The 15

Pats really went from the greatest coach of all time to a lobotomized Wal-Mart greeter.

Hot stove warming up. John Tomase is a free agent.

Robert Kraft thought the young(?) lady who jerked him off for $40 was in love with him. He’s an idiot.

How many fucking Achos we got anyway?

Starting my 2025 with a cup of coffee followed by a gym session like every other day because i didn’t wait for a fake reset to change my life

There is now a paucity of Gumbels. RIP.

Didn’t Morgan Geekie start to heat up after American Thanksgiving last year too? Maybe he’s just anti-American Thanksgiving and just gets going after it.

Did Jerry’s bullshit detector also die last year?

Can you shoot too many threes in a 54 point win? Asking for a friend.

Overheard outside Fenway Park: “Look at that big f***in green wall!”

Up too early, couldn’t fall back asleep. But at least the GOAT, The Wizard of Oz, was on TNT. 617 well repped among the main cast.

Oregon died on the Oregon Trail from dysentery…

Cakes are cooking for Jack Hanna, Joanna Pacula, Lynne Cox, Gabrielle Carteris, David Cone, Edgar Martínez, Greg Swindell, Cuba Gooding Jr, Christy Turlington, Royce Clayton, Renée Elise Goldsberry, Taye Diggs, Christopher Lennertz, Mattias Norström, Dax Shepard, Paz Vega, Brian Boucher, Anthony Carrigan, Kate Bosworth, Heather O’Reilly, Trombone Shorty, Bryson Tiller, and Fernando Tatis Jr.

Everyone should have a wife with an addy script.

Every single breakfast table in America had a sugar bowl on it in the 70s and early 80s. Didn’t matter if it was toasted sugarcane – people sprinkled it with a tablespoon.

I love the people saying “I’m sure Mayo is a nice guy.” Is he? He seems like a prick.

Hey gang of dastardly doxxers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You’re a fool if you reconsider based off of that gold toothed loser.”

Tyler Herro is the T-1000 of wiggers.

I will be putting a syndicate investment group together if I have enough interest so we can buy out Robert Kraft & own the NE Pats if he does not fire everyone involved in football operations – stay tuned!

The Canadian Juniors lost to a team the US Juniors team couldn’t locate on a map!

ReliaQuest Bowl < CarQuest Bowl.

NHL players are attracted to broads with Denny’s waitress physiognomy. That’s just science.

Trolling is way too much fun.

Green Line E branch: Delays of about 20 minutes due to a disabled train at Prudential. Trains may stand by at stations.

Does Kevin O’Connell count on the “Belichick Tree” or is he doing too well?

‘Stepping Out’ by Joe Jackson still bangs.

The days between Christmas and New Years Day are a free for all. There’s no school. Work is an after thought. It’s fair game to pour a drink at any time of the day. Every day feels like Friday. Sneaky best week of the year.

Merry Christmas from Charlestown, Grapes.

The Patriots forgot to hire a Chief Winning Officer! Duh!

My favorite part of the quads is when they try to say that someone’s quad 1 wins were all against the bottom half of the quadrant. So why not have eighths?

The world needs more guys named Silas.

The Tigers are reportedly “all-in” on Alex Bregman.

Good luck to you, John Tomase. I can’t afford you to clean my stables, because I don’t have any stables, because I don’t have any horses. But good luck.

Pertinent song lyrics excerpt!

Does Ross Tucker daylight at Atamian?

I’ve been listening to the games more than watching them, so I get to hear Mayo with Zo pregame a lot. It’s embarrassing

Can’t have clown hair and be a kicker.

I sleep well at night knowing I could absolutely dog walk most of the “men” who call themselves alphas on here. And 100% of the ones who have it in their Twitter name.

Honk if you remember Y2K.

Wayne’s World and Wayne’s World 2 still hold up after 30 years.

That was so targeting.

Are all sizes of Cumby’s Kratom packages the same price?

6. Shoot some hoops.

When the offense is closing in on the end zone and the defense calls time to set the defense they want, they are also giving the OFFENSE a free time out. I always get the feeling that defensive coordinators don’t get that.

Have a more Portuguese thing than a Christmas tree made out of lobster traps.

We have cards?

I’m blocked by Tomase. Someone tell him he can go back to his first love, selling $5 footlongs on tv.

Pour one out for Rich Homie Quan, Hans ‘Prime’ Dobson, Fatman Scoop, TJ Swan, BeatKing, Julio Foolio, DJ Mister C, Chino XL, Saafir The Saucee Nomad, Chubbie Baby, DJ Clark Kent, Rico Wade, Bo$$, DJ Casper, OG Maco, Ka, Brother Marquis, Enchanting, and DJ Polo.

Eversource is tanned. Eversource is rested. Eversource is ready.

Best bet for the weekend: Pats fumble the #1 overall draft pick bag.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.