The 15

We’re finally getting our long-owed Heardahim’s!

I don’t care that it’s spring training. Listening to Joe Castiglione call Red Sox games, after all these years, is still such a treat.

Does it feel like the Celtics have won 51 games, Tone?

Patriots were in on everyone. Full throttle to the cash incinerator!

All right Bruins, get healthy…Now!

Bill the GM could have re-upped all Bill the Coach’s players just as easily as Mayo and WolfPacker Way just did.

Deadspin. Dead again. Riddance.

Cakes are cooking for Neil Sedaka, William H. Macy, Dana Delaney, Kathy Hilton, Adam Clayton, Will Clark, Curtis Conway, Trent Dilfer, Johan Santana, Caron Butler, Marco Andretti, P.K. Subban, and Coco Gauff.

Oscars have to be the Super Bowl for Twitter.

Xavier and Butler with a classic throwback Big East game to usher in the most iconic tournament in the world. Throw out the records when these longtime rivals meet.

Allium and tulips emerging. And coffee.

Jaguar JAG Jones?

Ryan Gosling ain’t no Sinatra that’s for sure. Go put on some Abercrombie and Fitch pretty boy.

West Newbury is just Amesbury without a sledding hill.

Rupert Murdoch singing Robert’s praises in The Dynasty? Was Roy Cohn unavailable?

Hey gang of sofa scouting tape grinders, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Hey man, is everything okay? I feel like your posts are really negative and mocking without much of an attempt at sincere dialogue. Maybe I’m mistaken, but I’d genuinely like to know if there’s any way I can help.”

As the focus shifts from free agency to Pro Days…

The Vegas Golden Knights consistently operate like there is a massive meteor hurtling toward Earth. Good player available? Might as well trade for them because we’re all gonna be dead in a couple months anyway.

Malcolm; Go! Go and file your retirement papers. Thank you for your service.

My bizzle: ‘Say’ broke his news here.

Orange Line Reminder: March 18-21: No Train service between Jackson Square & North Station for track work. Use Buses between Jackson Square & Back Bay/Copley. Use Green Line between Copley & North Station. Commuter Rail will be free to ride from Forest Hills to South Station.

What’s the cap hit for your QB running off to pretend to run for VP for a few months?

DeVante Parker’s visor swag was off the charts.

The way this is going Saquon ain’t never gotta buy a Philly Cheesesteak at any jawn in Philly ever.

Patriots have a Chumbawumba and a Takitaki now?

Derrick Henry + Keaton Mitchell is the thunderest + lightneingest thunder and lightning pairing one could conceive of.

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And makin’ love was just for fun
Those days are gone

Livin’ alone
I think of all the friends I’ve known
When I dial the telephone
Nobody’s home

All by myself, don’t wanna be
All by myself anymore
All by myself, don’t wanna live
All by myself anymore.

So Emma Stone won another Oscar for a Frankenhooker/Rochelle, Rochelle mash-up? Okay.

A: ‘Smilin Sam from Alabam.’

Can Robert use AirKraft One to deliver surplus Mac Jones jerseys to Haiti? They may want some Papa Gino’s as well.

Honk if you remember Floyd Patterson.

You can tell the big East tournament is such a big deal with how much everybody tries to convince you of it

Jacksonville is a dumb person’s idea of a nice place to live.

Can Aaron Hernandez’s child still utilize the family room at Gillette? Oh, wait Kraft didn’t provide one.

Who is Mike Kadlick?

Yesterday was the anniversary of Bird scoring 60 against Atlanta in a neutral site game. The NBA must have the full footage of that game under lock and key too, right?

Promises were made of the fireworks variety.

Hard to figure who all these poor sports on Kim Mulkey’s LSU squad are learning it from.

RDJ should have bitch-slapped Jimmy Kimmel.

Missing out on signing the spectacularly meh Calvin Ridley wouldn’t be the worst thing ever.

Best bet for the weekend: The Boston Globe continuing its hard pivot from the Baseball Paper to the Football Paper.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend jforb, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. One look at you and I can’t disguise.