The 15

Not sure what the value is in running a fake sports website, Sports Illustrated.

It took a 7’3″ blindingly white guy for Jaylen to finally be able to see an open teammate.

MegO is such trash drinking some shady energy drink. To roll into work at 1 PM.

Dolly Parton! Now there’s somebody who’s having a life. So impressive.

Are you hearing the Red Sox are in on everyone? Because I’m hearing the Red Sox are in on everyone.

You hire a guy with the name Eberflus and you deserve what you get.

So the Barstool Crew flew to Ann Arbor to watch the Michigan-Ohio State game in an office park?

Bench guys need to bring the psycho energy.

Cakes are cooking for John Mayall, Chuck Mangione, Suzy Chaffee, Jerry Lawler, Barry Goudreau, Howie Mandel, Neal Broten, Rich Camarillo, Don Cheadle, Dee Brown, Jonathan Knight, Mariano Rivera, Anna Faris, Russell Wilson, and Stefon Diggs.

Does anybody call Marvin Harrison Jr. ‘Maserati Marv’ besides Gus Johnson?

There is no bigger cluster fuck than that 146/95/State Offices split in the history of US highways.

Are We Finally Ready For Roman Style?

The NHL should take a page out of the NBA’s book and have the Bruins host an in-season tourney at Hockey Town USA.

When have we ever claimed to be above the fray? We live for the fray!

Zach Edey is Mandarin-Canadian for Hasheem Thabeet.

Would it be a uniform violation to let Mac Jones wear a red non-contact jersey under his gameday uni top?

So Connor Bedard’s mother is a whore and it’s the Blackhawks’ fault?

You ate ten stuffed mushrooms! You did!!

If you’re a team in the Central and you don’t claim Corey Perry then what the fuck are we even doing?

Green Line Reminder: Service is suspended from North Station to Babcock St (B), Kenmore (C + D), and Heath St (E) through December 5. Use Buses for service to Back Bay, and Orange Line for service downtown.

Goaltender Jeremy Swayman returns to the Bruins lineup Thursday vs San Jose. Swayman was pulled from the lineup during his most recent start.

Dave Brown’s surprise return to Entitled Town was copied by the WWF having MC Pank or whoever come back.

They got the logo on the side of this new building now and it’s giving me major Decepticon vibes. I hope we weren’t working for Megatron this whole time.

Hey gang of gustatory gourmands, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Go get a roast beef sandwich and calm down.”

Is there a better name for a running back then Gainwell?

Kratom? At 7-Eleven?

SI probably should have known Olivia0917693516 didn’t actually write those articles.

It takes a really skilled addict to find a way to OD at the exact moment you happen to have your neck pinned to the pavement.

Someone should tell the Celtics there’s money on the line before every game.

And when you get it
It makes you feel good.
You don’t regret it
But maybe you should.

Just face the music
Or turn away.
Just face the music
You can run or stay.

Narrator: The Kansas City Chiefs team colors are NOT and have never been black and red.

Every new country artist my wife listens to has a name like a jobber that Jeff Hardy would beat on a non-TV match.

Tom Brady doesn’t look so good; you don’t suppose he grew into an avocado allergy, do you?

Honk if you remember Ernie and the Automatics.

“Fat Lunatic Tells Mayor to ‘Go Back to China’” probably would have made the news.

Jets opening Aaron Rodgers’ 21-day practice window. WOW.

If the Celtics win this in season tournament, they’ll get shit on for blowing their wad in December. If they get knocked out, it’ll be ‘you just showed that once again you can’t deliver in high pressure games’. There are zero possible outcomes for this where Celtics will avoid getting attacked. It’s a toxic media market’s wet dream.

Does wearing Flex Seal cause brain damage?

Hey Adam Silver, great job on the in-season tournament! Keep it up, fammo. People notice!

Lotta dudes who won absolutely nothing for 20 years during the Patriots dynasty suddenly have a lot to say now that the Patriots are trash for the first time since Y2K and Tom Brady’s retired.

Kudos on the Thanksgiving Friday news dump about the fender bender, Mayor Wu. Well played.

Bowl-bound BC Football.

Are people going to get Peacock so they can watch Bills-Chargers?  Oh, wait you get a Melissa McCarthy movie?  Now I’m in!

All the best to Mike Shildt with the Padres. The Padres are a little hard to root for, with their approach of trying to steal everybody else’s favorite player and pretend they add up to a team, but . . .I hope Shildt lasts there 20 years and wins some big ones.

Best bet for the weekend: More attempts by the local media to Inception RKK into firing Belichick.

Material from interviews, wire services, X FKA Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Old Friend Lebron, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Cool the engines. Cool the engines down.

Charissa Thompson isn’t the first to spill too much personal information in an effort to impress Big Cat.

Jack Edwards speaks like he’s hitting the middle button on predictive text.

The Celtics have the best record in the league, a historically great net rating, new stars who look great with the team, returning stars who are playing well, leveled up coaching, and our fans on twitter are spending the day insulting each other. God Bless America.

WEEI seems at peace with never coming close to respectable ratings.

I’m more and more impressed each time I hear Drew Carter call a Celtics road game. This dude knows everything about the team and both its current and former players, as if he’s been around the organization for years. He JUST got here! Wildly impressive.

Milan Lucic tasteless joke goes here.

Why does Bill Burr make 1000x more sense than any person in the sports media?

Cakes are cooking for Terry Gilliam, Guion Bluford, Billie Jean King, Yvan Cournoyer, Steven Van Zandt, Tina Weymouth, Lyman Bostock, Jamie Lee Curtis, Steve DeOssie, Hugh Millen, Mads Mikkelsen, Sen Dog, Boris Becker, Sharin Foo, Joe Nathan, Shawn Fanning, Oscar Pistorius, and Hailey Baldwin.

I am not sure if I wanna live in a world where Hall and Oates don’t get along.

They killed JFK because he was about to reveal NFL Secrets!

GLX Reminder: Shuttle buses will replace Green Line service between North Station and Medford/Tufts from 8:45 PM to the end of service, Nov 27- Dec. 10, due to track work. Union Square riders should use Bus routes 86, 87, or 91 to connect to shuttles or Orange Line service.

There’s no more try-hard move than the Italians bringing out their lasagna and red sauce for Thanksgiving prior to the meal. We get it, your great-grandparents fucked on a peninsula, congrats.

Looking forward to the 2024 draft, Michael Penix Jr. looks to be the next Davis Mills.

Hey gang of sports bettors, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Whole fit is fire.”

Milan Lucic tasteless joke #2 goes here.

RKK and not BB made the decision to go year-to-year on TB12’s contract? An image that comes to mind is John Henry awkwardly hugging John Lester. Although in this case it’s Kraft wearing a puffy jacket made by one of his rapper friends.

Honk if you remember Aldous Huxley.

Shots on Thanksgiving for the Bruins?! OMG yes! LOL

So what I’m hearing is the Steelers organization decided to…blame Canada? (David Caruso sunglasses GIF)

“I like what Dallas did.” Sirhan Sirhan.

Aly, walk with me in the summer.
Aly, walk with me.
Aly, walk with me in Portland.
Aly, walk with me.

Aly walks with me in my dreams;
So strange and true.
Can I walk with you in Portland
Walk next to you?

Don’t buy a giant TV to replace your slightly smaller giant TV, get a mattress and boxspring like an adult, stupid.

“Ghastly” is an underused word.

Let’s see. . .you have an old, injury-prone player who is God Awful Slow, doesn’t play defense, hits around .200 with nearly 2 strikeouts for each hit. . ..and saying that he probably won’t play every game next year is controversial?

Milan Lucic tasteless joke #4 goes here.

The package stores will be closed across the Commonwealth tomorrow for the same reason we have the worst sports fans in the country.

A game-time decision for Antonio Gibson…

Are the Eddie Andelman Sports Huddle gobbles logarithmically scaled, like the Richter magnitude scale? Two gobbles being ten times worse than one gobble?

Best bet for the weekend: Lots of viewers for the Pats/Giants tilt, but not for the reason you think!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, several Old Friends, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We reserve the right to update this column later in the day.

Hire more guys who were on the 2013 team, Red Sox.

I’d rather have a player who makes sure you don’t need a last-second shot to win the game because he made sure you won by ten, but you have your opinion too, I guess.

Kudos to Megan Rapinoe for her commitment to Achilles tendon injury equity.

Patriots need to win seven in a row to get right back into this thing.

If he had only waited 10 months, Joansie could have parachuted into Rich’s spot and been part of a top-rated show.

Is Jack Jones taking a Fung Wah to Vegas? Airports don’t seem to be his thing.

Could’ve had the greatest flyover of all time in the Patriots-Colts game, every NATO nation was in the color guard, have every NATO nation take part in a flyover.

What NFL team is gonna hire Deion Sanders to be their HC in the off-season?

Cakes are cooking for Petula Clark, Sam Waterston, Anni-Frid Lyngstad, Joe Leeway, Kevin Eubanks, Greg Anthony, Natalia Medvedeva, Chad Kroeger, Virginie Ledoyen, Lorena Ochoa, Lofa Tatupu, Shailene Woodley, and Trevor Story.

Maybe instead of Orlovsky, Mac could have found a good QB to confide in?

NO SPOILERS! The Marvels was so good! Breezy, light, funny, good story. One of the better MCU entries in a while! Really fun time at the movies.

Hey gang of simpletons, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Didn’t say it was easy. Just not complicated.”

How can play-by-play be out context?

You know you’ve crushed branding your podcast network when you need to include a parenthetical on how to pronounce it.

Red Line Reminder: Shuttle Buses replace service between JFK/UMass and Park Street from 8:45 PM to the end of service, November 15-16, as well as the entire weekend of November 18-19, due to track work.

It’s great that noted Jets fan Rich Eisen did precisely zero research on the roster before calling a Patriots broadcast seen around the globe.

The problem with discussing racism within the NASCAR fandom is that y’all rarely include commentary from the people who are being targeted by that. That’s why some of y’all never believe it’s happening, because you personally didn’t experience it and don’t listen to those who do.

Some good Rule 5 talk on the timeline.

Apparently not following @StoolGreenie isn’t enough. I guess I need to mute or block him in order to not see a 40 something year old Celtics fan get in twitter fights every day with teenage Celtics fans under my ‘For you’ tab.

Protect Iman Vellani at all costs.

Nothing more frustrating for an insider than when you have breaking news sitting in your phone and you don’t see it, or worse don’t look because you’re not anticipating it (like today). So if you’re a source on the TL & I don’t respond, it’s because I didn’t see it. Y’all know this. Lol. Call me. My phone is not glued to my ear every waking minute. Lawd.

You better leave my kitten all alone.
You better leave my kitten all alone.
Well, I told you, big, fat bulldog.
You better leave her alone,

You better leave my kitten all alone.
You better leave my kitten all alone.
This dog is gonna get you.
If you don’t leave her alone.

Will Smith’s career has been going great since he faked that Chris Rock slap!

As has been stated over and over: These in-season tournament courts are doing their job. You know these games are unique.

Honk if you remember Peanut Butter Twix.

Every new business in Boston would love to have the publicity that’s been showered on the opening of Central Perk. What is that all about?

It was a different era, yes, but Frank Howard struck out LESS than many contemporary power hitters, including Willie Stargell, Dick Allen, Barry Bonds, Reggie Jackson and Mike Schmidt, if Schmidt is considered contemporary.

A: Vineyard Nights.

Anyone making a practice turkey dinner in advance of Thanksgiving? Let us know in the comments.

Williams, Smart, Brogdon. All injured. Brad is 3 for 3.

Does Pluto TV have an ‘Ask the Manager’ show where people beg for more Hogan’s Heroes?

I’ve watched dozens of Eras Tour livestreams (oh hush) and I still get teary when all the phones light up for “Marjorie” #TSTheErasTourBuenosAires

I’m not sure how well they can throw, but the Red Sox pitching prospects have some fantastic names. ‘Wikelman Gonzalez’ sounds like Speedy’s bi-curious nephew.

Hearing Jack Edwards narrate a hockey fight is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.

Imagine if Sauce ends up being better than Revis?

WBD to shut down GCN+, creating immediate issues for cycling fans. #CONSONANTS

Best bet for the weekend: Mac taking full advantage of the bye week to figure things out. He knows he has to play better!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, several Old Friends, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Don’t sleep in the subway, darlin’. Don’t stand in the pouring rain.

New game idea: Wacky morning zoo radio show, or NHL teammates? “Listen to Heino and Steener in the morning for your chance to score Olivia Rodrigo tickets!”

Aren’t all stoves hot?

Terry Bradshaw when he’s reading the halftime scores sounds like Jack Edwards.

Jrue gotta move the rock.

Red Sox Triston Casas a finalist for AL Rookie of the Year.

During the 1980’s Bert Breer had a General Motors Starter jacket. True story.

Ironman Rob Will injured?

Patriots fans have learned the name Ben Johnson and now won’t shut the fuck up about him.

Cakes are cooking for Satch Sanders, Bonnie Raitt, Mary Hart, Leif Garrett, Gordon Ramsey, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Jose Offerman, Parker Posey, Twan Scheepers, Tara Reid, Nick Punto, Sam Bradford, Giancarlo Stanton*, & SZA.

Honestly I love Zdeno Chara But at this point I’d be more impressed if he challenged Joey Chestnut on July 4th.

I like getting barbecue rub when I pick up my leaf bags.

Patriots CB JC Jackson is not expected to travel with the team to Germany for their game against the Colts.

Check my prоfile tо gеt lаunсh money.

Red Sox should have moved Paxton at the deadline. Or Pullman. Whichever one they just let walk for nothing.

Dark at 5 pm means my seasonal depression is back!

Green Line B Branch Update: Shuttle buses replace service between Washington Street and Boston College while repairs are made to an overhead wire near Sutherland Road. And Red Line Reminder: Shuttle Buses replace service between JFK/UMass and Park Street from 8:45 PM to the end of service, November 14-16, for track work.

I like the nachos, but only with the little round tortilla chips.

Congratulations to the Foxboro High field hockey team for their 2-0 win over Swampscott in the MIAA Tournament! Way to ignore the noise, ladies!

“Gethin Coolbaugh” sounds like a light-hitting Negro Leagues player. “Coolbaugh batted .184 and stole 307 bases during the ‘39 season.”

Did you ever realize that if you never eat anything except leftovers, somehow you will still have leftovers? I’m not sure how the math works on that.

Ryan Blaney out-drives Kyle Larson to win his first NASCAR championship.

“It’s not really a lighthouse, but that’s what they call it.” YOU SHUT YOUR STUPID WHORE MOUTH SHANNON SPAKE!!

Hey gang of young up-and-comers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I don’t have much interest in grabbing a beer with Craig Breslow.”

Y’know, If Lucy did decide to get an OnlyFans, she could probably make enough to fix that deviated septum so she wouldn’t be panting for breath by the end of walking for 40 seconds in her betting videos.

I’ve been listening to nothing but The Cars lately. Such a good band. There isn’t even a Phoebe Cates video sucking me in.

“Con facemask y todo” is fun to say.

Sometimes I see guys walk in and I think “ooh, I like that sweater I wonder where he got that” for half a second before remembering Jayson Tatum probably spent two months’ worth of my income on it at a secret store known only to NBA players.

Kimmi Chex is a totally real name.

Do other ppl use the bathroom as a house refuge? I live with only one other person, and often I’ll just be like, ‘welp I need a break from the rest of the house, time to stand and look at my phone in front of my bathroom sink.’

Is Jack Jones even allowed to leave the country?

When Felger dies, Darren Rovell will reveal that he has the napkins Felger used to warm his legs.

Only you know and I know.
All the loving we’ve got to show.
So don’t refuse to believe it.
By reading too many meanings.

‘Cause you know that I mean what I say, so, don’t go
And never take me the wrong way.
You know you can’t go on getting your own way.
‘Cause if you do, it’s gonna get you someday, yeah.

Had assumed that Corey Seager was a good bet to make the Hall of Fame, based on his current trajectory. But, turns out he’s in 26th place among shortstops in Wins Above Replacement by age 29, between Hanley Ramirez and Rabbit Maranville. Two WS MVPs would help, of course.

People are noticing you, George Stephanopoulos.

In all seriousness, both The Beatles and The Rolling Stones have new songs out. What fucking year are we in?

Honk if you remember Joe Flynn.

Fox has Stink and Pink on the same NFL broadcast crew?

The Sara Civian fan club is strong and we stan.

Things I didn’t expect to see: The autograph line for Gina Gershon was much longer than the one for Marisa Tomei.

Add ‘plastered’ to the football lingo.

An Xfinity guy was just here and he turned on our television to see if it worked. They showed a guy on TV that was wanted and he looked exactly like me. It was actually a little frightening. Guessing that I was only the second most frightened person in the room.

All the Daylight I saved has been lost, like tears in rain.

Have fun with the sports betting, Maine.

Dick Drago. A closer before there were closers. Born too late to play on the beloved 1967 Impossible Dream Red Sox, now taken from us too soon. RIP.

Best bet for the weekend: All our veterans eating like kings on Friday restaurant-hopping for their free appetizers and desserts.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Ein Prosit, ein Prosit. Der Gemütlichkeit.

Really, if you think about it, New England’s active pro sports teams are a combined 13-6. Not too shabby!

I hate whenever a Celtic tries a dunk after the whistle and probably always will. Being 10 ft from Tony Allen’s injury will do that to you.

How can Jones and Mego be in 15th place? Name 13 other radio stations.

Being a fired NFL head coach is the best job in the world.

An MRI confirmed the Vikings’ Pro Bowl QB Kirk Cousins tore his right Achilles and his 2023 season is over? That sucks. Comes across as a genuinely good person and is tougher than a $2 steak.

Karson and Kennedy or Karlson and Kennedy? Very confused. Sorry he died whoever he was.

Obvi, 84-win teams shouldn’t make the World Series.

Cakes are cooking for Kinky Friedman, Lyle Lovett, Fernando Valenzuela, Anthony Kiedis, Rick Allen, Kent Graham, Tie Domi, Erik Spoelstra, Jenny McCarthy, Aishwarya Rai, Coco Crisp, Natalia Tena, and Masahiro Tanaka.

When it’s 70 degrees in Boston on April 25, everybody wears t-shirts. When it’s 70 degrees on Oct. 25, down vests and quarter-zips.

Sigh. ‘Scissors’. ‘Quarters’. ‘Pharaoh’. We get it. You know all the terms.

I’ve got a bone to pick with Pringles. The inconsistency in the tall cans is getting out of control. Half the time they suck, half the time they’re incredible and remind you of the first can you ever had. They gotta figure it out. Anyway, I got Rangers winning this series in 6.

Wearing a hot dog suit around Joe Murray seems dangerous.

Hey gang of naval reservists! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Ahhhh do I uhhhh ahhh evah tell yah about The Rolling Stones in the Gahdennn?”

‘Trunk or Treat’ is a solution in search of a problem.

Spell check hates me too.

Red Line Braintree Branch: Southbound delays of about 10 minutes due to a disabled train taken out of service at JFK/UMass.

That trade for Harden? Clippers are going to be awesome 8 years ago! PTT!

Baseball is a sacred thing with me, the touchstone of my youth. In its pure form, its perfect, which is why I don’t approve of the DH, the shift, pitch clocks, stick’um, or comms gear on pitchers and catchers. If DiMaggio didn’t use it, I really don’t think it belongs in the game.

And a goal from the city kid…

IHOP puts pancakes on plates barely larger than the pancake, so any syrup you put on inevitably runs off the plate onto the table. This must be irritating many thousands of customers a day, but it’s been that way for decades and there is no sign they are going to figure it out.

There were three men came out of the West,
Their fortunes for to try.
And these three men made a solemn vow:
John Barleycorn must die.

They’ve ploughed, they’ve sown, they’ve harrowed him in,
Threw clods upon his head.
And these three men made a solemn vow:
John Barleycorn was dead.

Josh McDaniels? He lasted longer in Vegas than than Greg Bedard and he’s still getting paid.

We play hard around here.

That stupid Mike McDaniel watch story couldn’t be more tailored to impress the credulous NFL media had it been created in a lab.

Honk if you remember Honda opening their Marysville, Ohio factory.

Who gives out socks for Halloween?

A Nissan Rogue isn’t that bad for a rental. Just sayin’.

Matt Perry. Seemed to like sports, kept the quips moving along, once beat up a grade school-aged Justin Trudeau. RIP Ms. Chanandler Bong.

Football Cat with a 10-win, 5 loss weekend with the NFL picks.

UMass Football beat the USMA? Well, there’s a history of Minutemen defeating an Army.

Never vouch, Mookie.

Can the “Belichick is too focused on the win record to do what’s best for the team” people hear themselves?

Don’t bench Jimmy!

Best bet for the weekend: Amazing celebrity photograph opportunities at The RI Comic Con.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend @SSkippington, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.

So much sportsing this time of year!

Bruins are a wagon. On ice. An Ice Wagon.

Anyone who unironically uses the term “green-teamer” should be sent to ADX Florence.

Congratulations to Craig Breslow on becoming the Head of Baseball Operations for the Boston Red Sox. Related, the Red Sox executive office Shabbos Goy has better job security than Matthew Slater.

Many people are dismissing the potential viewership of a Rangers/Diamondbacks World Series, but don’t discount the novelty of neither the Astros nor the Dodgers playing.

Was Bill Belichick padding the injury report to try and garner some sympathy and take the heat off??

Jon Smoltz called Game Seven a “must win” for the Astros. Okay.

From all indications, Bridgewater-Raynham and Chelmsford will not reach the 3-win criteria and thus not qualify for the D2 football playoffs. Betcha can’t wait to see Catholic Memorial playing host to Diman Voke

With Las Vegas winning the WNBA title, Aces minority owner Tom Brady can have his own boat called 8 Rings now.

Cakes are cooking for Jon Anderson, Dave Cowens, Mike Eruzione, Tracy Nelson, Johan de Kock, Wendel Clark, Josef Beránek, Ed Robertson, J.A. Adande, Craig Robinson, Pedro Martínez, Milena Roucka, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Katy Perry, Xander Schauffele, and Football Cat.

Yo, @tntdrama & @SamsungTV , figure that app shit out. [This is why Roku >>>]

Taylor Swift didn’t have normal high school or college so she’s living out every awkward woo girl stage of her life in front of us.

CLNS has to be a money laundering scheme.

Fubo doesn’t have TBS but watching the Spanish broadcast of the NLCS has been great. I should start watching more sports in languages I don’t understand.

Hey gang of concerned netizens, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Nobody has ever overcome a rough childhood.”

These are the turnovers that kills drives and momentums. It’s bad enough to lose one momentum.

In and around the lake.
Mountains come out of the sky and they stand there.
One mile over we’ll be there and we’ll see you.
Ten true summers we’ll be there and laughing, too.
24 before my love you’ll see I’ll be there with you.

PWH Roast Beef Review – Mark’s Pizza and Subs -10B Washington Street, Wellesley – Juicy, red beef that dominated the sandwich. Really good. Excellent onion rings with thick batter and extra points for the steak fries. Pucks with Haggs Beef rating: 8.0.

Sheets of double-glazing help to keep outside the night,
Only foreign city sirens can cut through.

Dusty don’t know panic.

Chris Buescher of Roush Fenway Keselowski Racing’s three NASCAR wins may not be enough to qualify for the Cup Series Playoffs without a good showing in Martinsville October 30th.

Recorded the game on a non-HD channel. It’s like watching it in 1999.

That’s right, here’s where the talkin’ ends.
Well listen this night there’ll be some action spent.
Drive hard I’m callin’ all the shots.
I got an ace card comin’ down on the rocks.

If you think I’ll sit around while you chip away my brain.
Listen I ain’t foolin’ and you’d better think again.
Out there is a fortune waitin’ to be had.
You think I’ll let it go? You’re mad.
You got another thing comin’.
You got another thing comin’.
You got another thing comin’.

Yarmouth Massachusetts, a noted hot spot for comedy in October.

Malik, get up!

Gorg weather. Fall in New England on pointe.

As Monday Night Football goes to break following the Jordan Addison touchdown, “Higher” by Creed is the outro music. Well played by the production team

Enjoy retirement Dusty Baker. And you too, Chris Russo, unless you’re a liar like Dan Lifshatz.

Physical Therapy is one of the biggest scams in the medical profession.

That Poitras lad seem to be fitting in just fine.

Just dawned on me that two-factor authentication would accomplish ZERO in the event that the person who’s trying to hack your accounts is doing it with your stolen phone.

Stollen, on the other hand is delicious, but not yet in-season.

Coach Scar. Player Vrabes. TOTG’s with the Pats. Congratulations.

Bill Simmons has been crying about the Dodgers being eliminated after a really good season. It’s happened like 10 times now. Maybe it’s not small sample or the format, maybe they built their team on a foundation of legendary chokers? Who could’ve foreseen Mookie and Kershaw gagging in the playoffs?!

Will massage help Deshaun Watson’s subscapularis strain? Just asking the question.

Honk if you remember Operation Urgent Fury.

News Item: Gene Steratore issued a mea culpa after admitting he got a call wrong on Sunday.

Worst Hall of Fame candidate on the ballot, Joe West or Cito Gaston?

Congrats to Giannis Antetokounmpo’s agent.

Mixing imperial and metric units of measure is how you crash spacecraft.

The Head of the Charles Regatta was as magical as ever.

No, I don’t think Cooper Flagg “seems like a good fit” with Duke. Why do you think that?

Best bet for the weekend: Mike McDaniel coaching from the shaded sideline of Hard Rock Stadium so he doesn’t get all sunburned.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. It’s going to be scary!

The path to 5-5 for New England is right there, caller.

Boston Sports Journal is like a graveyard for once-overpaid scribes who don’t know they’re dead yet.

Which vacant position gets filled first, Sporting Director for the Revolution, or Red Sox General Manager?

How dare you take joy in the struggles of brash dickhead Deion Sanders!

Bruins aren’t playing until tomorrow night? Did they catch the old Boston & Albany train to Chicago, where they switched to the Union Pacific’s Overland Route to the Bay Area as a Centennial tribute?

I hope the money Katie won on Celebrity Jeopardy goes to help poor put-upon woman in sports Kayce.

If Velma from Scooby Doo played bass for the Ramones, she’d look like Karen Guregian.

What does a senior consultant do?

Suzanne Somers died? That can’t be. This must be some kind of wacky misunderstanding! RIP.

Cakes are cooking for Mike Ditka, Russ Giguere, Pam Dawber, Martina Navratilova, Thomas Hearns, Wynton Marsalis, Alex Cora, Yoenis Cespedes, Zac Efron, and Brittany Griner.

Kept undefeated Penn State under 70, UMass. That’s not bad.

Baseball needs another prominent knuckleballer again. Nothing like adding to the nerves of October baseball like wondering if the knuckler is gonna cooperate that night.

Four-cylinder Honda’s are going to get very pricey again.

The Dolphins released 2019 Patriots third-rounder Chase Winovich from the practice squad with an injury settlement.

Mail-order bagels?

The new Frasier is worth a watch. It is free to watch on YouTube for now.

Nothing better than being at a restaurant with a long wait and seeing people done with their meals just sitting at their tables talking.

Are there any pictures of Mike Giardi where he doesn’t look like a disinterested gay flight attendant?

Play the kids when they get back, whoever the Revs coach guy is!

Hey Hillside gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The restless dead try to return to Twitter in October.”

Some news: The SF Giants formally interviewed assistant coach Alyssa Nakken for their managerial role, according to sources. She’s believed to be the first woman to become an official candidate for an MLB club’s top uniformed job.

Chipotle please get better people to roll the burritos. Start a college for it or something lol kidding. But this one hurt my soul.

The snow and the throwbacks made for a really beautiful combination in that Pats win over the Titans fourteen years ago on this date.

Who’s trippin’ down the streets of the city
Smilin’ at everybody she sees?
Who’s reachin’ out to capture a moment?
Everyone knows it’s Windy.

And Windy has stormy eyes.
That flash at the sound of lies.
And Windy has wings to fly,
Above the clouds (above the clouds)
Above the clouds (above the clouds.)

Honk if you know what to do when you get to the Slauson Cutoff.

Mahomes and Kelce are mesmerizing.

Who do you think is going to play Aidan in the movie? Chris Evans? Chris Pine? Rhys Ifans? Tilda Swinton?? Let us know in the comments!

What do you mean, “what movie, you demented psychopath?”

Alex Verdugo is Boston’s lone Gold Glove nominee.

I hope the Newscenter 5 Eyeopener Team all know they are still beautiful inside and out.

Mac is going to get every Pats offensive skill player injured.

I’m not a Texas fan or rooting for them, but I’m just thrilled with the post-season success of Jordan Montgomery. People are SO convinced that you have to throw 100 in order to get people out now. You can’t overstate the value of one pitcher who proves that that isn’t true.

I think the football did brush up against Devante Parker’s fingertips. After it bounced off his palms.

Sharon Alfonsi’s teeth look very real.

Abby has multiple jobs. Dickerson has no job.

No TB12 store?

Haha, yes. Bob Lobel’s funny little catchphrase. Haha.

Diamondbacks vs Rangers should bring the ratings bonanza.

Best bet for the weekend: for a few hours, we will all be Nittany Lions.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. When you started off with nothing and you’re proud that you’re a self-made man. And your friends they all come crawling, slap you on the back and say, please. Please.

So far, so good goes the Bruins’ defense of the Presidents Cup!

Good job, good effort in the playoffs, AL East squadrons.

A heady mix of shooters and defenders on this Celtics team. Should be a fun one.

I know how Patriots fandom works, you complain during their 20 years of dominance that they should have been even more dominant, and when they finally come back down to Earth you get to crow about being right all along. Fuck these fanz.

Since China is recalling all the Panda Bears, do we have to send them Pablo Sandoval?

Salk had better ratings than Jones and Mego.

And the team built by former Red Sox took a big early lead against the team built out of former Red Sox. Hub of the universe.

Anyone see Mrs. Doubtfire the musical? If so, how was it?

Cakes are cooking for Sid Fernandez, Chris Chandler, Hugh Jackman, Terry Ray, Tanyon Sturtze, Miroslav Šatan, Bode Miller, Tom Guiry, and Mike Green.

My gratitude to a man whose career maybe most typifies the gloriously brutal early days of the NFL. Godspeed Mr. Butkus, I hope for St. Peter’s sake he’s not on offense when you get there.

Bruins fans just like yelling Loooooch!

Fall Out Boy covering Billy Joel is why they hate us.

Kale Bort DFA’d?

Hey gang of college football fans, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I think I love Smacker Miles.”

Cleveland Browns QB Deshaun Watson (shoulder) did not practice yesterday, and PJ Walker would start if he can’t go.

The Dodgers are cursed for what they did to card carrying Alpha Male, Trevor Bauer.

We don’t talk enough about how cool it is that so many different personalities can succeed as NFL coaches. Like I’m inviting Dan Campbell to my kegger and I want to wander around an art museum with Mike McDaniel and if I want to talk shit about the other two I’m calling Belichick.

Blue Line experiencing delays of about 10 minutes due to signal problem at Beachmont.

All weed is gay now.

Mac will be all fixed once they get Jeudy. PTT!

I am so sick of Pat McAfee being shoved down my throat. But our Vern Dozier has a different opinion! Heyooooo!

Nick Perbix is the league’s new “Dolores” (stick taps to pioneers Jake Bean & Grant Clitsome).

You all right?

She had hair like Jeannie Shrimpton back in 1965.
She had legs that never ended,
I was halfway paralyzed.
She was tall and cool and pretty and she dressed as black as coal.
If she asked me to I’d murder, I would gladly lose my soul.

Now I lie in bed and think of her,
Sometimes I even weep.
Then I dream of her behind the wall of sleep.

I admit I have not been a huge fan of Lions head coach Dan Campbell’s approach of biting knee-caps motivation—it was too high schoolish for me. I prefer the more intellectual approach of reaching the players. But I was wrong.

Honk if you remember Fred Villari.

Everyone knows your crazy conspiracy theory being true is an absolute defense to witness intimidation!

Connor Bedard. Talented, and not hateable. Weird!

Call it ‘brotherly shove’ more.

Cats will make you feel like a kaiju in your own home.

Frankly offended the VGK Stanley Cup banner doesn’t have neon on it.

A shame Charles Napier wasn’t in Stop Making Sense. Nevertheless, it is worth seeing the remastered film in theaters while you can.

Wouldn’t “pink hat” Bruins fans be the least likely to know who Lucic is?

The Raiders game. That’s the real test.

Best bet for the weekend: the Revs start their playoff run.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Published today and not Wednesday due to the Columbus Day Holiday.

Chris Snow. Tim Wakefield. Russ Francis. Tough week.

Be more obviously checked out, Red Sox Ownership Group.

Play the kids, Jim Montgomery!

Get well soon Christian Gonzalez and Matt Judon.

Does Jrue have a nice dump shot?

There being no Wild Card Game threes today is proof you can’t script October.

Mike Lombardi is the Vince Lombardi of spam tweets.

Yes, worry about Kristaps getting injured because you lost the ironman Rob Williams.

All I did was listen on my earbuds most of the morning and still feel like I ran a marathon. Nothing like the Ryder Cup.

Cakes are cooking for Steve Miller, Brian Johnson, Bill James, Bob Geldof, Imran Khan, Careca, Michael Andretti, Laura Davies, Patrick Roy, Mario Lemieux, Guy Pierce, Karyn Parsons, Kate Winslet, and Travis Kelce.

It is also Rex Chapman’s birthday, but no cake for him. Loser.

We’re in New England. Stop saying y’all.

Did Wakey get Fawcett’d by the 2023 Patriots?

I’ve noticed that a lot of popular “Celtics twitter” accounts take my takes and flip them into their own. It’s funny because they think I don’t notice.

You do dirt, you get dirt.

Worcester Line Train 512 (9:05 am from Worcester) is operating 5-10 minutes behind schedule between Boston Landing and South Station.

NFL crowds are the worst. So many donkeys.

Hey gang of otherwise unemployable Stoolies, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Break one her for me.”

I’m always in a debate with myself on who’s better: Tim Brady or Matt Jones.

The play of #NHLBruins Matt Poitras (age 19) this preseason is too eerily similar in terms of really making an impact offensively the way a former 2nd round draft pick at age 18 pretty much was an impact player almost from get go. Patrice Bergeron. The similarities are there IMO.

Why wouldn’t you want a refrigerator with an icemaker?

Curt Schilling is like Pete Rose, in that every time you feel like you’re ready to start defending him again, he goes back to his looney room and comes out with another treasure.

We all share this planet – we are all connected by our oceans.

John Wallach will die before being anything but a footnote. God is real.

Am not going out on a limb by now projecting Jonathan Jones will not earn his NLTBE $250K 90% playing-time incentive this season.

Shabazz Napier is from Roxbury…

Terry Francona’s scooter was stolen again. And it was beaten up pretty badly. And, well… “The worst part was they defecated on it.”

Whenever I look at Benjamin St-Juste I think that Juste must be the patron saint of hyphens.

The 2010 and 2011 Red Sox should have played harder to get Wakey the wins to tie or pass Cy and Roger. There; I said it.

Our house it has a crowd.
There’s always something happening,
and it’s usually quite loud.
Our mum, she’s so house-proud.
Nothing ever slows her down,
and a mess is not allowed.

Our house, in the middle of our street.

Lombardi forgot to turn off his automatic book pitch when sending his thoughts and prayers to a kid with cancer.

Whither Jared Grasso?

25 years ago today Britney Spears’ “Baby, One More Time” was serviced to radio as a promo. Entered Hot 100 Airplay at #59 on November 7th, 1998, Sales on the 21st, Hot 100 at #18 on December 5th, 1998 but the video didn’t debut on TRL until December 18th, 1998. Hit MTV early Dec.

Honk if you remember the uniform 22-foot NBA 3-point arc.

The people who mocked Belichick as being a “genius” for 20 years are also the same people who think he should be able to completely rebuild the team in four. In other words, fucking idiots.

Good job, good effort US Ryder Cup team.

If there is a heaven, I hope Jerry Remy gets to announce Wake’s arrival to the Pearly Mound.

Revs. Flailing.

Can someone string together all of Christian Gonzalez’s All-22 reps so I can re-watch them for the next 4 months while weeping and eating Cheetos?

‘The Pearly Mound’ sounds like a low-rent Tampa area gentleman’s club.

Artificial Intelligence program’s inability to correctly render human hands must give Larry Johnson some comfort.

Mike Gorman’s replacement Drew Carter? Decent pipes, terrible picture of him in the NBCSN group photo.

Best bet for the weekend: rain.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I apologize for the delay. It was too nice out yesterday to work on the column.

I ain’t calling a grown man “Sauce.”

Lee Corso doesn’t seem healthy. Probably in his best interest for him not to be on GameDay regularly anymore.

Wrap the remaining Bruins in bubble wrap!

It’s like King Pyrrhus said, “another such victory and I will have two wins so far this season.”

Remember; you’re the jerk for noticing that Deion Sanders has always been an asshole. Plus he played for the Yankees, the 90’s Braves, and the Dallas Cowboys. He’s a bandwagon kid’s wet dream.

In baseball rather than the first and second Wild Card, the slots should be referred to as the Wild Card and the Even Wilder Card.

Zo doesn’t like the play calls on third down. He doesn’t have a better play in mind, he just thinks they should always pick up the first.

Cakes are cooking for Randy Bachman, Denis Lawson, Mike Schmidt, Shaun Cassidy, Steve Kerr, Alonzo Spellman, Gwyneth Paltrow, Brad Arnold, Anna Camp, Lil Wayne, Avril Lavigne, and Jenna Ortega.

It’s a crime that Dunkin’s raspberry watermelon refresher is only a summer flavor.

Maybe I’m an idiot but I could actually see Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce being together awhile. Everyone expects it to fizzle out so watch them zag. They’re gonna sense how much power there is for them in how annoying it will be for us.

This pizza thing is going to be huge. give it time.

I think there are like three people I follow whose retweets have led me to block about 2/3 of Congressional twitter accounts. (Any politicians whose tweets cross my timeline, agree or not, I immediately block)

There’s no way there’s a real thing called ‘wet AMD.’

Al Michaels will continue the longest streak in television history. His tie knot will be perfect. He needs to teach a class on Instagram how to tie the perfect knot. Like Stanley Tucci does drinks Al could do knots.

Dougie Meehan couldn’t have kicked in five bucks for half a pack?

Final, King Philip 28, Norwood 0. Brian Lee did not coach tonight in lieu of investigation into training camp hazing incident.

The MBTA Commuter Rail Fairmount Line will be free during the Red Line Ashmont Branch & Mattapan Line 16-day diversion. From October 14-29, free shuttle buses & Fairmount Line service will be available to riders as we perform track work.

Frank Langella was a pretty good Skeletor but the film overall was trash so does it still count?

Hey gang of carmine hose dead-enders, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, ” Houck unraveled quickly.”

Day after day it reappears.
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear.
Ghosts appear and fade away.

Alone between the sheets.
Only brings exasperation.
It’s time to walk the streets.
Smell the desperation.

At least there’s pretty lights.
And though there’s little variations.
It nullifies the night.
From overkill.

A lot of hugs in the dugout for Zack Kelly after his scoreless inning of work.

Why is this random Getty Images meme of Kevin James suddenly resurfacing? What did I miss?

Artie T is the biggest needle mover in the world of banana boxes.

What kind of pizza place isn’t open on Sunday?

As a result of Taylor Swift eating a piece of chicken with ketchup and ranch in Kansas City, Chiefs stadium food provider Levy Restaurants says they have increased their supply of ranch in the suites.

Things are gonna turn around for Aidan any day now.

Honk if you remember Montecore.

Go ahead Mr. big mouth tell us how’s the game is going you four-eyed rat.

Sad to hear The Human Vacuum Cleaner died. What? No! Not Debi Diamond! Brooks Robinson! From the Orioles! What’s wrong with you!?

Tony Massarotti has more suspensions than Marchand in the past year, but yeah, he shouldn’t have been named captain.

Did Taylor Swift do the tomahawk chop?

Fun NBA roster nerd thing: The Clippers re-signed all four of their own free agents: Moussa Diabate – 1 year, two-way Xaiver Moon – 1 year, Exhibit 10 Mason Plumlee – 1 year, $5M Russell Westbrook – 2 years, $8M. No other team has re-signed all of their own FAs this offseason.

It’s nice to live in Massachusetts where lesbian gym teachers were allowed to marry each other 30 years ago.

A: $3.46.

Jack Edwards is already in midseason form. Unfortunately.

David McCallum has died. Dosvedanya, Agent Kuryakin. Close channel D.

Best bet for the weekend: A hard-fought Eagles win against Virginia on Family Weekend in Chestnut Hill.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, @GStill45 and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Working Overtime.