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Category Archives: The Sports Junk Drawer

2/28/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on February 28, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Peter King. A true journalist that could be bought for a lifetime by a ride to an NFL training camp and a plate of cafeteria scrambled eggs. Mr. King plans to spend his retirement with his family and learning to recognize subtle social cues.

You are gonna have to try a little harder Grim Reaper to get ol’ Jeff Howe!

So now the Sox have a Jason Alexander and the grandson of the actor who played Mr. Ross. Maybe Crazy Joe Davola has a nephew who can really hit.

I feel like the owner shouldn’t continually repeat the story about calling the coach a schmuck.

After watching most of two hockey games on TNT, I can’t get “The Rhythm of the Slice” out of my head.

Yes, but storming the court is also awesome.

Cakes are cooking for Mario Andretti, Donnie Iris, Mike Figgis, William Finn, Ricky ‘the Dragon’ Steamboat, Cindy Wilson, Rae Dawn Chong, Djamolidine Abdoujaparov, Tim Goad, Shawn McEachern, Eric Lindros, Jason Aldean, Jamaal Tinsley, Natalia Vodianova, Karolína Kurková, Jelena Janković, and Luka Dončić.

Oh waaaah; I’m so lonely playing basketball for 50 million a year. If only I was in Florida I wouldn’t be as lonely.

Does Fanatics know that their baseball pants are sheer? does Fanatics know that their baseball pants are going to be like a wet t-shirt contest after one inning?

The winners in the NFL salary cap spike? Everyone. But an especially big win for quality players at premium positions. Teams have that much more room to reset the market (hello, Justin Jefferson) or pay very good players near the top of the market.

Imagine thinking we have an ethos.

I am officially convinced the people who run MLB are brain dead idiots. Lots of people like me want to see all 30 ballparks. So smartly I wanted to kill two birds with one stone and see both Baltimore and Washington on the same weekend this summer. However, the geniuses who run the game didn’t schedule both the Orioles and Nationals to be home on the same weekend ONCE ALL SUMMER. Like who the hell is making the decisions down there good grief wake up.

The Red Sox not jumping on making Mike Monaco full time is insane.

A thought while reading the tributes to Peter King. Don’t measure your success on who you stepped over in your climb, but by those you carried along the way. Be respectful of others. I think that’s forgotten lately, and the best tribute to Peter King is to be a Peter King.

Ok but why is CVS the most expensive store for no reason?

Hey gang of ribald comedy enthusiasts, this week’s Phrase that pays is, “Was Meat vaxxed?”

Update: Lonzo Ball is still unable to sprint.

Michael Holley talking about Bill’s hubris is incredible.

Watched a college game tonight with Drew Carter on the call and he’s a billion times better when he’s not giggling and jerking Scalabrine off.

Lemon trees don’t make a sound,
’til branches bend and fruit falls to the ground, baby,
Sweet baby.

Swayman with more rebounds than Carrie Bradshaw.

Does everyone remember that one day like seven years ago when we thought male rompers were gonna be a thing and everyone did the funniest tweets about it? Best day in Twitter history.

India will never make a World Cup in soccer.

We were at the beach.
Everybody had matching towels.
Somebody went under a dock,
And there they saw a rock.
It wasn’t a rock’
It was a rock lobster!

Rock lobster!

Rock lobster.
Rock lobster.

You ever get to the bottom of a bag of coffee grounds and realize you have no idea what this one specifically tastes like? Couldn’t pick that flavor from a lineup. Drank it exhausted for two weeks, don’t think I noticed what I was drinking once. Forgettable. It was just…coffee.

Hey @PFF, it looks like you have the Steelers and Rams reversed in Round 2 of your mock draft simulator (unless I’m missing something)

Damian Lillard is a huge loser who NBA fans treat like Kobe because he stayed in Portland longer than expecting before forcing his way out. I understand that NBA fans are by and large the vapidest dummies on earth but Christ. He’s never won shit and he comes off as a whiny little bitch. Play basketball and then go home and play video games with no financial worries? He’s living the life of a ten-year-old. Dame time.

I’ve never seen a single person inside a Mattress Firm.

My favorite thing about having a cat is when I come home we just softly scream at each other for an hour like sometimes us girlies just need to eckkk I think this is why my mom loves my cat so much too.

Fun Fact: the Bruins have Olympia Ice Resurfacers. First NHL team to own a Zamboni, first NHL team to get rid of Zamboni.

I don’t think I can ever leave Boston again because on any given weekday I can text my parents “what’s the move” like we’re frat brothers and they’ll actually respond with a move.

Full moons are one of life’s simple pleasures. They sneak up on you and they’re awesome.

Honk if you remember the final episode of M*A*S*H.

We are heartbroken to report that Flaco the Eurasian Eagle-Owl has died after an apparent collision with a building on West 89th Street in Manhattan.

Johnny Miller thinks Sean McAdam looks terrible.

Leap Day is the perfect time to end the overtime game streak, Bruins. Think about it.

Years back I ran into Don Rickles at Foxwoods and said hi. He made fun of me. Perfect celebrity interaction.

If the NWSL had pro/rel the USWNT would have beaten Mexico.

A: Zibby Puleio.

The Dynasty is the Star Trek V of Patriots documentaries.

Wait, full moons don’t sneak up on you; they happen on a regular and predictable basis.

Arguing that a player should be in the Hall of Fame because he is better than the worst mistake from the past is like arguing that I ate some spoiled fruit yesterday, so I should eat some more spoiled fruit today.

In sports!

B- for coach was the highest grade on the Patriots NFLPA report card. Belichick, owning.

Have more awards shows.

Best bet for the weekend: Celtics keep the win streak alive.

Flaco. Breathtaking, but sadly not elite.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend Sixty, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Roam if you want to. Roam around the world.

*And happy birthday to actress Ali Larter, who will always be Allegra Coleman to me.*

2/21/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on February 21, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

The Patriots new coaching staff is big enough to need its own post office and fire department.

Wow. That Nick Gemelli guy is somehow less funny than Plain Black Hat.

Notorious social butterfly Larry Bird.

The Red Sox roster looks pretty well set going into spring training. They just need to find the right people to fill in the last 17 or 18 roster spots.

Hey, Jaylen didn’t dribble the ball off his leg during the dunk contest!

William Byron won the Daytona 500 after rain forced the rescheduling of the event to Monday? That’s what happens when you build a racetrack so close to the Great Lakes.

We will take a shootout win to semi-salvage the homestand, Bruins. Good luck on the road trip.

Dan Shaughnessy had heart surgery? What, they finally gave him one?

Cakes are cooking for Bob Ryan, Tyne Daly, Olympia Snowe, Jerry Harrison, William Peterson, Kelsey Grammer, Alan Trammell, Jake Steinfeld, Chuck Palahniuk, Terry Allen, Wish Bone, Ashley Greene, and Phil Jones.

UMass won that one for “Trigger” Burke. RIP.

Just left the grocery store and I have a take: There are too many kinds of apples now. Not saying we should go back to just red but the number of options is confusing. Around 5 types of apples are enough.

It rocks that Sabrina Ionescu did that. great accomplishment. super fun. very rad event.

Hey gang of attention seekers, his week’s Phrase that Pays is, “How do you look at a baby and name it Kirk?”

Tony Mazz: ‘Caitlin Clark is the real deal.’ You think so, doctor?

I’m sure Mrs. Looch regrets saying whatever it was that made him angry. Please respect their privacy at this time.

Billionaires will always- always – billionaire.

Red Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to an earlier medical emergency at Park St. Trains may stand by at stations.

It’s funny that running only one mile per day didn’t do shit.

Bill looks like he’d rather be watching video of Linda getting her implants removed than being interviewed for The Dynasty documentary.

Going forward, there needs to be a 100 NBA minutes played that season minimum to participate in the dunk contest.

Yeah, I’m very much enjoying Heel Rock.

Why was Market Basket so crowded on Monday? was it because of the holiday and school vacation?

Caitlin Clark must get so much clam.

News item: Iditarod’s reigning rookie of the year disqualified from 2024 race for violating conduct standard. Also; the Iditarod has a conduct standard.

Steering with her knees, she’s got both hands free.
Using cruise control you know, reaching over she likes to tease.

She said, “Ride-
Rev it up, rev it up, little boy and ride”
She said, “Let’s ride-
Rev it up, rev it up, little boy and ride”

Just use your body, don’t need to hitch-hike
When you ride with me little boy take it any way you like.

Remember that period in the 1980s when there would be two or three new baseball movies every year? That was fun.

The Raiders are hiring former Dolphins head coach Joe Philbin as their new senior offensive assistant, source said. After spending time as the Cowboys OL coach and the Ohio State senior analyst, Philbin is back in the NFL to lend experience to Antonio Pierce.

Honk if you remember Eric Heiden.

So long Matthew Slater. You only get one of those. Aww yeah.

My favorite winter storm that changes track at the last minute and fizzles out? The next one.

“Oh boy, I’m not even sure I want a farewell tour!” said LeBron out loud to a question no one really asked.

Root canal? Not as painful as expected.

An A for effort from Sony Pictures for the pivot to, ‘Madam Web is SO bad, you HAVE to see it!’

Por vs Para is an important part of knowing Spanish.

National Lacrosse League announcing a relocation mid-season is absolutely wild and also I thought we were just past that kind of stuff.

The wing, that’s an important part of the airplane, right?

Drew not seeing the doc producer’s intent to make him look like an entitled jerk it may as well have been a disguised blitz package.

Best bet for the weekend: a still-smarting from the loss at Creighton UConn vs Villanova in Storrs on the night they retire Rip Hamilton’s jersey.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Flying Under Radar.

*And happy birthday to actress hyphen singer Jennifer Love Hewitt.*

2/14/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on February 14, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

News Item: Kansas City Chiefs win Fairness Bowl I.

Don’t fret, local sports fans: Spring Training has started!

Have you been named a Patriots Assistant Coach? Are you sure? Check your spam folder.

The Super Bowl is Darren Rovell’s Super Bowl.

Post Malone looks like the desk you’d have to sit in during detention.

Brad Marchand: One. Thousand. Games.

Funny how the Joe Montana “Never lost a Super Bowl” GOAT threshold went ‘poof’ when it wasn’t Tom Brady threatening the title.

Was the SB Halftime Show sponsored by Valtrex?

Summary of advertising agencies intricate strategy for Super Bowl ads: “Look, here’s a celebrity!”

CGI Tim Wakefield on that Netflix Red Sox show is gonna give me all the feels.

Cakes are cooking for Carl Bernstein, Jackie Martling, Teller, Kevin Keegan, Alan Hunter, Jim Kelly, Enrico Colantoni, Jules Asner, Simon Pegg, Gheorghe Muresan, Drew Bledsoe, Rob Thomas, and Tyler Clippard.

Evander Kane don’t want no scrubs.

Queen Mina doesn’t need to grind tape. She knows the pew pew when she sees it live.

Bill Barnwell looks like a thumb’s big toe.

Usher’s catalog isn’t very poppy. They should have made the whole halftime show out of Luda.

Congratulations again to the Northeastern Huskies on their Beanpot win. Celebrate by spending another year in college.

It’s not the real meteorologists for the most part – it’s the asshole hobbyists with WX in their names that can’t wait to see a frontogenesisbomb! Wait until the 06z NAM!!! Same cut of prick that loves screaming Horns!! And Elevator Doors!!

Hey gang of chronic overthinkers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “We wanted the ball third.”

Seth Curry has played for more teams than Frankie de la Cretaz.

Green Line B Branch Update: Delays of about 20 minutes after an earlier switch problem near Copley. Riders may use Bus Rt 57 for alternate service between Kenmore and Packard’s Corner.

Theo’s first big move in Boston: Pearl Jam is coming back to play at Fenway.

Fuck, hate to see that shit happen anywhere to anyone. Just gutting to watch. Yet in the aftermath, the Rangers camaraderie—particularly Lafrenière— with a fallen peer was a heartwarming moment during a heartbreaking scene. Wishing the best for Sergachev.

why do blind people need to take photos?

Nate Burleson was dressed like a megachurch pastor about to go to jail for embezzlement.

Fun Fact: Karen Guregian and Gerry Callahan graduated together at Chelmsford HS in 1979. That’s a shitty senior class with lasting repercussions.

I’m sure this time the Fantastic Four movie won’t suck.

Super Bowl ads for Jesus and for lotion. Do people not know about these things already?

Jonny Miller only owns 1 outfit like Bart Simpson.

Am I the only one who always confused Charlotte Corday with Claudine Longet?

Pro Wrestling is more than in-ring work. If all you like is in-ring work, you’re really a gymnastics fan.

A: Acquired Inconsistent Dribbling Syndrome.

My funny Valentine.
Sweet comic Valentine.
You make me smile with my heart.

Your looks are laughable.
Unphotographable,
Yet you’re my favorite work of art.

Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak?
Are you smart?

But don’t change a hair for me,
Not if you care for me,
Stay little Valentine stay;

Each day is Valentine’s Day.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. Hypothetical: What if Beyonce dated an NHL player?

Krafty Bob spends more time on red carpets than Brianna Pirre.

Honk if you remember Torvill and Dean.

CONCACAF? More like CONCAC-AF!! Right!? Right? Okay.

Upton Bell mistook Ice Spice for Fanne Foxe.

Kansas City has now won 3 Super Bowls in the Mahomes era. They’ve been called for offensive holding zero times in those 3 wins.

Does everybody still have a mix of soaps and disinfectants setting around that they bought early in the pandemic and never completely used? Or is it just me?

Kenley Jansen has the locker that used to be Chris Sale’s, in case you like to keep track of these things.

Well, the good news is that the country at large turns on you like a snake after you win the Super Bowl three times. Right?

I was dying for another Planet of the Apes movie.

Best bet for the weekend: Nothing but good vibes from the Fort!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. HVD.

*Breaking News: Bianca would be happy to be your Valentine.*

2/07/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on February 7, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Both the bar & grill and its namesake are now gone.

With his third DUI arrest, Pat Mahomes Sr. now qualifies as a branch on the Andy Reid family tree.

I wonder how much ownership stake it took for Theo Epstein to agree to be a human shield.

Sick of the BS from the zebras with Marchand again. The entire team can’t get a call because he’s the Captain and was an asshole ten years ago.

Any time you can rig the Super Bowl for a media market smaller than Hartford, you gotta do it.

If you can’t spot the Dan Greenberg of your group chat, then you’re the Dan Greenberg of your group chat.

Cakes are cooking for Rolf Benirschke, Emo Phillips, Carney Lansford, James Spader, Garth Brooks, Chris Rock, Sully Erna, Alex Bassi, Robyn Lively, Steve Nash, Ashton Kutcher, John Leicester, Matt Stafford, and Steven Stamkos.

What am I going to do with all of my extra Bluesky codes now?

Gary Kubiak went the Clemens & Kardashian route of having all his kids names start with K? Gross.

Chris Curtis was excited to announce the news of Carl Weathers passing. RIP.

So they stuffed all the media covering the Super Bowl into the Luxor, which is apparently a dump? Good.

If you have two Patrick Passes, you have none.

Red Line Reminder: Through February 14 Shuttle buses replace Red Line service all day between Alewife and Harvard, due to track work. Shuttle service extends to Park St after 8:45 PM each day. Regular service will resume on February 15.

Would you rather be Nemo from Finding Nemo or the shark from Jaws?

Usher is finishing up a 2-year residency in Vegas. Assumed it was at the Circus Circus buffet.

I’m disappointed in Dumb Donkey Noise.

Bill Clinton’s presidency ended 23 years ago…. and he’s still younger than the two current candidates.

The ‘Ruth Gordon’ IG filter was a bad idea.

Felger must be wondering now if that’s also a fake Gene Lavanchy leaving things at his house.

It would be nice if wrestling fans could just let a story play out instead of thinking they should get instant satisfaction crammed into every 3-hour Raw or 2-hour Smackdown.

Put more jelly on your toast.

News Item: Red Sox to be 1st MLB team featured in all-access Netflix documentary series.

I guess my sarcasm doesn’t always translate.

Hey glow-up gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “She’s lovely, just an enormous waste of humanity.”

I know I’m old and out of loop musically, but if someone is really “iconic,” I really think that even I should have heard of them.

Eric Bieniemy must be the worst interviewee in the world.

1,100 bats seems like a lot of bats.

You can’t use ED to mean ‘eating disorder!’ Those initials are spoken for!

Taylor Kyles can’t keep talking about reviving Mac Jones. He just can’t.

Red Sox Nation is still accepting applications to its in-house tortured poets department.

Get well soon Bill James.

Lombardi bringing up Lee Harvey Oswald at every possible opportunity is a funny bit.

You know I love the ladies
Love to have my fun
I’m a high life flyer and a rainbow rider
A straight shootin’ son-of-a-gun (Alright)
I said a straight shootin’ son-of-a-gun.

Joy to the world
All the boys and girls
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me.

Shukri Wright is owed $46,394.30 and he’ll never find out.

Toby Keith wanted to add Riblets to his Bar & Grill menu; it fell to Upton Bell to inform him that Applebees Owns Riblets.

Honk if you remember Paul & Al’s wacky Claiborne Pell.

Imagine being turned down by Nick Caley, of all people, while you jet off to the Grammys?

Bankrupt Audacy didn’t sent any WEEI talent to broadcast from Radio Row? Weird.

I ain’t calling no grown man, ‘Bronny.’

One week from today Red Sox pitchers and catchers will be holding their first official work out in Fort Myers.

Monique needs to go breathe in the woods.

I wonder if Apollo Creed was based on any real-life pugilist?

Extremely telling and problematic that in sports there are only stats for how many points you scored. No stat for how many spirits you lifted. How many hearts you warmed.

Best bet for the weekend: Tie: Swifties on FlightAware/The Drake Curse.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW Poster Lebron, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Jeremiah was a bullfrog. He was a good friend of mine.

*No shadow so that means an earlier Bianca picture than normal.*

1/31/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on January 31, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

A famous person dating another famous person? IT’S AN OP!!

Purdy got very lucky on the Aiyuk throw, but you gotta give dude his flowers. He’s been a gamer in the biggest moments this postseason.

Hey, Red Sox fans, who doesn’t love a diversified suite of sports and entertainment holdings?

People care way too much about Taylor Swift at Chiefs games. Her boyfriend plays, of course she’s there. She doesn’t make anyone show her on TV. I watched years of Jack Nicholson at Lakers games and Spike Lee at Knicks games. Nobody seemed to think it was the end of the world.

I think it’s time to end the Brian Scalabrine experiment. We’ve taken this as far as we can.

Kyle Shanahan was born in 1979. He should have to bend the brim of his hat.

Karl Anthony Towns is KAT. Derrick White is The Catalyst.

Cakes are cooking for Charlie Musselwhite, Jonathan Banks, Nolan Ryan, Kelly Lynch, Kelly Moore, Minnie Driver, Portia de Rossi, Jim Kleinsasser, Kerry Washington, Justin Timberlake, and Yuniesky Betancourt.

Oh goodness no, Lamar. That’s a disaster.

70 ain’t what it used to be. That said it’s still insane when dudes get there.

Well, even if you don’t much care for Kansas City, a Harbro losing must dull the pain somewhat.

Jeff Goodman, he seems well adjusted.

‘Eye test’ is now a phrase people who have no idea what they are watching use to sound like they know football.

It’s nearly 3 weeks later, has the great big emergency at the cardboard factory been straightened out yet?

Probably wouldn’t fuck your knees up if you wore appropriate footwear you silly cvnt.

I prefer Linebacker Reasons rather than Safety Reasons.

I’m told Jim Harbaugh remains in the building at the facility, as I type this, per source. #Chargers

Belichick to the Chiefs? Why would Andy Reid retire? It’s not like he has any more sons that can die or go to jail.

Just heard “Stacy’s Mom” in spatial audio and I almost teared up.

Curt Menefee is Great Value James Brown.

Justin Turner and his representatives reached out but could not get the Red Sox interested enough to engage in talks. He will be a significant, needed addition for the Blue Jays.

I love Elephants, amazing video.

I don’t get this Cerrone Battle thing. He lives in Raleigh. Are there no black guys living in greater Boston who are qualified to act as a human shield for 98.5’s on air racism?

Hey gang of Ocean State disbelievers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The Voluntown-Exeter War will be bloody and pointless.”

Gronk talks like he’s concocting a story by looking at items scattered throughout a room.

Be more desperate to find an alcoholic who peaked in high school that will tune you up once or twice a month. You can’t.

Better recurring letdowns by the C’s in the third quarter than in the fourth, I guess.

Baby-baby, I’ll meet you,
Same place, same time,
Where we can get together
And ease up our mind.

Oh, do a little dance, make a little love;
Get down tonight, woo! Get down tonight, hey!
Do a little dance, make a little love.
Get down tonight, get down tonight, baby.

Craig Carton went to prison for a Ponzi scheme. He seems trustworthy.

Disappointed in the lack of gratuitous lesbian sex in the first episode of the new season of Hightown.

No matter what else he does, Dante will always be Rufio to me.

Honk if you remember Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Competent people outside the organization aren’t exactly lining up to work for Jonathan and Robyn, are they?

I like Jan’s tweets. They’re very informative.

Fenway Sports Group doubtless brings Joe Mooney’s lifetime of groundskeeping experience to their partnership in the LIV/PGA merger.

Nobody told you the Celtics weren’t ever going to trade Brogdon.

It might be time to retire and repurpose my Dave Meggett fan account.

Sometimes it’s easy to forget Gary Tanguay wrote the most disturbing book of all time.

I’m sure eventually Lamar Jackson will have more playoff wins and AFCCG appearances than Ryan Tannehill.

Mutual partings of the ways; they happen in Foxborough and even in Tewksbury, Danny.

Have you signed up for Bruce Allen’s newsletter at BSMW.email yet? First one’s free.

Time for Cam Achord to follow his true calling: selling me percs in 2006.

Jimy Williams. He feuded with Carl Everett and called Christopher Nixon, ‘Drut.’ RIP.

Best bet for the weekend: Good Kid Pasta scoring in the NHL All Star Game.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Peter Gammons, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Oh, that’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.

And happy birthday to Italian actress Daniela Bianchi, best known as Tatiana Romanova in *From Russia With Love*.

1/24/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on January 24, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

‘Meatball’ Ron DeSantis, Boston Red Sox.

Can a badly broken folding table be used to wedge open a Super Bowl window? Asking for a Mafioso.

You think Jerod Mayo can’t handle an NFL coaching job? The guy had his own desk at Optum—I think he’ll do just fine.

It’s funny that the less the Celtics lose, the more the occasional losses become catastrophic referendums.

On Earth-67, Ron DeSantis is a retired Red Sox slugger.

Tem Lukabu? Do we need him to defend against the Steelers or against the Galactic Empire?

Arthur Blank looks like Vincent Price on a bender.

You will be able to see many spectacular players this season at Fenway Park, especially if you count the park itself as a player!

Hallie Kyed, gone too soon but never to be forgotten. Donations may be made at either https://gofund.me/1a3dd30a or Dana Farber/The Jimmy Fund.

Cakes are cooking for Neil Diamond, Michael Ontkean, Jumbo Ozaki, Yakov Smirnoff, William F. Readdy, Jools Holland, Nastassja Kinski, Rob Dibble, Mary Lou Retton, Tatyana M. Ali, Scott Speed, Scott Kazmir, Sean McVey, and Luis Suárez.

The nerds don’t understand football and the coaches don’t understand math.

Is the clam hockey team good?

Bill Barnwell looks like a credible suspect in the Zodiac Killer investigation.

GLX Reminder: Shuttle Buses replace service between North Station and Medford/Tufts this weekend, Jan 27-28, due to track work. Union Square riders can use Bus Routes 86, 87, or 91 to connect to shuttles or the Orange Line

MA Senator Ed Markey thinks Lukey Russert’s alleged ties to Buffalo are tenuous.

News Item: Rams’ defensive coordinator Raheem Morris is scheduling second in-person head-coaching interviews with the Falcons, Panthers, Commanders and Seahawks. He gets one more punch on his card and he gets a Dan Rooney-autographed football!

Tim Wakefield also endorsed the season ticket price increase from heaven.

At what point does some media member other than Dondero say that it’s fucked up that Jonathan and some PR lady are running football operations?

Doc is the Bucks coach? Doc is not the Bucks coach. Tommy is here? Tommy is not here?

Imagine saying a man looked “phenomenal.”

Just keep running Josh Allen like he’s Mike Alstott. That’s a sustainable plan for success.

Is Larry Brown coaching anybody now?

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “STOP AND DIVE IF YOU’VE DONE THE MACARENA!”

I don’t know how official it is to be rated New England’s most versatile DJ.

Kyle Lowry is gonna get so fucking fat in Charlotte since he won’t have Jimmy Butler threatening to kill him if he eats another chicken wing.

I don’t trust people who use percentages arbitrarily.

Congratulations to Northeastern Woman’s Hockey on the Inaugural Woman’s Beanpot Championship! What? No, if there had been a Woman’s Beanpot before this year I think I would have heard about it.

Arthur Blank looks like the bad guy in every Three Stooges short.

I just learned like two days ago that Stanley drink tumbler isn’t the same Stanley that makes my box cutter and tape measure.

Nice mock draft, cumrag.

I had read every book from Michael Connelly but recently caught on to the TV series. Now having binge watched all nine seasons let me just say Titus Welliver IS Harry Bosch, and I can’t wait for season ten.

Tanner Houck looks 45 years old.

The opening seconds of that Shields MRI ad from 2019 featuring a member of the Patriots End Zone Militia has the same visual cadence as a presidential spot.

Is Bert Breer just gonna keep pretending that someone is paying him?

Honk if you remember Airwolf.

There really is no good way of teaching someone how to properly load a dishwasher without sounding like a condescending prick.

The REAL Damar Hamlin (Rest In Power) woulda had the first down.

Female stalkers are never hot.

You idiot, this isn’t a modern offense, it’s a contemporary offense!

They do it down on Camber Sands
They do it at Waikiki
Lazing about the beach all day
At night the crickets creepy.

Squinting faces at the sky
A Harold Robbins paperback
Surfers drop their boards and dry
And everybody wants a hat.

But behind the Chalet
My holiday’s complete
And I feel like William Tell
Maid Marian on her tiptoe feet.

Pulling Mussels From The Shell.
Pulling Mussels From The Shell.

Warning: If you find a bread clip on your tire, you are conflating your clickbait articles!

Ichiro deserves to be a unanimous selection for the HOF next year. Just as Griffey, Jr., Jeter, Beltre, etc. deserved it. Hopefully, that happens.

Doc’s first order of business: deport Thanasis Antetokounmpo.

Isn’t it bad to burn cash?

Every time you RT Thomas Carrieri he gets another zit and a nickel.

Shake the almond tree.

I hope The Sports Hub didn’t pick Jim Murray to express the station’s condolences to the Kyed family.

Who knew Abbottabad abutted Orchard Park?

We see you running ‘The Commisar Vanishes’ playbook, Jonathan.

Best bet for the weekend: mobile QB’s!!

*“Buenos noches, amigos!*
*Sam wanted me to say a few words about the upcoming season,*
*but I have a better idear: let’s break my son out of prison!” [crowd boos]*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Take me I’m yours because dreams are made of this. Forever there’ll be a heaven in your kiss.

Dominic ‘Dom’ DeSantis was selected out of Miami Dade College in the 23rd round of the 1989 MLB draft by the Boston Red Sox. He did not sign with the club. He then attended the University of New Orleans and was selected in the 28th round of the 1990 draft by Baltimore. Opting to again remain in school, he was finally signed following the 1991 draft, having been picked in the 20th round by the Phillies. The right hander pitched 4 minor league seasons, accumulating a 2.92 ERA and topping out at the High A level. He retired after a poor showing for the Duluth-Superior Dukes of the Independent League. Currently a sales manager in the Tampa Bay area, he has not held public office.

1/17/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on January 17, 2024 by scartsy15 One comment

*Print your own card and play along at home during the intro presser! (stick tap @SportyRMcKenzie)*

Before they bought the team the Krafts were probably shitty fans too. ‘Celebrity caller’ level knee-jerk dinks.

Those half Patriots half Cowboys hoodies are gonna go crazy.

The Good Kid is now in sole possession of 10th place in all time Bruins scoring list.

When Tom Werner said, ‘full throttle’, he meant, ‘due to a scheduling conflict, John W. Henry will be unable to attend the Winter Weekend event.’

WembyamaMania comes to TDGarden!

I don’t like NFL playoff games on Mondays (the originally scheduled one). They could have had 3 games Saturday, 3 games Sunday, and not stuck anyone with a short week in the postseason. It doesn’t seem fair.

Not sure why these players don’t copy Brady and go with a 1-millimeter full body wetsuit. Wouldn’t even know its cold and 1mm is not restrictive at all.

If you’re not Norwegian, you’re Mexican.

Cakes are cooking for James Earl Jones, Todd Susman, Steve Earle, Mick Taylor, Katalin Kariko, Steve Harvey, Chili Davis, Jim Carrey, Shabba Ranks, Jeremy Roenick, Derrick Mason, Zooey Deschanel, Dwyane Wade, Calvin Harris, and Jake Paul.

That is what the Eagles get for putting an offensive coordinator in charge of the defense.

The wrong local team is going full throttle.

I don’t think we appreciate enough how the centers know to snap the ball at a time it won’t bounce off the guy in motion.

Green Line Reminder: No train service between North Station and Babcock St (B), Kenmore (C+D), and Heath St (E) due to track work. Use buses to Copley/Back Bay. Use Orange Line between Back Bay and North Station. Regular service will resume Jan. 29.

Imagine being such a lazy piece of shit that you have to sniff chocolate instead of eating it.

This made me smiggle (that’s a word I made up, it’s smile + giggle)

I have been cancelled he screamed on ESPN while wearing a wifebeater.

Boston: hold my iced Dunkies.

So when is the town hall portion of this year’s Red Sox Winter Weekend?

A major offensive shakeup: The Saints are moving on from OC Pete Carmichael, per me and Tom Pelissero, changing their offense for the first time since 2009.

Hey gang of fabulous fabulists, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m strong, athletic, and savvy.”

Has there ever been a major league baseball player who was older than the sitting President?

I enjoyed The Holdovers. My wife found it depressing. I thought it was uplifting. Maybe it was both. Either way, amazing actors.

The carousel is still churning.

Jonathan watching Succession and taking notes like it’s a documentary.

Did Football Cat go 5 for 6 over Super Wild Card Weekend?

Update: Brandon Carlo, Derek Forbort, Matt Poitras, and Linus Ullmark are practicing.

Hear me out here. I would respect the Kyed and Wojak expose from last week a lot more if they actually had to work for it, and weren’t just running PR for Mayo et al.

I think that’s the Snapchat logo above the Rams nameplates. Every. Single. Time.

Help me, baby, ain’t no stranger.
Help me, baby, ain’t no stranger.
Help me, baby, ain’t no stranger.

Can’t you hear me knockin’?
Ahh, are you safe asleep?
Can’t you hear me knockin’?
Yeah, down the gas light street, now.
Can’t you hear me knockin’?
Yeah, throw me down the keys,
Alright now.

Hear me ringin’ big bell tolls.
Hear me singin’ soft and low.
I’ve been beggin’ on my knees.
I’ve been kickin’, help me, please.

The Marcus Stroman return home to New York has its potentil story if his 2d half hip issue(24 IP, after 112.2 in 1st is cured):father Earl a New York policeman, HS Jr. Jayden Duke-bound SS w/R.Cano comp Height Doesn’t Measure Heat Foundation msgical. Cape 2010-11? 34 IP, 0 R

Better Call Saul and Cat Detective, both shut out in Emmy voting. Like equals!

That’s terrible dirt.

Honk if you remember ‘Goodnight Beantown.’

Breakfast lasagna!

Green Bay QB Jordan Love’s girlfriend’s father is Boston College alum Ron Stone.

Feel better, cupcake. You sound like Gina Gershon.

Tom Caron must stare out the window all winter waiting for spring training to start.

Jon Bon Jovi is lucky he got to ring the lighthouse bell when he did.

Welcome back, Anita.

To me, the essence of Bill Belichick is a visor, a whistle wrapped around his finger and teaching moments in late July. Checking on punt protection in a near corner of one practice field. Pulling an undrafted rookie aside for a pointer or two in a far corner of another field…

I’m sure eventually Dak will have more playoff wins than Ryan Tannehill.

Get up, Jim Irsay.

Happy trails, Coach Murphy.

Best bet for the weekend: a spirited fake QB slide competition in Buffalo.

*This is a good billboard; no puzzling owl references.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Stop what’s goin’ on, stop what’s goin’ wrong.
You better listen from now on.

And Happy Birthday to singer, songwriter, guitarist, author, and actress Susanna Hoffs.

1/10/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on January 10, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

I personally trust the judgment of the 82-year-old who got caught getting dirty oriental handjobs to do the best thing.

Bruins need to be less committed to not repeating as the Presidents’ Trophy winners, and also not getting any more upper or lower body injuries.

Every football game should be shown on SkyCam with no announcers.

Where the fuck did Nick Cattles get tens of thousands of dollars? Well, if he ever gets a job in radio, he can make that money back in 3 or 4 years.

Good job, good effort, Last Two Minute Report.

If NE needed to kick more FG’s Sunday they should have brought out Zolak to clear the ground.

Does anybody actually enjoy Pat McAfee?

Some feel that Michigan winning the NC will take Harbaugh to the NFL. I can’t believe that he’d leave his Alma Mater after winning a Natty. I’m sure we’ll know shortly.

I ain’t dying shoveling snow.

Cakes are cooking for William Sanderson, Edward ‘Colonel DeBeers’ Wiskoski, Rod Stewart, Donald Fagan, George Foreman, Pat Benatar, Shawn Colvin, Janet Jones, Jim Lindeman, Sarah Josephson, Glenn Robinson, Jake Delhomme, Shannon Kavanaugh, and Adam Kennedy

Dan Orlovsky wouldn’t wash those wet jackets after the Steelers-Ravens game; He’d just let them air dry and wear them again.

Just make Trent Brown the GM. All fix!

Women are constitutionally incapable of taking criticism.

Gallant Vrabes is a defensive guru; Goofus Bill saw the game pass him by.

If this Celtics lose to the Heat again than take a fucking bomb to this thing. That team has zero business on the same floor as them it’s embarrassing, they’re one Jimmy Butler three away from being 0-3 vs that team in the ECF. Nut up and beat their asses.

Red Line Braintree Branch Update: Southbound delays of about 20 minutes due to flooding near Braintree have cleared.

I don’t think 100,000 Dominican pesos are very many dollars.

Oh no, Hali. Hope he’s alright.

Belichick should stroll in wearing an Orchids of Asia sweatshirt and put his feet up on the old man’s desk.

If you are covering three NHL teams you are covering none.

The Mt. Calvary Crew team should not be eligible for the Division 1 Finals! Parochials should play their own kind!

Hey gang of wokesters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Mark Cuban is from Cuba you SPEDs.”

Only one feline team left for Football Cat to root for in the playoffs.

Nick Wright looks like a mashup of every weird friend in every teen comedy film from 1980-2010.

If I don’t have Will Flemming in my life anymore I’ll be livid.

The Progressive ads protecting people from becoming their parents never miss.

I’m definitely at the point in my life where heated seats are more for back pain than staying warm.

Brush your teeth, cumrag.

The greatest mistake the city of Boston made in terms of this was not figuring out a way to connect both North and South Stations especially during the Big Dig.

The Michigan win is definitely tempered by a Harbro being happy. Bleh.

Do people from Houston really care about the program that’s employed thousands, brought humanity into outer space, and exponentially accelerated technological developments including many of the things in our daily lives we take for granted? Yes, Albert, they do.

I always love it when someone says a car has a “yolk steering wheel.”

Introduce me to that big blonde.
She’s got a touch of Tuesday Weld.
She’s wearing Ambush and a French twist.
She’s got us wild and she can tell.
She loves to limbo, that much is clear;
She’s got the right dynamic for the new frontier.

Well I can’t wait till I move to the city.
Till I finally make up my mind
To learn design and study overseas.

If you’re going to hire Vrabel you might as well just keep Belichick. Eh, Artie Blank finna give Vrabes the bag anyway.

Honk if you remember Spider Sabich.

I was rooting for Katie Nolan on ‘Celebrity Jeopardy.’ Sorrey!

Centrist Libertarians aren’t real and cannot hurt you.

Congratulations Theresa Schafzahl on scoring Team Boston’s first WPHL goal. Here’s to many more.

I’m sorrey but if you leave 4,000 cash out in plain sight you deserve to have your dog eat it once it’s unattended.

Understanding and anger are the deadliest of enemies. Understanding kills anger in most cases. Anger kills understanding in all cases.

Josh Allen’s gonna play for fifteen more years?

No TJ Watt against the Bills on Sunday. (Or against the Chiefs on Saturday, as Watt does not play for the Dolphins)

The song from the new IHOP commercial slaps hard.

If TurtleChode had hired Smaven instead of this other nutsack Bradl he’d be having a scorpion bowl at the Dragon 88 RN planning his next move, proly.

A: $1,702.00

Drew Carter is like if you gave a wetnap a really obnoxious radio voice.

I don’t talk to dead people.

Probably shouldn’t have let a criminal have your washable check, huh?

The league needs more drunk Irish GMs.

Best bet for the weekend: The Dolphins freezing up against KC in icy Arrowhead.

*Not an officially sanctioned Immaculate Squids. Is there a solution?*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend jforb, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Clean this mess up, else we’ll all end up in jail. Those test tubes and the scale, just get it all out of here. Is there gas in the car? Yes, there’s gas in the caaar. I think the people down the hall know who you are.

*And Happy Birthday to actress Sarah Shahi.*

1/03/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on January 3, 2024 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*Welcome to 2024 Boston and New England.*

Shorter Boston sports media: “Robert Kraft don’t you DARE keep Bill after we all worked so hard convincing you he had to be fired!!”

C’s getting themselves out of trouble like their dad is a detective had to end sometime.

I’ll say it every time he’s on: Sean McDonough is the best multi-sport broadcaster in the business. #SugarBowl

PWHL Boston. Simple and to the point. Best of luck.

For someone who calls for so many reviews Scal seldom knows what they are looking at.

A four-game win streak pretty well and good evens out the damage of a four-game losing skid. Keep the momentum up for the new year, Bruins.

Fire Sale? No; they traded him to Atlanta.

Does anybody know if Belichick is focused on getting ready for the Jets?

Coach Hardo got too cute by half and bit his own kneecap.

Aaron Rodgers is such an asshole, he makes you root for Jimmy Kimmel.

Cakes are cooking for Thelma Schoonmaker, Stephen Stills, John Paul Jones, Jim Ross, Mel Gibson, Willy T, Ribbs, Jim Everett, Cheryl Miller, Michael Schumacher, Danica McKellar, A.J. Burnett, Kōhei Uchimura, Jisoo, and Florence Pugh.

David Tyree and Eli Manning also have birthdays. But no cake for them.

Jim Harbaugh could win a national championship. John Harbaugh could win a Super Bowl. It’s a good time to be a Harbaugh.

Green Line Reminder: No train service between North Station and Babcock St (B), Kenmore (C+D), and Heath St (E), through Jan. 12 & Jan. 16-28, due to track work. Use buses for service to Copley/Back Bay. Use Orange Line between Back Bay and North Station.

Hey gang of tipplers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Those are nice ducks.”

Life is about little, surprising, pleasures. Ate at the Corrib Pub in Brighton, MA prior to BC-Wake Forest. Excellent “Irish” BLT (a club you can actually eat), great fries, great music mix and a friendly Irish bartender. Someone should take notes.

News Item: After more than 40 years, Improv Boston closing down. Yes, and…?

Can we stop it with this? Ja didn’t dunk on Wembanyama. He attacked Wemby and got by him. This was no Vince on Fred Weiss situation.

It’s DeMario not DeMario idiot.

I’d pay extra if League Pass had an option for just crowd and ambient noise.

I met you several years ago
The times, they were so strange but I had it figured out
You looked into my eyes just once
An instant flashing by that we were stealing

Another time you felt so bad
And I wasn’t any help at all as I recall
We didn’t know quite what to do, so we left the wanting
Be still there for me and you.

Dark star, I see you in the morning.
Dark star, a-sleeping next to me,
Dark star, let the memory of the evening,
Be the first thing that you think of
When you open up your smile and see me, dark star.

Almost all professional writers are paranoid about accidentally borrowing some other writer’s words. It’s a professional hazard, a writer’s equivalent to falling asleep at the wheel if you are a truck driver or accidentally insulting your boss if you’re a mafioso.

Whitlock needs to update his macOS; looks like he hasn’t since at least 2019.

I am not a uniform guy. just win, baby!

The Chargers needed to run the wedding defense. It’s the only thing that can stop Stidham.

Local Collaborative queueing up for the Penix Bandwagon?

I hope Aidan enjoyed the inmate traditional celebration of the new year when everyone bangs on their cell doors for 15 or 20 minutes at the stroke of midnight.

Honk if you remember the Paul Anka Integrity Kick.

McAvoy looks good so far playing without his ACL and MCL.

Every good thing in this world started with a dream.

Now two elite AFC quarterbacks are confirmed to be resting in Week 18: Patrick Mahomes and Joe Flacco.

Peter May was a consummate pro. The Globe was lucky to have him.

Go Peabsy! He’s on the ropes!

I’ve seen what I needed to see, 2024 is the year of women in sports.

Naysayah please.

If you have two Corrib Pubs, you have no Corrib Pubs.

Weep, Bert Breer.

Drew Carter’s Radio Voice affectation is at a 9. We need him at a 2.

A hardy bunch, those L Street Brownies.

Jermaine Wiggins and Fred Smoot are wondering why they weren’t invited on the Lolita Express.

The Pot Tart mascot was edible!

If you have six fewer TGIFridays, you have six fewer TGIFridays.

Gene Steratore thought the refs did a great job.

Welcome aboard, Mr. Vinny Jace.

Remembering those with local ties we lost in 2023: Tim Wakefield, Chris Snow, Russ Francis, Bill Campbell, Lee Tinsley, Billy Evans, Chris Ford, Tim McCarver, Don Blackburn, Roman Mejias, Jim O’Connor, Heather Walker, Rick Hoyt, Bill McGovern, Bob Bolin, Ryan Mallett, Mario Guerrero, Eddie Bressoud, Gilles Gilbert, Ed Sandford, Dick Drago, Judy Slamin, Tom Larson, Mo Maloney and Eric Montross.

Best bet for the weekend: South Dakota State Jackrabbits repeat as FCS Champs.

Please get up Nick. The league needs you.
— Michael Lombardi (@mlombardiuncgm) September 19, 2023

Possibly my favorite tweet from 2023.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Merry New Year!

*And happy birthday to actress and fitness enthusiast Victoria Principal.*

12/27/2023 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on December 27, 2023 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*Thanks for the early Christmas present, Chad.*

It’s never bad to beat the Broncos in Denver. Way to bounce back, Ryland.

Nice west coast road trip, Green Team.

It’d be a pleasant way to end that losing skid with a W against a Buffalo squad, Bruins.

I thought Tatum would have a nicer house, tbh.

Wonder if Red Sox told Yamamoto their ballpark is most beloved.

Jack Edwards is doing totally fine. Stop asking about him.

Congratulations to ‘Hardy’ for finally making above minimum wage after 25 years in radio.

Fun fact: The wild turkey was designated the state game bird of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts thirty-two years ago today.

Turtleboy goes before A Judge more than Gleyber Torres.

Cakes are cooking for John Amos, Mike Pinder, Terry Bozzio, Andre Tippett, Bill Self, Jim Leyritz, Bill Goldberg, Jean-Christophe Boullion, James Stewart, Carson Palmer, Emilie de Ravin, Paul Stastny, Hayley Williams, Rick Porcello, and Timothée Chalamet.

Started spur-of-the-moment (and way overdue) re-watch of one of HBO’s best, “Six Feet Under”. On 2nd viewing, you pick up on so much shit you missed the first time (& spot future stars). Such a unique premise with fantastic writing/acting, as well as perhaps the best finale ever. My only complaint: the show needed more Percocet.

The New Year is really right around the corner. I’m very excited.

Teams fuck themselves up attacking Hauser like he’s some traffic cone and turns out he isn’t. It’s like when the Celtics mismatch hunt and then struggle scoring because they aren’t playing within their offense.

Hi Upton, I just wondered if you had a personal anecdote about any famous event that happened in America in the 20th century?

Just thought of a random dark Curb Your Enthusiasm-esk bit … Larry wins a fantasy football league where one of his friends died during the season, tries to collect from the widow.

Red Line Update: This delay has cleared.

Hey gang of deceptively athletic types, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Do I have to draw you a picture? Fine. Hand me the peach crayon.”

I didn’t need my bank wishing me a Merry Christmas via email. I need them to just be quiet and hold onto my money.

Emile Coué + Oswald Bates = FCHWPO

I had a pair of the K-Mart fake Adidas with the five stripes when I was little. I would like to be in the documentary.

Holiday traffic really kills the holiday spirit.

There’s a coinflip’s chance Robert does something stupid because he’s miffed no one ever called him a genius or The GOAT.

Random thought/question: Anyone remember Pizzarias chips from Keebler? Those things were so good. They should bring them back!

Why do we never get an answer when we’re knocking at the door?
Because the truth, it’s hard to swallow, that’s what the war of love is for

It’s not the way that you say it,
When you do those things to me.
It’s more the way that you mean it,
When you tell me what will be.

And when you stop and think about it,
You won’t believe it’s true.
That all the love you’ve been giving,
Has all been meant for you.

I’m looking for someone to change my life.
I’m looking for a miracle in my life.
And if you could see what it’s done to me
To lose the the love I knew could safely lead me through.

*Add Paxton, and Giolito, and a few more pieces, and we’ll be all ready for 2024!*

“My sister was molested and all I got was this lousy excuse to drink” is a tee shirt you can find at Hampton Beach.

To the good, Aidan has a hairstyle that can be trimmed competently using only electric clippers.

Did the Lakers get that stupid IST champion banner from a company in Indianapolis?

You see, because..

The NFL let the Chiefs play too many games over the last five seasons on purpose to make them tired!

Wander Franco is now Evade Franco. Sad.

Honk if you remember when almost everything you wanted but didn’t get for Christmas was on sale now at Sears!

Hearing whispers everyone employed by that CONSONANTS vanity site have applied for the vacancy at 98.5.

Nemesis follows hubris, chudmuffins.

Go out and get that Washington Football Team a pair of wins, embedded Patriot Jacoby Brissett!

The comparison between Mike Trout and Mookie Betts is in several ways a replay of the competition between Mantle and Mays. Mantle won in the short run; Mays won in the long run–and it kind of looks like this one is going to go the same way.

Why is Servpro the sponsor of the First Responder Bowl?

Celibate Midget benched, Old Friend Stihdsy to get the first team reps the final two games for the Broncos.

Have a safe, happy, and at worst, mildly tipsy New Year’s Eve.

Best bet for the weekend: an entertaining Orange Bowl.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. What are words for, when no one listens anymore?