The 15

Doesn’t it feel like when the Red Sox lose the home opener, the Bruins and Celtics teams also both lose later that day?

Soccer and women’s basketball are the sports of the future.

We went from Tom Brady’s psychotic devotion to winning at all costs to Dear Diary Duran. We’re fucked.

Jared Zero? That name might be a little too on the nose.

Rob Bradford’s Lou Pearlman–style relationship with the boys from the ‘Play Tessie’ podcast makes me deeply uncomfortable.

Larry didn’t win a chip in during his college years either, Caitlin.

I thought a fractured Glenoid is what happens when you dropped your vintage Whiney Award statuette.

Cakes are cooking for Don Meredith, Ken Griffey Sr, Steven Seagal, Brian Setzer, Cathy Turner, Steve Tasker, Warren DeMartini, Felicia Collins, Orlando Jones, Sue Merz, Charlie Hunnam, Maren Morris, and Daisy Ridley.

That dentist, he knows pageantry.

So the WNBA fights to be noticed more in sports and then when it’s actually being talked about, they decide to show how little they actually support A WOMAN IN BASKETBALL? Bold move.

My next article will cover all teams named after birds.

Blue Line Reminder: April 9-11 (From 8 PM to the end of service each night) Shuttle Buses replace service between Government Center and Orient Heights for track work. Additional Blue Line closures will take place from April 17-28.

Jordan Walsh looks like a guy who would own a samurai sword.

I heard someone is waiting for Wes Welker to start a podcast so he can say it’s better than Edelman’s.

Gamecocks vs Hawkeyes is great because they’re both kind of birds.

Men all over Philly to they shawty after the #earthquake : ‘Hope you doing okay after that little Earthquake. It just reminded me of how you used to shake up and rock my jawn.’

It took me a long while to admit that the best home pizza sauce is just whole peeled tomatoes put through an immersion blender with a little salt.

Great to see Miguel Sano back in baseball. It seems like there isn’t a nickname big enough for him.

Maine Celtics. Owning.

Hey gang of consonant connoisseurs, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I think they film wrestling videos there.”

When on Long Island, you gotta get ready while listening to local legend Taylor Dayne.

Never played organized ball. Grew up running on the playgrounds.

I hope everyone remembered to tune their car radio to a different station after listening to the ballgame.

Certainly isn’t sundress weather today. That’s my favorite season.

Francona couldn’t stay for the opening ceremony? Well, he is due for his bimonthly hospitalization.

Honk if you remember the 1992 NHL strike.

You know what they say the darker the wiener the sweeter the…wait, what?

Damn you must have my notifications on that was quick af.

They loaned money to a guy named Zero. It’s like letting Tom Indiangiver buy you lunch.

I don’t bother chasing mice around.
I slink down the alley, looking for a fight,
Howling to the moonlight on a hot summer night

Singin’ the blues while the lady cats cry;
Wild stray cat, you’re a real gone guy.
I wish I could be as carefree and wild,
But I got cat class and I got cat style.

Poor Lucy and her relieved ‘Trev Story is on the10 Day Injured List’ reaction.

Contractual agreements…how do you enforce them?

Melrose-born Tara VanDerveer. Coaching GOAT. Now she finally has time to find a husband.

MegO does not, in fact, rock.

Pretty amazing Bobby and Danny Hurley have combined for two titles.

Dougie didn’t get to catch Wakey’s kid’s first pitch? No MSP escort to Fenway this go around?

maybe retool as the ‘Dunks and Deadbeats’ podcast? Just throwing out ideas.

Well, Vrioni scored twice. Hello?

Did Robyn take down the ‘Do Your Job’ signs with the claw part of her hammer?

Rep the Commonweath well at the Frozen Four, BU and BC.

Best bet for the weekend: Bobby Dalbec once again finding his power stroke in Worcester.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We’re gonna rock this town.