The 15

“I Am Outraged about the PGA-LIV Golf merger announcement! It’s all about the MONEY!” – representatives of an industry that can be bought off by a table of free pizzas.

Every single time you see Kenley Jansen, either on TV or around the ballpark, he’s mentoring some young pitcher on the staff.

Weren’t the Cardiac Huskies at Day 2 of Boston Calling? Because they weren’t at Day 2 of the CWS.

Happy (belated) Birthday to the great @ronniewood. There’s only one Ronnie Wood.

You’d think Chris Gasper as the originator of the reverse layup would understand basketball better. But you would be wrong.

Say ‘air quality’ more.

Cakes are cooking for Liam Neeson, Bill Koch, Janice Lawrence Braxton, Gia Carides, Mick Foley, Karl Urban, Bill Hader, Keegan Bradley, Milan Lucic, Iggy Azalea, and Emily Ratajkowski.

I loved “Air.” I knew I was going to like it just from opening montage to movie that’s a love letter to growing up in the 1980’s. Makes total sense given I’m around same age as Ben Affleck & Matt Damon and grew up in the same area with the same kind of experiences. Totally spoke to me.

A muumuu can be repurposed by tucking it into your pants and rolling up the sleeves.

When I want a deep, thoughtful reflection on the perils of doing business with an autocratic government who funds terrorism, I go to the guy who plays golf for a living and fucks Wayne Gretzky’s daughter.

Hey gang of butt-dialers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “We’ve got crackers, and cheese!”

Middleborough Line Train 014 (11:28 am from Middleborough/Lakeville) is operating 5-15 minutes behind schedule between Holbrook/Randolph and South Station due to a mechanical issue.

OTA Scuffle SZN!

RIP, Astrud Gilberto. I bet Dottie was fond of that ‘Girl With Emphysema’ song.

Floramo’s moved to Wakefield and Malden.

I hate how cynical my mind is when watching movies now. Just saw the Titanic scene where the mother is singing her kids to sleep as the boat is sinking. 10 years ago I’m like ‘how touching’. Now I am like “yeah the rush of freezing cold water isn’t gonna wake them up or anything”.

No Home Run celebration chains on the field? You know what NCAA stands for: No Fun League.

The Falcons announce that punt returner Avery Williams is out for the year with a torn ACL, a non-contact injury from practice.

A lot of people think new Celtics assistant coach Sam Cassell looks like E.T. Not so. He looks like Lou Gossett Jr’s Drac from Enemy Mine.

News Item: Jacob deGrom to go under deKnife to get deTommy John surgery.

Killing a reporter? Who does Prince Mohammed bin Salman think he is; Clark County Public Administrator Robert Telles?

Wegmans in Natick is closing and I’m not ok about it.

Red Line: Delays of about 15 minutes southbound due to a disabled Train at Harvard. The Train has been removed from service.

Messi to MLS Miami?

Does Hacksaw Jim Duggan have to be buried with the Iron Shiek?

What’s new pussycat? Whoa, whoa, whoa
What’s new pussycat? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Pussycat, pussycat,
I’ve got flowers and lots of hours to spend with you.
So go and powder your cute little pussycat nose
Pussycat, pussycat, I love you, yes, I do,
You and your pussycat nose.

As long as Boston sports media exists, Awaken 180 will have an unlimited supply of potential spokesmen.

Honk if you remember Stan Getz.

MAX has “The Outsiders” but no “Rumble Fish”… There’s “Casino Royale”, “Quantum Of Solace” but no “Skyfall”… Or “Spectre” or the OTHER Bond film I never saw before. Weird.

Our Friends The Saudis better not put Paulina Gretzky in a burka!

Did you know that over the last five seasons (2019-2023) Marcus Semien has more WAR than Mike Trout–and it isn’t remotely close. “Close” would be 2%, maybe 5%. Over 5 years, Semien beats Trout in WAR by a whopping 24%.

I like onion bunz. Nice pattie. Pepper Jack cheese. Fire!!

Hey, more free hoodies.

Bermuda Shorts Are Back, and They’re Officially Celebrity Approved.

NASCAR used to be guys named Matt and Jimmie. And now it’s guys named Ryan and Ross.

The Sheiky wearing a keffiyeh was like Jamie Lee Curtis’s Ophelia in Trading Places costumed as a Swede wearing lederhosen.

When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.

Seven years ago you were werried about the goriller!?

“It looks like something Zach Snyder filmed.” Fitzy thinks Denis Villaneuve is the backup goalie for the Calgary Flames.

Best bet for the weekend: a three-year-old horse. You heard it here first!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Mitch Hedberg, cell phone pictures of computer monitors, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. My house in Budapest. My, my hidden treasure chest.