The 15

Shorter Boston sports media: “Robert Kraft don’t you DARE keep Bill after we all worked so hard convincing you he had to be fired!!”

C’s getting themselves out of trouble like their dad is a detective had to end sometime.

I’ll say it every time he’s on: Sean McDonough is the best multi-sport broadcaster in the business. #SugarBowl

PWHL Boston. Simple and to the point. Best of luck.

For someone who calls for so many reviews Scal seldom knows what they are looking at.

A four-game win streak pretty well and good evens out the damage of a four-game losing skid. Keep the momentum up for the new year, Bruins.

Fire Sale? No; they traded him to Atlanta.

Does anybody know if Belichick is focused on getting ready for the Jets?

Coach Hardo got too cute by half and bit his own kneecap.

Aaron Rodgers is such an asshole, he makes you root for Jimmy Kimmel.

Cakes are cooking for Thelma Schoonmaker, Stephen Stills, John Paul Jones, Jim Ross, Mel Gibson, Willy T, Ribbs, Jim Everett, Cheryl Miller, Michael Schumacher, Danica McKellar, A.J. Burnett, Kōhei Uchimura, Jisoo, and Florence Pugh.

David Tyree and Eli Manning also have birthdays. But no cake for them.

Jim Harbaugh could win a national championship. John Harbaugh could win a Super Bowl. It’s a good time to be a Harbaugh.

Green Line Reminder: No train service between North Station and Babcock St (B), Kenmore (C+D), and Heath St (E), through Jan. 12 & Jan. 16-28, due to track work. Use buses for service to Copley/Back Bay. Use Orange Line between Back Bay and North Station.

Hey gang of tipplers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Those are nice ducks.”

Life is about little, surprising, pleasures. Ate at the Corrib Pub in Brighton, MA prior to BC-Wake Forest. Excellent “Irish” BLT (a club you can actually eat), great fries, great music mix and a friendly Irish bartender. Someone should take notes.

News Item: After more than 40 years, Improv Boston closing down. Yes, and…?

Can we stop it with this? Ja didn’t dunk on Wembanyama. He attacked Wemby and got by him. This was no Vince on Fred Weiss situation.

It’s DeMario not DeMario idiot.

I’d pay extra if League Pass had an option for just crowd and ambient noise.

I met you several years ago
The times, they were so strange but I had it figured out
You looked into my eyes just once
An instant flashing by that we were stealing

Another time you felt so bad
And I wasn’t any help at all as I recall
We didn’t know quite what to do, so we left the wanting
Be still there for me and you.

Dark star, I see you in the morning.
Dark star, a-sleeping next to me,
Dark star, let the memory of the evening,
Be the first thing that you think of
When you open up your smile and see me, dark star.

Almost all professional writers are paranoid about accidentally borrowing some other writer’s words. It’s a professional hazard, a writer’s equivalent to falling asleep at the wheel if you are a truck driver or accidentally insulting your boss if you’re a mafioso.

Whitlock needs to update his macOS; looks like he hasn’t since at least 2019.

I am not a uniform guy. just win, baby!

The Chargers needed to run the wedding defense. It’s the only thing that can stop Stidham.

Local Collaborative queueing up for the Penix Bandwagon?

I hope Aidan enjoyed the inmate traditional celebration of the new year when everyone bangs on their cell doors for 15 or 20 minutes at the stroke of midnight.

Honk if you remember the Paul Anka Integrity Kick.

McAvoy looks good so far playing without his ACL and MCL.

Every good thing in this world started with a dream.

Now two elite AFC quarterbacks are confirmed to be resting in Week 18: Patrick Mahomes and Joe Flacco.

Peter May was a consummate pro. The Globe was lucky to have him.

Go Peabsy! He’s on the ropes!

I’ve seen what I needed to see, 2024 is the year of women in sports.

Naysayah please.

If you have two Corrib Pubs, you have no Corrib Pubs.

Weep, Bert Breer.

Drew Carter’s Radio Voice affectation is at a 9. We need him at a 2.

A hardy bunch, those L Street Brownies.

Jermaine Wiggins and Fred Smoot are wondering why they weren’t invited on the Lolita Express.

The Pot Tart mascot was edible!

If you have six fewer TGIFridays, you have six fewer TGIFridays.

Gene Steratore thought the refs did a great job.

Welcome aboard, Mr. Vinny Jace.

Remembering those with local ties we lost in 2023: Tim Wakefield, Chris Snow, Russ Francis, Bill Campbell, Lee Tinsley, Billy Evans, Chris Ford, Tim McCarver, Don Blackburn, Roman Mejias, Jim O’Connor, Heather Walker, Rick Hoyt, Bill McGovern, Bob Bolin, Ryan Mallett, Mario Guerrero, Eddie Bressoud, Gilles Gilbert, Ed Sandford, Dick Drago, Judy Slamin, Tom Larson, Mo Maloney and Eric Montross.

Best bet for the weekend: South Dakota State Jackrabbits repeat as FCS Champs.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Merry New Year!

It’s never bad to beat the Broncos in Denver. Way to bounce back, Ryland.

Nice west coast road trip, Green Team.

It’d be a pleasant way to end that losing skid with a W against a Buffalo squad, Bruins.

I thought Tatum would have a nicer house, tbh.

Wonder if Red Sox told Yamamoto their ballpark is most beloved.

Jack Edwards is doing totally fine. Stop asking about him.

Congratulations to ‘Hardy’ for finally making above minimum wage after 25 years in radio.

Fun fact: The wild turkey was designated the state game bird of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts thirty-two years ago today.

Turtleboy goes before A Judge more than Gleyber Torres.

Cakes are cooking for John Amos, Mike Pinder, Terry Bozzio, Andre Tippett, Bill Self, Jim Leyritz, Bill Goldberg, Jean-Christophe Boullion, James Stewart, Carson Palmer, Emilie de Ravin, Paul Stastny, Hayley Williams, Rick Porcello, and Timothée Chalamet.

Started spur-of-the-moment (and way overdue) re-watch of one of HBO’s best, “Six Feet Under”. On 2nd viewing, you pick up on so much shit you missed the first time (& spot future stars). Such a unique premise with fantastic writing/acting, as well as perhaps the best finale ever. My only complaint: the show needed more Percocet.

The New Year is really right around the corner. I’m very excited.

Teams fuck themselves up attacking Hauser like he’s some traffic cone and turns out he isn’t. It’s like when the Celtics mismatch hunt and then struggle scoring because they aren’t playing within their offense.

Hi Upton, I just wondered if you had a personal anecdote about any famous event that happened in America in the 20th century?

Just thought of a random dark Curb Your Enthusiasm-esk bit … Larry wins a fantasy football league where one of his friends died during the season, tries to collect from the widow.

Red Line Update: This delay has cleared.

Hey gang of deceptively athletic types, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Do I have to draw you a picture? Fine. Hand me the peach crayon.”

I didn’t need my bank wishing me a Merry Christmas via email. I need them to just be quiet and hold onto my money.

Emile Coué + Oswald Bates = FCHWPO

I had a pair of the K-Mart fake Adidas with the five stripes when I was little. I would like to be in the documentary.

Holiday traffic really kills the holiday spirit.

There’s a coinflip’s chance Robert does something stupid because he’s miffed no one ever called him a genius or The GOAT.

Random thought/question: Anyone remember Pizzarias chips from Keebler? Those things were so good. They should bring them back!

Why do we never get an answer when we’re knocking at the door?
Because the truth, it’s hard to swallow, that’s what the war of love is for

It’s not the way that you say it,
When you do those things to me.
It’s more the way that you mean it,
When you tell me what will be.

And when you stop and think about it,
You won’t believe it’s true.
That all the love you’ve been giving,
Has all been meant for you.

I’m looking for someone to change my life.
I’m looking for a miracle in my life.
And if you could see what it’s done to me
To lose the the love I knew could safely lead me through.

“My sister was molested and all I got was this lousy excuse to drink” is a tee shirt you can find at Hampton Beach.

To the good, Aidan has a hairstyle that can be trimmed competently using only electric clippers.

Did the Lakers get that stupid IST champion banner from a company in Indianapolis?

You see, because..

The NFL let the Chiefs play too many games over the last five seasons on purpose to make them tired!

Wander Franco is now Evade Franco. Sad.

Honk if you remember when almost everything you wanted but didn’t get for Christmas was on sale now at Sears!

Hearing whispers everyone employed by that CONSONANTS vanity site have applied for the vacancy at 98.5.

Nemesis follows hubris, chudmuffins.

Go out and get that Washington Football Team a pair of wins, embedded Patriot Jacoby Brissett!

The comparison between Mike Trout and Mookie Betts is in several ways a replay of the competition between Mantle and Mays. Mantle won in the short run; Mays won in the long run–and it kind of looks like this one is going to go the same way.

Why is Servpro the sponsor of the First Responder Bowl?

Celibate Midget benched, Old Friend Stihdsy to get the first team reps the final two games for the Broncos.

Have a safe, happy, and at worst, mildly tipsy New Year’s Eve.

Best bet for the weekend: an entertaining Orange Bowl.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. What are words for, when no one listens anymore?

Winnable games this week lost by the P’s, B’s, and C’s. Less than ideal.

I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile.

Keep your head down for 25 years and you too can receive a too-late promotion in a dying industry.

Welcome to New England, two-time MLS Cup winning coach Caleb Porter.

There hasn’t been a good new Christmas song since 1992.

Looking for a last-minute Christmas gift? Consider a pound or two of Callahan Coffee: it’s dark and delicious and as a bonus a portion of each purchase is donated to keep a needy Russian conscript fighting in Ukraine for another six days!

Maybe name your burner something other than Andrew.

Cakes are cooking for Peter Criss, Dick Wolf, Uri Geller, Alan Parsons, Cecil Cooper, Anita Ward, Joyce Hyser, Nate Newton, Aubrey Huff, Jonah Hill, Lucy Pinder, Jojo Levesque, and Kylian Mbappé.

“Damontae Kazee” sounds like something a vaudevillian magician would shout before he made his lovely assistant disappear.

This Iceland volcano shit is insane, kid. It’s gon’ be ugly when Ma Nature has that big-ass, lava-spewing, Earth-shaking ultimate orgasm. Just another reason to #BuyPhysicalMedia.

I never realized how many loser fans Ted Johnson has.

Not saying there is a prejudice against Japanese pitchers, but the Sox got Koji Uehara cheap in 2013 because people said he couldn’t close games and couldn’t pitch on consecutive days. He closed, pitched on consecutive days and had a 1.09 ERA, 10-1 strikeout/walk ratio.

Call me Jayson Tatum: I love hitting 3s.

Hey gang of nonprime numbers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Hug your penguins a little tightah.”

Everybody has a price. Cerrone Battle’s is just really low.

One could scarcely help fancying it must have run there when it was a young house, playing at hide-and-seek with other houses, and have forgotten the way out again.

I could never say “Courvoisier, please” to a bartender.

Can you have offered Yoshinobu Yamamoto $300 million and then not have offered him $300 million?

Green Line D Branch Reminder: Shuttle Buses replace service between Riverside and Kenmore due to track work. Regular service will resume on December 21.

UConn Men’s BB holding steady at #5 in the AP Poll.

The modern-day equivalent of “don’t trust anyone over 40” is “everyone under 40 is mentally irregular”.

I’m not hearing Boston sports talk being done differently. At all.

It’s okay to not be okay, J.C. Jackson.

I hear Cashman is working on a trade for Connor Wong next. Then will try to package Wong, Downs, and Alex Verdugo to LA for Mookie Betts. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Hardy goes from being the third guy on the midday to being the solo host next time Toucher has a relapse of (cough) “throat issues”.

SMARTEN UP

‘Electeds of Color’ sounds like a kick ass band name.

You can ring my bell, you can ring my bell
Ding, dong, ding, ah-ah, ring it
You can ring my bell, anytime, anywhere
Ring it, ring it, ring it, ring it, oww
You can ring my bell, you can ring my bell
Ding, dong, ding, ah-ah, ring it
You can ring my bell, anytime, anywhere
Ring it, ring it.

It is required of every man, that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellowmen, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death. 

Joansies’ ratings are so low they’re all RT’ing and favoriting ballwasher posts.

Society has progressed past the need for Zack Snyder movies and/or multiple bad cuts of said movies.

So you are telling me ‘Hardy’ and ‘Sarge’ are different people? If you say so.

Honk if you remember the Sears Wish Book. And honk twice if you remember Old Fezziwig.

If the local media could kindly stop trying to press a gold watch into Belichick’s palm and push him out onto a waiting ice floe that would be great.

Oh God! to hear the Insect on the leaf pronouncing on the too much life among his hungry brothers in the dust!

Looking for a last-minute Christmas gift for that hockey fan in your life? Try Tough Guys by Dale Arnold (Triumph). He profiles a long list of NHL’s enforcers, who talk about their peculiar roles. Among his subjects: Chris Nilan, Jay Miller, Terry O’Reilly and P.J. Stock. It’s a revealing read into an increasingly rare subculture and comes recommended.

So apparently the frails don’t like being called broads. Who knew?

MLS dropping out of the US Open Cup tells you everything about that league. The only real and historical piece of US Soccer and they ask out.

Referring to drug and alcohol abuse as “self-medicating” is like referring to candy bars as “Nutrional supplements.”

A: Dart Adams’ nephew is 6’6″.

Lauko didn’t waste much time getting into it again, did he?

This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree; but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased. 

It’s amazing. My buddy’s son’s team lost a heartbreaker to their rival last night in almost the exact same fashion as the Celtics did v. Golden State. Lead throughout. Lead slips. Offense at the end dries up. Back breaking 3 by outstanding shooter to tie. Wheels come off in OT. Lordy.

If you don’t find National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation funny I don’t know what to tell you.

Ron Hobson Media Good Guy Award SZN.

I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. 

Best bet for the weekend: traffic by the shopping centers.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God Bless Us, Every One!

If Shohei Ohtani had a sense of humor, he would have made his surprise announcement on December 7th.

Do you think that Bailey Zappe has blocked Dan Orlovsky’s phone number yet?

I’m being told #10 is not in fact Top 5.

Do New York Giants fans have a nickname for winning with Tommy DeVito yet? Like a Linsanity-type thing? If not, they should.

Malik Cunningham wasn’t even here long enough to be referred to as “the player”.

Dan here’s my message to the Red Sox and it’s as simple as it gets. Stop talking about doing things and do them in front of me and make me stop not believing that you don’t care about winning.

It’s the final two minutes of the game, it’s not The Purge, Mahomes. There are still rules.

Cakes are cooking for Dick Van Dyke, Lou Adler, John Davidson, Ferguson Jenkins, Skunk Baxter, Ted Nugent, Wendie Malick, Steve Forbert, Morris Day, Richard Dent, Bo Pelini, Josh Fogg, Amy Lee, Rickie Fowler, and Danielle Collins.

Plans for Ohtanis Japanese Steakhouse in the Big Concourse have been cancelled. Instead we’ll get Breslow’s Kosher scratch & dent knish cart.

The Steve McNair ottoman claimed another one. RIP, Frank Wycheck.

The Los Angeles Chargers at the Las Vegas Raiders sounds like it’s from Biff Tannen’s sports almanac.

There’s no vulture emoji.

Ohtani banked $700 million and immediately apologized for making people wait lmao imagine being that polite

Sal is The15’s Larry Flynt. Except that he’s crippled by gas station drugs.

Your Christmas lights temperature color is wrong.

Pat McAfee seems like a guy who has at least two stepfathers, has kids who have multiple stepfathers, and is a stepfather himself. #tanktops

The fact college hockey is on a break for exactly the time period I am back in New England is ruining my life.

Hey gang, this week’s phrase that pays is “Serbian stolen valor.”

Between MegO drinking Mountain Dew and convenience store energy drinks and hating all vegetables, she has to be the trashiest college women’s lacrosse player ever.

The Andelmans ruined the Three Stooges Marathon.

If you combine this IST championship with the Lakers bubble championship, that’s almost like one whole championship.

HAHAHAHAHA! Cutlets!!

Bobby Bonilla walked so Shohei could run faster than the speed of light.

Meet me in the middle of the day,
Let me hear you say everything’s okay.
Bring me southern kisses from your room.
Meet me in the middle of the night,
Let me hear you say everything’s alright,
Let me smell the moon in your perfume.

Oh, Gods and years will rise and fall
And there’s always something more.
It’s lost in talk, I waste my time
And it’s all been said before.
While further down behind the masquerade the tears are there.
I don’t ask for all that much I just want someone to care.
That’s right now.

I feel like every franchise needs a third-string QB that’s an egregious stereotype of the people who reside in the geographical area of the team.

Honk if you remember Mark Henderson.

If you think Belichick is terrible why does it matter where the draft pick is?

Max Strus looks like he sells MDMA.

There was a psychic named Criswell. No idea if he predicted the Red Sox signing a guy with the same name.

How many times in the last year have you ridden in an elevator?

I see this alot nowadays. I get in with 5mm of rubber covering everything but my eyes and nose. These people getting in bare is something to do with Wim Hof or cold therapy. Either way, it’s fucked.

Dan Orlovsky is the NFL’s Myrna Carter of advice giving.

I’m kind of disappointed that Kirsty MacColl couldn’t be bothered to show up at Shane MacGowan’s funeral.

No famous person has had a birthday in secret since the turn of the century.

Congratulations Joe Castiglione on winning the Frank Deford Award.

Baseball bat knob shot glasses!

Malik Willis and Malik Cunningham should join forces to create 3/5s of a good QB.

Detective Frank Pembleton could have gotten a confession out of Ray Ray. Gone too soon, Andre Braugher.

Best bet for the weekend: things could still change.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

The Patriots sucking might just flex some of these media losers out of jobs.

Dugie traded to New York? They’re obviously trying to launder the return on Mookie.

Someone has to be held accountable for losing the in-season tournament that I thought was a dumb idea until just recently. And that someone is Kornet.

This is of course payback for FSU stealing a national championship from Notre Dame in 1993.

“This Banton guy”. Says the guy whose name Felger nearly remembers.

Imagine wearing a ‘Big Dom’ sweatshirt and an attractive woman asks you what your shirt means and having to explain it.

Cakes are cooking for Dan Harrington, JoBeth Williams, Keke Rosberg, Thomas Hulce, Steven Wright, Peter Buck, Nick Park, David Lovering, Judd Apatow, Kevin Cash, CoCo Vandeweghe, Johnny Manziel, and Giannis Antetokounmpo.

Logan Paul needs better entrance music. Too generic for a big-name star.

Nothing says “moving on to the 21st century” quite like getting fired by NFL Network and then writing for Bedard’s shitty website.

Green Line: Service has resumed between Babcock St, Kenmore, Heath St and North Station. Trains will continue to bypass Haymarket Station through December 16 to allow for work on the Government Center Garage demolition.

The Reds moved up into the top 6 in MLB Draft Lottery, so the Red Sox stay at 12 even with the Mets falling back 10 slots. That jump up by the Reds cost the Red Sox at least $210,000 in bonus pool value (based off 2023 values).

Anyone else object to announcers at high school football games saying, “I hope you took the over?”

Also, it is just me, or has Sophia Jurksztowicz changed her appearance and primed for a network spot? She is an absolute pro on the hockey analysis side already.

Hey gang of bean counters! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The last thing that tub of goo needs is more red meat.”

Ohio State QB Kyle McCord has entered his name into the transfer portal.

“You are a bad sandwich like the one in Minority Report” is a very very solid niche comeback.

I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world… perhaps you’ve seen it?

Nicholas Judice, one of the pitchers who the Red Sox received in the Alex Verdugo trade, is 6 foot 8.

I’m hearing whispers MMFR1 has never not been disappointed by a scone.

Oh, pipe down, Dark Bertrand.

Something that never existed cannot recur.

I just want Shohei to go where he’s most comfortable. There; I said it.

Honk if you enjoy a Gershwin tune.

It took me way too long to realize Joaquin Wilde was DJZ in Impact.

Cris Collinsworth owns PFF and every time he appears on national television, he devalues his investment.

People comparing Giannis to Shaq in any way need to calm down.

Wow, you thought you heard ‘Fairytale of New York’ during December a lot before!

I saw the sign
And it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign.
Life is demanding without understanding.

I saw the sign
And it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign.
No one’s gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong;
But where do you belong?

So I had trouble sleeping last night, or so I thought. Turns out I was dreaming that I couldn’t get to sleep. Got in some good delta wave sleep. I woke up confused but refreshed.

Joe Mauer is an obvious Hall of Famer. That is all.

The good news is if Bill Belichick wins three more games this season, he gets to take Coach Prime’s spot as Sporthuman of the Year.

A: Gifts are multiples of 18 because 18 is the number of life or lucky number.

The Verdugo trade is about the best prospect they got back. Insight like that is why Lou Merloni makes the big money.

‘Gaylord Opryland’ was also one of Upton Bell’s P-Town stage names.

It would be epic if the Trev Lawrence injury opened up an opportunity for a quarterback of colorrrrr

The tongs silenced Big Jim’s dad. RIP.

What do we think of Rhode Island FC’s kit reveal yesterday? Let us know in the comments.

Tanking and sucking are not synonyms.

Did Von Miller bribe the League Suspension Man like he did the Piss Man?

Best bet for the weekend: More than six total points getting scored in the Army-Navy Game.

Material from interviews, wire services, X FKA Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Steven Wright, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Your head will collapse, and there’s nothing in it. And you’ll ask yourself-Where is my mind?

Not sure what the value is in running a fake sports website, Sports Illustrated.

It took a 7’3″ blindingly white guy for Jaylen to finally be able to see an open teammate.

MegO is such trash drinking some shady energy drink. To roll into work at 1 PM.

Dolly Parton! Now there’s somebody who’s having a life. So impressive.

Are you hearing the Red Sox are in on everyone? Because I’m hearing the Red Sox are in on everyone.

You hire a guy with the name Eberflus and you deserve what you get.

So the Barstool Crew flew to Ann Arbor to watch the Michigan-Ohio State game in an office park?

Bench guys need to bring the psycho energy.

Cakes are cooking for John Mayall, Chuck Mangione, Suzy Chaffee, Jerry Lawler, Barry Goudreau, Howie Mandel, Neal Broten, Rich Camarillo, Don Cheadle, Dee Brown, Jonathan Knight, Mariano Rivera, Anna Faris, Russell Wilson, and Stefon Diggs.

Does anybody call Marvin Harrison Jr. ‘Maserati Marv’ besides Gus Johnson?

There is no bigger cluster fuck than that 146/95/State Offices split in the history of US highways.

Are We Finally Ready For Roman Style?

The NHL should take a page out of the NBA’s book and have the Bruins host an in-season tourney at Hockey Town USA.

When have we ever claimed to be above the fray? We live for the fray!

Zach Edey is Mandarin-Canadian for Hasheem Thabeet.

Would it be a uniform violation to let Mac Jones wear a red non-contact jersey under his gameday uni top?

So Connor Bedard’s mother is a whore and it’s the Blackhawks’ fault?

You ate ten stuffed mushrooms! You did!!

If you’re a team in the Central and you don’t claim Corey Perry then what the fuck are we even doing?

Green Line Reminder: Service is suspended from North Station to Babcock St (B), Kenmore (C + D), and Heath St (E) through December 5. Use Buses for service to Back Bay, and Orange Line for service downtown.

Goaltender Jeremy Swayman returns to the Bruins lineup Thursday vs San Jose. Swayman was pulled from the lineup during his most recent start.

Dave Brown’s surprise return to Entitled Town was copied by the WWF having MC Pank or whoever come back.

They got the logo on the side of this new building now and it’s giving me major Decepticon vibes. I hope we weren’t working for Megatron this whole time.

Hey gang of gustatory gourmands, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Go get a roast beef sandwich and calm down.”

Is there a better name for a running back then Gainwell?

Kratom? At 7-Eleven?

SI probably should have known Olivia0917693516 didn’t actually write those articles.

It takes a really skilled addict to find a way to OD at the exact moment you happen to have your neck pinned to the pavement.

Someone should tell the Celtics there’s money on the line before every game.

And when you get it
It makes you feel good.
You don’t regret it
But maybe you should.

Just face the music
Or turn away.
Just face the music
You can run or stay.

Narrator: The Kansas City Chiefs team colors are NOT and have never been black and red.

Every new country artist my wife listens to has a name like a jobber that Jeff Hardy would beat on a non-TV match.

Tom Brady doesn’t look so good; you don’t suppose he grew into an avocado allergy, do you?

Honk if you remember Ernie and the Automatics.

“Fat Lunatic Tells Mayor to ‘Go Back to China’” probably would have made the news.

Jets opening Aaron Rodgers’ 21-day practice window. WOW.

If the Celtics win this in season tournament, they’ll get shit on for blowing their wad in December. If they get knocked out, it’ll be ‘you just showed that once again you can’t deliver in high pressure games’. There are zero possible outcomes for this where Celtics will avoid getting attacked. It’s a toxic media market’s wet dream.

Does wearing Flex Seal cause brain damage?

Hey Adam Silver, great job on the in-season tournament! Keep it up, fammo. People notice!

Lotta dudes who won absolutely nothing for 20 years during the Patriots dynasty suddenly have a lot to say now that the Patriots are trash for the first time since Y2K and Tom Brady’s retired.

Kudos on the Thanksgiving Friday news dump about the fender bender, Mayor Wu. Well played.

Bowl-bound BC Football.

Are people going to get Peacock so they can watch Bills-Chargers?  Oh, wait you get a Melissa McCarthy movie?  Now I’m in!

All the best to Mike Shildt with the Padres. The Padres are a little hard to root for, with their approach of trying to steal everybody else’s favorite player and pretend they add up to a team, but . . .I hope Shildt lasts there 20 years and wins some big ones.

Best bet for the weekend: More attempts by the local media to Inception RKK into firing Belichick.

Material from interviews, wire services, X FKA Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Old Friend Lebron, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Cool the engines. Cool the engines down.

Charissa Thompson isn’t the first to spill too much personal information in an effort to impress Big Cat.

Jack Edwards speaks like he’s hitting the middle button on predictive text.

The Celtics have the best record in the league, a historically great net rating, new stars who look great with the team, returning stars who are playing well, leveled up coaching, and our fans on twitter are spending the day insulting each other. God Bless America.

WEEI seems at peace with never coming close to respectable ratings.

I’m more and more impressed each time I hear Drew Carter call a Celtics road game. This dude knows everything about the team and both its current and former players, as if he’s been around the organization for years. He JUST got here! Wildly impressive.

Milan Lucic tasteless joke goes here.

Why does Bill Burr make 1000x more sense than any person in the sports media?

Cakes are cooking for Terry Gilliam, Guion Bluford, Billie Jean King, Yvan Cournoyer, Steven Van Zandt, Tina Weymouth, Lyman Bostock, Jamie Lee Curtis, Steve DeOssie, Hugh Millen, Mads Mikkelsen, Sen Dog, Boris Becker, Sharin Foo, Joe Nathan, Shawn Fanning, Oscar Pistorius, and Hailey Baldwin.

I am not sure if I wanna live in a world where Hall and Oates don’t get along.

They killed JFK because he was about to reveal NFL Secrets!

GLX Reminder: Shuttle buses will replace Green Line service between North Station and Medford/Tufts from 8:45 PM to the end of service, Nov 27- Dec. 10, due to track work. Union Square riders should use Bus routes 86, 87, or 91 to connect to shuttles or Orange Line service.

There’s no more try-hard move than the Italians bringing out their lasagna and red sauce for Thanksgiving prior to the meal. We get it, your great-grandparents fucked on a peninsula, congrats.

Looking forward to the 2024 draft, Michael Penix Jr. looks to be the next Davis Mills.

Hey gang of sports bettors, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Whole fit is fire.”

Milan Lucic tasteless joke #2 goes here.

RKK and not BB made the decision to go year-to-year on TB12’s contract? An image that comes to mind is John Henry awkwardly hugging John Lester. Although in this case it’s Kraft wearing a puffy jacket made by one of his rapper friends.

Honk if you remember Aldous Huxley.

Shots on Thanksgiving for the Bruins?! OMG yes! LOL

So what I’m hearing is the Steelers organization decided to…blame Canada? (David Caruso sunglasses GIF)

“I like what Dallas did.” Sirhan Sirhan.

Aly, walk with me in the summer.
Aly, walk with me.
Aly, walk with me in Portland.
Aly, walk with me.

Aly walks with me in my dreams;
So strange and true.
Can I walk with you in Portland
Walk next to you?

Don’t buy a giant TV to replace your slightly smaller giant TV, get a mattress and boxspring like an adult, stupid.

“Ghastly” is an underused word.

Let’s see. . .you have an old, injury-prone player who is God Awful Slow, doesn’t play defense, hits around .200 with nearly 2 strikeouts for each hit. . ..and saying that he probably won’t play every game next year is controversial?

Milan Lucic tasteless joke #4 goes here.

The package stores will be closed across the Commonwealth tomorrow for the same reason we have the worst sports fans in the country.

A game-time decision for Antonio Gibson…

Are the Eddie Andelman Sports Huddle gobbles logarithmically scaled, like the Richter magnitude scale? Two gobbles being ten times worse than one gobble?

Best bet for the weekend: Lots of viewers for the Pats/Giants tilt, but not for the reason you think!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, several Old Friends, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We reserve the right to update this column later in the day.

Hire more guys who were on the 2013 team, Red Sox.

I’d rather have a player who makes sure you don’t need a last-second shot to win the game because he made sure you won by ten, but you have your opinion too, I guess.

Kudos to Megan Rapinoe for her commitment to Achilles tendon injury equity.

Patriots need to win seven in a row to get right back into this thing.

If he had only waited 10 months, Joansie could have parachuted into Rich’s spot and been part of a top-rated show.

Is Jack Jones taking a Fung Wah to Vegas? Airports don’t seem to be his thing.

Could’ve had the greatest flyover of all time in the Patriots-Colts game, every NATO nation was in the color guard, have every NATO nation take part in a flyover.

What NFL team is gonna hire Deion Sanders to be their HC in the off-season?

Cakes are cooking for Petula Clark, Sam Waterston, Anni-Frid Lyngstad, Joe Leeway, Kevin Eubanks, Greg Anthony, Natalia Medvedeva, Chad Kroeger, Virginie Ledoyen, Lorena Ochoa, Lofa Tatupu, Shailene Woodley, and Trevor Story.

Maybe instead of Orlovsky, Mac could have found a good QB to confide in?

NO SPOILERS! The Marvels was so good! Breezy, light, funny, good story. One of the better MCU entries in a while! Really fun time at the movies.

Hey gang of simpletons, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Didn’t say it was easy. Just not complicated.”

How can play-by-play be out context?

You know you’ve crushed branding your podcast network when you need to include a parenthetical on how to pronounce it.

Red Line Reminder: Shuttle Buses replace service between JFK/UMass and Park Street from 8:45 PM to the end of service, November 15-16, as well as the entire weekend of November 18-19, due to track work.

It’s great that noted Jets fan Rich Eisen did precisely zero research on the roster before calling a Patriots broadcast seen around the globe.

The problem with discussing racism within the NASCAR fandom is that y’all rarely include commentary from the people who are being targeted by that. That’s why some of y’all never believe it’s happening, because you personally didn’t experience it and don’t listen to those who do.

Some good Rule 5 talk on the timeline.

Apparently not following @StoolGreenie isn’t enough. I guess I need to mute or block him in order to not see a 40 something year old Celtics fan get in twitter fights every day with teenage Celtics fans under my ‘For you’ tab.

Protect Iman Vellani at all costs.

Nothing more frustrating for an insider than when you have breaking news sitting in your phone and you don’t see it, or worse don’t look because you’re not anticipating it (like today). So if you’re a source on the TL & I don’t respond, it’s because I didn’t see it. Y’all know this. Lol. Call me. My phone is not glued to my ear every waking minute. Lawd.

You better leave my kitten all alone.
You better leave my kitten all alone.
Well, I told you, big, fat bulldog.
You better leave her alone,

You better leave my kitten all alone.
You better leave my kitten all alone.
This dog is gonna get you.
If you don’t leave her alone.

Will Smith’s career has been going great since he faked that Chris Rock slap!

As has been stated over and over: These in-season tournament courts are doing their job. You know these games are unique.

Honk if you remember Peanut Butter Twix.

Every new business in Boston would love to have the publicity that’s been showered on the opening of Central Perk. What is that all about?

It was a different era, yes, but Frank Howard struck out LESS than many contemporary power hitters, including Willie Stargell, Dick Allen, Barry Bonds, Reggie Jackson and Mike Schmidt, if Schmidt is considered contemporary.

A: Vineyard Nights.

Anyone making a practice turkey dinner in advance of Thanksgiving? Let us know in the comments.

Williams, Smart, Brogdon. All injured. Brad is 3 for 3.

Does Pluto TV have an ‘Ask the Manager’ show where people beg for more Hogan’s Heroes?

I’ve watched dozens of Eras Tour livestreams (oh hush) and I still get teary when all the phones light up for “Marjorie” #TSTheErasTourBuenosAires

I’m not sure how well they can throw, but the Red Sox pitching prospects have some fantastic names. ‘Wikelman Gonzalez’ sounds like Speedy’s bi-curious nephew.

Hearing Jack Edwards narrate a hockey fight is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.

Imagine if Sauce ends up being better than Revis?

WBD to shut down GCN+, creating immediate issues for cycling fans. #CONSONANTS

Best bet for the weekend: Mac taking full advantage of the bye week to figure things out. He knows he has to play better!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, several Old Friends, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Don’t sleep in the subway, darlin’. Don’t stand in the pouring rain.

New game idea: Wacky morning zoo radio show, or NHL teammates? “Listen to Heino and Steener in the morning for your chance to score Olivia Rodrigo tickets!”

Aren’t all stoves hot?

Terry Bradshaw when he’s reading the halftime scores sounds like Jack Edwards.

Jrue gotta move the rock.

Red Sox Triston Casas a finalist for AL Rookie of the Year.

During the 1980’s Bert Breer had a General Motors Starter jacket. True story.

Ironman Rob Will injured?

Patriots fans have learned the name Ben Johnson and now won’t shut the fuck up about him.

Cakes are cooking for Satch Sanders, Bonnie Raitt, Mary Hart, Leif Garrett, Gordon Ramsey, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Jose Offerman, Parker Posey, Twan Scheepers, Tara Reid, Nick Punto, Sam Bradford, Giancarlo Stanton*, & SZA.

Honestly I love Zdeno Chara But at this point I’d be more impressed if he challenged Joey Chestnut on July 4th.

I like getting barbecue rub when I pick up my leaf bags.

Patriots CB JC Jackson is not expected to travel with the team to Germany for their game against the Colts.

Check my prоfile tо gеt lаunсh money.

Red Sox should have moved Paxton at the deadline. Or Pullman. Whichever one they just let walk for nothing.

Dark at 5 pm means my seasonal depression is back!

Green Line B Branch Update: Shuttle buses replace service between Washington Street and Boston College while repairs are made to an overhead wire near Sutherland Road. And Red Line Reminder: Shuttle Buses replace service between JFK/UMass and Park Street from 8:45 PM to the end of service, November 14-16, for track work.

I like the nachos, but only with the little round tortilla chips.

Congratulations to the Foxboro High field hockey team for their 2-0 win over Swampscott in the MIAA Tournament! Way to ignore the noise, ladies!

“Gethin Coolbaugh” sounds like a light-hitting Negro Leagues player. “Coolbaugh batted .184 and stole 307 bases during the ‘39 season.”

Did you ever realize that if you never eat anything except leftovers, somehow you will still have leftovers? I’m not sure how the math works on that.

Ryan Blaney out-drives Kyle Larson to win his first NASCAR championship.

“It’s not really a lighthouse, but that’s what they call it.” YOU SHUT YOUR STUPID WHORE MOUTH SHANNON SPAKE!!

Hey gang of young up-and-comers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I don’t have much interest in grabbing a beer with Craig Breslow.”

Y’know, If Lucy did decide to get an OnlyFans, she could probably make enough to fix that deviated septum so she wouldn’t be panting for breath by the end of walking for 40 seconds in her betting videos.

I’ve been listening to nothing but The Cars lately. Such a good band. There isn’t even a Phoebe Cates video sucking me in.

“Con facemask y todo” is fun to say.

Sometimes I see guys walk in and I think “ooh, I like that sweater I wonder where he got that” for half a second before remembering Jayson Tatum probably spent two months’ worth of my income on it at a secret store known only to NBA players.

Kimmi Chex is a totally real name.

Do other ppl use the bathroom as a house refuge? I live with only one other person, and often I’ll just be like, ‘welp I need a break from the rest of the house, time to stand and look at my phone in front of my bathroom sink.’

Is Jack Jones even allowed to leave the country?

When Felger dies, Darren Rovell will reveal that he has the napkins Felger used to warm his legs.

Only you know and I know.
All the loving we’ve got to show.
So don’t refuse to believe it.
By reading too many meanings.

‘Cause you know that I mean what I say, so, don’t go
And never take me the wrong way.
You know you can’t go on getting your own way.
‘Cause if you do, it’s gonna get you someday, yeah.

Had assumed that Corey Seager was a good bet to make the Hall of Fame, based on his current trajectory. But, turns out he’s in 26th place among shortstops in Wins Above Replacement by age 29, between Hanley Ramirez and Rabbit Maranville. Two WS MVPs would help, of course.

People are noticing you, George Stephanopoulos.

In all seriousness, both The Beatles and The Rolling Stones have new songs out. What fucking year are we in?

Honk if you remember Joe Flynn.

Fox has Stink and Pink on the same NFL broadcast crew?

The Sara Civian fan club is strong and we stan.

Things I didn’t expect to see: The autograph line for Gina Gershon was much longer than the one for Marisa Tomei.

Add ‘plastered’ to the football lingo.

An Xfinity guy was just here and he turned on our television to see if it worked. They showed a guy on TV that was wanted and he looked exactly like me. It was actually a little frightening. Guessing that I was only the second most frightened person in the room.

All the Daylight I saved has been lost, like tears in rain.

Have fun with the sports betting, Maine.

Dick Drago. A closer before there were closers. Born too late to play on the beloved 1967 Impossible Dream Red Sox, now taken from us too soon. RIP.

Best bet for the weekend: All our veterans eating like kings on Friday restaurant-hopping for their free appetizers and desserts.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Ein Prosit, ein Prosit. Der Gemütlichkeit.