What We Learned in 2023 – Part Two
Red Sox outfielder Alex Verdugo felt snubbed after not being selected to the American League All-Star team.
Your New England Free Jacks won the Major League Rugby Championship.
The first thing they teach you in rehab is to attempt to reverse any accountability you’ve taken. Well played, Huggins.
“Rusty Sullivan” sounds like something DJ Bean pays for in the bathroom of a Southie bar.
Dan Orlovsky is the worst person UConn Athletics has foisted onto society including Tate George being in the clink and Johnny McEntee spearheading January 6.
Very few can make a fire boom bap beat with no samples.
“Bob Huggins” is the name DJ Bean uses when he gives out Rusty Sullivans.
Jeff Passan is really odd-looking. He’s like a ventriloquist’s dummy from the 1950’s.
We officially have a surplus of pitchbots.
It’s possible to take the dick and not tweet about it.
It’s almost as if Dug Kyed was lying when he said he had a bunch of job offers and loved being at A to Z Sports.
If you like athletic blondes with ponytails then that Norway – New Zealand Women’s World Cup game was for you. Hope you caught it live.
People are ready to blow their fucking brains out when Belichick brings Patricia and Judge back but cream their shorts when the same lazy media blowhards take turns hiring each other at their fake publications.
The sheer magnitude of the landscape bewildering to the league is beyond the pale of comprehensive.
It’s apparently very hard for players to understand the NFL’s “don’t bet on football games” rule.
Kendra is bussin’.
Bruce Arena said Doris Burke isn’t very good at her job. He’s done.
Creating a false W-2 is a crime.
If Alex Morgan’s exasperated looks were goals the US would have comfortably been atop Group E.
Bluesky is still in beta.
Jayson Tatum lets Deuce go out in the direct sunlight? I figured he was like the children in that Nicole Kidman haunted house movie.
Had no idea Paxton had a knuckle curve.
A summer party without a cake…is like a rainy day.
The Sox stumbling out of the gate post trade deadline after winning just enough to cancel the fire sale was the most predictable result ever.
Lipless coffee pots! Million-dollar idea.
Crows are the only birds that attack eagles then eagles fly high and the crows fall off and die.
If you put native corn on the grill that is a complete waste.
Megan Rapinoe was voted ‘Most Likely to become one of Immortan Joe’s Imperators’ by the Aussie locals.
Every NBA player have a fucking podcast.
How are we supposed to know you are trying to get to Fenway Park for work if you don’t mention that’s where you’re going.
Penn Entertainment got the reach and cachet of ESPN, Portnoy got to keep all the great big fat persons, the overage interchangeable frat bros, and Jerry Thornton. What a win! #GoPresGo
Dugie thinks being lazy makes him more authentically Mexican.
Alexi Lalas is why they hate us.
I was growing concerned Trev Story was going to barricade himself in the Table Talk Pies building rather than report to Fenway.
The Governor of Hawaii is named Josh Green. Any state can have a ‘Josh Green’. Hawaii should have a guy named like, ‘Governor Haunapukamana’lei’lei.’
Tom Brady becomes part owner of Birmingham City FC. Related, Boston Globe reporter Bob Hohler is on a plane en route to Birmingham Airport.
You’re supposed to recycle the cardboard box the trash bags are packaged in you vapid bint.
Wander Franco is going to be so vindicated when it’s revealed the gal had a Dominican birth certificate and she’s actually six months older than he is.
A cat is only itself, representative of the strong forces of life that won’t let go.
All the worst people were emotionally invested in the Ravens meaningless ‘streak’.
Bucko Kilroy has a grandson named Gavin.
Our President is older than the American League MVP in 1968, or the NL MVP from 1970.
There are no cool people that take ketamine.
‘Has the persona of an Anti-Zionist Muhammad Ali’ was on all of Len Bias’s scouting reports.
Pascoag has a microbrewery.
If you have no backup quarterbacks, you really don’t have any backup quarterbacks.
Morey Hershgordon isn’t real and he cannot hurt you.
Publix says it will no longer make hurricane themed cakes due to sensitivity concerns.
Houck unraveled quickly.
The Galactic Empire apparently had a dress code Moff that forbade women to wear tight pants.
Mac knows he has to be better.
The Dodgers fix dudes left and right with grips while the Sox can’t even manage a bullpen correctly.
Bill Lee is too old for baseball. He should run for the Senate.
I hate the ‘Coach Prime’ nickname more than the ‘Shady’, ‘Hollywood’, and ‘Wink’ ones put together.
Terry Pegula and Jerry Jones seem nice.
There’s nothing like riding an electric bicycle to a game of pickleball.
Jeff Passan should make a baseball bat and a ventriloquist dummy using the tree branch that fell on him.
Thankfully Tom Caron pronounced “Negro Leagues Museum” flawlessly.
Now that Gil Brandt’s dead, just imagine all the players we’ll learn he called Upton Bell about.
It must have been a short discussion about the IR between JuJu and the team.
WWE wrestler Test died in 2009? Cross him off, then.
You don’t need and most likely cannot handle a Belgian Malinois. don’t do it.
‘Sale and Paxton need eight days of inaction’ could be the Hub’s ‘Spahn and Sain and pray for rain’ of the 21st century.
The Red Sox decided to play G-d and made Chaim Bloom their Moses: You can lead us through the desert, but you won’t be the one to take us to the Promised Land.
Bob Lobel’s legs look like they should be hanging in a Chinese meat shop.
Lauren Boebert is no Alanis Morissette.
The Bruins Centennial Jersey needed more stripes on the sleeves.
Zo doesn’t like the play calls on third down. He doesn’t have a better play in mind, he just thinks they should always pick up the first.
This pizza thing is going to be huge. give it time.
Artie T is the biggest needle mover in the world of banana boxes.
Tony Massarotti has more suspensions than Marchand in the past year, but yeah, he shouldn’t have been named captain.
Mike Lombardi is the Vince Lombardi of spam tweets.
We’re in New England. Stop saying y’all.
Curt Schilling is like Pete Rose, in that every time you feel like you’re ready to start defending him again, he goes back to his looney room and comes out with another treasure.
The people who mocked Belichick as being a “genius” for 20 years are also the same people who think he should be able to completely rebuild the team in four. In other words, fucking idiots.
Fall Out Boy covering Billy Joel is why they hate us.
Artificial Intelligence program’s inability to correctly render human hands must give Larry Johnson some small comfort.
All weed is gay now.
Everyone knows your crazy conspiracy theory being true is an absolute defense to witness intimidation.
Four-cylinder Honda’s are going to get very pricey again.
Boston Sports Journal is like a graveyard for once-overpaid scribes who don’t know they’re dead yet.
Abby has multiple jobs. Dickerson has no job.
Jon Smoltz called Game Seven a “must win” for the Astros. Okay.
That stupid Mike McDaniel watch story couldn’t be more tailored to impress the credulous NFL media had it been created in a lab.
Yarmouth Massachusetts is a noted hot spot for comedy in October.
The Sara Civian fan club is strong and we stan.
Being a fired NFL head coach is the best job in the world. Josh McDaniels? He lasted longer in Vegas than than Greg Bedard and he’s still getting paid.
We play hard around here.
During the 1980’s Bert Breer had a General Motors Starter jacket.
Add ‘plastered’ to the football lingo.
You know you’ve crushed branding your podcast network when you need to include a parenthetical on how to pronounce it.
Fox has Stink and Pink on the same NFL broadcast crew.
Megan Rapinoe is committed to Achilles tendon injury equity.
Will Smith’s career has been going great since he faked that Chris Rock slap.
Charissa Thompson isn’t the first to spill too much personal information in an effort to impress Big Cat.
WEEI seems at peace with never coming close to respectable ratings.
Bench guys need to bring the psycho energy.
Jack Edwards speaks like he’s hitting the middle button on predictive text.
I’m hearing the Red Sox are in on everyone.
It took a 7’3″ blindingly white guy for Jaylen to finally be able to see an open teammate.
We live for the fray.
“Fat Lunatic Tells Mayor to ‘Go Back to China’” probably would have made the news.
Sports Illustrated probably should have known Olivia0917693516 didn’t actually write those articles.
Nothing says “moving on to the 21st century” quite like getting fired by NFL Network and then writing for Bedard’s shitty website.
Something that never existed cannot recur.
Cris Collinsworth owns PFF and every time he appears on national television, he devalues his investment.
The Steve McNair murder ottoman claimed another one.
If Shohei Ohtani had a sense of humor, he would have made his surprise announcement on December 7th.
Max Strus looks like he sells MDMA.
If you combine this IST championship with the Lakers bubble championship, that’s almost like one whole championship.
Dan Orlovsky is the NFL’s Myrna Carter of advice giving.
We all fit the profile.
Hardy goes from being the third guy on the midday to being the solo host next time Toucher has a relapse of (cough) “throat issues”.
Everybody has a price. Cerrone Battle’s is just really low.
Dart Adams’ nephew is 6’6″.
I never realized how many loser fans Ted Johnson has.
CeeDee Lamb is a Top 1000 NFL WR.
Wacky Mahomes and Kelce commercials just hit different when they suck.
Chris Sale was somebody’s favorite player.
Thanks to all our regular readers, our irregular readers, and the bots. See you in 2024.
The 15 