The 15

The Sox stumbling out of the gate post trade deadline after winning just enough to cancel the fire sale was the most predictable result ever.

Penn Entertainment gets the reach and cachet of ESPN, Portnoy gets to keep all the great big fat persons, the overage interchangeable frat bros, and Jerry Thornton. What a win! #GoPresGo

Well, to the good, Megan Rapinoe was voted ‘Most Likely to become one of Immortan Joe’s Imperators’ by the locals.

I checked the Saratoga results & saw Parcells’ horse finished out of the money, but I didn’t realize she ran all the way to the big paddock where Air Lift, son of Bold Venture, full brother of Assault now resides.

Bill Simmons should have had Jackie McMullen come on the podcast with his daughter Zoe and do her Jayson Tatum voice.

A great hitting instructor once said to me, when you’re hitting .145, try to bend over backwards while hitting. If the back of your head touches your heels before the pitch you’re doing it right.

Cakes are cooking for Bob Cousy, Rod Laver, Sam Elliott, Doug Williams, Melanie Griffith, Kurtis Blow, Brett Hull, Vinnie Del Negro, Gillian Anderson, Liz Vassey, Chamique Holdsclaw, Luka Filippi, and Alexa Bliss.

Are Cheech and Chong on the Twitter board of directors or something? Every tenth tweet is an ad for their gummies, lol

Sullivan Square is easily the biggest failure of Boston’s urban design. A nexus point of Charlestown, Cambridge, Somerville, Everett — fucked to death by cars. No stores. No real restaurants. One poorly staffed coffee shop. A bistro closed over a decade with shattered windows.

Yes, I’m fine. Sorry for that and I appreciate the concern. I slept through multiple phone alarms. Very disappointed about it.

Green Line B Branch: Due to a track problem at Boston College, B Branch trains are originating and terminating at the Lake Street platform.

Letting a wide receiver wear Adrian Peterson’s number should be considered treason.

Any time you can put a guy with a lower WAR than Ellis Burks, Mike Cameron, and Devon White in the HOF you have to do it, you sweet bastard.

No horse-killers in the Patriots Hall of Fame. Sorrey.

Hey gang of hard-knocking pigskin ornithologists, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Crows are the only birds that attack eagles then eagles fly high and the crows fall off and die.”

Does Dugie think being lazy makes him more authentically Mexican? IJATQ.

Nothing like ordering a new blender cause your old one broke only to find out it didn’t break, you just didn’t press the outlet reset button hard enough.

Kirk charging 90 bucks to perform six karaoke songs is fucking wild.

I have kept a baseball glove in my car for 5+ years just on the off chance that someone, someday might want to have a catch. It hasn’t happened yet, but I’m not giving up the dream.

It’s 2 A.M. (it’s 2 AM)
Fear has gone (the fear has gone)
I’m sittin’ here waitin’, (I’m sittin’ here waitin’)
The gun’s still warm. (the gun’s still warm)
Maybe my connection is tired of takin’ chances.

Yeah, there’s a storm on the loose.
Sirens in my head.
Wrapped up in silence, all circuits are dead.
Cannot decode,
My whole life spins into a frenzy..

The problem when your computer automatically updates your software is that there is never any way to make it go back to the way it was.

Things feel like they are getting uneasier by the day between the Colts and Jonathan Taylor.

How are we supposed to know you are trying to get to Fenway Park for work if you don’t mention that’s where you’re going.

Funny how the box the garbage bags come in will always then end up in one of those garbage bags.

Does this mean the bubble has burst on fat guys sitting in chairs fake reacting to made up bets?

Alexi Lalas is why they hate us.

Putting Rich Keefe in the booth with Castiglione is a mind-blowing move. I’d rather hear audio of my conception.

This Barstool reacquisition news means Lil Jerry Thornton can go back to celebrating statutory rape!

Honk if you remember W.C. Heinz.

William Friedkin won’t be down as he appears to have taken To Live and Die in L.A. a bit too literally. RIP.

$150 for a hot dog safari ripoff. What a country. #GoPresGo

Dwayne Haskins?

I’ll admit I was growing concerned Trev Story was going to barricade himself in the Table Talk Pies building rather than report to Fenway.

Yesterday I got to run the wet vac for the first time in ages.

Do you think ESPN Bets will take my ‘Dave Portnoy will die without a will before 2029’ prop bet action?

Best bet for the weekend: Patriots come out of their first preseason game without announcing who their QB1 and WR1 are.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW posters Laszlo Panaflex and Jforb, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be.