casas a finalist for AL Rookie of the Year.

During the 1980’s Bert Breer had a General Motors Starter jacket. True story.

Ironman Rob Will injured?

Patriots fans have learned the name Ben Johnson and now won’t shut the fuck up about him.

Cakes are cooking for Satch Sanders, Bonnie Raitt, Mary Hart, Leif Garrett, Gordon Ramsey, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Jose Offerman, Parker Posey, Twan Scheepers, Tara Reid, Nick Punto, Sam Bradford, Giancarlo Stanton*, & SZA.

Honestly I love Zdeno Chara But at this point I’d be more impressed if he challenged Joey Chestnut on July 4th.

I like getting barbecue rub when I pick up my leaf bags.

Patriots CB JC Jackson is not expected to travel with the team to Germany for their game against the Colts.

Check my prоfile tо gеt lаunсh money.

Red Sox should have moved Paxton at the deadline. Or Pullman. Whichever one they just let walk for nothing.

Dark at 5 pm means my seasonal depression is back!

Green Line B Branch Update: Shuttle buses replace service between Washington Street and Boston College while repairs are made to an overhead wire near Sutherland Road. And Red Line Reminder: Shuttle Buses replace service between JFK/UMass and Park Street from 8:45 PM to the end of service, November 14-16, for track work.

I like the nachos, but only with the little round tortilla chips.

Congratulations to the Foxboro High field hockey team for their 2-0 win over Swampscott in the MIAA Tournament! Way to ignore the noise, ladies!

“Gethin Coolbaugh” sounds like a light-hitting Negro Leagues player. “Coolbaugh batted .184 and stole 307 bases during the ‘39 season.”

Did you ever realize that if you never eat anything except leftovers, somehow you will still have leftovers? I’m not sure how the math works on that.

Ryan Blaney out-drives Kyle Larson to win his first NASCAR championship.

“It’s not really a lighthouse, but that’s what they call it.” YOU SHUT YOUR STUPID WHORE MOUTH SHANNON SPAKE!!

Hey gang of young up-and-comers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I don’t have much interest in grabbing a beer with Craig Breslow.”

Y’know, If Lucy did decide to get an OnlyFans, she could probably make enough to fix that deviated septum so she wouldn’t be panting for breath by the end of walking for 40 seconds in her betting videos.

I’ve been listening to nothing but The Cars lately. Such a good band. There isn’t even a Phoebe Cates video sucking me in.

“Con facemask y todo” is fun to say.

Sometimes I see guys walk in and I think “ooh, I like that sweater I wonder where he got that” for half a second before remembering Jayson Tatum probably spent two months’ worth of my income on it at a secret store known only to NBA players.

Kimmi Chex is a totally real name.

Do other ppl use the bathroom as a house refuge? I live with only one other person, and often I’ll just be like, ‘welp I need a break from the rest of the house, time to stand and look at my phone in front of my bathroom sink.’

Is Jack Jones even allowed to leave the country?

When Felger dies, Darren Rovell will reveal that he has the napkins Felger used to warm his legs.

Only you know and I know.
All the loving we’ve got to show.
So don’t refuse to believe it.
By reading too many meanings.

‘Cause you know that I mean what I say, so, don’t go
And never take me the wrong way.
You know you can’t go on getting your own way.
‘Cause if you do, it’s gonna get you someday, yeah.

Had assumed that Corey Seager was a good bet to make the Hall of Fame, based on his current trajectory. But, turns out he’s in 26th place among shortstops in Wins Above Replacement by age 29, between Hanley Ramirez and Rabbit Maranville. Two WS MVPs would help, of course.

People are noticing you, George Stephanopoulos.

In all seriousness, both The Beatles and The Rolling Stones have new songs out. What fucking year are we in?

Honk if you remember Joe Flynn.

Fox has Stink and Pink on the same NFL broadcast crew?

The Sara Civian fan club is strong and we stan.

Things I didn’t expect to see: The autograph line for Gina Gershon was much longer than the one for Marisa Tomei.

Add ‘plastered’ to the football lingo.

An Xfinity guy was just here and he turned on our television to see if it worked. They showed a guy on TV that was wanted and he looked exactly like me. It was actually a little frightening. Guessing that I was only the second most frightened person in the room.

All the Daylight I saved has been lost, like tears in rain.

Have fun with the sports betting, Maine.

Dick Drago. A closer before there were closers. Born too late to play on the beloved 1967 Impossible Dream Red Sox, now taken from us too soon. RIP.

Best bet for the weekend: All our veterans eating like kings on Friday restaurant-hopping for their free appetizers and desserts.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Ein Prosit, ein Prosit. Der Gemütlichkeit.

Really, if you think about it, New England’s active pro sports teams are a combined 13-6. Not too shabby!

I hate whenever a Celtic tries a dunk after the whistle and probably always will. Being 10 ft from Tony Allen’s injury will do that to you.

How can Jones and Mego be in 15th place? Name 13 other radio stations.

Being a fired NFL head coach is the best job in the world.

An MRI confirmed the Vikings’ Pro Bowl QB Kirk Cousins tore his right Achilles and his 2023 season is over? That sucks. Comes across as a genuinely good person and is tougher than a $2 steak.

Karson and Kennedy or Karlson and Kennedy? Very confused. Sorry he died whoever he was.

Obvi, 84-win teams shouldn’t make the World Series.

Cakes are cooking for Kinky Friedman, Lyle Lovett, Fernando Valenzuela, Anthony Kiedis, Rick Allen, Kent Graham, Tie Domi, Erik Spoelstra, Jenny McCarthy, Aishwarya Rai, Coco Crisp, Natalia Tena, and Masahiro Tanaka.

When it’s 70 degrees in Boston on April 25, everybody wears t-shirts. When it’s 70 degrees on Oct. 25, down vests and quarter-zips.

Sigh. ‘Scissors’. ‘Quarters’. ‘Pharaoh’. We get it. You know all the terms.

I’ve got a bone to pick with Pringles. The inconsistency in the tall cans is getting out of control. Half the time they suck, half the time they’re incredible and remind you of the first can you ever had. They gotta figure it out. Anyway, I got Rangers winning this series in 6.

Wearing a hot dog suit around Joe Murray seems dangerous.

Hey gang of naval reservists! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Ahhhh do I uhhhh ahhh evah tell yah about The Rolling Stones in the Gahdennn?”

‘Trunk or Treat’ is a solution in search of a problem.

Spell check hates me too.

Red Line Braintree Branch: Southbound delays of about 10 minutes due to a disabled train taken out of service at JFK/UMass.

That trade for Harden? Clippers are going to be awesome 8 years ago! PTT!

Baseball is a sacred thing with me, the touchstone of my youth. In its pure form, its perfect, which is why I don’t approve of the DH, the shift, pitch clocks, stick’um, or comms gear on pitchers and catchers. If DiMaggio didn’t use it, I really don’t think it belongs in the game.

And a goal from the city kid…

IHOP puts pancakes on plates barely larger than the pancake, so any syrup you put on inevitably runs off the plate onto the table. This must be irritating many thousands of customers a day, but it’s been that way for decades and there is no sign they are going to figure it out.

There were three men came out of the West,
Their fortunes for to try.
And these three men made a solemn vow:
John Barleycorn must die.

They’ve ploughed, they’ve sown, they’ve harrowed him in,
Threw clods upon his head.
And these three men made a solemn vow:
John Barleycorn was dead.

Josh McDaniels? He lasted longer in Vegas than than Greg Bedard and he’s still getting paid.

We play hard around here.

That stupid Mike McDaniel watch story couldn’t be more tailored to impress the credulous NFL media had it been created in a lab.

Honk if you remember Honda opening their Marysville, Ohio factory.

Who gives out socks for Halloween?

A Nissan Rogue isn’t that bad for a rental. Just sayin’.

Matt Perry. Seemed to like sports, kept the quips moving along, once beat up a grade school-aged Justin Trudeau. RIP Ms. Chanandler Bong.

Football Cat with a 10-win, 5 loss weekend with the NFL picks.

UMass Football beat the USMA? Well, there’s a history of Minutemen defeating an Army.

Never vouch, Mookie.

Can the “Belichick is too focused on the win record to do what’s best for the team” people hear themselves?

Don’t bench Jimmy!

Best bet for the weekend: Amazing celebrity photograph opportunities at The RI Comic Con.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend @SSkippington, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.

So much sportsing this time of year!

Bruins are a wagon. On ice. An Ice Wagon.

Anyone who unironically uses the term “green-teamer” should be sent to ADX Florence.

Congratulations to Craig Breslow on becoming the Head of Baseball Operations for the Boston Red Sox. Related, the Red Sox executive office Shabbos Goy has better job security than Matthew Slater.

Many people are dismissing the potential viewership of a Rangers/Diamondbacks World Series, but don’t discount the novelty of neither the Astros nor the Dodgers playing.

Was Bill Belichick padding the injury report to try and garner some sympathy and take the heat off??

Jon Smoltz called Game Seven a “must win” for the Astros. Okay.

From all indications, Bridgewater-Raynham and Chelmsford will not reach the 3-win criteria and thus not qualify for the D2 football playoffs. Betcha can’t wait to see Catholic Memorial playing host to Diman Voke

With Las Vegas winning the WNBA title, Aces minority owner Tom Brady can have his own boat called 8 Rings now.

Cakes are cooking for Jon Anderson, Dave Cowens, Mike Eruzione, Tracy Nelson, Johan de Kock, Wendel Clark, Josef Beránek, Ed Robertson, J.A. Adande, Craig Robinson, Pedro Martínez, Milena Roucka, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Katy Perry, Xander Schauffele, and Football Cat.

Yo, @tntdrama & @SamsungTV , figure that app shit out. [This is why Roku >>>]

Taylor Swift didn’t have normal high school or college so she’s living out every awkward woo girl stage of her life in front of us.

CLNS has to be a money laundering scheme.

Fubo doesn’t have TBS but watching the Spanish broadcast of the NLCS has been great. I should start watching more sports in languages I don’t understand.

Hey gang of concerned netizens, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Nobody has ever overcome a rough childhood.”

These are the turnovers that kills drives and momentums. It’s bad enough to lose one momentum.

In and around the lake.
Mountains come out of the sky and they stand there.
One mile over we’ll be there and we’ll see you.
Ten true summers we’ll be there and laughing, too.
24 before my love you’ll see I’ll be there with you.

PWH Roast Beef Review – Mark’s Pizza and Subs -10B Washington Street, Wellesley – Juicy, red beef that dominated the sandwich. Really good. Excellent onion rings with thick batter and extra points for the steak fries. Pucks with Haggs Beef rating: 8.0.

Sheets of double-glazing help to keep outside the night,
Only foreign city sirens can cut through.

Dusty don’t know panic.

Chris Buescher of Roush Fenway Keselowski Racing’s three NASCAR wins may not be enough to qualify for the Cup Series Playoffs without a good showing in Martinsville October 30th.

Recorded the game on a non-HD channel. It’s like watching it in 1999.

That’s right, here’s where the talkin’ ends.
Well listen this night there’ll be some action spent.
Drive hard I’m callin’ all the shots.
I got an ace card comin’ down on the rocks.

If you think I’ll sit around while you chip away my brain.
Listen I ain’t foolin’ and you’d better think again.
Out there is a fortune waitin’ to be had.
You think I’ll let it go? You’re mad.
You got another thing comin’.
You got another thing comin’.
You got another thing comin’.

Yarmouth Massachusetts, a noted hot spot for comedy in October.

Malik, get up!

Gorg weather. Fall in New England on pointe.

As Monday Night Football goes to break following the Jordan Addison touchdown, “Higher” by Creed is the outro music. Well played by the production team

Enjoy retirement Dusty Baker. And you too, Chris Russo, unless you’re a liar like Dan Lifshatz.

Physical Therapy is one of the biggest scams in the medical profession.

That Poitras lad seem to be fitting in just fine.

Just dawned on me that two-factor authentication would accomplish ZERO in the event that the person who’s trying to hack your accounts is doing it with your stolen phone.

Stollen, on the other hand is delicious, but not yet in-season.

Coach Scar. Player Vrabes. TOTG’s with the Pats. Congratulations.

Bill Simmons has been crying about the Dodgers being eliminated after a really good season. It’s happened like 10 times now. Maybe it’s not small sample or the format, maybe they built their team on a foundation of legendary chokers? Who could’ve foreseen Mookie and Kershaw gagging in the playoffs?!

Will massage help Deshaun Watson’s subscapularis strain? Just asking the question.

Honk if you remember Operation Urgent Fury.

News Item: Gene Steratore issued a mea culpa after admitting he got a call wrong on Sunday.

Worst Hall of Fame candidate on the ballot, Joe West or Cito Gaston?

Congrats to Giannis Antetokounmpo’s agent.

Mixing imperial and metric units of measure is how you crash spacecraft.

The Head of the Charles Regatta was as magical as ever.

No, I don’t think Cooper Flagg “seems like a good fit” with Duke. Why do you think that?

Best bet for the weekend: Mike McDaniel coaching from the shaded sideline of Hard Rock Stadium so he doesn’t get all sunburned.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. It’s going to be scary!

The path to 5-5 for New England is right there, caller.

Boston Sports Journal is like a graveyard for once-overpaid scribes who don’t know they’re dead yet.

Which vacant position gets filled first, Sporting Director for the Revolution, or Red Sox General Manager?

How dare you take joy in the struggles of brash dickhead Deion Sanders!

Bruins aren’t playing until tomorrow night? Did they catch the old Boston & Albany train to Chicago, where they switched to the Union Pacific’s Overland Route to the Bay Area as a Centennial tribute?

I hope the money Katie won on Celebrity Jeopardy goes to help poor put-upon woman in sports Kayce.

If Velma from Scooby Doo played bass for the Ramones, she’d look like Karen Guregian.

What does a senior consultant do?

Suzanne Somers died? That can’t be. This must be some kind of wacky misunderstanding! RIP.

Cakes are cooking for Mike Ditka, Russ Giguere, Pam Dawber, Martina Navratilova, Thomas Hearns, Wynton Marsalis, Alex Cora, Yoenis Cespedes, Zac Efron, and Brittany Griner.

Kept undefeated Penn State under 70, UMass. That’s not bad.

Baseball needs another prominent knuckleballer again. Nothing like adding to the nerves of October baseball like wondering if the knuckler is gonna cooperate that night.

Four-cylinder Honda’s are going to get very pricey again.

The Dolphins released 2019 Patriots third-rounder Chase Winovich from the practice squad with an injury settlement.

Mail-order bagels?

The new Frasier is worth a watch. It is free to watch on YouTube for now.

Nothing better than being at a restaurant with a long wait and seeing people done with their meals just sitting at their tables talking.

Are there any pictures of Mike Giardi where he doesn’t look like a disinterested gay flight attendant?

Play the kids when they get back, whoever the Revs coach guy is!

Hey Hillside gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The restless dead try to return to Twitter in October.”

Some news: The SF Giants formally interviewed assistant coach Alyssa Nakken for their managerial role, according to sources. She’s believed to be the first woman to become an official candidate for an MLB club’s top uniformed job.

Chipotle please get better people to roll the burritos. Start a college for it or something lol kidding. But this one hurt my soul.

The snow and the throwbacks made for a really beautiful combination in that Pats win over the Titans fourteen years ago on this date.

Who’s trippin’ down the streets of the city
Smilin’ at everybody she sees?
Who’s reachin’ out to capture a moment?
Everyone knows it’s Windy.

And Windy has stormy eyes.
That flash at the sound of lies.
And Windy has wings to fly,
Above the clouds (above the clouds)
Above the clouds (above the clouds.)

Honk if you know what to do when you get to the Slauson Cutoff.

Mahomes and Kelce are mesmerizing.

Who do you think is going to play Aidan in the movie? Chris Evans? Chris Pine? Rhys Ifans? Tilda Swinton?? Let us know in the comments!

What do you mean, “what movie, you demented psychopath?”

Alex Verdugo is Boston’s lone Gold Glove nominee.

I hope the Newscenter 5 Eyeopener Team all know they are still beautiful inside and out.

Mac is going to get every Pats offensive skill player injured.

I’m not a Texas fan or rooting for them, but I’m just thrilled with the post-season success of Jordan Montgomery. People are SO convinced that you have to throw 100 in order to get people out now. You can’t overstate the value of one pitcher who proves that that isn’t true.

I think the football did brush up against Devante Parker’s fingertips. After it bounced off his palms.

Sharon Alfonsi’s teeth look very real.

Abby has multiple jobs. Dickerson has no job.

No TB12 store?

Haha, yes. Bob Lobel’s funny little catchphrase. Haha.

Diamondbacks vs Rangers should bring the ratings bonanza.

Best bet for the weekend: for a few hours, we will all be Nittany Lions.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. When you started off with nothing and you’re proud that you’re a self-made man. And your friends they all come crawling, slap you on the back and say, please. Please.

So far, so good goes the Bruins’ defense of the Presidents Cup!

Good job, good effort in the playoffs, AL East squadrons.

A heady mix of shooters and defenders on this Celtics team. Should be a fun one.

I know how Patriots fandom works, you complain during their 20 years of dominance that they should have been even more dominant, and when they finally come back down to Earth you get to crow about being right all along. Fuck these fanz.

Since China is recalling all the Panda Bears, do we have to send them Pablo Sandoval?

Salk had better ratings than Jones and Mego.

And the team built by former Red Sox took a big early lead against the team built out of former Red Sox. Hub of the universe.

Anyone see Mrs. Doubtfire the musical? If so, how was it?

Cakes are cooking for Sid Fernandez, Chris Chandler, Hugh Jackman, Terry Ray, Tanyon Sturtze, Miroslav Šatan, Bode Miller, Tom Guiry, and Mike Green.

My gratitude to a man whose career maybe most typifies the gloriously brutal early days of the NFL. Godspeed Mr. Butkus, I hope for St. Peter’s sake he’s not on offense when you get there.

Bruins fans just like yelling Loooooch!

Fall Out Boy covering Billy Joel is why they hate us.

Kale Bort DFA’d?

Hey gang of college football fans, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I think I love Smacker Miles.”

Cleveland Browns QB Deshaun Watson (shoulder) did not practice yesterday, and PJ Walker would start if he can’t go.

The Dodgers are cursed for what they did to card carrying Alpha Male, Trevor Bauer.

We don’t talk enough about how cool it is that so many different personalities can succeed as NFL coaches. Like I’m inviting Dan Campbell to my kegger and I want to wander around an art museum with Mike McDaniel and if I want to talk shit about the other two I’m calling Belichick.

Blue Line experiencing delays of about 10 minutes due to signal problem at Beachmont.

All weed is gay now.

Mac will be all fixed once they get Jeudy. PTT!

I am so sick of Pat McAfee being shoved down my throat. But our Vern Dozier has a different opinion! Heyooooo!

Nick Perbix is the league’s new “Dolores” (stick taps to pioneers Jake Bean & Grant Clitsome).

You all right?

She had hair like Jeannie Shrimpton back in 1965.
She had legs that never ended,
I was halfway paralyzed.
She was tall and cool and pretty and she dressed as black as coal.
If she asked me to I’d murder, I would gladly lose my soul.

Now I lie in bed and think of her,
Sometimes I even weep.
Then I dream of her behind the wall of sleep.

I admit I have not been a huge fan of Lions head coach Dan Campbell’s approach of biting knee-caps motivation—it was too high schoolish for me. I prefer the more intellectual approach of reaching the players. But I was wrong.

Honk if you remember Fred Villari.

Everyone knows your crazy conspiracy theory being true is an absolute defense to witness intimidation!

Connor Bedard. Talented, and not hateable. Weird!

Call it ‘brotherly shove’ more.

Cats will make you feel like a kaiju in your own home.

Frankly offended the VGK Stanley Cup banner doesn’t have neon on it.

A shame Charles Napier wasn’t in Stop Making Sense. Nevertheless, it is worth seeing the remastered film in theaters while you can.

Wouldn’t “pink hat” Bruins fans be the least likely to know who Lucic is?

The Raiders game. That’s the real test.

Best bet for the weekend: the Revs start their playoff run.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Published today and not Wednesday due to the Columbus Day Holiday.

Chris Snow. Tim Wakefield. Russ Francis. Tough week.

Be more obviously checked out, Red Sox Ownership Group.

Play the kids, Jim Montgomery!

Get well soon Christian Gonzalez and Matt Judon.

Does Jrue have a nice dump shot?

There being no Wild Card Game threes today is proof you can’t script October.

Mike Lombardi is the Vince Lombardi of spam tweets.

Yes, worry about Kristaps getting injured because you lost the ironman Rob Williams.

All I did was listen on my earbuds most of the morning and still feel like I ran a marathon. Nothing like the Ryder Cup.

Cakes are cooking for Steve Miller, Brian Johnson, Bill James, Bob Geldof, Imran Khan, Careca, Michael Andretti, Laura Davies, Patrick Roy, Mario Lemieux, Guy Pierce, Karyn Parsons, Kate Winslet, and Travis Kelce.

It is also Rex Chapman’s birthday, but no cake for him. Loser.

We’re in New England. Stop saying y’all.

Did Wakey get Fawcett’d by the 2023 Patriots?

I’ve noticed that a lot of popular “Celtics twitter” accounts take my takes and flip them into their own. It’s funny because they think I don’t notice.

You do dirt, you get dirt.

Worcester Line Train 512 (9:05 am from Worcester) is operating 5-10 minutes behind schedule between Boston Landing and South Station.

NFL crowds are the worst. So many donkeys.

Hey gang of otherwise unemployable Stoolies, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Break one her for me.”

I’m always in a debate with myself on who’s better: Tim Brady or Matt Jones.

The play of #NHLBruins Matt Poitras (age 19) this preseason is too eerily similar in terms of really making an impact offensively the way a former 2nd round draft pick at age 18 pretty much was an impact player almost from get go. Patrice Bergeron. The similarities are there IMO.

Why wouldn’t you want a refrigerator with an icemaker?

Curt Schilling is like Pete Rose, in that every time you feel like you’re ready to start defending him again, he goes back to his looney room and comes out with another treasure.

We all share this planet – we are all connected by our oceans.

John Wallach will die before being anything but a footnote. God is real.

Am not going out on a limb by now projecting Jonathan Jones will not earn his NLTBE $250K 90% playing-time incentive this season.

Shabazz Napier is from Roxbury…

Terry Francona’s scooter was stolen again. And it was beaten up pretty badly. And, well… “The worst part was they defecated on it.”

Whenever I look at Benjamin St-Juste I think that Juste must be the patron saint of hyphens.

The 2010 and 2011 Red Sox should have played harder to get Wakey the wins to tie or pass Cy and Roger. There; I said it.

Our house it has a crowd.
There’s always something happening,
and it’s usually quite loud.
Our mum, she’s so house-proud.
Nothing ever slows her down,
and a mess is not allowed.

Our house, in the middle of our street.

Lombardi forgot to turn off his automatic book pitch when sending his thoughts and prayers to a kid with cancer.

Whither Jared Grasso?

25 years ago today Britney Spears’ “Baby, One More Time” was serviced to radio as a promo. Entered Hot 100 Airplay at #59 on November 7th, 1998, Sales on the 21st, Hot 100 at #18 on December 5th, 1998 but the video didn’t debut on TRL until December 18th, 1998. Hit MTV early Dec.

Honk if you remember the uniform 22-foot NBA 3-point arc.

The people who mocked Belichick as being a “genius” for 20 years are also the same people who think he should be able to completely rebuild the team in four. In other words, fucking idiots.

Good job, good effort US Ryder Cup team.

If there is a heaven, I hope Jerry Remy gets to announce Wake’s arrival to the Pearly Mound.

Revs. Flailing.

Can someone string together all of Christian Gonzalez’s All-22 reps so I can re-watch them for the next 4 months while weeping and eating Cheetos?

‘The Pearly Mound’ sounds like a low-rent Tampa area gentleman’s club.

Artificial Intelligence program’s inability to correctly render human hands must give Larry Johnson some comfort.

Mike Gorman’s replacement Drew Carter? Decent pipes, terrible picture of him in the NBCSN group photo.

Best bet for the weekend: rain.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I apologize for the delay. It was too nice out yesterday to work on the column.

I ain’t calling a grown man “Sauce.”

Lee Corso doesn’t seem healthy. Probably in his best interest for him not to be on GameDay regularly anymore.

Wrap the remaining Bruins in bubble wrap!

It’s like King Pyrrhus said, “another such victory and I will have two wins so far this season.”

Remember; you’re the jerk for noticing that Deion Sanders has always been an asshole. Plus he played for the Yankees, the 90’s Braves, and the Dallas Cowboys. He’s a bandwagon kid’s wet dream.

In baseball rather than the first and second Wild Card, the slots should be referred to as the Wild Card and the Even Wilder Card.

Zo doesn’t like the play calls on third down. He doesn’t have a better play in mind, he just thinks they should always pick up the first.

Cakes are cooking for Randy Bachman, Denis Lawson, Mike Schmidt, Shaun Cassidy, Steve Kerr, Alonzo Spellman, Gwyneth Paltrow, Brad Arnold, Anna Camp, Lil Wayne, Avril Lavigne, and Jenna Ortega.

It’s a crime that Dunkin’s raspberry watermelon refresher is only a summer flavor.

Maybe I’m an idiot but I could actually see Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce being together awhile. Everyone expects it to fizzle out so watch them zag. They’re gonna sense how much power there is for them in how annoying it will be for us.

This pizza thing is going to be huge. give it time.

I think there are like three people I follow whose retweets have led me to block about 2/3 of Congressional twitter accounts. (Any politicians whose tweets cross my timeline, agree or not, I immediately block)

There’s no way there’s a real thing called ‘wet AMD.’

Al Michaels will continue the longest streak in television history. His tie knot will be perfect. He needs to teach a class on Instagram how to tie the perfect knot. Like Stanley Tucci does drinks Al could do knots.

Dougie Meehan couldn’t have kicked in five bucks for half a pack?

Final, King Philip 28, Norwood 0. Brian Lee did not coach tonight in lieu of investigation into training camp hazing incident.

The MBTA Commuter Rail Fairmount Line will be free during the Red Line Ashmont Branch & Mattapan Line 16-day diversion. From October 14-29, free shuttle buses & Fairmount Line service will be available to riders as we perform track work.

Frank Langella was a pretty good Skeletor but the film overall was trash so does it still count?

Hey gang of carmine hose dead-enders, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, ” Houck unraveled quickly.”

Day after day it reappears.
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear.
Ghosts appear and fade away.

Alone between the sheets.
Only brings exasperation.
It’s time to walk the streets.
Smell the desperation.

At least there’s pretty lights.
And though there’s little variations.
It nullifies the night.
From overkill.

A lot of hugs in the dugout for Zack Kelly after his scoreless inning of work.

Why is this random Getty Images meme of Kevin James suddenly resurfacing? What did I miss?

Artie T is the biggest needle mover in the world of banana boxes.

What kind of pizza place isn’t open on Sunday?

As a result of Taylor Swift eating a piece of chicken with ketchup and ranch in Kansas City, Chiefs stadium food provider Levy Restaurants says they have increased their supply of ranch in the suites.

Things are gonna turn around for Aidan any day now.

Honk if you remember Montecore.

Go ahead Mr. big mouth tell us how’s the game is going you four-eyed rat.

Sad to hear The Human Vacuum Cleaner died. What? No! Not Debi Diamond! Brooks Robinson! From the Orioles! What’s wrong with you!?

Tony Massarotti has more suspensions than Marchand in the past year, but yeah, he shouldn’t have been named captain.

Did Taylor Swift do the tomahawk chop?

Fun NBA roster nerd thing: The Clippers re-signed all four of their own free agents: Moussa Diabate – 1 year, two-way Xaiver Moon – 1 year, Exhibit 10 Mason Plumlee – 1 year, $5M Russell Westbrook – 2 years, $8M. No other team has re-signed all of their own FAs this offseason.

It’s nice to live in Massachusetts where lesbian gym teachers were allowed to marry each other 30 years ago.

A: $3.46.

Jack Edwards is already in midseason form. Unfortunately.

David McCallum has died. Dosvedanya, Agent Kuryakin. Close channel D.

Best bet for the weekend: A hard-fought Eagles win against Virginia on Family Weekend in Chestnut Hill.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, @GStill45 and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Working Overtime.

I’m not even over Barbaro yet and now I’ve got to deal with Nick Chubb?

I’m always in a better mood on days that the National Football League plays game

Boston College visits 3-0 Louisville Saturday in ACC gridiron action!

Last week the Red Sox decided to play God and made Chaim Bloom their Moses: You can lead us through the desert, but you won’t be the one to take us to the Promised Land.

So Sergio Brown wasn’t found dead in a creek? That’s good, right?

Nothing is as reliably cringey as the NE Revolution social media posts.

Cakes are cooking for George R.R. Martin, John W. Henry, Gary Cole, Lesley Thompson, Nuno Bettencourt, Asia Argento, and John Tavares.

Would it be in poor taste to point out Chubb’s NFL career only lasted 1 game more than Sony Michel’s?

Bob Lobel’s legs look like they should be hanging in a Chinese meat shop.

Well I think it’s weird that the broadcast calls Deion Sanders “Coach Prime” and not Deion Sanders.

Robert Vernon Dalbec is still the Fruith.

Man, of all the awful ways to move off of the Patriots season ticket waitlist.

Red Line Reminder: Shuttle buses replace service between JFK/UMass and Braintree beginning at 8:45 PM on Friday, 9/22, through the end of service Sunday, 9/24, due to track and tie replacement work. Regular Commuter Rail service will run Friday night with shuttles over the weekend.

Winning Time deserves its cancellation after omitting Ray Flynn out of the Celtics locker room.

Still laughing at Lombardi saying please get up. Like asking if Kennedy was ok after seeing the Zapruder film.

Legitimately flabbergasted by the Chaim Bloom era. It’s like he got access to one of hottest clubs in the city and never got on the dance floor, never ordered a drink.

Washburn speculates that Brogdon is upset, now it’s fact. What an industry

Maybe the Patriots will play better without the distraction of the tallest lighthouse in North America.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You’ve barely touched your beet tablets, son.”

Bruins Centennial Jersey needs more stripes on the sleeves.

The Browns are signing their own former RB Kareem Hunt, agreeing to terms with him on a 1-year deal worth up to $4M. After a multi-stop journey, he lands back home.

Somebody was collecting names for “just fun” players the other day. Rowdy Tellez is in that camp. Rowdy is the 2020’s version of Boog Powell. Boog had a better career, obviously, but you dye his hair orange and Rowdy could play Boog in a movie.

So is that Stapleton version of ‘In the Air Tonight’ available as a full song or what?

How can we always have last week’s supermarket flyer, and next week’s, but never this week’s? How is that possible?

Congrats on the employment!

Do Glen “Big Baby” Davis’ attorneys believe that Paul Pierce would have no need to be sworn in, as he is definitionally, ‘The Truth?’

Deshaun Watson isn’t cooked. He’s still in his refractory period.

Was the Pour House not a gay enough name?

Lunatic fringe.
I know you’re out there.
You’re in hiding, and you hold your meetings.
I can hear you coming.
I know what you’re after.
We’re wise to you this time, (wise to you this time)
We won’t let you kill the laughter,

Sorry, can’t call in to the hot take troll show. It’s raining.

Lit Filling the void in the Eastern States Exposition concert calendar caused by Puddle of Mudd abruptly cancelling their shows. Bravo, Lit.

Honk if you remember The Ship Restaurant in Lynnfield.

The best thing about replay in the NFL is how often it gets calls wrong.

Nothing positive can come from treating celebrity callers like regular people making arguments in good faith.

That’s right: I say autumnal.

Marchy with the C.

I wish Rip Taylor were still around so he could ring the Gillette Stadium lighthouse bell.

Lauren Boebert is no Alanis Morissette.

Why do bad things keep happening to Big Papi? Oh. Right.

Best bet for the weekend: For three hours, we are all Oregon Ducks fans.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I have a picture pinned to my wall. An image of you and of me and we’re laughing, we’re loving it all.

Great day for baseball! Let’s play two!

The New England Revolution has entered its Reign of Terror phase, unfortunately.

It must have been a short discussion about the IR between JuJu and the team.

Was Aaron Rodgers injury on 9/11 an inside job?

The Rams were carried by Tutu and Puka on Sunday. Wide receivers or a new animated series on Disney+?

100 Years. 100 Bruins greats.

Get well soon Kenley Jansen. And that’s for your next ailment too.

Tom Brady: A Patriot for life.

Cakes are cooking for Sam Neill, Melissa Leo, Nas, Frostee Rucker, Jimmy Butler, and Deshaun Watson.

BTW, Travolta’s early career run doesn’t get talked about nearly enough. From ‘75-‘81: “Welcome Back, Kotter”, Carrie, Saturday Night Fever, Grease, Urban Cowboy, Blow Out. Goofy sitcom, horror, gritty urban drama, musical, faux shitkicker, and thriller right outta the gate.

If a no-look pass is thrown and not completed, did it even happen?

Hey! What up gang of numrods that understand life is more important than sports? This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m donating to his face.”

Terry Pegula and Jerry Jones seem nice.

Green Line Reminder: Service will be suspended between Lechmere and Union Square, September 18 – October 12, due to MassDOT work on Squires Bridge. Use local bus routes for service to the Green Line E Branch or Orange Line.

God bless Freddy Lynn. Living his best life without scorn.

Eventually the ‘Big-time throw’ advanced metric will just be called a “MAHOMES,” kinda like there’s an NBA advanced stat called “LEBRON.”

I’ll be stunned if the Yankees don’t severely overpay for Blake Snell.

WWE wrestler Test died in 2009? Cross him off, then!

The head coaches are such a vital part of the NFL TV show. Mike McCarthy has been in the cast for nearly 20 years and Brian Daboll has a real chance to be.

Here’s your mind-blowing fact of the day. In road games, Juan Soto has a higher OPS this year than either Ronald Acuna or Mookie Betts.

Stefon Diggs hates white women. There; I said it.

Tottenham Hotspur and NFL announced an expansion of their partnership through the 2029 – 2030 NFL season. Tottenham Hotspur Stadium will officially be the home of the NFL in the UK. A minimum of two NFL games a year will continue to be played there.

There she goes.
There she goes again.
She calls my name, pulls my train.
No one else could heal my pain.
But I just can’t contain.
This feelin’ that remains.

There she goes.
There she goes again.
Chasing down my lane.
And I just can’t contain.
This feelin’ that remains.

You could be making crispy fried soft shell crabs at home.

Mahomes. So filthy.

DJ Bean played his music? I’d have rather been at Great White’s last show.

BALL!

Honk if you remember Hurricane Gloria.

Bill Devane lied to me?

PSA: you don’t need and most likely cannot handle a Belgian Malinois. don’t do it.

Patriots. Football. Now.

McDermott wearing an NYPD hat is fitting. Looks like one of the dudes who shot Serpico.

Do you have a tow spindle?

Don’t you lie to me like I’m Montel Williams that you’re Autosaving, WordPress. We both know better.

Of course the Miami Hurricanes cheerleaders are hot.

‘Sale and Paxton need eight days of inaction’ could be the Hub’s ‘Spahn and Sain and pray for rain’ of the 21st century.

Tony Masserotti still hasn’t unlocked his Twitter account? Loser.

Best bet for the weekend: beach erosion on the Outer Cape.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Our love leads to madness.

The nigh-worthless Boston Globe should have been writing wall-to-wall columns about how Jared Remy needed to do a 30-year stretch to learn his lesson before he murdered Jennifer Martel.

Last Wednesday Warren Buffett turned 93, Last Friday Jimmy Buffett drops dead. Makes you think.

Kyle Teel has already been promoted to Double A. Is he using a disguised metal bat?

I hate the ‘Coach Prime’ nickname more than the ‘Shady’, ‘Hollywood’, and ‘Wink’ ones put together.

Bill Lee is too old for baseball. He should run for the Senate.

Well I think it’s great that Mike Reiss once a week provides a sports component to Touch & Rich’s Morning Zoo.

There’s nothing like riding an electric bicycle to a game of pickleball.

Cakes are cooking for Chrissie Hynde, Mark McCumber, Benmont Tench, Bruce Armstrong, Uta Pippig, Darren Bragg, Tom Everett Scott, Shannon Elizabeth, Mark Prior, Vera Zvonareva, Rafinha, and Evan Rachel Wood.

Florida played at Utah. Are they in the same conference now?

Why is some clothing marketed now as sleepwear? I think I’ll decide when & where I wear it, thank you.

When is someone, Chris Nolan I’m looking at you, going to make an FDR trilogy? 1st movie starts w/run for VP, getting polio, relationship w/Eleanor, governor of NY and ends w/his election as POTUS, 2nd: New Deal until the start of WW2 in Europe, 3rd: WW2 up to his death. Yalta could be its own movie.

Hey gang of blondies, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “New Englanders call water fountains bubblers.”

We lost Ken Powers over the summer? Shame.

The watch party up in heaven with Mike Leach and Jimmy Buffett is going to be a banger.

Kudos on a job…done, Chris Mortensen, you stooge. Oh, and Matthew 22:36-40 doesn’t mean it’s okay to ignore the Ninth Commandment, the one about bearing false witness against your neighbor.

Heat bugs!

There’s lots of questions about how Chris Godwin and Mike Evans will fare this season with a new QB, but they draw a great Week 1 matchup.

Red Sox pissing and shitting all over themselves and the biggest story in town is the local backup quarterback being moved to the practice squad.

Thankfully Tom Caron pronounced “Negro Leagues Museum” flawlessly.

I had this vivid dream that a phenom pitcher named Gil Thielen — I remember specifically spelling the name in the dream — was called up by the Mariners and was leading them to the World Series when I got an exclusive interview. I might be thinking too much about baseball.

Now that Gil Brandt’s dead, just imagine all the players we’ll learn he called Upton Bell about.

Best of luck to Americans Coco Gauff, Madison Keys, and Ben Shelton in the US Open Semifinals today and tomorrow.

Deuce Tatum is darker than Chris Gasper.

When I was single, I’d sleep on the comforter and put blankets over me. I never had to clean the sheets. Although not sure that is why I did it. I think I simply didn’t feel the need to pull down the comforter if I had blankets to cover me. That changed when I met my wife.

Is Sam Shaughnessy’s dad bemoaning someone receiving preferential treatment from the justice system?

It’s such a drag to want something sometime.
One thing leads to another, I know.
Was a time I wanted you for mine,
Nobody knew.
You arrived like a day and passed like a cloud.
I made a wish, I said it out loud.
Out loud in a crowd.
Everybody heard.
‘Twas the talk of the town.

Made some Gold Bark chicken thighs with a little sprinkle of Sriracha, absolutely delicious.

Honk if you remember Good Time Emporium of Somerville.

Deion Sanders? He self identifies as black which is convenient given he’s a black.

I know there is white asparagus, but are there white collard greens?

If Kelce doesn’t play, no quarterback in the history of the game will have had a worse group of offensive skill players surrounding him tonight that poor Patrick Mahomes.

Jimmy Buffett was one thing but not the Smash Mouth guy too.

Good Luck Team USA in the FIBA semifinals thingie.

Best bet for the weekend: Patriots offense getting the best of newly re-anointed super-defensive genius rocket scientist Matt Patricia.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Gonna use my arms, gonna use my legs. Gonna use my style, gonna use my sidestep. Gonna use my fingers, gonna use my, my, my Imagination.