The 15

Originally published on the BSMW Message Board July 12, 2011

(From the unsold pilot episode of SportsDad)

TITLE CARD: There are over 50,000 known douchebags in Massachusetts. The highest concentration, live in this 750 square foot apartment.

FADE IN:

EXT. BOSTON – DAY

We fly over the Boston Garden, heading toward the Charles River, before making a sharp right to the Northeast. Charlestown.

CUT TO:

INT. CHARLESTOWN APARTMENT – DAY

We see a young boy laying face down on a couch. The door to the apartment opens and BILL SIMMONS JR, 9, lifts his head. His nose is bloodied, the couch stained. He rises and attempts to hide the evidence with a pillow. WILLIAM SIMMONS SR 38, enters the living room carrying three lunch pails. He’s a ghastly sheepdog of a man.

BILL SR
What have you been doing in here?

BILL JR
I…too many men…in

He stifles a cry.

BILL SR
In what? Your pants? Too many men in your pants!?

BILL JR
On! On the ice! Too many men on the ice!

BILL SR
They broke our hearts?

<beat>

BILL SR and BILL JR (together)
AGAIN!

Bill Sr reaches over and ruffles his son’s hair.

BILL SR
Cheer up son, that Bird fellow is going to start playing for the Celtics in the fall and I’ve got a feeling he’s going to be something special.

BILL JR
Why’s that dad?

BILL SR
He’s gritty. Hard-nosed. Hard working. Like us.

Bill Jr thinks for a second and starts to nod his head.

BILL JR
Like us.

<beat>

Hey dad?

BILL SR
Yes?

BILL JR
Can I go over to Patrick Beverly’s to play? *

FREEZE FRAME

ROLL OPENING CREDITS