The 15

Good morning local sad sacks! You lost an hour of sleep yesterday, boo hoo. Cheer up buttercup, because there’s no better time to kickoff the 2025 March Sadness tournament than when you’ve got a case of the Mondays.

Region C
#10 Jeff Howe vs Meghan Ottolini
Jeff Howe somehow avoided another medical exemption, although the committee are currently submitting a FOIA requests to breach Jeff’s HIPPA HIPAA shield. Meghan Ottolini deftly dodged the Audacy ax man a few days, possibly based on her Celtics insider status but most likely due to the fact that she is on an expiring guaranteed contract. Why pay Meg-O to do nothing at home when you can pay her to do nothing at TD Garden?

Prediction: Jeff Howe once again fights off an early exit

Region V
#11 Matt McCarthy vs Bobby Manning
Matt McCarthy has been at 98.5 for almost 12 years now, and I challenge anyone to pick him out of a lineup of the menagerie of freaks they employ as phone screeners. But at least I know where McTeethy works, I honestly had never heard of Bobby Manning before the brackets came out. Whenever I don’t recognize a mediot’s name the first thing that springs to mind is “they must work at CLNS Media”. Nailed it! Apparently he covers the Celtics along with about 3 or 4 other interchangeable millennial hipster doofuses.

Prediction: McCarthy chews up Manning

Region N
#9 Brian Barrett vs Jared Weiss
It would be harder to find two more irrelevant combatants in any tournament duking it out for a 9 seed. Noted shoepisser Brian Barrett, host of “Off My Radar”, was neutered when the Celtics won #18. He is facing off against the Athletic/New York Times NBA correspondent Jared Weiss. Jared got a new title back in September. He’s not just covering the Celtics anymore, now he’s covering the entire Eastern Conference. If the promotion was meant to help his exposure, it isn’t working. The page views for his February/March articles (in reverse chronological order) are 46, 25, 113, 39, 42 and a whopping 13. The “Old Gray Lady” must be pulling her hair out.

Prediction: Barrett has one or two more hate listeners than Weiss has readers

Region T
#7 Pete Abraham vs Kayla Burton
Sensitive sentient garden gnome Pete Abraham must have finally blocked everyone on Twitter because now he’s solely sharing his thoughts on BlueSky. Kayla Burton is the new kid on the block over at NBC Sports Boston. She seems fine, so you’re probably wondering how on Earth could Kayla ever defeat the universally disliked (and probably smelly) Pete Abe? Well you must not be aware that if Kayla is victorious, she will square off in a Round 1 steel caged father-daughter death match with her dad, STEVE BURTON. Will it be Patricide/Filicide, or will Pete Abe face the dreaded Burton-Burton double dip? It’s up to YOU to decide.

Prediction: The people get Burton vs Burton

Patrick is from Andover del Norte.