The 15

I personally trust the judgment of the 82-year-old who got caught getting dirty oriental handjobs to do the best thing.

Bruins need to be less committed to not repeating as the Presidents’ Trophy winners, and also not getting any more upper or lower body injuries.

Every football game should be shown on SkyCam with no announcers.

Where the fuck did Nick Cattles get tens of thousands of dollars? Well, if he ever gets a job in radio, he can make that money back in 3 or 4 years.

Good job, good effort, Last Two Minute Report.

If NE needed to kick more FG’s Sunday they should have brought out Zolak to clear the ground.

Does anybody actually enjoy Pat McAfee?

Some feel that Michigan winning the NC will take Harbaugh to the NFL. I can’t believe that he’d leave his Alma Mater after winning a Natty. I’m sure we’ll know shortly.

I ain’t dying shoveling snow.

Cakes are cooking for William Sanderson, Edward ‘Colonel DeBeers’ Wiskoski, Rod Stewart, Donald Fagan, George Foreman, Pat Benatar, Shawn Colvin, Janet Jones, Jim Lindeman, Sarah Josephson, Glenn Robinson, Jake Delhomme, Shannon Kavanaugh, and Adam Kennedy

Dan Orlovsky wouldn’t wash those wet jackets after the Steelers-Ravens game; He’d just let them air dry and wear them again.

Just make Trent Brown the GM. All fix!

Women are constitutionally incapable of taking criticism.

Gallant Vrabes is a defensive guru; Goofus Bill saw the game pass him by.

If this Celtics lose to the Heat again than take a fucking bomb to this thing. That team has zero business on the same floor as them it’s embarrassing, they’re one Jimmy Butler three away from being 0-3 vs that team in the ECF. Nut up and beat their asses.

Red Line Braintree Branch Update: Southbound delays of about 20 minutes due to flooding near Braintree have cleared.

I don’t think 100,000 Dominican pesos are very many dollars.

Oh no, Hali. Hope he’s alright.

Belichick should stroll in wearing an Orchids of Asia sweatshirt and put his feet up on the old man’s desk.

If you are covering three NHL teams you are covering none.

The Mt. Calvary Crew team should not be eligible for the Division 1 Finals! Parochials should play their own kind!

Hey gang of wokesters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Mark Cuban is from Cuba you SPEDs.”

Only one feline team left for Football Cat to root for in the playoffs.

Nick Wright looks like a mashup of every weird friend in every teen comedy film from 1980-2010.

If I don’t have Will Flemming in my life anymore I’ll be livid.

The Progressive ads protecting people from becoming their parents never miss.

I’m definitely at the point in my life where heated seats are more for back pain than staying warm.

Brush your teeth, cumrag.

The greatest mistake the city of Boston made in terms of this was not figuring out a way to connect both North and South Stations especially during the Big Dig.

The Michigan win is definitely tempered by a Harbro being happy. Bleh.

Do people from Houston really care about the program that’s employed thousands, brought humanity into outer space, and exponentially accelerated technological developments including many of the things in our daily lives we take for granted? Yes, Albert, they do.

I always love it when someone says a car has a “yolk steering wheel.”

Introduce me to that big blonde.
She’s got a touch of Tuesday Weld.
She’s wearing Ambush and a French twist.
She’s got us wild and she can tell.
She loves to limbo, that much is clear;
She’s got the right dynamic for the new frontier.

Well I can’t wait till I move to the city.
Till I finally make up my mind
To learn design and study overseas.

If you’re going to hire Vrabel you might as well just keep Belichick. Eh, Artie Blank finna give Vrabes the bag anyway.

Honk if you remember Spider Sabich.

I was rooting for Katie Nolan on ‘Celebrity Jeopardy.’ Sorrey!

Centrist Libertarians aren’t real and cannot hurt you.

Congratulations Theresa Schafzahl on scoring Team Boston’s first WPHL goal. Here’s to many more.

I’m sorrey but if you leave 4,000 cash out in plain sight you deserve to have your dog eat it once it’s unattended.

Understanding and anger are the deadliest of enemies. Understanding kills anger in most cases. Anger kills understanding in all cases.

Josh Allen’s gonna play for fifteen more years?

No TJ Watt against the Bills on Sunday. (Or against the Chiefs on Saturday, as Watt does not play for the Dolphins)

The song from the new IHOP commercial slaps hard.

If TurtleChode had hired Smaven instead of this other nutsack Bradl he’d be having a scorpion bowl at the Dragon 88 RN planning his next move, proly.

A: $1,702.00

Drew Carter is like if you gave a wetnap a really obnoxious radio voice.

I don’t talk to dead people.

Probably shouldn’t have let a criminal have your washable check, huh?

The league needs more drunk Irish GMs.

Best bet for the weekend: The Dolphins freezing up against KC in icy Arrowhead.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend jforb, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Clean this mess up, else we’ll all end up in jail. Those test tubes and the scale, just get it all out of here. Is there gas in the car? Yes, there’s gas in the caaar. I think the people down the hall know who you are.